She picked up her menu and opened it once more, lowered it again, and took in a deep breath. “At least I’m not a real girlfriend.”
“We’ll work on that.” He winked.
“May I take your order?”
“Yes, you may.” Jena smiled at the waiter with relief. “I’ll have the grilled chicken salad with vinaigrette.”
The amused smile on Chase’s face couldn’t be missed. “Steak and potato for me.”
“You get one more side, sir.”
“I’ll take a salad. Ranch dressing.”
“Very good. Will that be all for you both, sir?”
“Yes, thank you,” Chase responded.
“Do you notice how Women’s Lib hasn’t hit the restaurant scene yet?” Jena replied sarcastically after the waiter had left their table.
“All this anger can’t be good for you.”
“I’m not angry.” The rise in Chase’s eyebrows told her he wasn’t buying it. “Okay, I’m irritated. I’ve worked hard to be an independent woman and I hear ‘Will that be all for you both, sir.’ Seriously?”
“Who cares what he thinks?” Chase reasoned.
“You’re right.” Jena adjusted the napkin in her lap, avoiding his gaze.
“So…are you ready for our meeting to commence?”
“Meeting?” Her thoughts were muddled.
“The custody arrangement for Andrea,” he reminded her.
“Oh.” Jena rested her elbows on the table, rubbing her temples. “I suppose we have no choice.”
“There’s always a choice, Beautiful.”
“First off, quit calling me that.”
“You
are
beautiful.” A dawning became visible across his face. “Right. Women’s Lib. Sorry.”
She never knew him to be thickheaded. The only way to get him to stop was to be straightforward. “You used that nickname on me many years ago…things were different.”
“You’re still beautiful and
things
for me are still the same.”
“Just…don’t call me that.”
“I’ll try.” He leaned in and smiled.
“I guess we should get down to business. What type of arrangement would be satisfactory for you?”
“Well, Madam Attorney…”
“Chase,” she warned.
“Do you want the truth?”
She sipped her water to choke down the cotton balls before she attempted to speak. “I don’t believe we’ll get anywhere if we aren’t honest.”
“We agree on something,” he muttered.
“Out with it,” Jena directed.
“I want to be a full time father to Andrea. Jen, I’ve been in her life on a constant basis since she was three years old. I was in a bad place when Collin died. I lost you, the band fell apart because of my resentment, and I was drinking…a lot. I didn’t care about anything. Collin losing his life saved mine. I won’t let my brother down. Andy has been my life.”
She wasn’t expecting that kind of honesty. Jena’s eyes pooled with tears. “I’m sorry. I had no idea. Seems I’ve missed a great deal.”
“I’m not trying to play the guilt card.”
“I know that. I just assumed you were happy all these years.” Jena searched for the right words. “Andrea’s my only connection to my sister. I’ve missed so much of her life. I need to be there for her now. Honestly, I need
her.
”
“Our needs are not the issue.”
“Ouch.” He stunned her with his bluntness, but she pleaded her case. “She needs a woman in her life. I’ll be able to handle the issues that arise in a growing girl’s life. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be a part. I’m just thinking it’ll be healthier for her if she lives with me.”
Chase’s mouth was set in a thin line. “I’m going to give you honesty. I don’t want you yelling or getting defensive. I want you to
really
listen, and then I want you to take some time to think about it. I want you to think like a lawyer and react with the emotions of a woman. This subject will be off limits the rest of the evening. Can you agree?”
Apprehension spread through her, but she nodded slowly in agreement.
“Here’s what I want. I want you to move to Clearwater. Sign up with a law firm here, or hell, open one of your own. I want you to let me touch you again. I want to taste your kisses. I want to get to know you…raise Andrea together…as a family in the same house. I want to marry you.”
Her lips parted in protest. Or was it shock? “Chase…” she said anxiously. Had she heard him right?
“You promised,” he cautioned. “Perfect timing. Here comes our dinner.”
Jena leaned back in her chair dumbfounded. She had to give him credit. He rattled the attorney.
Chapter Twelve
Chase and Jena’s dinner was a friendly one. They discussed safe subjects; the weather, Florida tourist attractions, the economy…even politics seemed safer than discussing their rapid heartbeats.
