bedeviled & beyond 06.5 - bedeviled & bah humbug (13 page)

“Wait! Where are  you going?”

I yanked the door open and looked at her. “Up.” Then I closed the door and started running up the stairs, praying they went all the way to the roof.

Moments later I came to the end of the stairs and found myself facing another metal door. As I shoved the bar on the door it swung open into a cold, dark night. High above my head the stars twinkled merrily, along with the lights of dozens of air vehicles flashing through the designated air channels.

If I was really lucky the magic squelching web didn’t cover the space above the building. Sucking in a breath of crisp, clean air, I shuffled my mental drawers...

“What are you doing up here?”

My mental drawers slammed shut and energy surged into my fingertips before I could stop it. The ninja standing a few feet away was bigger than the others, nearly as tall as I was, and beefy. My initial surprise passed and I reigned in my energy, giving him a smile that made him take a step back and draw his sword.

“What are you?” he asked with a frown.

I cocked my hip and ran my hand over it, winking suggestively. “Why, I’m a sex sprite.” I gave him a little shimmy and he twitched, his blade coming up another inch.

“Where are your wings?”

Shit! The wings. “I...uh...I folded them up so you and I can get friendly. I didn’t want them smacking you in the head during our more passionate moments.”

His sword drooped and his black eyes widened behind the mask. “You want to have sex?”

Bile surged up my throat and I swallowed hard. “Um...yeah. I can’t wait.”

Three deep lines scored his wide forehead. “Why?”

Oh great! I had to get the only cynical thousand year old virgin in existence. I frowned too, at a loss. Finally I said, “because, you’re too sexy for your mask?”

He thought about this for a minute and then nodded. “Oh. Okay, come and get it, baby.”

I coughed to hide the gagging and hurried over, keeping energy sizzling just beneath my fingertips in case the blade climbed toward my chest again.

But the ninja seemed to have forgotten his sword. His attention was riveted on the see-through fabric
not
covering my chest. I suppressed a shudder and forced a come hither look onto my face. He didn’t run away screaming since he wasn’t looking at my face.

A point for me.

Maybe.

I swished toward him, wondering if I could burn the image of my breasts from his black eyes once I had him.

He licked his lips, his eyelids drooping as he watched me move.

I was nearly there, my hips gyrating like a Martian Pole stripper at a laser rock concert, and he was glazed with need under my expert seductive tactics, when I tripped over a raised spot on the roof and fell forward.

A spurt of energy escaped my fingers as I fell and the ninja’s eyes widened. His blade hand shot upward, the tip of his short sword pointed right at my heart as I stumbled in his direction.

“Hey! You’re not a sex sprite!”

I had to act fast or I was gonna get skewered. So I envisioned the other side of the roof and, just as the deadly tip of his blade touched the delicate flesh between my breasts, the world slipped into silence.

A heartbeat later I came back to myself just in time to crash into the roof face first. Fire burst in my cheek as it scraped across the rough surface. I shoved the pain away and pushed to my feet as the ninja turned, growling. “You bitch!” And barreled toward me.

I threw myself forward, springing off my hands a foot ahead of his flashing blade and, as I flew over his head, I zapped one of his pointed ears with as much energy as I could muster. He gave a deep-throated cry and dropped toward the ground as I landed on the other side.

Turning, I was happy to find him crumpled to the floor, his mouth open, drooling onto the roof.

I blew on my fingertips. “Who needs wings when you’ve got power and grace.”

Then I flushed, looking around to see if anybody had heard me claim to have grace. That one would be seriously hard to live down. 

~SC~

The elf’s head slammed against the bottom step as I let go of one arm to reach for the door. “Sorry,” I told him with a grin. “My bad.”

Shoving the door open I tugged the limp ninja out with me, dropping him on the hard floor and adjusting the mask I’d wrapped around my upper arm. The fabric sizzled against my skin, infusing my arm with enough energy to make the skin tremble beneath it. I had to wonder how Darma was handling the three masks she had wrapped around her arm.

She should be nice and jumpy by that point.

Looking quickly around, I saw what I needed just inside the doors of the empty store at the end of the mall. I grasped the elf’s shirt and, infusing my grip with power, easily dragged him through the open glass doors.

