bedeviled & beyond 06.5 - bedeviled & bah humbug (11 page)

I smiled, closing my eyes again to savor his touch. “Yes. It is, isn’t it?”

The gloved fingertip warmed against my skin and softened, turning to butter as it skimmed along my throat. “This fur is very soft, and warm.”

I shivered as the leather covered fingertip found the neckline of my caterpillar shirt and skimmed inside, along a suddenly energized breast. “Very soft. Very warm.”

His lips found the side of my throat, branding me with moist heat. I turned my head and captured them, inhaling the sweet musk of his breath and making it mine.

Dialle wrapped his arms around me and pulled me onto his lap. My fingers dropped the reins and tangled into the heavy silk of his midnight hair as my mouth ravaged his.

Flames flared between us. Magic sparked. And my body burned as his lips and hands settled into long, slow exploration that took us through Canada and well into the top third of the United States.

Later, as we sipped the sweet, dark chocolate Dialle had conjured over Philly, I leaned into his warm chest and sighed. Packages still continued to rain down in multi-colored magic sparkles from the back of the sled.

The reindeer snorted and grunted merrily ahead, conversing in their own special language, and the night folded velvet wings around us.

The giant panties waved like an ugly flag from one of the sled’s metal runners, where Dialle had attached them with a magic wish.

He skimmed a finger over my upper lip and slipped it into his mouth, savoring the smear of whipped cream he’d harvested. “It’s been a wonderful Christmas, my love.” 

“It has. My best ever.” I sighed and turned to give him a soft smile. “Merry Christmas, Dialle.”

“Merry Christmas, Astra. I can’t wait to see what you’ll get up to next year.”

I laughed, snuggling closer as the sled headed out over Manhattan. “That makes two of us.”

The End

Christmas Short #4

An Elvish Catastrophe

Astra and Darma are Christmas shopping at the mall when a pack of ninja elves invade the place, demanding the elimination of all fake Santas or they’ll start killing hostages. Astra finds herself in the unenviable position of negotiating with the nasty rodents. And, since her default position with an elf is always to refer to them as “nasty rodents” she pretty much sux at negotiating. Unfortunately, before they can get the situation in hand, Darma becomes part of the problem in a BIG way. And Santa is suddenly in great danger.

CHAPTER 1

“What about one of these quick flash coffee makers,” Darma asked me. “Myra loves coffee.”

I stared longingly at the distant exit and shook my head. “All she needs to do is snap her fingers and she has coffee. Why would she need one of those?”

Darma shrugged, her customary frown firmly in place. She reached for a mug sitting next to the flash coffee maker and showed it to me. “How about one of these?”

I grimaced. The mug said,
Have a Nice Day
, on the side. But to my delight, when Darma lifted the mug and pretended to be drinking out of it and I saw the little birdie riding the bottom, flipping me off.

I grinned, reaching for the mug. “Perfect.”

As my too smart for her own good sister frowned thoughtfully, no doubt wondering why I’d changed my mind, the floor beneath our feet shook a little. Dust sifted down from the ceiling.

Darma and I looked up as something thumped high above our heads. We shared a look. Surely Santa wasn’t making a visit to the Angel City Mall on Christmas Eve?

“That sounded like a Sleigh,” Darma said.

I set the mug down and headed for the mall. “It did. Something’s not right.”

“Where are you going, Astra? We’re not done shopping.”

Thank the Big Guy. I’d been praying energetically since we came through the mall doors for a reprieve. The only thing I hated more than shopping was rats. “I need to check this out, Darma. Santa might need my help.”

She hurried up to me. “Why on earth would you think that, Astra?”

I looked up into her glowering face. “Because I’m desperate.”

Darma’s scowl deepened, a seemingly impossible thing. “Astra...”

The ceiling in the center of the mall blasted downward, flinging debris onto the heads of hundreds of unsuspecting shoppers. People screamed, diving away from the wreckage, and chaos broke out. While everyone ran from the breeched roof, Darma and I fought against the tide to move closer. Finally, we stood directly beneath a perfectly round hole, fifty feet above our heads, and looked up into a twinkling sky.

