Bed of Lies (39 page)

As if anything could be right now...

She made him feel like it was. Just knowing she was here, right down the street. That she climbed into this little iron bed every night and went boneless with sleep, and if he was here, he could sleep with her body draped over his, limbs entangled, her hair spread out over him. He wanted to sleep like that, with her, in this bed.

"What are you thinking now?" she asked, slipping her hand into his.

"About you and me in this bed."

She smiled sweetly as she clicked off the overhead light and sent the room into a maze of shadows, undressing him slowly, her hands slipping the buttons of his shirt free and pulling it off. He put himself into her soft, willing hands, the ones that skimmed lightly across his chest, as if she was still learning his body by touch alone. She rubbed at the tops of his shoulders, his arms, her hands running down the line of hair that extended from his chest to below the waistband of his jeans.

She found the snap, grinning as she worked the zipper down very, very slowly, his body stirring at her touch. "I thought you'd be exhausted after the day you've had."

"Exhausted, maybe, but I'm not dead."

She laughed, hooked her thumbs into the waistband of his pants and his briefs, and pulled them down in one move. She pushed him down on the bed, took off his socks and shoes, pulled his pants and briefs the rest of the way off and tossed them over a chair in the corner.

He'd been a model of complacency to this point, but he wanted her naked, too. He pulled her to stand between his knees. "My turn?"

She nodded. He moved just as slowly, starting with the tie on her robe, slowly loosening it and pulling the sides of her robe apart.

"Mmm." She had on a little black camisole and a pair of matching black panties, almost as dark as her hair, and everywhere else was pretty, pale flesh. "Your skin looks amazing in this."

He traced the tiny bit of flesh visible between her panties and her top, her belly quivering as he did it, and then eased a finger back to just below her belly button. Then he pushed her top up, uncovering a little triangle of skin. He held her with his hands at her sides and slowly kissed all the skin he'd uncovered, teasing her with his tongue, then tunneling up with his mouth until he could take little bites of her bottom ribs.

She made a little squeaking, gasping sound and tried to squirm away from him. He wrapped his hands around her hips to hold her still and then anchored her to him with one arm, continued up with the other, finding more soft skin, the tender undersides of her breasts. He nudged them with his nose, followed the line of the bottom of them, opened his mouth and placed warm, wet kisses from the inside curve to the outside, pushing at the material with his nose, working his way back toward the center again, toward her nipples.

Her hands caught in his hair as his mouth settled over one, then the other.

"Are you going to regret this in the morning?" she asked. "Because of that stupid no-sex thing of yours?"

"I regretted that five seconds after it came out of my mouth," he admitted, and she laughed again, then sucked in a breath as he used his teeth on her nipple, taking little bites.

He wished he could see her more clearly. Next time, he promised himself. Broad daylight. Maybe outside in the sunlight that felt so much like her.

He felt much, much better. Almost normal. The panic was receding, pleasure moving in. He pulled her top up and over her head, throwing it onto the floor. Now that they were completely free, he held her breasts in his palms, wanting to know the weight and the shape of them, then buried his nose between them and slowly kissed his way back down.

Her belly quivered as his mouth moved over it, and her hips moved restlessly against his. It was the most amazing thing. He'd felt half dead not ten minutes ago, and now he felt deliciously, gloriously alive. If this was a way of running from his problems, he simply didn't care.

He tugged one side of her panties down, uncovering her hipbone and nibbling on that, palming her hips, pulling her to him. She had her hands on his shoulders now, holding on tight, like the weight of her own body might be too much for her legs to manage. No problem. He'd gladly hold her up.

Tugging the panties down on the other side, revealing more skin, he kissed that and moved lower, kissing her through her clothes, going for the heat at the center of her, teasing her.

Her hand grabbed on to a fistful of his hair, tugging him to her. He kneaded the flesh of her bottom, and she started swaying to him and back, ever so slightly, need taking over.

She wouldn't be able to hold back at all soon, and he wanted her that way. Mindless. His. His hands slipped beneath the fabric of her panties and onto the bare skin of her hips.

"If you don't take those off... " she began.

"What?" he asked. "What are you going to do to me?"

"There are other things you could be doing with that wicked mouth of yours besides talking, Zachariah."

He laughed, pulling the panties off and tossing them, too. If the lady thought it was time to stop fooling around, he was willing to accommodate her. He pushed her backward one step, went down on his knees in front of her, held her with a hand on either side of her hips, and there was no teasing now. He spread his hands wide, using his thumbs to open her to his mouth, and pushed deep into her with his tongue, thrusting back and forth, another part of his body wanting to do that, too, very badly. And he would. Soon.

He heard her give another little squeak, a sound she muffled quickly. Another time, another place, he'd have her screaming for real. He wouldn't let up until he did. But he didn't have it in him to do that now, and they weren't alone, and he had to be inside her.

He rolled her onto the bed and then followed her down. He was kissing her before she landed flat on her back on the mattress, and he landed on top of her, forgetting to go slow. She felt like life given back to him, like sanity. Her arms came around him, holding him close, and her body opened up to his, and he hadn't so much as settled on top of her before he was inside her.

She groaned and moved instantly to take him deeper, her hips rolling against his and her fingernails digging into his hips. Her knees came up around him, and he got his hands beneath her hips, palming them, pulling her to him even tighter.

The heat of her, the way she clasped him to her and moved against him made it doubtful this would last more than a few minutes, and he wanted more. Going against every need in his body, he wrenched himself back and out of that welcoming heat, holding himself up on his elbows and his knees, groaning as he lowered his head and kissed her.

