“You weren’t trying to get rid of me?”
“If only it were that easy,” she muttered loud enough for him to hear. Regretting the audible slip, she turned away from the table praying someone would approach her. When the only response was a low growl she quickly stole a glance in his direction.
His eyes narrowed and the muscles in his jaw twitched. Now, she’d done it. She insulted him. Jena nervously looked from side to side to see if anyone was paying attention to them. She knew Chase wouldn’t let the remark slide.
“Let’s get one thing straight.
You
… are stuck with me. I’m Andrea’s uncle and I can promise you…I’m not going anywhere.”
Confrontation came as easy to her as breathing. As a lawyer, she dealt with it daily. She really didn’t want a showdown at her sister’s funeral reception, but he was leaving her no choice. He was out of his league if he thought he could threaten her! Lifting her chin and putting on her lawyer hat, she replied coolly, “Yes…let’s get one thing straight. You
are
Andrea’s uncle, but you are
nothing
to me. I don’t need you. After this is all settled I’ll be going back home with Andrea and you can go back to whatever it is you do.”
He smiled at her through his anger. “I see we have some things to discuss.”
Adrenaline was pumping through her veins. Jena wasn’t sure if she could manage civility. She was always in control and this was disturbing. “I have nothing else to say.”
“I have plenty,” he threatened, “and I look forward to clearing the air.”
“Whatever you like, Chase, but it’ll change nothing.”
“We’ll see,” he met her eyes with the challenge.
Jena forced a smile. “If you’ll excuse me?” She made a beeline right for Dr. Netherington. As soon as he saw her approaching he grinned and winked in her direction. She immediately regretted her childish behavior. Now, she would pay for her rash decision as she attempted to extricate herself from his overblown opinion of himself.
As Dr. Neanderthal blathered on Jena silently replayed her conversation with Chase. She wasn’t sure what Chase was planning, but she would not allow him to take her independence or decide her life. He would not use Andrea as an excuse. Yes, they would fight this out, but he wouldn’t be facing the girl of ten years ago. Strength hadn’t come easy to her, but she had managed to develop a very strong backbone. She wouldn’t allow him to destroy who she’d become. Their relationship was officially buried.
Chapter Four
Jena mingled amongst those who knew her sister best. Tears were shed, stories were told, and even some laughter was in the mix. Gratefully, the last person left leaving Jena to survey the room. Half full red cups, foam plates with uneaten food, and casserole dishes that needed to be covered and refrigerated surrounded her. Sighing at the mess, she rubbed her palms over her eyes. The burning feeling reminded her of the sleepless night before. The sooner she cleaned up, the sooner she could climb into bed.
Swinging open the kitchen door Jena stopped in her tracks. Chase sat at the table with a cup of coffee in front of him. Pushing aside her surprise, she continued through the door. “I thought you left.”
Not waiting for an answer, she made her way to the closet to grab a garbage bag. The electricity in the room had her nerves sizzling, but she made every attempt to appear calm.
“Come sit, Jen.”
Jen? Really? How dare he be so familiar? He lost that right years ago.
“
We need to talk, and you need to sit. You’re going to fall over from exhaustion.”
She turned to him impatiently. “What I need is to get this mess cleaned up and get some sleep. What I don’t need is another round with you.”
“Give me a couple minutes to say what’s on my mind and I’ll help you.”
She crossed her arms. She was not in the mood to deal with this.
“Please?” he asked softly.
Ignoring the impulse to flee, she pulled out a chair and sat stiffly. The sooner she could put this behind her the better. “I have a feeling when you say what’s on your mind I won’t want your help.”
He chuckled in response. She watched as he walked to the counter and filled his coffee mug, opened the cupboard and removed a cup for her. The thoughtful move softened her thoughts as she followed his every move.
She couldn’t take her eyes off him. He was no longer the lanky boy she fell in love with. He had the build…the muscles of a man. His sleeves rolled up, he turned toward her carrying the mugs in his strong hands; hands that once touched her. Heat filling her face, she quickly looked down wishing she hadn’t agreed to Andrea’s request for a sleepover with Noel. Mrs. R. had left with them over an hour ago, and now she was left alone with him.