Silence fell over the mall as the people who hadn’t already vacated the building watched and waited, drawn against their will by normal human curiosity to observe what would happen next.

A soft groan had me turning toward the pile of debris a few feet away. A dusty black boot stuck out from the rubble, topped by a dirty rim of fake fur.

“Santa’s under there!” someone screamed.

A small child started crying. “Help Santa. Somebody, please?”

I glanced at Darma. “Help me get that rubble off him.”

She nodded, moving toward the shifting pile of debris. A white gloved hand had pushed through the rubble and was twitching against a roof shingle.

I eyed the huge metal roof box just three feet away, which had narrowly missed the mall Santa. It looked heavy. If it had landed on him he probably would have been killed.

Something clocked me on the head and I jumped back, energy sizzling at my fingertips. A thick rope hung in front of my face, snaking down from the edge of the hole above. As I watched, transfixed, several more ropes dropped through the hole.

“Darma.”

“Are you going to help me with this or not, Astra?”

One after another, several small faces popped over the edge and several sets of hostile black eyes peered down at me. “Um, Darma.”

“Astra, stop yammering and come help me get the roof off this guy.”

Biting back a barrage of colorful language, I hurried over and grabbed a long piece of metal that was probably one of the roof supports. I tried to lift it and it didn’t budge. The thing had to weigh a hundred pounds. I injected a jolt of power into it and it flew away, skittering across the dusty floor and slamming up against a nearby pillar.

The crowd behind us gave a collective yelp of surprise and moved backward, putting distance between us and them. I felt kind of bad about that but there was nothing I could do about it. I had a feeling things were gonna get a lot worse before they got better.

Meanwhile, back at the hole, two small feet and a fat butt appeared at the edge of the breech. A small form dressed in green and red jumped, monkey-like onto the rope, shimmying quickly toward the floor. Another green and red wearing critter hit rope and then another and another.

“Get him out of here Darma, quick.” I turned to the crowd. “Get out of here! Now! Move toward the nearest exit and don’t look back.”

A soft murmuring started. Heads turned toward the doors at the end of the mall, but nobody moved. “Go!” I shouted as the first ninja elf hit the floor and they finally started to turn away and run.

I left them to their own devices and turned to face the enemy.

They stood in formation a few yards away, hands on hips, looking smug. The leader was only three feet tall. His wide face was half hidden behind a black mask and his hair was obscured beneath a skull cap. A few shiny blond strands curled out from underneath the cap and the lips beneath the mask were twisted into a mean smile. He stood with legs spread wide, knees slightly bent as he contemplated how best to attack, and the stumpy fingers of one hand clasped the hilt of a long knife that looked like a sword because of his size. He clutched a multi-tassled whip in the other hand, the ends of which were covered in metal balls. The balls clanked softly together as he tensed for battle.

The eyes behind the mask shone with malevolence that, despite his size, made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I’d heard stories about the Ninja elves. Stories about their fighting prowess that were so spectacular as to seem made up. They were Christmas urban legend, the stuff of childhood nightmares, and I was about to find out how much of what I’d heard was real.

As I stood there, trying to figure out my next move, several more Ninjas slid to a stop on the debris-strewn mall floor and arrayed themselves in perfect rows behind the first elf. They formed an arrow that, much to my chagrin, seemed to be pointing directly at yours truly.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Darma straightening with a wobbly mall Santa under her arm. I wanted to call out to her...warn her...but I was afraid if I moved or spoke the Ninjas who had been gathering in front of me would attack.

I needed to make sure we were ready when they did.

Darma. You need to shift him away from here and then get your butt back here to help.

She snorted derisively in my mind.
Seriously, Astra? You need my help with a bunch of elves?

I don’t have time to argue with you right now. These aren’t ordinary elves and everybody in this mall is in danger.

They’re three feet tall...

Darma! Just do it.

She sighed.
Whatever.

Darma and the mall Santa blipped away on a hiss of air and I thanked the Big Him that we’d been working on her spaceshifting powers.

