Bad News Cowboy (15 page)

Sadie and Liss exchanged glances, and Kate knew that more questions were imminent. “I met
girl
friends,” she said, heading them off at the pass. “Sierra West and some of the other women who barrel race.” Neither of them would probably ever talk to Sierra about it. Her alibi was most likely never going to get checked.

“Hope you had fun,” Sadie said.

Kate had a feeling Sadie didn't believe her. Which hurt her feelings, really. Silly, since she was lying. But she wasn't exactly rational at the moment.

“I did. But now that you mention it, I am tired. I think I'll head to bed. I have to be at work early.” She stood, the chair sliding inelegantly behind her, causing her to stumble. “See? Tired.”

She waved halfheartedly and walked out of the dining room. Once she put some distance between herself and the dining room, her breath left her body in a gust, and she realized she had been taking in only shallow bits of air and releasing it very slowly ever since Jack had walked into the room.

She heard another chair scrape against the floor, and instinctively, she knew it was Jack's. She wanted it to be Jack. She wanted to talk to him. She also wanted to avoid him.

Her feelings made exactly zero sense at the moment.

She couldn't hear what he was saying, but she could feel the rumble of his deep voice, feel it moving through her, making her all soft again. Wet again.

The man was made entirely of wicked magic.

She heard his heavy footsteps and froze, waiting for him. Of course she was waiting for him. She was predictable. She would love to walk out and scurry back to her house as quickly as possible. But she wouldn't. Because no matter how upset she was for the way things had gone earlier, she wanted to be near him again. She wanted to hear what he had to say.

Anyway, she saw him all the time. They had to work it out. She couldn't avoid him forever, so she might as well not ever start.

He appeared in the doorway of the dining room, and their eyes clashed. She nodded once and turned, heading out the front door and into the chilly, wet night air. There was a breeze blowing in off the sea, the sharp, briny smell mixing with the smell of earth and pine.

Kate folded her arms, shivering but not from the cold.

A moment later Jack appeared on the porch, casting a quick glance back at the house before walking toward her.

“Did you drive?” he asked.

“No.”

“I'll walk you back.”

“You sure I won't try to jump you again?” she asked, knowing that she sounded pissy and not really caring.

“As long as you aren't worried about me jumping you,” he said, his tone dry.

“
Worried
isn't the word I would use.”

“Come on, let's walk and talk.” He took two strides, evening his position with hers. Then they both started back down the road that led to her cabin.

She shoved her hands in her pockets, keeping a healthy distance between them. Jack seemed content to do the same.

“So—” she kicked a pinecone that was in the middle of the driveway and sent it flying “—why did you leave me in bed alone, asshole?”

“Because I'm an asshole,” he said, surprising her with the frank admission.

“Okay, that's honest, but it doesn't really help me.”

“Because I didn't want to be tempted to do that again.”

“Why? Just...once? How is that even...reasonable?” She snorted out a breath. “Wait, never mind. You probably have sex with a random woman one time with great frequency.”

“I can't dispute that,” he said, his tone somewhat rueful.

“I know you can't. Your reputation is pretty well established. And I know it, Jack, I do. It isn't like I want anything serious. I just thought maybe more than one time.”

“Sure. I mean, it would be great. I can't deny that. There's no sense in denying it. What we have... It was explosive. I'm not going to pretend differently. I had to leave because if I had stayed, I would have pinned you down to the bed and had you again. There is no question. I had to leave because my good intentions are about as easy to strip off as that T-shirt of mine you were wearing last night.”

“I stole that T-shirt,” she said, her voice raspy then because his words had affected her so deeply.

“You can keep it.”

“If you want me, why won't you let yourself have me? I mean, you aren't exactly known for your restraint.”

“Because you are Connor and Eli's younger sister. Because they are two of the most important people in my life and if they found out that I... I kind of joked about them killing me, but I actually think they might.”

“They wouldn't kill you.”

