Authors: Jessica Shirvington
‘O
ne more week and freedom is ours!’ Miriam proclaimed as we walked down the hall. We’d been counting down for the past twelve weeks. For me, it had been twice as long, so there were smiles all round.
‘I for one intend to make the most of the break,’ I said with a cheeky bite of my lip.
‘You and Dex?’ Miriam asked, raising a well-manicured eyebrow. Miriam had long blonde hair, which she’d worked into a stylishly messy up-do. She had a thing for obscure clips and today she was sporting at least a dozen embedded in her hair, all varying pastel shades. Combined with her pale complexion, ice-blue eyes, and today’s outfit of a soft-pink pencil skirt and a cream off-the-shoulder T-shirt, she looked like a fashion goddess.
I shrugged. Miriam had already travelled the ‘first time’ road with her boyfriend Brett, and I’d been trying to pull her out of the back seat of his BMW at every party since.
‘I think he’s waited long enough. It would be an appropriate graduation marker,’ I bluffed, holding my smirk and not letting my dry mouth give me away. It’s not that Dex wasn’t paper-perfect. And it’s not as if paper-perfect wasn’t exactly what I wanted in this life. It worked for me, made it easier to be who I was. It was just … when he kissed me I could feel … everything. And not in a good way. The shape of his lips, which didn’t quite melt into mine the way I’d dreamed about, the rough grating of his stubble against my skin, the way he leaned in so close I couldn’t breathe and held me behind my head so there was no escape. It wasn’t that he was a bad kisser technique-wise, it just wasn’t the way I’d imagined it would be with someone I really … We were just a beat off each other. And then there was the way his hands …
I closed my eyes and shrunk away from the thought. Dex was gorgeous, and we fitted in the ways that mattered. No couple was perfect.
Okay, so Dex wasn’t going to rock my world. But I’d been waiting to make this decision for twice as long as every other eighteen year old, and had already held off a lot longer than those of the ‘one life’. I refused to keep going on as a twice-lived virgin. And if something better were available to me, something earth-rockingly good,
surely
I would’ve spotted it by now.
In either world.
‘So …’ Miriam started, her sly tone cutting into my thoughts. ‘Tonight?’
‘No,’ I said, casually flicking my hair while my mind screamed – NO! I was
not
going to be sex-ready by tonight. ‘I’m thinking graduation night. We’ll go to the dinner and I’ll have everything arranged. It’ll be perfect. And besides, tonight is about a different kind of fun. How are preparations?’ I asked, redirecting her focus just as the third of our powerhouse-three joined us.
‘Morning, ladies,’ Lucy said, a notebook in hand and cunning smile on display. ‘Did I hear someone ask how preparations were going for this evening’s do?’
I smiled back, relaxing for the first time all morning. Lucy always helped with that. She didn’t bother with annoying questions. She stuck to the fun.
‘You did indeed. How are we looking?’
‘Done, done and done. The boys have beverage arrangements in hand. I have the music and decorations sorted. Invites and RSVPs are all confirmed. The juniors who applied have been assessed and selected for serving.’ She ticked off her notebook, then squealed. ‘Tonight is going to be legendary!’
‘So how many people?’ I asked.
‘Oh … you know,’ Lucy said vaguely, looking around the hall.
I stopped mid-step. ‘Lucy, how many?’
Miriam was standing behind me, but I could feel her cringe.
Lucy bit her lip sheepishly. ‘Well, most of the senior year, and there might have been a few invites to some of their
friends outside of school. You know, I mean, word got out and I didn’t want to say no.’
I just stared and put my hands on my hips.
‘Eighty to a hundred.’
I kept staring.
‘Okay, a hundred and fifty max!’ she said quickly.
My immediate reaction was to freak out. I’d told Mom fifty people max! But then I remembered that both Lucas and Ryan had had parties after graduation. Those bashes weren’t even in conjunction with their birthdays, and they were both huge – police at the door – affairs. Mom survived those. So instead of losing it, I regrouped and rolled my eyes. ‘I hope you have security.’
Lucy nodded, relieved. She tossed back her tight brown curls and smiled brightly, strawberry-glossed lips framing super-white teeth. ‘Sure do. The boys all know they are on detail.’
By ‘the boys’ she meant our respective boyfriends. More specifically Miriam’s and mine – Lucy was still flying solo and in a permanent lust-crush with Noah.
We weren’t with the football guys or the basketball boys. Our school, thank god, operated on a more even hierarchy. If you could keep up and you looked good in whatever set you were walking with, you could stay. It wasn’t a perfect system – if you were a geek who couldn’t socialise or work a look then you were a geek and that was it, and there were still lunch-table
divisions and car-pooling priorities – but it was better than most high schools.