Jena kept to their agreement and didn’t bring up the custody issue. She was certain a relationship with Chase would never happen, but she kept quiet on that subject too. However, a move to Clearwater set her thinking. She did like it here. If they could hurdle the past…maybe she could make a home for Andrea here.
What was that noise? Her phone…where was her phone?
Jena rummaged through her purse frantically. Maybe something was wrong with Andrea. Or was it another prank? Her stomach pitched. She grabbed it off the bottom and fumbled with the button. “Hello,” she said quickly.
“Jena…it’s Todd. I’ve been so worried. I haven’t heard from you.”
She exhaled with relief. Andrea was okay and she didn’t have to deal with another practical joke. “I’ve been busy here with…things.” Jena raised her eyes toward Chase. She found his intently on her.
“When are you coming home? I miss you.”
“I’m not sure. Is something wrong, Todd?” Jena was concerned about the workload she left him.
“No…no, nothing I can’t handle. It’s a little busy, but Emily is helping out, too. Your secretary is quite organized. I might steal her while you’re away.”
Jena relaxed a little. “Don’t even think about it. Lauren’s mine,” she joked in return before turning serious again. “I have some unexpected things to clear up with Jasmine’s estate first.”
“Do you need me to fly down and help you?”
“No, I’m fine. There’s no need to come down. I have…um…help…here.” Her tongue tripped over the words. Jena didn’t have to look at Chase to know he was paying close attention.
“I wouldn’t mind hitting the beach with you,” Todd flirted from the other end of the phone. “The nights are getting cold here.”
Jena wasn’t sure if he was implying what she thought he was implying…safer to ignore the comments. Was her face as red as she thought? She couldn’t keep ignoring his innuendos. She would have to talk to him when she got back, but now was not the time. “I have to get going, Todd. I appreciate the call. I’ll be in touch soon.”
“Sure thing. I do miss you…” he replied softly.
She stayed silent.
“Call me if you need anything. Bye, Jena.”
“I will. And thanks.” She shut her phone and slowly met Chase’s inquisitive eyes.
“Boyfriend?” he asked with a little bit of attitude.
“Friend. I work with him.” Chase was angry. Why did she feel guilty? Todd was a friend and even if he wasn’t, was it Chase’s business? She shoved the phone angrily in her purse. She heard him sigh and immediately was sorry for her reaction. She really needed to be honest with both of them. She wasn’t relationship material. Ignoring their comments was not clearing anything up.
Music started playing and Jena inwardly groaned. Great. More romance. This was too much. Her heart wanted to fall in love again, but her brain wouldn’t allow it. Would anyone notice if she ran screaming from the building?
Chase leaned toward her and softly asked, “Would you dance with me?”
Jena’s eyes narrowed. “I thought we had a moratorium on romance? You were going to let me think on it, right? I believe you’re trying to sway the jury.”
“Is it working?” he grinned.
“No.” She surprised herself with a laugh.
“Come on, Jen, relax. Quit thinking. It’s just a dance.”
Right. She knew as soon as he touched her it would be so much more. She should decline, but heard herself saying instead, “Okay, but just one dance.”
He stood first, held out his hand and gazed down with a smile of encouragement. She regarded him for a moment and reluctantly placed her hand in his, immediately feeling his strength and her need.
As they reached the dance floor, Chase turned to her, never taking his eyes from hers. She took in a breath and forgot to release it.
Breathe, Jena.
His arm wrapped around her waist and gently pulled her close…much closer than a casual dance between friends. Goosebumps spread across her skin. The moment was too intimate and she stiffened.
His lips were at her ear. “Relax,” he whispered.
How could he make one word sound so sexy?
She inhaled slowly, attempting to calm the nerves that seemed to be popping off her skin. She should force herself to think of something else…like how much he had hurt her, but her mind wouldn’t stay there. Instead, she closed her eyes and concentrated on the touch of his hands on her body. He held her so near anyone would assume they were lovers.
A sudden awareness had her eyes brimming with tears. She wanted them to be. The jealousy she had toward those other women tonight made Jena realize she couldn’t accept him with anyone else. How could she stand the thought of him holding another woman like this? There was only one answer—she couldn’t. If she was ever going to take a chance on anyone again, now was the time and he was the person. The tears escaped her eyes.
