Bed of Lies (34 page)

"But why?" she asked, near to tears again. "Why would you want me?"

He put his hand on her knee and then eased it up onto her thigh. "I like your legs in those little bitty skirts you wear."

"I don't wear little bitty skirts."

"Then I like your legs in those not-so-little-bitty skirts of yours, and I like your hair, especially when it's loose and I've got a handful of it, holding you close to me with it, or it's falling around my face. Or my body."

"That's sex, Zach. The thing you've decided we're not having."

"And I like the way the hardest things in the world can be happening and you try to laugh it off or make a joke of it and keep right on going. I like how stubborn you are and how hard you try to make things work and how nothing seems to break you, and I see how kind you can be and how generous—"

"By sleeping with you?"

"And worrying about me, and wanting to take care of me. By listening to me and understanding so many things about me that I didn't even see myself. I like taking care of you, and I want to protect you and make you happy. I always have. I want to make everything in your life easier, and I want to see you smile day after day after day. I want you to believe in every good thing in the world and know you can have them all. I want you to see yourself the way I see you. I want you to see me as exactly who I am and still love me."

She glared at him through her tears.

"Nothing to say to that?"

"How could anyone not love you?"

He grinned. "You know, as declarations of love go, that needs some work, Julie."

"I didn't say—" Oh, hell, she had. Which didn't mean she couldn't try to save herself now. "I'm not... Zach!"

"Okay." He finally came back to her, his hand at the back of her head, inviting her to rest it against his shoulder.

"I'm still scared," she said miserably.

"Okay. And I'm pushing. Sorry."

"Couldn't this be some midlife crisis of yours or something?"

He laughed, still holding her. "I'm only thirty-one. I don't think so."

"Well, you've always been ahead of the curve. Maybe it just hit early."

"And you think I just don't know what I want? Or what's good for me? That I'm just a little bit crazy now, and I'll come to my senses one day and... What?"

"You won't want me anymore," she whispered.

"I will," he said.

"Well, I have trouble believing that right now."

"Okay."

"Please don't be mad at me."

"I'm not. I'm the most reasonable man on earth, remember?"

She nodded as best she could, considering she was still in his arms, her head tucked under his chin. "Can't we just go on this way? With you making me crazy and trying to fix everything for me?"

"Yeah, we can do that."

"There's a part of me that's always loved you, Zach," she confessed.

His arms tightened around her. She felt him take a big long breath and let it out slowly, felt a slight tremor work its way through his body.

"I'm trying so hard not to let myself just... Love you. Completely. No reservations, no fears, just... do it," she said.

He backed up, kissed her forehead, and then her right cheek, and then found her mouth, working over it like a man with all the time in the world for just one kiss. She wanted to crawl inside him and never come out, and at the same time, she wanted to turn around and run as hard and as fast as she could.

"It'll be all right," he said. "We have plenty of time to get this right."

She nodded, and he brushed away her tears.

What could she have possibly done to deserve him?

"It's almost four-thirty," he said. "Peter will be done soon."

"Okay." Peter, who hated her and thought she'd only come back here for Zach, whom she loved.
God, help me.

"Try not to worry so much," Zach said.

She'd try. Try not to be terrified. Try not to screw this up or get her hopes up too much. Try to protect herself and not hurt him or Peter or anyone else.

Try to be a woman he could love.

* * *

Peter was agitated, fidgety and grumpy. So was Julie.

She'd taken Zach home before she went back to pick up Peter, so he didn't see Zach. He complained bitterly about having to see a shrink, about how his feelings were none of her business, none of anyone's business, and how he was perfectly fine.

"Yeah, me, too," Julie said. "So what if Mom and Dad are in jail? I'm fine."

Peter glared at her from the passenger seat.

"I went to see Mom this afternoon."

He watched her even more closely, but said nothing. He wouldn't even let himself ask. Maybe she'd have to treat him like Zach, try to figure out what he wanted and just give it to him.

"I told her that you and I needed to know how long she's going to be there, that we had to make plans."

"What kind of plans?"

"For us," she said. "How we're going to live."

He shrugged as carelessly as he could manage. "I told you already, you don't have to stay here. They're always in some kind of trouble, and they always manage to get out. They will this time."

"I don't think so, Peter. The judge set a high bail, and Mom said they can't pay it. I don't know what they did with the money she took from the bank. Do you know anything about that?"

"Dad's been betting ball games. I guess he hasn't been doing too well. And he got laid off about a year ago and hasn't had luck finding anything else. Things kind of went from bad to worse. I guess they needed the money."

"I guess so, but they can't just take it."

"They did it for sure?" he asked quietly.

"She didn't say exactly. But... it seemed like they did."

"They'll get out of it," he insisted. "Don't worry. They always do. Go back home. I'll be fine."

"I'm not leaving you. I guess I'll have to keep saying it until you believe it."

She was irritated at first. How many ways could she say it? What would it take for him to believe that she wanted to be with him? The world had screwed him over royally for the first thirteen years of his life, but that didn't have to mean the rest of it would suck.

And then she realized he was just like she was. Just as suspicious. Just as scared. Just as stubborn.

And she was using the same arguments on him that Zach was using on her, with neither one of them having much luck. Except she was sure she didn't have Zach's patience nor his wisdom.

She started to laugh, just a little. "What?" Peter asked, irritated.

"Nothing. I was just thinking... Life is so strange sometimes."