"What?" she demanded. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. You're just killing me. That's all. And I really would like it if I could make this last a little while."

He took a breath and let himself move back inside her, shuddering as he did, as her body gripped him in a way that left him groaning once again.

"Give it up, Zach. You're the man who announced the other day that you weren't going to sleep with me at all."

"Only until you knew this was about love and not sex," he said, rocking slowly back and forth inside her in cadence with the words. "I told you how I feel, and you told me you're fighting with everything you've got not to let yourself feel the same way. I probably should give you time to reconsider after that little scene on your back porch tonight—"

"Have a little faith, Zach. Isn't that what you said I needed? A little faith? You don't have any in me."

"I do," he said. "I told you everything. Every blessed thing."

And now he needed her to tell him some things. He made himself pull out again and wait there, knowing this had to be insanity.

"Tell me you need me," he said.

"I need you."

He rewarded her by entering her again, only to pull back out.

"Tell me you love me."

"I do."

Back in, one more time. It was heaven, right there. And then back out again.

"What if... What if I wanted to marry you. Julie?"

She gasped, her pupils getting so big and round.

"Don't get scared now," he said, teasing at her opening, rocking just a bit against her, just the blunt tip of him going in, sliding back out, little by little going deeper and deeper with every thrust, until there was nowhere else to go, nothing else he could do. Just need her.

She lay beneath him, breathing hard, her arms locked around him, and she felt like she was in seven different kinds of heaven. He lay still inside her, her body throbbing around his, him throbbing inside her, a fine sheen of perspiration running down his chest, a fine trembling working its way through his entire body.

She hadn't run away, not when he'd told her he loved her, not when he'd explained his little problem in detail. She'd just opened up her arms and loved him.

She had tears in her eyes now. Her bottom lip was trembling. His body was begging. "This is what I want," he said. "You and me. Like this. Forever."

She looked like each and every word hurt her, and she started to say something, but he wouldn't let her. He didn't want to know what she'd say. So he took her mouth with his, and he started to move, harder and faster and so deeply inside her, until she cried out, sinking her teeth into his shoulder in an effort to hold in the sounds she made. Her body convulsed around him, and he closed his eyes, and for a minute everything just fell away. Every worry. Every fear. Every need. She took it all away.

For a long blessed moment, nothing was wrong in his whole world. Nothing to give him nightmares. Nothing to regret. Nothing, except her and all the beauty she brought to his world.

He came in a long, hard rush, shuddering and shuddering and shuddering, his body wrapped around hers, his face buried in her shoulder, her hands trying to soothe him, running through his hair, down his back, her lips brushing a kiss along his cheek.

He felt like he could die on this very spot and be happy about it, as long as he could take her with him. He wanted to hold on to this feeling—this peace he'd found with her, wanted to pretend there were no more doubts in either one of them, no obstacles standing in their way, no problems to work through.

He wanted her just like this, her soft breasts pressed against his chest and her glorious legs wrapped around him, her hands holding him to her, her mouth on his in long, soothing kisses that left him weak and wanting more. He kissed her again and again and again, then realized she was breathing heavily, too, and he surely wasn't helping the effort by lying on top of her like this.

"Sorry," he said, putting his weight on his hands.

She stopped him, grabbing him by the shoulders. "Where do you think you're going?"

"I'm crushing you."

"I like it," she said, pushing him off to the left, just a bit, and then pulling him back down to her. "I like how big you are, how solid, how heavy."

He leaned on his left elbow, but otherwise stayed where he was, certainly in no hurry to leave. She touched his face, her fingertips tracing the line of his mouth, his jaw, his chin.

"Better?" she asked.

"Much. I meant what I said."

"About what?"

"Everything."

The words fell into the same kind of silence that had come after he'd announced that he feared he was going crazy. He couldn't miss the irony of that or the idiocy of his timing.

"Just what you want to hear, right? The crazy guy wants to marry you."

"That's not what I was thinking," she said.

"What were you thinking?"

"That this whole relationship has progressed at a bizarre pace."

"We've known each other forever," he argued. And then, because he feared what her answer would be if she gave him one in this moment, he said, "Don't answer me now. Take some time. You deserve it. Just think about it. Think about you and me. Think about everything."

"Zach—"

"No. It's okay. I shouldn't have hit you with this now, not when I just laid all the other stuff on you. And we need to see... You know. If this works out for me. If I'm really not crazy."

"I don't think you're crazy," she said.

"Half?"

"Maybe. But... most people are, wouldn't you say?"

He forgot about laughing, about trying to avoid this. He'd proposed to the woman for God's sake. "I'm sorry I scared you."

"It's all right. I'm sure I've scared you at times."

"Oh yeah."

"Are you okay?" she asked, the pain and the worry in her voice cutting right through him.

"Yeah, I'm okay." He kissed her softly on her mouth, his forehead pressed against hers, and then he kissed her again and again. "Better than that, in fact."

She put her hands on either side of his face, holding it between her palms and then gently drawing away. He stayed there, his nose half an inch from hers, and stared at her.

"I was just going to bring you up here and hang on to you for a while," she said.

"I know." He hadn't wanted her thinking he was so much of a mess he needed to lie in this bed with her and have her do nothing but hold him all night long. He'd wanted to feel normal and needed and whole, and he'd wanted them both to forget everything he'd said to her, at least for a while.