“Maybe not. What little respect of theirs I have, I would lose. I would lose their friendship.”

She knew he was right. No matter how angry it made her, no matter how unfair it seemed that his actions, her actions, be dictated by the potential reaction of her brothers, she couldn't pretend that there would be no reaction. Couldn't pretend that it wouldn't upset their lives. She never talked about sex with Connor and Eli, but she had a feeling her brothers would take a dim view on whomever she decided to sleep with. If they found that Jack was having sex with her just for the sake of sex...

Yeah, that would go down about as easy as swallowing a hedgehog.

But it didn't erase her longing for him. Just because she understood, didn't mean she was opposed to changing his mind.

She opened her mouth to say something. Something like “They don't have to know.” Or “We can keep it a secret.” But she realized she was verging on begging. She was inexperienced, sure, but even she knew that wasn't ideal.

They walked on in relative silence, the only sound their feet crunching on the rocks and pinecones as they made their way down the dark tree-lined road that led to her little cabin.

Too soon they rounded the slight curve and her little outdoor light came into view, shining a welcome, representing tonight's finish line. The end of this new development in her relationship with Jack.

An end she wasn't ready for.

She half expected him to turn and leave then, but he kept going with her until they reached the steps.

“Really quick,” she said, sensing he was about to leave, not ready for him to go, “I just wanted to tell you that it was good. And I'm glad you were my first.” She bit the inside of her cheek, battling stupid, unwanted tears that were starting to fight for escape. “It was good.”

It wasn't exactly the eloquent speech she had felt building in her chest. Not exactly the sophisticated and magnificent parting words she might have hoped for. But they were true. And she needed him to know.

I've wanted you forever.

She left that part unspoken, because it was too revealing. Not just for him but for her. She didn't want to say the words out loud, because she didn't want to ignore all of them or what else they might mean.

He nodded slowly. “It was.”

She took a timid step toward him, half expecting him to move away, but he didn't. He stood rooted to the spot, watching her. The glare from the porch light cast deep shadows on his beautiful face. Highlighted the sharp cheekbones, the straight line of his nose, the squareness in his jaw. The perfect curve to his lips.

And now she knew for sure why his lips had always been so fascinating. Knew why staring at them for too long had always made her stomach feel fluttery and tight.

Because her body had been reading the promises there, and now that she'd seen them fulfilled, she felt it all even more vividly.

Just one more time. One more kiss.

She put her hand on his face, stretching up on her toes, pausing just for a second before she leaned in. He raised his hand and curved it over hers, holding her to him, looking intently at her in the dim light. It was all the consent she needed. She angled her head, kissing him deep, and he returned it.

It occurred to her then that she'd never kissed Jack goodbye before. And that that was what she was doing now. She screwed her eyes shut tight, softening her lips, opening for him, submitting to the sensual assault that originated where their mouths met and carried through her entire body.

She was going to have to try to unlearn all the things she knew, going to have to try to forget the new chapter she'd read. This was goodbye to Jack as she had come to know him.

There would be no secret looks for them to exchange, no little touches that served as brief and electric reminders of what they shared behind closed doors.

There would be none of that. Because it was over. Because this was it.

Too soon the kiss ended. When they parted, they were both breathing hard.

She curled her hands into fists, digging her short fingernails into her palms, biting the inside of her cheek to keep herself from asking him if he wanted to come in.

He had already given his answer, he had given his reason, and it wasn't wrong. She'd told him he wouldn't hurt her. Told him she knew what to expect. So now, even though it hurt, even though she had expected more, she had to pretend none of it was happening.

“Good night,” he said, his voice low, rough. “See you tomorrow, Kate.”

Don't call me that.

Those words were on the tip of her tongue. In that moment she hated the sound of her preferred name on his lips. Because it wasn't what he called her. It wasn't teasing. It wasn't designed to get a rise out of her. He was treating her the way everyone else treated her.

And he used to treat her like she was special. She realized that now, an epiphany that had come at the very worst time.

