Because of Ellison (28 page)

I hated what she was going through. I hated that she was
battling something she had no hope of winning against. I hated the helplessness
that she lived with and I suddenly understood the futility of hating a disease
that had no cure.

But then — something occurred to me.

That night was the beginning. A moment where thoughts
clarified in my head and a passion and drive bloomed within my heart. My hatred
and anger enraged me to a point where a disease - a concept - a thing that held
no true form or mass had became a dragon that needed to be slayed, a problem
that needed to be eradicated. It didn’t matter that my focus was solely revenge
for what it had done to Ellison; I made a decision that night and everything
seemed to snap into place.

I hated cancer. I hated what it did to Henry and I hated
what it did to her. Ellison wanted me to make a difference and I decided to do
just that.

I emailed my professors the following day. I had to drop my
classes and I begged in each email that they withdrew me from the classes in
such a way that it didn’t screw up my GPA when I started back again. I knew it
would be a week before I heard back from them, and, to be honest, I didn’t give
a shit if they all refused to withdraw me. I was staying there for Ellison and
I had no fucking intentions to return to Harvard.

I walked out to the living room and Bill choked on his
coffee to see me appear from the hallway.

“Holy shit, boy. What are you doing here?”

Lowering my weight into the chair beside of him, I leaned
forward and laid my head on the table. “I came back last night to spend
Thanksgiving with you guys … and to see Ellison.”

Bill’s expression softened. “Hunter, I’m afraid you drove a
long way for nothing, son. She’s dealing with her daddy and we haven’t seen
much of her in the past few weeks. I’ve tried to go over there a few times, but
Henry didn’t want anybody visiting him.” His expression darkened when he
remembered the condition of his friend.

Pushing up from the table, I settled into my chair and
closed my eyes against the sunlight coming in through the windows. “I know. I
saw her last night.” Pausing for a second, I breathed in a deep breath and
asked, “Would you mind if I stayed here a little longer than this week?”

Bill looked at me. “How much longer?”

“Don’t know. I’m thinking about transferring to school down
here. I just wanted to know if I’d need to find a place for myself or if I’d be
able to stay here with you and Lil.” It didn’t matter if he told me no. It just
meant that I’d have to add finding an apartment to the list of things I had to
do.

Laughing softly, he replied, “She’ll beat down you for it,
you know. She wanted you up there — not because she wanted you gone, but
because she didn’t want to drag you into this with her.”

I tensed to hear what he was saying.

“After you left, I overhead her and Lily talking in the
living room. I don’t like to eavesdrop, but when it comes to your children,
it’s one of those things you do. Sometimes it’s the only way you have to find
out what’s going on in their lives.” He looked down into his coffee. “From what
was said between them, I have no doubt that Ellison James loves you, Hunter
— and I know that’s no easy accomplishment.” He smiled slightly. “I was a
little surprised that you boarded that plane, thought for sure you’d refuse and
challenge that girl the way you did on those hikes.”

I chuckled. “You heard about that?”

He nodded. “Yeah, Lily told me about and so did Henry. We
were amused to say the least. At 19, you’d already figured out the passive
aggression needed when you’re dealing with stubborn women. It took Henry and I
at least three years of marriage to our wives to figure out that trick.” Looking
up again, he smiled. “But, then again, you’re the smart one in this family, so
I’m not surprised.”

“I won’t get dragged down by what’s happening, Bill. But she
will
if I don’t do something about it. I’m
transferring to school here. She won’t like it and she’ll probably stop
speaking to me because of it, but I don’t care. I’ll be here whether she likes
it or not because she needs someone regardless of her
adamance
that she doesn’t.”

Bill reached up to pat me on the shoulder. “Spoken like a
real man. Good to see that you’re finally growing up. Honestly,
I didn’t think much of you when you first came down here all those
months ago, but you’ve changed
,
kid
. You can be
proud of that. I’m not impressed with much anymore, but I’m impressed with you.
Guess they were right when they said that behind every great man is a woman …
because all it took to straighten your ass out was Ellison James. You should
consider yourself lucky that she took the time.” He paused in an effort to give
me a minute to absorb what he’d just said. “Of course, you can stay here, but I
wouldn’t expect open arms from Ellie.”

