Because of Ellison (10 page)

“Then why don’t you just stay with him?”

She let out a humorless laugh. “My dad would like that. He
thinks Finn would be the perfect husband. But I just don’t feel those things
for him. There are no butterflies when he’s around, there’s no electricity.
When he touches me or kisses me, I feel nothing.” Her eyes caught mine at that
moment and my breath was stolen from my chest. “I love Finn, but I’m not
in love
with him. Do you know what I
mean?”

I didn’t. I had no idea what she meant because I wasn’t even
sure I knew the difference between
like
and
love
… much less
love
and
in love
. I didn’t know what love was. I knew what it was to want a
girl, but that was pretty much where it ended. I also knew the basic definition
of love, but I had never actually felt it.

I looked up at her. I wanted to lie, to tell her I knew
exactly what she was talking about, but, somehow, I knew she’d see right
through me.

“No. I hate to admit it, but I am clueless when it comes to
that concept.”

Ellison

I was shocked, to say the least. His brown hair hung
haphazardly in his face, tempting me to brush it away, and his dark blue eyes
swirled when he admitted he didn’t know what love was. It was a brave response,
honest, and my heart skipped at his confession. Everybody should know what love
is. If a person had a family, they should know love. But, that wasn’t true, was
it? Sure, there were the kids who were abandoned, and the people who were
deserted that had an excuse for not knowing, but Hunter wasn’t one of those
people. He had parents, he had friends — he had a home. He, of all
people, should know.

“How is that even possible? You have your mom and your dad.
Don’t you know what love is because of them?” My voice was whisper soft and my insides
grew tense while I waited for his answer. His smile faded and his eyes looked
away from me.

“If you call the once a month lecture and access to their
credit accounts love, then yes.” He looked back up and I was momentarily shocked
by the honesty in his eyes. “My parents worked constantly. My dad went to his
job for long hours and my mom did — well, whatever my mom did. I was left
to deal with myself and they judged me by my grades and judged themselves by
the things they were able to give me. We didn’t spend much time together.” He
shrugged it off suddenly. “It doesn’t matter, though. I had the life every kid
wants; money at my disposal and no parents to breathe down my neck.”

“I don’t want that.” It was an immediate response and one
that appeared to shock him. “If I could have just one minute more with my mom,
I’d do anything for it — anything. To see her smile, or hear her laugh,
or even to feel the warmth of her palm against my cheek.” A tear threatened my
eye, but I kept it from falling. I didn’t want to get emotional in front of
him.

His hands idly rubbed up and down my calves. Even though I
didn’t want to admit it, his touch was doing funny things to my body and I
enjoyed the contact. It felt normal, natural. I hadn’t known Hunter for very
long but my soul recognized him and it was easy to fall in step with him - to
feel like I’d known him forever.

“What happened to your mom?” He was curious. I couldn’t
fault him for that, but talking about her was hard even though it had been 10
years since I last saw her.

I wrapped my arms around my waist when I answered, “She
died. Ten years ago from a car accident. A drunk driver swerved into her lane,
killing her and Lily’s mom. That’s how we ended up living next to each other.
Our dads relied on each other for help raising us kids.

His face fell and I felt terrible. I didn’t want to talk
about sad things and it seemed that our conversation had turned from one of
hope to one of despair. I grieved the loss of my mother, and he grieved never
having had one to begin with.

When it grew quiet between us, I stood up and stepped down
off the table. My underwear had dried from the heat outside and I could put the
rest of my clothes back on. Hunter stood up and followed behind me and we
dressed without speaking.

The rest of the hike was tedious. Hunter was pretty strong
up until the last two miles or so, but he dragged ass that last little bit,
dramatically falling to the ground by the time we reached the front yard of my
house.

“Oh thank God! We made it. I can’t feel my legs, but I’m
alive.”

I scowled down at him and laughed. “It wasn’t that bad. It’s
obvious you spend way too much town sitting around. You know, beyond TV and
video games, there’s a whole world out there waiting to be explored.”

His brilliant blues found mine and he smiled that dimpled
grin of his that made me melt every time I saw it. “I know. I’ve seen that
world on the TV. And it didn’t destroy my legs in the process.”