That left just little old me and about a dozen Ninja elves. Not good odds. But I tried not to assume the worst. Maybe they were just there to buy some Christmas underwear. “Can I help you guys find something? There’s a nice candle store on the South end of the mall and, if you’re hungry, I’m partial to the soft pretzel place on the West end.”

The guy at the leading edge of the arrow smirked. “I’m insulted you think our demands would be that small.”

I crossed my arms over my chest, stalling for time. “Then what do you want? Let’s talk. Nobody needs to get hurt.”

“We can talk, chica, but before the end of the day, somebody’s gonna get hurt.”

Frowning, I cast an ear toward the people behind me, hoping they’d made their escape. Unfortunately, I could still hear breathing and shuffling sounds. Bleurgh! “Talk to me, shorty.”

His bristly jaw tightened at my insult. However, to his credit, he didn’t rise to my bait. “It’s really very simple, cupcake. Give us all the faux Santas and bring the real one here and we’ll get out of your beautiful auburn hair.”

Whoa, I didn’t like the sound of that. “Give them to you? What exactly do you plan to do with them?”

Grinning meanly, the three foot tall thug slowly lifted his hand, miming a slice across his throat with the knife he held.

Behind me, a chorus of gasps and a muffled sob erupted.

I wished them to silence but didn’t dare turn away to scold. “Why are you doing this?”

“The faux Santas are a blotch on the season. They’re walking lies...pale imitations of the one true great Santa Claus. We can’t stomach their presence in the world anymore.”

“But it’s just a suit. If you kill these guys we’ll just make more.” I doubted that was true but I had to try. Once people found out the Ninja elves would kill any fake Santa Clauses, there would probably never be another mall Santa hired.

“Then we’ll kill those too. Eventually the human cattle will run out of suckers willing to wear the suit.”

Knowing he was right, I shook my head. “I can’t give you the mall Santa just so you can kill him.”

The head Ninja elf shrugged. “Your choice...”

An elf shaped blur flashed past me and a shrill scream pierced the air. When I blinked the elf behind Shorty was holding a woman’s arm, his blade pressed against her thigh. She was sobbing quietly, her eyes wide with terror. She had a right to be afraid. The spot the elf was threatening was a major artery and if he sliced her there she’d bleed out in minutes.

I held up my hands. “Hold on, let’s not be hasty here. You don’t want the kind of PR killing an innocent shopper would give you at Christmas time.”

Shorty cocked his head. “I don’t?” His cruel lips tipped up in the corners. He was obviously enjoying himself.

“No, you don’t. “I need some time to address your demands.”

He glanced upward, to the enormous clock above our heads on a pole. The pole was gaily wrapped in garland, decorated in red ribbon. Such a stark counterpoint to the mean little rodents standing before me, purporting to be Christmas purists.

“I’ll give you one hour. Then we start killing these people.”

The air blurred and, trailing the captive woman’s scream behind them, the elves shot in several directions. When I turned around all the shoppers were gone, leaving behind only the faint echo of their screams.

CHAPTER 2

I had no idea where the elves had taken everybody. I wasn’t sure how to battle the Ninja elves even if I found them. And I quickly learned I was on my own in the mall. When I tried to reach outside the building with my powers I discovered the little creeps had wrapped the place in a squelching spell. I couldn’t get information out and nobody could get in to help.

It was just me against a dozen of the dark world’s meanest, crankiest creatures.

Then I remembered my sister was there too.

Blink.

Like I said, it was just me against the Ninjas.

Darma?

I healed the mall Santa, Astra.

Good. Where are you?

I think we’re in some kind of boiler room or something. There are a bunch of noisy metal things that put off a lot of heat. I’m starting to feel like a boiled Christmas sausage.

Okay. Stay put for a while. I need to find these little creeps and take them out before they start killing people.

All by yourself? Astra, those guys are really fast.

You think? I don’t have a choice. They’ve wrapped the mall up in a great big stinkin’ power repelling bow. Nothing magical can go out and nothing magical is comin’ in.

Well that just sux.

Yeah. Merry frunkin’ Christmas.