And actually it was people like Dex who’d made it possible.
He was smart, studious, a great sportsman and he looked hot – in whatever he wore. Everyone wanted to either be him, or date him, and he was nice to everyone. A few years back he’d started having parties, inviting the whole class – not only the cool group – and everyone just started being friends. And then … he picked me. We’d been together for the last two years and it made total sense. Our social statuses complemented one another seamlessly.
When the three of us walked into English class, I saw Dex straight away, sitting in his usual seat middle-back. I immediately smiled and took my place beside him.
‘Hey, Sabine,’ he said, leaning in to talk close to my ear.
‘Hey, Dex.’
He really was a beautiful guy – athletic build, sandy blond hair, and a dazzling smile that he delivered with such confidence it made the whole package even more attractive. Only problem … when I looked at him I just didn’t feel
it
. Whatever
it
was.
Part of it I’d never be able to fix. The fact was, Dex was only eighteen. His life so far had been a smooth ride and the rest of it was panning out to be just as blessed. And I … well, if there was only one of me, that would have been fine, but I was eighteen
twice
, and my life was … complicated. The bottom line was that even though I was never going to, would never
dream of … But if
there
were
someone I might one day consider telling about my wacked-out existence, it wouldn’t be Dex.
‘What’s up? Your face is all twisted,’ Dex whispered, giving me a curious look.
I forced my forehead to relax and pushed the thoughts aside. Normally I was better at keeping them at bay. ‘It’s nothing. I just remembered that I need to pick up my new shoes from town before tonight.’ Lie, lie, lie.
Dex smiled, buying it too easily. For some reason, it made me mad. I turned my attention away from him and fake-concentrated on the lesson to avoid having to talk to him again.
Giving myself all that staring-into-space time wasn’t helpful. My mind was on a mission and I found myself prodding at my not-broken arm. And the questions began …
Have the rules changed?
No. This must be a one-off. Was this a one-off?
Will my arm be broken when I go back to my other life? Was this a glitch and will it only last for one day?
Maybe my arm will be broken when I go back and then stay that way when I return so that this day never really happened?
But … if the rules
are
changing, what does that mean? Was there a way …? But I won’t let myself finish that long-forbidden thought.
My head started to hurt. I tried to distract myself by thinking about the party tonight.
Then I felt sick.
I didn’t stay up past midnight often – and never around other people. But everyone had insisted. I was the only one who hadn’t had a house party this year, and this was my last opportunity. I wasn’t going to risk my reputation by not following through, so when a birthday/graduation bash at my place was suggested, I’d smiled brightly and said, ‘Absolutely!’
I knew I’d have to be awake for the Shift. But after being awake for last night’s, I was now dreading tonight’s Shift even more. I hadn’t been awake for two consecutive Shifts in years. Not to mention how it was ratcheting up my string of awake hours.
Just as I tried to formulate a plan to get myself somewhere private at midnight, the bell rang and Dex was at my side.
‘You do realise all the exams are over?’ he teased in his deep voice – the one that said he needed me to acknowledge him. He was pretty easy to read sometimes.
I followed him out into the hall, slipped an arm around his waist and kissed his cheek. ‘I know, but with only one week left, I plan to finish on a good note.’
He quirked an eyebrow. ‘You’ve already received your invite to Harvard, what better note could you finish on?’
I shrugged. Truth be told, I was dreading going to Harvard and having to be around Ryan constantly. But when it came time to apply, I just couldn’t bring myself to pick colleges further away from Mom. If I wasn’t around to help her, she’d go to pieces.
Out of nowhere, Dex pushed me up against the lockers. I gasped, but let him do it, hoping to feel something … more. His hips were dangerously close to mine. ‘The smart thing really does something for me,’ he said huskily.
I smiled and let him kiss me.
I felt like I could’ve pulled out a notepad and started documenting. At second two, he made a movement with his upper lip. At second four, his hand tightened around my waist. At second seven, he made that sound he does. And at second nine, my damn skin crawled and I had to pull away.
‘Will I see you at lunch?’ I asked, looking hopeful even though I knew the answer.
‘No,’ he said, staying close to my ear. ‘I’ve got track. You could come watch.’
Hmm … let me think …
‘I would, but I have party planning to finalise.’
‘Yes. I imagine you do.’ He kissed me again, this time finishing at second-four’s hand tightening before releasing me. ‘I’ll see you later.’
I nodded and watched him leave so that when he looked over his shoulder he saw me.
Lucy, who had obviously been waiting for me, rushed to my side and we walked to calculus together. ‘You know he is, like, stupidly in love with you, right?’
I laughed, feeling bad that my main feeling was relief he’d only gone as far as the fourth second on the last kiss.