“I don’t.”

He sighed. “Regardless of how she treats you for the coming
months, just remember that girl loves you. I’m happy to see you back, and it’s
about damn time you realize that just because Ellison packed you up, it doesn’t
mean that she’s done with you. She tried to do what she thought was right for
you and by coming back, you’re doing what is right for both of you. She’s not
thinking straight right now, Hunter, and you need to love her think for her.
Not about the stuff with her dad, but about the stuff that comes after his
death … about the rest of her life.”

I felt two arms wrap around me from behind and I looked up
into the teary eyes of my cousin. “You’re staying?”

Her blue eyes blinked and I smiled. “Yeah. I’m staying.”

“Oh thank god because I thought you
were a
dumbass
for climbing on that plane and I didn’t want to believe it!” Her
little arms squeezed around my neck and I coughed from the lack of air. “Oh!
Sorry.” She let me go and sat down in the chair beside me. “So what are you
going to do to get her to talk to you again? ‘Cause as soon as she finds out
you’re not going anywhere, she’s gonna kick your ass and forget you exist.”

I laughed. I’d missed listening to Lily talk like she was
stuck in
fast forward
.

“Don’t know, Lily, but I won’t give up until she does.”

~
    
~
    
~

I’d spent the morning catching up with Bill and Lily. They’d
been concerned about how I’d left things with my parents, but I didn’t care.
I’d left out the details of the contempt my mother had shown toward them
because they didn’t need to know that
they were thought of so
poorly by family
. It made me want to strangle my mother even more just
to think about it while I was around them.

Two things were made clear though in my talk with Bill:
Ellison loved me enough to send me away and I loved her enough to refuse to
stay where she sent me. It was an impossible situation, but one I’d endure
until she was thinking straight again.

I started that afternoon being there for her. Knocking on
her door, I was immediately greeted by Jake whose large body blocked my view of
the interior of the house from the doorway. “Hey, man.” He stepped outside and
closed the door behind him. “El’s in the shower. She slept in some this morning
and gave dad some medication so he’s back to sleep. I’m staying long enough to
give her time to get cleaned up.”

“How is she?”

“As good as she can be, I guess. She was pissed to find out
that you’d cleaned the house last night, so she’s still got some spirit left in
her. I guess that’s a good sign.”

I smiled. “Yeah, it is.”

The front door opened behind Jake and Ellison peeked her
head out. Her eyes narrowed as soon as she saw me. Stepping out, she looked
better now that she had on clean clothes and her hair was washed. Her eyes were
no longer empty and she appeared more human than zombie as a result.

“Jake, go inside with daddy. I want to talk to Hunter alone
for a bit if you don’t mind.”

Jake looked sorry for me when he turned to walk inside.
“Good luck to you, man. I’d hate to be in your shoes right now.”

Ellison looked back to scowl at her brother before turning
that scowl in my direction. “Let’s walk down to the driveway so we don’t wake
up my dad by talking.”

Oh shit.

“How loud are we going to get?”

She pointed to the driveway and I sensed the imminent shit
storm. I didn’t care though. She wanted to play
stubborn,
I was ready to play stubborn.

She brushed past me and led me to the other side of Bill’s
house before she stopped. Spinning on her heel, her finger was immediately in
my face when she asked, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing coming into my
house and cleaning up? I would have taken care of that — I have that
fucking house under control.”

I scoffed. “Yeah, El. It really looked like that. You fell
asleep standing up for fuck’s sake, how exactly do you think you have it under
control
?!
” That was going to piss her off, but I said
it anyway. Someone needed to point out the problem.

“So then you should have just woken me up and sent me back
inside! You had no right coming in there. Dad would have been pissed to know
that you’d seen him like that!”

Grabbing her by the shoulders, I held her in place when I
responded, “You know what, Ellison? I understand your desire to protect your
father’s pride, but I think if he were conscious enough to talk to you about
it, he’d choose your health over how other people looked at him! You can’t keep
refusing help because you fear upsetting your dad!”