Fifteen minutes later I had him ready to go and propped against the same palm trees I’d been using for cover. I also had an icy new outfit covering my poor, overexposed flesh, complete with a kickin’ pair of new boots. I’d decided the other ones would remind me too much of the whole sex sprite thing. That memory would seriously ruin them for me.

The elf sagged against the palm and his red hat drooped over his face. I pulled him back upright, adjusted his legs so he looked like he was lounging comfortably, and gave him the once over. He didn’t look nearly jolly enough to be a Santa. I smacked his pudgy cheeks until they turned red. “There. That’s better.”

“Nice work, Phelps.”

I jumped in surprise, looking over the railing. The ninja leader stood in his customary spot, next to the prostrate form of the fat shopper. He had another shopper kneeling next to him, a man with a balding head and small, darting eyes. The elf’s blade was pressing into the guy’s side, causing him to arch away with a terrified look on his face.

“You don’t need another victim, elf. I brought you a fake Santa.”

The elf nodded. “I see that.” He leaned forward, his black eyes narrowing behind the mask. “Why is he drooping like that?”

I turned to find my fake Santa examining his navel. I quickly shoved him upright again and his feet slipped out from under him. He slipped down to the floor before I could stop him. “He’s drunk.” I shook my head, clearly showing my disgust. “Such a disgrace.”

The leader’s small jaw tightened with anger. “Ass wipes. I can’t believe humans fall for all these debauched representations of the season’s purest spirit.”

I blinked at him. “Um. Yeah. Me too. So, why don’t you let that poor human guy go now.”

“Pull that ass wipe up and lean him against the railing. I want to get a good look at him.”

“Why?”

The elf cocked his head and gave his sword a little twist, causing the balding shopper to squeal in pain.

“Okay, hold your knickers, elf. I’m doing it.” I infused my grip with energy and tugged the limp, heavy elf upright, pushing him toward the railing. The slick metal hit him mid-belly and he folded over it, hanging upside down like a dead guy.

“Is he already dead?” the ninja elf asked me.

“No. I swear it.”

“I won’t be happy if you took all the fun out of killing him away from me, Phelps.”

“You don’t want to do that...” I leaned on the railing next to my unconscious elf. “What
is
your name, anyway?”

The ninja leader bristled visibly. “That’s need to know, Phelps and you don’t.”

“Let me guess, Archibald?”

He snorted. “Shut up.”

I grinned, enjoying the chance to tweak the little jerk. “Heathcliffe?”

The ninja leader blew a raspberry. “Don’t bother. You’ll never guess it.”

“Rumplestiltskin?”

He laughed, shaking his head. “I’ll make you a deal. I’ll tell you my name if you tell me what the Q stands for in your name.”

My smile slipped away. “Ass wipe.”

He nodded. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” He jerked a stumpy finger toward my sagging fake Santa. “I’m not accepting that Santa unless you wake him up.”

I chewed my bottom lip, thinking fast. If I woke up the fake Santa he might spill the beans about who he really was before I could get my hands on the hostage below.

Astra?

I blinked in surprise.
I’m kind of busy right now, Darma.

And what am I? Eating bon bons and watching holographic films?

I barely kept from rolling my eyes.
That’s not what I meant...

I found the humans.

Oh. Good. But I’m in the middle of negotiating for one of them right now. Keep an eye on them and I’ll join you in a few.

But I can’t—

I slammed a door closed on our communication before she totally distracted me and got the bald shopper killed. As it was, he was bleeding and screaming by the time I turned my attention back to him. I raised my hands. “Okay! Stop that. I’m working on it.”

The ninja elf stopped digging the tip of his blade into the man’s side and cocked his hip impatiently. “Hurry up, I’m missing the best part of the Charlie Brown Christmas Special.”

I slapped my fake Santa on the cheek, trying to wake him up. “What part is that?”

He looked disgusted. “Lucy pulling the football away from Charlie Brown of course.” He shook his small head at my ignorance.

The beefy elf moaned as I slapped him for the fourth time and his eyelids fluttered. I wrapped my hand around his throat and pulled my power forward, sending it through his skin as his eyes opened and filled with horror.

“There. See. He’s alive.”