He handed her the cup. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” He paused as he sat. “We’re both adults, Jen. We need to talk about what happened.”
She gripped her coffee mug. “I’m a big girl. I’m over that…really.”
The sadness on his face was unmistakable. “You’re angry with me. You avoid me. I think we need to talk about what happened to us.”
Why did he have to go there? “Us? There is no ‘us,’ Chase.”
“It’s me you’re talking to. Did you think Jaz and I didn’t notice all the holidays you missed? The visits that never happened?” He paused and looked down at his coffee. “I’m sorry I was responsible for that.”
“You think you were responsible for that?” She shook her head from side to side. Her eyes were wide with disbelief. “Wow. Not full of yourself, are you?”
“Stop it, Jena. I deserve your anger. I’ll take it, but at least be honest with me.”
Leaning forward, she replied evenly, “I’m not the naïve girl you knew, Chase. I understand you lost interest. I suppose you had
needs.
I’m all grown up and educated in the ways of the world now. I don’t need you to bare your soul. If you need some kind of closure, go ahead and say what you need to say, but make it quick, okay?” She glanced at her watch as she rested back against the chair and replied, “I’d like to get some sleep.” She knew she was being snide. The hurt was in his eyes, but she didn’t care. She had carried enough pain in her heart the last ten years to last a lifetime. She had no sympathy for him.
There was no angry response to her tirade. “You think I broke up with you because I lost interest? I broke up with you because I had to make a choice.”
“A choice? Huh. Okay…so, I lost. Case closed. Goodnight, Chase.” The anger she was spewing from her mouth shocked her. The in-control lawyer was non-existent. Pushing out her chair she stood to make her exit.
“Stay.”
The word wasn’t a command, but a plea and Jena saw the pain in his eyes. “What good would it do? It won’t change the past.”
“Maybe the truth will change the future.”
Those eyes again, piercing her soul and leaving her breathless. Placing her palms on the table, she slowly lowered to the chair.
“Thank you…I don’t know where to begin.” He ran his hand absently through his hair. A trait Jena remembered well.
“How about when you turned your back on me and walked away?” Leaning her arms on the table and hiding her face she said, “I’m sorry.”
“I’ll start with how much I loved you…how much I still love you.”
She slowly pulled her hands away and met his eyes with disbelief. She searched his face. Had she heard him right? The breath left her lungs. Jena responded icily, “How dare you say those words to me.”
“You promised to let me explain.”
Looking down, she folded her hands in her lap and squeezed them together, willing herself to hold her tongue. Her training had taught her that. Why was she finding it so difficult now?
“My band, back then, was bigger than you realized. You never asked and I never volunteered anything. I could be myself around you. Everyone else wanted the rock star.”
“How big?”
“Big. Sold out arenas…songs on the chart big.”
How could she have missed that?
“When we met and fell in love,” he paused as she moved uncomfortably in her chair, “we did fall in love, Jen.”
“I know. I was there.”
“We had just finished a new album and touring was set to start. I didn’t want to leave you. I bought you an engagement ring…”
“You what?” Her eyes widened and her stomach pitched at the shock. He had to be joking. Okay, she needed space. The room was closing in on her. She couldn’t listen to any more of this.
He must have noticed her eyes drifting toward the door. “Don’t go.”
“Chase, I can’t do this. Not now.”
“Please…let me explain. I’ve been carrying this with me for ten years, Jen.”
Jena turned away. She couldn’t look at him, didn’t want to feel sorry for him. She rested her hands on the kitchen counter facing the wall.
“I had it all figured out. If we were engaged, Collin and Jasmine would let you go on the road with me.”
She couldn’t get past the announcement of an engagement ring. No, that couldn’t be true. Thinking back she tried to recall what would have changed his mind. Why hadn’t he given it to her? She couldn’t remember a fight.
“I called all the guys in the band to tell them. I wanted them to know before I asked you.”
Okay. Now she understood. She didn’t care about the tears in her eyes as she turned to face him. “So, I got vetoed?”
“No. I got an angry call from our manager. A married man wasn’t rock star material.”