The song ended and Chase stepped back without losing contact. He rubbed a tear away with his thumb and lifted her chin upwards. She had no place to look but in his eyes. “Let’s take a walk on the beach.”
Jena was ready to escape. She swiped the tears off her face and attempted a smile. “A walk would be nice.”
Chase paid their bill and they made their way to the beach in silence. They removed their shoes before stepping onto the sand. Jena sighed in appreciation. The sand was so soft and cool, and the ocean breeze, a relief from the day’s heat. Her body released the tension she was carrying. The sensation of having Chase so close erased all other thoughts from her mind. No matter how much she didn’t want to, she realized how much she missed him.
Hand in hand they reached the surf. Chase broke the connection only long enough to roll up his pant legs. He reclaimed her hand and walked into the water to his ankles, pulling Jena with him. The water was warm and inviting. There were no words between them as they gazed at the moonlight shining across the water. His arm wrapped possessively around her waist, she turned, wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his chest. She heard him sigh. Jena inhaled slowly, closing her eyes. No matter what happened she would remember this moment always. He tightened his hold around her and she smiled softly with satisfaction.
Jena was grateful for the silence. Explaining her feelings to him would be impossible. They all contradicted each other. She needed time… time to make sure these feelings existed out of the moonlight and away from the romance.
“You want to sit?” Chase asked motioning toward wooden beach chairs.
“Okay.” She walked with him side by side, hand in hand.
They sat together without comment, both staring off into this distance. Chase spoke first. “Are you okay?” he asked softly.
“I think so,” she answered honestly, not looking in his direction.
“What’s going through that beautiful head of yours?”
“I wish I understood myself.”
“I wish you could let go and just…feel.” He sighed.
“I’m sorry, that’s just not me anymore,” she answered tightly.
“I didn’t mean that as an insult.” He glanced in her direction. “I want you to enjoy life…relax.”
“Don’t apologize. I’ve been doing this for so many years I don’t know how to relax.” She covered her face, bewildered at her honesty.
“I was hoping you would let your guard down. Do you remember the fun we used to have?”
“Chase, please don’t. Nothing will ever be the same.” She tensed as he pushed her to remember. The wall was going back up.
“You’re right. There is no repeating history, but we could make a new history.” Chase kneeled before her in the sand and took her face gently between his hands. “Let me love you again,” he whispered.
Bolting down the beach flashed through her mind momentarily. No, she wouldn’t be a coward.
“Jena, live again…for Andrea, for me,” he pleaded.
“I can’t go there. Chase, I’m scared.” Why couldn’t he understand? She wasn’t brave enough. Maybe, if he gave her time, but not now. “I never want to hurt like that again. It took me so long to get over you.”
He pulled her to her feet. His eyes pierced her soul as he said, “I’ve never gotten over you. I never will. This has been the one constant in my life. You
are
my life. You were my best friend, Jena. I want my friend back. I want permission to love you again. I promise things will be different. Please don’t walk away from our chance at happiness.”
“I want to believe that.” She inhaled sharply to hold back the tears. If she started crying she would never stop.
The back of his hand caressed her cheek. He searched her eyes intently before lowering his mouth to hers. She remained very still. Jena knew if she moved she would flee. She made a decision in that moment to surrender to the feelings….all of them…the pain, the sorrow, the longing,
and
the love if only for this one moment. She would give herself this memory to cherish.
“I love you,” he whispered.
She couldn’t speak for several seconds. She dropped her gaze. “We should go.”
He put a finger under her chin and lifted her face to stare into her eyes. “What’s in your heart, Jen? What do you feel right at this moment?”
“Chase, I…” She swallowed hard, but couldn’t say the words.
Chase sighed. “I won’t push you, but I won’t give up, either.”
“I’m not asking you to give up. I don’t think I
want
you to give up,” she replied honestly and then groaned. “I don’t know what to do. I couldn’t change overnight if I wanted to.”
His eyes were gentle as he nodded. “I know. A chance is all I want.” He pushed a strand of hair from her face. Her pulse quickened with the contact. “Hey, let’s get you home before you turn into a pumpkin.”