The ninja elf lowered the blade in his hand and grinned. “Icy.” He flicked his wrist and something that shimmered flew toward me, wrapping around the railing with a sizzle. I didn’t wait for him to arrive. I yanked my power forward and entered a space shift, coming back to the physical plane near the balding shopper. I grabbed his arm as he looked up at me, fear making his eyes wide. “Come on. Let’s get you out of here.”

He opened his mouth to scream or argue or something but I didn’t give him a chance. I thought about where I wanted to go and the world slipped away.

A moment later my feet touched the rough surface of the roof. The man was bellowing like a gargoyle on the end of a blade when he came out of the shift. I tried to get him to shut up but he refused to listen so I smacked him. Hard. His head snapped around and he went down, out cold.

I grimaced at the man, checking to make sure he was still breathing. “Was that too hard?” I asked him. “I’m never sure.” He didn’t respond.

Rude.

The air next to me shivered and a delicious scent filled my nostrils as Dialle’s long, sexy form appeared. “Hello, my love.”

I leaned closer, letting him wrap me up in a hot, strong embrace. “Hey, bud. I’m really glad to see you.” I frowned as he feathered kisses over my throat. “What took you so long?”

“I was in negotiations with the troll king when you summoned me, Astra. I couldn’t just pop away in the middle, not even for you.” He lifted a dark eyebrow. “As it was I gave away too much. Just to bring the interminable discussions to an end.”

I nuzzled his hot, fragrant throat and sighed. “I’ll make it up to you. I promise.”

He kissed the top of my head. “I’m holding you to that, my queen.”

I stepped away. “Darma found the humans but I haven’t had a chance to talk to her yet so I don’t know where they are or how many elves guard them. I need to go figure out how to spring them.” I grinned. “You want to come with?”

“I can’t. I came to tell you something.”

The sky overhead burst into a flare of light and the sound of bells filled the air. Something that looked like a falling star shot downward in the distance.

Dialle frowned. “We might be too late.”

“Too late for what?”

Dialle sighed. “To save Santa.” You see this,” he waved an arm toward the door to the mall, “was all a distraction to keep you away while the ninja elves took out Santa’s Christmas Eve operation.”

My eyes widened in horror. “Is he?”

Dialle shook his head. “I don’t know. I need to go find out where Santa is and try to keep him safe.” He touched my nose with the tip of one hot finger. “You and Darma will have to deal with the explosion of little man syndrome in there.” He grinned. “You think you can handle it alone? Or do you want me to send Gerch over?”

“Gerch? Seriously? What good is he going to do me?”

Dialle shrugged. “I happen to know he hasn’t gotten you a Christmas gift yet and he’s stressing over it. He really wants to come to the mall.”

I snorted out a laugh. “He’s gonna have to do his shopping after we deal with the evil elves in there.” I started to turn away and stopped, glancing back at Dialle. “And tell him next year he should start his shopping earlier.” I glanced toward the unconscious shopper. “Can you drop that guy at an unplanned injury unit on your way out?”

“It would be my pleasure.”

I winked. “Not really. But we’ll get to that later.”

I left Dialle chuckling sexily behind me. Running back down the stairs to the third level of the mall, I couldn’t help wishing that, just once, I could enjoy a nice, boring Christmas Eve snuggled up in front of a roaring fire with my favorite devil.

Or, better yet, creating a fire of our very own.

CHAPTER 4

Where are you, Darma?

In Gerbils’ basement.

How many masked rodents are watching the humans?

I’ve seen eight so far. But two of them just left, presumably to do rounds on the upper levels.

Okay, I’ll be there in a few minutes
. I pushed the door into the mall open a crack and peered through. The mall area around the door appeared empty so I slipped through and eased the door closed behind me. My gaze slid toward the spot where I’d left my fake Santa and noted the pile of fake snow on the floor. Apparently my elf had discarded his Santa suit. I grimaced as I realized he had to be ambling around the mall in his skivvies. Unless he found an elves casual dress section in Gerbils department store.

Hurrying over to the holographic information center, I touched the floating depiction of Gerbils. The picture wavered on the air and swung ninety degrees to the right, leaving behind a wide green arrow pointing to the spot in the mall where the store was located.