“Good night,” she said, turning away from him and walking up the stairs to her front door, ignoring the gnawing feeling of incompletion that grew with each bit of distance she put between them.

CHAPTER TWELVE

I
T
WAS
A
CLEAR
, crisp afternoon and Kate hoped that was a good omen for tomorrow. Because tomorrow was Eli and Sadie's wedding and she wanted very much for it to be perfect for them. Eli deserved perfect.

He had given up so much to ensure that she didn't feel the neglect of her father, who'd wandered around the house like a drunken ghost who couldn't interact in the mortal realm.

Connor had spent his days working on the ranch, keeping it running, keeping them fed, making sure they had a roof over their heads. Eli had done everything he could to keep the house clean, to keep her taken care of. He had brushed her hair, braided it, picked her clothes out for her. He had ridden his bike with her on the back in a special seat down to a day care every morning so that he could be sure she was being taken care of while he continued going to school.

He had done everything in his power to make sure the residents of Copper Ridge thought their household was running as normally as a home could after the woman of the house had up and left her family.

Eli had made their house a sanctuary even while a good portion of the storm raged inside the walls.

In many ways, Connor and Eli had been her parents. She'd been raised by two teenage boys, and she couldn't begin to thank them enough if she started now and kept going for the rest of her life.

“It's sunny,” Liss said, a smile on her face as she looked out the kitchen window of the Catalog House, one of the oldest structures on the property, ordered by her great-great-grandpa from the Sears catalog. Eli and Sadie would be spending the night separately, with all of the girls bunking in Sadie's B and B.

“Yes, but the weather here is a fickle mistress,” Sadie said. “So hopefully, the fog won't roll in before tomorrow.”

“I guarantee you it will roll in at least three times before tomorrow,” Kate said. “We just have to hope it rolls back out again at the right time.”

“True enough,” Sadie responded.

“But the sun will shine on you,” Kate said, with a certainty she felt all the way down to her toes. Because God, the universe, whatever, owed her brother a sunny wedding day.

“I will take your certainty as prophecy.” Sadie patted Kate on the cheek.

“I don't really mind a little bit of cold,” Liss said, her hand on her stomach. “It does not take much to make me sweat. I would rather not sweat all over my bridesmaid dress.”

“You can sweat on your bridesmaid dress. I don't mind,” Sadie said.

“Alternately, you can reschedule your wedding for after I give birth.”

“Nope. I have roughly three hundred dinners—fifty salmon, two hundred and fifty filet mignons—scheduled to be brought tomorrow to feed very hungry people. There is no rescheduling this wedding. Oh, and I love Eli and cannot spend one more minute without being joined in the bonds of holy matrimony.”

“You've been abstaining for your wedding night, haven't you?” Liss asked.

“Yes. Yes, we have. There will be no rescheduling,” Sadie said.

Kate blinked, trying not to think about any of this information too deeply. Liss, on the other hand, seemed highly amused. “Why are you doing that? It was his idea, wasn't it?”

“He thinks it's romantic and traditional. I told him not exactly since we have been sleeping together since before we were actually in a relationship. He did not take my point.”

“This is hilarious,” Liss said, her smile wide.

“Don't be smug,” Sadie said, eyeballing Liss. “It isn't like you can get up to anything at the moment.”

Liss's smile turned naughty. “That isn't true. We're very creative.”

Kate was suddenly applying all of this personally rather than feeling indignant or disgusted, as she normally would have. Because this wasn't forcing her to think of her brothers as sexual beings; it was forcing her to think of herself as one. Of what long periods of abstinence would mean for her now that she knew just how good it could be. And a long period of abstinence was most definitely what she had stretching in front of her.

Also, there was the small matter of her wondering what all being “creative” might entail.

She imagined that Jack could be very creative.

“I think Kate is getting ready to stuff her socks in our mouths,” Sadie said.

Kate felt her ears get hot, because that had not been what she was thinking at all. “Yeah. I don't need to hear any of the sordid details about your personal lives. I like you, no offense, but you know.”