God. How was I going to get through sex? How many seconds would he actually last?
‘And so he should be,’ I answered cheekily before quickly moving on. ‘Back to party issues. Can you come over and get ready at my place tonight? I need your help to get Mom out the door.’
Lucy beamed, in her element. She wanted to be an events consultant, and viewed all of our party planning as valuable work experience. ‘No problem, leave your mom to me.’
I
stared at myself in the mirror as Miriam styled my hair. Blessedly the rest of the day had coursed by in its usual predictable way, helping me get on top of things again. Now everything was perfectly on schedule. Even the afternoon flash storm had come, flashed, and gone away with barely a trace.
‘Honestly, Sabine, if you would just let us put a colour through it. I swear your hair would look amazing platinum blonde.’
The worst part is, I agreed. I’d love to go either way – to Miriam’s beautiful blonde or Lucy’s gorgeous rich brown. But I just shook my head.
‘I like it the way it is,’ I said confidently.
‘Yes, but a change is as good as a holiday and you could do with a serious vacation!’ Miriam persisted.
‘No, I really couldn’t,’ I mumbled. Change was not my friend.
‘What?’ Miriam asked, pausing with the brush mid-stroke.
‘Nothing. You’re right. Maybe after graduation or something,’ I lied. But at least it stopped the conversation.
When she’d finished, I slipped into my dress and strappy high heels and almost laughed at what the
other-me
would think of herself looking like this. I smoothed down the beautiful green silk on the understated but sexy halter-neck dress, which showed off my figure and said to the world:
I’m not a schoolgirl anymore
. Finally. I felt myself smile, knowing that although it had taken twice as long as everyone else I was at last reaching a landmark moment in my life.
Things would become easier for me as an adult. I wouldn’t have to hide as much. Dumb it down. Not have an opinion on issues I shouldn’t be concerned with. Things would get better. They had to.
And then I swallowed hard, knowing that out of everyone I was best at lying to myself.
‘Right,’ I said, pulling myself together. ‘Mission Mother.’
Lucy and Miriam followed me downstairs. Miriam looked divine in a knee-length cream dress that fit snug to her body and kicked out at the bottom. The intricate beading that snaked its way from the low-cut back, petering off towards the bottom hem, set off the fabric perfectly. Lucy had gone for the fresh look with a spaghetti-strap peach dress. Also stunning. Together we were kind of rocking it.
We posed for some photos to satisfy Mom – then a few more after Lyndal, Mom’s sister and best friend, arrived. Finally we managed to get them into the car, promising we would behave. In return they promised they would stay away until 2 a.m. It was the time we’d settled on over the last three weeks. Mom’s midnight suggestion was never really an option if my social standing was to be upheld, and my 4 a.m. opening offer was only on the table so we could meet at the middle. Two o’clock was respectable, and it was all I could be bothered with anyway.
When I walked out to the pool area where everyone would gather in the next half hour, I was stunned.
‘Oh my god,’ I gasped, for once not faking it.
Lucy was jumping up and down. ‘Legendary. I told you,’ she beamed.
‘Lucy. Did you …? How …? How did you …?’
‘Actually most of it was your mom. She asked me the other day how all the preparations were going and when I told her some of my grand vision, she offered to help.’
Miriam glided up to one of the three perspex walkways that hovered over our long pool – lit from beneath with sunken balls of light – and lifted her hand to catch a stray bubble floating out from one of the many discreetly placed bubble machines.
‘My
mother
did this?’
‘Most of it.’ Lucy nodded.
‘Wow,’ I said, taking in the hundreds – no, thousands – of tiny fairy lights scattered all through the gardens: in the tall maple trees and down in the garden beds, lighting pathways and wrapping around the hedges along the pool. The entire backyard was alive with a beautiful, fairy-like glow. ‘It’s breathtaking.’
By ten, I was drunk.
The boys had delivered in the drinks department, arriving right on time with two vans full of alcohol. God knows how they managed to get hold of everything, but they had – and they were, as always, manly proud of their efforts. I was surprised they refrained from beating their chests as they unloaded the loot. Champagne, kegs and vodka-punch were set up on the makeshift bar in the pool house. Before long, the entire backyard was flooded with laughing, drinking, dancing eighteen year olds. And every time I turned around, Dex was there, looking handsome and with a full glass in hand to exchange for my empty one.
I knew what he was doing. He’d been waiting a long time and I hadn’t made it altogether easy. But I wasn’t going to sleep with him tonight, so I took the drinks and let him kiss me up to second number ten on a number of occasions. The effects of the drinks even helped me relax enough to let him go up to second eighteen a few times. But then I discovered that other things happened to Dex’s body after second fifteen …
I went back to calling it quits at ten seconds shortly after.