She tried to pull away, so I just wrapped my arms around her
and held her still. Her knee came up into my leg and I winced but kept holding
on. She could beat on me with both of her fists if she wanted to, but I was
going to hold on to her and make her understand what I was telling her.

“Don’t you tell me what I will and will not
do!
This is my life, Hunter, not yours! I’ll make whatever
fucking decision I want and you’ll go back up north where you belong!”

I laughed. It wasn’t a funny ‘ha ha’ laugh, either. Nope, it
was a laugh that meant there was no way in hell I was going to listen to what
she was saying to me. “No, Ellison, no I’m not. This might be your life, but
I’m making it mine as well — because YOU are my life! I don’t give a shit
what you say or do. You can ignore me, you can hate me — hell — you
can put my picture on a wall and through darts at it if that’s what makes you
feel better, but I’m not going anywhere. While you’re taking care of your dad,
El, I’ll be taking care of you and there’s not a damn thing you can do about
it. You might be worrying about the coming weeks, but I’ll be worrying about
the rest of your fucking life and I’ll be damned to let you force me out of
it.”

Those must have been fighting words, because the next thing
she did was slam her hands against me with such force it almost knocked the air
out of my chest. I tried to hold on, but when she took both my nipples between
her fingers and twisted, I released her in response to the pain.

“Fuck! Ellison, that shit hurt!”

“I know it did, that’s why I did it. And you can expect that
reaction from me every time you think you’re going to overpower and force me to
stay still when I don’t want to!”

“Well, then fine!” I shoved my chest out at her and held my
arms out to my sides. “Go ahead and rip them off then, El, because you can
expect that I’m going to hold you every fucking day until you stop breathing!”

She looked at me like I was nuts. Her voice was a whisper
when she asked, “Why can’t you just go home?”

We stood staring at each other for a few seconds. It was
eerily quiet where we stood, almost as if the birds and bugs had stopped to
watch, curious to find out what would happen between us.

We locked eyes and I walked up to her. Grabbing her by her
chin, I tilted her angry face up in my direction and held on when she tried to
pull away.

“I am home. Why can’t you just accept it?”

My lips fell on hers and I kissed her with everything that I
had. I told her I loved her with that kiss, I told her that I would protect
her, that I would care for her and that I would fight for her every fucking day
if that’s what it took for me to be with her. My knees almost buckled to taste
her again and I didn’t want to take pleasure in forcing my mouth on hers, but I
couldn’t help it, I was
estatic
. I realized in that
moment that my life couldn’t be lived unless she was in it and I would take on
the whole fucking world for her if it would get her to stand by my side.

Slowly, she wriggled out of my grasp and her eyes burned
holes into me. Without looking away, she reached up and wiped my kiss from her
mouth. If it had been raining, steam would have risen from her head because the
woman was as heated as a damn oven, she was so pissed.

“Do us both a favor and go back to school, Hunter. Go do great
things and live a great life. If there’s anything left of me by the time you
graduate, then fine, come back and find me, but for now, you need to be
someplace else.”

I couldn’t tell if her tears were from pain or frustration,
but the fact that they fell told me she needed me more than she realized.

“Not a chance in hell, Ellison James.” Walking towards her
again, I noticed the small steps she took to keep distance between us, so I
just walked faster. I gripped her by her arms and pulled her shaking body
against me.

“Tell me you don’t love me. You want me away from here? You
want me to believe that we’re not meant to be together? Then fine! Just tell me
you don’t love me -
that
you can live the rest of your
fucking life without seeing me and you’d be perfectly content with it! Because
you need to know that I wouldn’t be content. I’ve been miserable since I left
here. All I can think about is what it feels like to talk to you, to laugh with
you, to hold you and kiss you and argue with you! Even when you’re annoying the
living shit out of me by being as stubborn as you are, I still can’t get enough
of you. I love you, Ellison. I’ve found something that I feel passionate about
in my life just like you asked — I found you! You are what I’m passionate
about, you are the person for whom I want to live and breathe and I’m
determined to do whatever it fucking takes to get you through this! For once in
your fucking life, let somebody help you!”