“Sure,” Liss said.

“It's time to head out for the wedding rehearsal anyway,” Sadie said. “Okay—” she took a deep breath “—this is going to be fine, and I'm not going to trip on my way down the aisle.”

Kate had never seen Sadie trip. “You aren't really known for your clumsiness,” Kate pointed out.

“But if I was ever going to contract a case of the clumsies, it would very likely be on my way down the aisle.”

“Probably,” Kate said. “But if you fell, Eli would just come and help you up. That's what he does.”

Sadie's blue eyes misted over and she grabbed hold of Kate, pulling her into a tight hug. “You're right. You're so very right.” She released her quickly and slid her forefinger beneath her lashes, wiping the moisture away. “Okay, let's do this.”

* * *

E
LI
, C
ONNOR
AND
J
ACK
were standing around in the field, having just set up six rows of chairs in front of an arbor that was heavily laden with flowers.

“You ready?” Connor asked, the question directed at Eli.

“It doesn't seem like a strong enough word.” Eli's voice rang with certainty. For a moment Jack envied that certainty. Eli knew who he was; the community knew who he was; he knew what he wanted. Jack didn't know shit.

Holly, the wedding coordinator, walked up the aisle, a clipboard in her hand. “The ladies are ready. We have the music cued up. Connor and Jack, I need you. Eli, you're going to go wait over by the sound booth. Tomorrow you will have the pastor with you.” She looked at them expectantly. “Okay, move.”

Connor and Jack exchanged a look and followed Holly back down the aisle and around behind the barn. Sadie was there, her blond hair piled high in an exaggerated bun, a bouquet made of wrapping paper and ribbons in her hand, Liss by her side.

But it was Kate who made him feel as if he'd been hit in the chest with a ton of bricks. He had pretty successfully avoided her for the past couple of weeks. Bachelor-party stuff had taken the place of the poker game, and he'd made vague noises about work commitments when he would normally have come by the ranch to visit or help with an extra project.

He had been avoiding things because of her. Because no matter what he had said about their need to be finished with the kissing, and the sex, and the completely inappropriate attraction, his body wasn't on the same page. His body saw her and growled, starving for her in spite of the fact that she was wearing another of her ill-fitting T-shirts and shapeless jeans.

“Okay,” Holly said, interrupting his thoughts, “I will be back here during the ceremony to cue you when it's time to go. The music will start—” and just then the music did start “—and then we'll give it a few seconds. Eli will walk out with the pastor. Liss, you and Connor walk out together, followed by Jack and Kate. Then Sadie.”

The music changed and she pointed at Connor, who took Liss by the arm and began to walk back with her down the aisle. Kate looked at Jack, catching his eyes. He tried to smile as he extended his arm to her.

“Okay, badass badger-cat,” he said, trying to sound brotherly, “no chewing on the ankles of the guests on your way down the aisle.”

She squinted one eye, the left side of her mouth pulling down. “What?”

“You have to be a lady. This is a wedding.” Somewhere in the murky depths of his brain, he thought maybe this would be the key to getting things back on track. If he treated her like he had before he'd started noticing her breasts and things, before he had kissed her, they would revert back to the way they'd been.

So he would just ignore the feeling of being scorched currently assaulting his forearm where she had her hand placed on him and move forward.

She didn't get a chance to respond to his comment, because a few seconds later they got their cue, and they were making their way toward the arbor. He could feel her tense up. He leaned in and whispered in her ear. “Easy there, Katie.” Because that was what he would have done before. So that was what he was going to do now.

It didn't work. She only grew more rigid with each step.

They parted at the head of the aisle, Kate going to the left, while he went to the right. He looked across the way and saw that she was glaring at him, her dark eyes blazing with anger. He gritted his teeth and turned his focus to the aisle again, to Sadie, who was practically skipping toward them.