When he winked, my heart skipped and I had to restrain
myself from dropping to my knees so I could kiss him. His lips were soft. I
knew that from our encounter at the spring and I’d been a strong woman to be
able to pull away from it. A chill ran across my skin and I blamed the summer
winds so that I wouldn’t have to admit to myself that it was his presence that
was affecting me.

“I’d better get the dogs inside. They need water and sleep.
After a walk like that, they are usually down for the majority of the night.”

Hunter rolled over and failed to push himself up. “Crap! I’m
too tired to move. You’ll have to go on without me, El. Save yourself.”

My laughter rolled out of me. “Stop being so damn dramatic.
You’ll feel better when we do it again tomorrow. It gets easier.”

Rolling on his back, he opened one eye at me. “No. No way. I
have a house to paint and I’m not even sure I’ll be able to pull that off.
Hell! I’ll be lucky to make it to my bed. It’s too far away.” He opened both
eyes and looked over at my bedroom window. “But, yours is closer. I might be
able to make it to that one.” Another wink.

I couldn’t stop the grin that spread across my face and I
could feel the heat reddening my cheeks. “That’s not going to happen, Hunter.”

He looked pained to be turned down. Reaching one arm up, he
said, “You can at least help me up, considering it was your treachery that did
this to me.”

He was such a big baby. I reached down to help him, but as
soon as his large hand wrapped around my wrist, I was pulled down on top of
him, our bodies colliding with each other and my legs falling open on either
side of him as I straddled his abdomen. I pushed up and moved the hair from my
face to find an odd expression on his.

His grin was crooked and charming when he said, “If you keep
ending up on top of me Miss James, I’m going to start believing you like me.”

And then I did something that completely went against my
character. I looked him directly in the eye, never letting go of his stare as I
lowered my body down and brushed my lips against his. It was heaven, like silk
across my lips and I opened my mouth, allowing his tongue to run across mine,
allowing his taste to fill me, and his musky, woodsy scent to wrap itself
completely around me. I felt his hands move up my back just before his fingers
tangled themselves into my hair, pulling gently but trapping me against him. It
was like being pressed up against a wall of rock and I loved the feel of him
underneath me. It didn’t seem like he would ever let go, and I wasn’t sure
I wanted him to — until I heard a throat clearing behind us.

I jumped off Hunter and my butt hit the ground with a thud.
Slowly turning, I spotted a grimy pair of work boots attached to a dirty pair
of legs and even farther up I saw the murderous expression on my father’s face.

“Hi, Daddy.”

Hunter was frozen in place. His eyes glued on my father.

“Ellison. You need to go inside sweetheart and we’ll talk
about this in a minute. I’d like to have a word with Hunter, man to man, if you
don’t mind.

This wasn’t good. In fact, this was really bad. My daddy
still thought of me like I was 10 years old and he wasn’t too pleased when he
saw a man brush up against me, much less, me straddling a man in the front
yard. “Daddy, this isn’t what this looks like. We were just playing around.” I
stood up quickly and tried to move so that I was blocking my father’s view of
Hunter.

My father’s hands landed on my shoulders and his tired brown
eyes met mine. “Baby Girl, you need to head inside. I’m not going to kill the
boy, so stop looking like you’re trying to prevent a murder. I’m only going to talk
to him.”

I was scared, but I knew I had no choice but to go. I looked
at Hunter apologetically as I gathered the packs we’d thrown on the ground and
called the dogs to follow me inside. Once I was in the house, I wanted to peek
out the window to see what was going on, but I was afraid it would only piss
off my father more to see me spying.

Doing whatever I could to keep my mind off of it, I gave the
dogs food and water and watched them as they finished up their lunch and
wandered over to their doggy beds to pass out. I grabbed a shower and after I’d
dressed and dried my hair I returned to the living room to find my father
sitting on the couch laughing to himself about something.

“Hey, daddy. Is Hunter still breathing?”

“Yeah, he is. He’s probably at Bill’s right now cleaning the
shit out of his shorts after what I had to say to him.” He chuckled and it
shook it shoulders.