It was a mystery how many people actually turned up. At least the hundred and fifty Lucy had predicted. At some point there might have been more, but just my luck, my other brother, Lucas, turned up sometime before midnight. He offered to keep an eye on things and help pull the plug on the party at 2 a.m. before Mom turned up.
‘Did Mom tell you to come?’ I was a touch offended I hadn’t been trusted.
Lucas shoved his hands in his pockets. It was his standard uninviting pose, the one that always made me feel as though he thought I was beneath him or something. ‘No. Just thought you might need some help if things got out of hand.’
‘Oh.’ I eyed him suspiciously, knowing it wouldn’t be out of character for Mom to have sent him. But Lucas generally told the truth, so I let it go. ‘Do you want a drink?’
‘No. Not really my crowd.’ It was a dig. Lucas approved of very little when it came to me. He thought I was a spoiled brat who got everything she wanted.
If only he knew.
Then again, it wasn’t like any crowd was
his
type. Lucas, with his broody-yet-clean-cut look, was as much of a loner as anyone in this town could get away with. I think that’s why he chose to go live with Dad. It meant he could avoid having to deal with more than one other person on a continuous basis.
‘I’ll just go hang out in the front room. If you need me, come get me.’ With that, he walked stiffly past me, leaving space between us as if we were strangers instead of brother and sister.
‘Thanks, Luc,’ I said to his back, which earned me a semi-shrug in return.
Lucas and I didn’t often see eye to eye, but unlike Ryan I tended to trust him. Even if he didn’t particularly like me, he was honest and I knew he’d do as he promised. It was hard to remember that sometimes there was only two years between us. Part of me wished he’d just grab a drink and have a chat with me, loosen up. But simply making an appearance was about as friendly as Lucas could manage, so I let him hide away in the front room, knowing that at least with him there I could relax and enjoy the party.
At 11.30, I was itching for an out. It had always been part of my plan – to just slip away for a while so I could go through the Shift in private. But when I started searching for rooms, there was someone, or
someones
, in all of them. I barged into my own room only to bolt back out when I got an eyeful of Brett and Miriam – which was no doubt now permanently scorched into my memory.
‘Shit,’ I said to myself over and over. It was 11.50 p.m. and I was still desperately pushing through hordes of people trying to find a private space to Shift worlds. But there was nowhere, even the bathrooms had queues of people waiting.
‘Shit, shit, shit.’
I picked up the pace, heart racing. Only one option left. I headed for the basement door through the kitchen, passing an almost topless chick I did not, thank god, recognise surrounded by three guys I
did
recognise trying to talk her into letting them do shots off her. I threw them a disgusted look before I pushed through the door and stumbled down the stairs in the dark. I just needed to find somewhere quiet. Midnight was only a few minutes away and I needed to be at least sitting down. I felt around in the dark, my arm jerking away when it caught on something sharp. I gasped, feeling the sting, and grabbed at my arm, trying to see how bad it was.
The door at the top of the stairs opened, spearing just enough light into the room to glimpse the blood beading from the cut on my forearm. I looked up in time to see the light disappear behind someone who had let the door close behind him.
‘Sabine?’
Shit. It was Dex. I considered not answering, holding my breath and pretending no one was home. But he’d obviously seen me come in. Hell, he could probably hear my pounding heart from where he was. Could things get any more out of control?
‘Down here. I’m just … I’m …’
Just hiding in the basement in the pitch dark so I can Shift between my two lives in private.
‘Needed a minute?’ he suggested.
I considered telling him about my arm to distract him, but quickly ruled it out – he’d just insist on taking me up to the kitchen to clean it. The Shift was so close I wanted to be sick. ‘Yeah. I’m just … you know. I’ll be back up in a minute.’ But then I half jumped, because he’d followed my voice and was right in front of me. His arms slid around my waist. ‘Ah, Dex …’
‘Shh. I know you don’t want to tonight. But that doesn’t mean we can’t do other … things.’ His hand slid up my side, grazing the edge of my breast. I fought back the urge to swat his arm away.
‘Dex, I just … I think I’m drunk,’ I tried, which was true and not helping at all at that moment. I knew I only had about a minute left to get out of the situation, but my stupid mind wouldn’t work. My airways felt like they were closing in on me.
I wriggled a bit, but since Dex chose that instant to move closer, he interpreted it in the
very
wrong way.
His voice deepened. ‘I’m good to wait until you’re ready, but just so you know … I’m ready whenever you are.’
Evidently.
I opened my mouth to tell him I needed to be alone, but I was too slow and his mouth was on mine and suddenly I was up against something uncomfortable.
Oh no. No, no, no. This isn’t happening.
But it was.
On second four, his hand tightened on my waist … and I Shifted.