Holly was hot on her heels. “Okay, then Sadie says her piece when prompted by the pastor—” Jack noticed that Eli looked slightly confused by this but said nothing “—and comes up to join Eli. Vows, kiss, the song will start, you will be presented to the guests. Then we walk out. Reverse order, Eli and Sadie first.” She made a sweeping gesture indicating they should walk back now. They complied. “Jack and Kate.”

Jack shot Kate a look and they both started walking, meeting in the middle, where he took hold of her arm again. The contact sent a shot of sexual hunger down to his cock that rivaled some of the better blow jobs he'd had.

Which got him looking at her mouth and wondering what it would be like to have it on him. She had a pretty mouth. He had never put much thought into it before.

He was now.

Get a grip, idiot.

He needed a distraction. Possibly to meet another woman. A woman at the wedding tomorrow. A little bit of casual sex to burn the feel of Kate from his skin.

He ignored the violent twisting in his stomach, the instinctive and emphatic
no
that screamed through his body. This was, in his estimation, a lot like getting bitten by a snake. You had to inject yourself with more venom to fix what was wrong. Which meant having more sex. With someone else.

That had made more sense before he had actually thought it through with actual words.

Still, it was the only solution he had.

That and to treat Kate like he really wanted to want to treat her. Which was the golden rule or some shit, he was pretty sure.

Soon they reached the other side of the barn, and she released her hold on him a little bit too quickly. “Afraid you're going to get cooties?” he asked.

The glare she shot his way could be described only as evil. “I'd say I probably already have them,” she said, her tone deadpan but dangerous.

Eli and Sadie seemed oblivious to the exchange. They were too busy talking to each other in hushed tones and gazing deeply into each other's eyes.

It was on the tip of his tongue to say something about how she couldn't have caught anything from him, seeing as he'd used a condom. But that would have been crossing the line. Even if her older brother hadn't been standing right behind him, it would have been over the line.

Screwing her in the first place was over the line.

Yeah, no argument. Which was why he was fixing this.

Or at least, was trying to fix it.

Judging by the stormy look on Kate's face, he was failing.

Connor and Liss joined them in the back of the barn then, and Holly clapped her hands, her red curls bouncing. “Okay. That went great. So now all you have to do is the exact same thing tomorrow, but also you'll be married at the end of it.”

“So are we done?” Kate asked.

“Yes,” Holly said. “Really looking forward to this wedding. It's going to be beautiful.”

“I just need to go back to the house and get some clothes,” Kate said, directing her comment at Liss and Sadie. “I'll be by the B and B later.”

She turned and walked away from the group. He knew he was risking looking suspicious, but he felt like he needed to go after her. Because they needed to get something settled between them tomorrow before the wedding.

“I just need to go ask her something about the rodeo thing,” he said, realizing when he spoke the words that the excuse seemed more suspicious than a simple
I'll be right back
ever would have. But it was too late now.

He broke into a partial jog, headed after Kate. “Katie,” he said.

She stopped, her shoulders straight, her back stiff. “What?” She started walking again, not turning around to face him.

“Hey.” He reached out and tugged lightly on her braid. “Are we okay?”

She whipped around, her expression angry. “Don't do that. And you know what? Just...do what you did that night after the game. Call me Kate. Don't call me Katie.”

“I don't want things to be different. I would hate to think that what happened messed things up permanently. Avoiding you like I have been doesn't work.”

“If you don't want to...be more than friends, or whatever we are, that's fine. That's fine.” She reiterated the last bit. “But things won't be the same as they were before. It's impossible.” She turned and started walking away again.

“That's bullshit.”

“This whole thing is bullshit,” she said, spreading her hands, still not stopping, still not looking at him.

He reached out and grabbed her arm, forcing her to stop. But she refused to look at him. “I don't want things to be different,” he said, his voice rough, his hand burning from the intensity of touching her. Mocking everything he was saying.

“They are. Honestly, Jack, I thought I was the stupid virgin.” She pulled out of his hold and this time he didn't go after her.