Peter looked at her like she'd lost her mind, and maybe she had. She'd told Zach she loved him, and he claimed he loved her, which terrified her, and here she was with Peter, fumbling this horribly. But she felt better all of a sudden.

She'd had ice cream and kisses, had faced her mother without falling apart and had survived all of five hours with Peter without ruining him for life, and Zach thought he loved her.

It was more than she'd had in a long, long time.

* * *

When Julie heard a knock on the door that evening, she thought it was Zach, changing his mind again about staying away, and she was so happy she practically danced her way to the door.

Of course, it was still early. Peter was still up. And it wasn't Zach at the door.

It was Grace.

"Oh, you've got it bad," Grace teased her. "You should see the look on your face. I'd be hurt by how disappointed you are to find me here, if it wasn't Zach you really wanted to see."

"I want to see you," Julie insisted. "Of course, I do. Get in here."

Grace walked in. "I mean, I know I'm not as good as ice cream. Or Zach, apparently—"

Julie felt her face flame as she closed the front door. "Stop it. I mean it. I can't talk to you about your own brother like that."

"No, I guess you can't." Grace giggled like she had when they were girls. "I was thinking, we could just give him a different name and pretend he's not related to me. And I definitely don't want details of a sexual nature. I just want to know everything else."

Julie feared she was still blushing.

"Really?" Grace was still giggling. "Because he does that all-buttoned-up, serious lawyer thing so well, I wouldn't think... No, I'm not going to think about it. I'm just happy. For both of you. That you're... You know, so happy... in that area."

"All buttoned up," Julie whispered. "Yeah, surprised me, too. And that's it! I swear, not another word like this. Promise me right now?"

"Okay. I promise. I'm just really happy for both of you. And I'm so glad you're here. God, I missed you so much. I kept hoping you would just show up one day, completely out of the blue, and we'd go back to being best friends like we always were."

"You wouldn't have been here, even if I had. Not until a few months ago, right?"

"I know, I know. It was just wishful thinking," Grace admitted. "But now, here you are, and here I am—"

"Are you staying?"

"I don't know. Are you?"

Julie sighed. "I have no idea what I'm doing."

"So, we're quite a pair, aren't we?"

They ended up curled up on the comfortable old sofa in the family room, telling each other about the years they'd spent apart and mostly avoiding the uncertainties of the present at first.

Grace had been gone for years, finding it hard to be away from her family, but thrilled to study to her heart's content in Europe, where it seemed great works of art were on every corner.

"Okay, but what about the men? And not the ones on canvas or cast in stone." Julie finally asked. "No men there to break your heart?"

"No, not break my heart. Plenty of really attractive ones, interesting ones, talented ones."

Julie giggled.

"Artists, I mean. Talented in the arts," Grace added. "And, okay, there was one, more a friend than anything else, I thought, but now... I don't know."

"You miss him?"

"No." She shook her head. "He's... I haven't told anyone this. Not a single soul. And you know how fast news travels in my family, so you can't say a word. Especially not to my brother."

"I won't. I swear."

"He's here. Jean-Luc. The guy."

"Grace, he followed you all the way from Europe to Ohio?"

"No. Not really. I mean... I don't know. He's back in the States. In Bloomington. His mother's an American. His father's French. He grew up there, mostly, but now his mother's remarried and teaches at Indiana University. Six weeks after I got back, he called, and he was there."

"For you?" Julie asked again.

"I... That's what he says." Grace looked all flustered and confused. "That he didn't know until I was gone how important I was to him."

"Wow. And what about you? Have you missed him?"

"Yes," Grace admitted. "He's so much fun. He's smart, talented and just full of life..."

"So what's wrong with him?"

"Nothing. He's gorgeous, and so sexy. I just... like I said, we've always been friends more than anything else, and I've seen him with so many women."

"So... he doesn't take any of them seriously? Or relationships?" Julie guessed.

"I've never seen him take one seriously, but he says he's never been in love before, never met a woman he wanted to keep."

"But now he has? And you're it?"

Grace sighed, shook her head. "The women I've seen him with... They've always been so sexy and sophisticated."

"So? Guys have gone nuts for you since we were in middle school." Nuts for Grace, the blonde angel.

"Not guys like him. Guys who like that sweet, girl-next-door look like me, but I've never felt sexy and sophisticated." Then she did look embarrassed, or maybe surprised, or maybe the way Julie looked when she thought about what it felt like to be in bed with Zach. "Okay, except with him."

They both laughed then.

"So, is it serious? I mean, the guy followed you home from France," Julie finally asked.

"Maybe. It just happened. Apparently as fast as you and Zach. And I do want to hear about that. It's your turn. Spill it."

"He just walked into this restaurant in Memphis, completely out of the blue, while I was having dinner with my fiancé and future in-laws, and it was the oddest thing. It was like it had just been a couple of days since I'd seen him, instead of years. I mean, because he was so familiar. I hadn't seen a familiar face in so long."

"And... you know... because he looks so good?" Grace suggested.

"Yes, he looks good," Julie admitted.

"Did you ever think of him that way, when we were kids? Because I never knew. We giggled over his friends, because at that age, older guys always seemed so... interesting. But not him. You never said a word."

"I... might have given him a thought or two," Julie admitted, blushing. "I always felt safe with him. He was so kind and so protective of you. Of me, too, and Grace, you know what it meant to me to feel safe, right?"