“You’re telling me that you were going to ask me to marry you? That you loved me? And your manager changed your mind? I’m supposed to believe that?” Her voice was rising with anger as the tears threatened to spill over.
“Am I supposed to believe you didn’t know I loved you?” The softness in his voice was disappearing.
Gripping the counter to keep steady she spat, “You know what? I can’t hear any more of this. I don’t want to hear any more! I know how the fairy tale ended now. You chose them. You didn’t love me enough. The end.”
Chase moved across the room before she could react. He held her shoulders tenderly, not allowing her to look away. He forced her to see the regret in his eyes, escape was not an option. “I won’t make excuses. I made a bad decision for what I thought was the right reasons. I’ve had to live with that.”
“Why didn’t you call me? Tell me you made a mistake? Ten years, Chase.”
“I had a responsibility to the band. That’s how I saw it. I committed to them first. I was led to believe marriage, or even a relationship, would be a death sentence to the band. They counted on me.”
“I counted on you!” she threw at him. “I
loved
you.”
“I was young and stupid. I have no other excuse. I ended up quitting the band. After you were gone, nothing mattered. It took me years to grow up, but I’m not that young kid anymore.”
“Don’t,” she warned him. “Don’t think your confession changes anything. You want honesty? Here’s some! You took my love and tossed me aside when I didn’t fit into your plans.” A sob caught in her throat, but she continued, “You gave me no explanation. You made me think I was nothing more than a summer fling.” The tears were flowing freely down her cheeks. “I went back home and rebuilt my life, Chase. I finished law school. I’m successful. I don’t need your apologies. I’ve already moved on. So, keep your excuses, or use them on someone else.” It took every ounce of her self-control not to run from the kitchen as she headed to the safety of her room.
Stomping up the steps she angrily wiped the tears from her face. She entered her bedroom, slamming the door behind her. The wall shook with her fury and her pain. She faced the closed door with slumping shoulders and clenched fists wanting to scream. The tears she held back were burning her eyes. Collapsing on her bed, she let go. The grieving began…
He had loved her.
Chapter Five
Jena opened her eyes to the sunlight dancing across the ceiling of her bedroom. Her mood didn’t reflect the brightness that forced her eyes closed in protest. She groaned and threw an arm across her face. She had a fitful night replaying the conversation with Chase. He had loved her and wanted to marry her. She had tossed and turned for most of the night tormenting herself with the what-ifs. Where would they have been now? Would she have been a lawyer? Would they have had kids of their own?
Grabbing her robe, she walked over to the window and pulled back the curtain. What was she expecting? To see his truck in the driveway? Her heart was heavy with disappointment and sadness as she let the curtain fall. Sitting on the edge of the bed she wondered,
had they wasted ten years? Or was it for the best?
She hated to leave her room. The house was insanely quiet and everywhere she looked was her sister; the decorating, the pictures, her things lying around as if she’d walk through the door any minute. Jena whispered to the silence in the room, “Jasmine, how could you leave me? I
need
you. I don’t know what to do.” She knew this void in her heart would never go away. If only she had Jasmine to talk to. Chase’s confession had knocked her to her knees. Everything she believed was being tested. Nothing was what it seemed. The only thing she knew for sure was her sister was gone for good. If she didn’t escape, her mind would implode. She threw on shorts, t-shirt, and running shoes. Jogging always cleared her head.
Looking into the mirror she was, again, reminded of the night before. Her eyes were puffy and red. She made a half-hearted attempt to apply some makeup, grabbed her sunglasses, her cell, and started downstairs. She stopped suddenly as she noticed a picture hanging on the wall in the stairway. How long had this been here?
A happy couple smiled at her. The picture was taken the summer she and Chase had dated. She scrutinized the photo looking for any sign of love. She studied their faces, the way his arm held her possessively around the waist. They appeared not to have a care in the world…a far cry from the present. Yes, they looked happy, but love? Every relationship she ever had always led to one thing, loss. Love was certainly over-rated. All she ever got out of it was pain. No, there would be no second chances with Chase. Returning the picture to the wall, Jena was determined to toughen up and be a grown-up. Chase would be in Andrea’s life. She had to let the rest go. She had let him explain, now they could move on.