“Daddy! It wasn’t his fault … ”

“Ellison James, I found that young man outside your bedroom
window at two o’clock in the morning, naked. I warned him then to stay away
from my little girl and then, to come home and find him holding you on top of
him? Hell! You were lucky I didn’t kill the boy right there. And what the hell
are you thinking acting like that anyway? I raised you better than that and I
know you’ve got a level head on those shoulders of yours. Don’t go losing it
because of some cute boy that will only be around for the summer. I’m glad it
was me that found you and not Finn. It would have broken that boy’s heart to
see you that way.”

Finn. I was so sick of hearing about Finn. I didn’t know
what was wrong with the men in my life but they’d all decided that I was
marrying Finn and there was nothing I could do about it. “What did you say to
Hunter?”

“That’s between Hunter and me, baby girl. It was a talk
between men and there’s nothing that was said that needs to be repeated.” His
mouth shrank to a thin line and I could tell he wasn’t going to budge in this
conversation. There was no use fighting it and I didn’t want to upset him
further.

“Did you make it to your appointment today?” Sitting down
beside him on the couch, I snuggled into his side waiting for his response.

“I did.” He grew quiet for a second and it worried me. “They
need to send me off for some tests. Said it’s normal and I shouldn’t worry
about it.”

“So then why do they need tests?” My father hadn’t been
feeling like himself for a few months and it was almost impossible to convince
him to go get a check up. Daddy hated doctors. He always said that if you go to
a doctor, they’ll tell you you’re dying and then you die. In his screwed up
logic, he argued that if you didn’t find out you were dying in the first place,
you might have lived … so he didn’t go. But I fought him hard and he eventually
relented to getting a quick checkup to ease my concerns.

Knowing they wanted to do more tests, however? Now, I was
absolutely terrified. I’d already lost my mom, I didn’t know what I’d do if I
lost my dad too.

“I’m getting old, Ellison. They need to do extra stuff to
check me out. It’s completely normal and nothing to worry about. I’ll still be
around to keep an eye on you for the next 50 years. You can count on that.” He
wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer to his side. “I love you, baby girl,
and even though I’m ready to go be with your mother on the other side, I’m not
willing to leave you here alone just yet. At least, not until your brother has
grown up some more and I can trust him to take care of you.”

“I can take care of myself, Daddy.”

“I know. I made sure of it when I raised you, but it never
hurts to have someone to help pick you up when you fall. And it’s bound to
happen. You can’t live life thinking you won’t screw up every now and then. The
mistakes are just as important as the successes. You wouldn’t be who you are
without both of them. So when those mistakes happen, it’s good to have people
around who can push you through them.”

He must have known my mind went instantly to thoughts of
Hunter, because he added, “And, Ellison, that boy, Hunter, is not the person
you need to tie your life to. Did Lily tell you why he was sent down here? That
boy is shoulder deep in a lifestyle of partying and drugs and he’s nothing like
you. He’ll only drag you down with him if you give him your heart.”

I opened my mouth to argue but he held his hand up to
silence me. “Don’t argue with me, Ellison. You’re a smart girl and a beautiful
girl on top of that. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you to make a
difference in this world and the last thing you need is someone holding you
back. I want you to be happy, El. And I know you’ve got a heart the size of
this state and will take in any stray that looks like it needs help; but
attaching yourself to a boy like him will only hurt you. You won’t find happiness
until you find your equal. And unfortunately for the male population, you are a
difficult person to compete against.”

He kissed me on top of the head before standing up. “I’m
going to go lay down and I’ll be up in time for supper. Do me a favor and stay
away from that boy. If you want to be friends, I trust you to make that
decision, but don’t let it go farther than that. You’re better than he is,
Ellison.”

I watched his back as he walked from the living room into
his bedroom. I was scared for him. He’d not been himself for months and he was
always tired. I couldn’t stand the thought of something happening to him and
the fear only added to the aggravating feelings I was having for Hunter at that
moment. When the door finally closed, frustrated tears fell from my eyes and I
smacked them away angrily. I didn’t even know why I was mad because there was
no way Hunter and I would end up together anyway. He didn’t live here. After a
few months, he’d return to his life and I’d never see him again. But that thought
didn’t make my heart feel any better. I knew he was bad news, but there was
something else, something deeper inside him and I’d seen a small glimpse of it
near the spring. His words surprised me, but I felt like they were only a small
trickle of information that hinted to the real flood hidden within him.