Awake (17 page)

MY FINAL WEEK
with Scarlett was passing too quickly. She tried to act as though nothing had happened, but she still hadn’t sat down with her parents and sorted their situation out. I wanted them to do it now, more than ever. I didn’t want their last memories of each other to be tense.

It was Wednesday and just three days before we would be in Ireland. And I still hadn’t asked her to come with me. We sat on the bench at school during lunch hour while our friends laid on the grass listening to music.

I was putting off the inevitable. Turning to her, I blurted out in a low voice, “Let’s go to Dublin this weekend.”

“Dublin?” Scarlett said, eyes widening in surprise. “You want to take me to Dublin? This weekend?”

I shrugged, swallowing the acidic taste of bile and took a look around to make sure no one was listening. Chris and Imogen were engrossed in what they were doing, and Bobby was serving detention. If either of them had heard, they would have questioned it or at least looked up “You said you wanted to.”

“I know, but it’s a bit sudden, isn’t it?”

“I suppose, but you could probably do with the break and it would be nice to fall off the face of the earth with you for a while. We could do something that’s just for us. I’ll tell my parents I’m staying with Chris, and you tell yours you’re staying with Imogen.”

“Dublin?” she repeated, a slow smile spreading across her face.

“Yeah, why not? It’s no different to going to London for the day; we’d just take the ferry rather than a train.”

“I suppose. I do like it when it’s just me and you. We don’t get that enough.”

Bending my head, I kissed her and replied, “Me, too. I want us to be alone.”

She gulped, biting the inside of her cheek. “Like…that?”

“I love you.”

Her breathing came out a little harder, then she smiled. “Yeah, I think I
really
want that. No, I know I do because I love you, too, so much.”

Her words sucked the air out of my lungs until I felt like I was suffocating. Keeping my calm, I said, “I’m
so
glad you said that. I would also like us to have fun, and I can show you some of the places I visited a lot growing up.”

“And try Guinness?” she asked, giggling.

“If we can get served!”

“You look older than sixteen you’ll get served.”

“Then yes, we will try Guinness.”

She watched me for a minute. I didn’t want to push it and have her get suspicious, but I think I wanted her to say no. When I imagined her agreeing my stomach churned. She looked at me with big, trusting eyes. Her expression for me was different for everyone else, softer, happier. I didn’t deserve it.

She placed the palm of her hand on my chest as she stared at me.

My throat started to close. A weight crushed my body until I felt like I was going to break.
No.
She looked at me with such adoration it made me feel physically sick.

“What’s up?” she asked, her voice so low I barely heard her.

Gulping, I replied, “Nothing.”

“There is. All of a sudden you tensed up and you’re looking at me like… Well, I don’t know what like.”

“Nothing is wrong, I just
really
love you, Scarlett.”

It was her turn to get emotional. “I just
really
love you, too.”

I kissed her. “Right.”

Biting her lip, she did a surveillance of our surroundings. “I want to be with you, Noah. Today.”

My body went rigid. I wasn’t supposed to do that. Would it be so wrong to give us that? After what we would both have to sacrifice very soon, was it wrong to want something perfect first?

“Tonight,” I repeated and kissed her. She pulled back smiling and tucked herself into my side.

She loved me, trusted me, and I was about to throw her to the lions.

Scarlett

I FELT A RUSH
of adrenaline as we got off the bus at the port. It was a long, four and a half hour drive, and now we had a three and a half hours ferry ride, but I didn’t care because we were free until tomorrow morning.

Imogen was covering for me if my mum called her. Noah said he’d asked Chris to do the same for him. Neither of them knew where we were, we’d just told them we were spending time together and they had to cover.

Im was too busy telling me all about how I was going to lose my virginity to bother with any other details anyway. Little did she know that I’d lost it on Wednesday. It was perfect, Noah was perfect, and I felt even closer to him than I did before.

Mum didn’t take long before she’d agreed to let me stay at Imogen’s for the night, but they never did. I was pretty sure they’d be glad to have me out of the house. Dad had said the space would do us good and he was right. We needed to not be under each other’s feet for a day and then maybe when I went home tomorrow we could talk and sort everything out. I was ready for things to be normal with them now.

We’d get the ferry back at two in the morning and be home by eleven when I could claim to have come from Im’s. It was going to be a long two days, but I needed to get away for a while and spending time with Noah – alone time – was a bonus.

Noah had our passports – I’d snuck mine out of the drawer last night – and led us through the port. It was obvious he’d done this quite a few times before; he knew exactly where to go. It didn’t take long and we were soon sitting in the café. After a long drive, I needed a coffee. Noah had green tea. I had no idea how he coped without caffeine.

“You okay?” I asked.

He stared at his mug and nodded. “I’m fine, just tired.”

“Me, too. Are you excited to see your aunt again?” It wasn’t that long ago he was there but this time he was bringing his girlfriend home, it was a lot different.

Smiling, he nodded and sipped his tea. “I am. You excited to meet her?”

“Excited and nervous. You’re sure she won’t call your parents?”

“Everyone will love you. I promise. And no, she won’t. I’ll get told to never go behind their back again, but she will be fine.”

“Wait, everyone? Wow, how many people am I meeting?”

“Just a few cousins and my aunt’s boyfriend. They are all nice, so you’ll be fine. She can’t wait to see you.”

“You told her much about me?”

“Maybe.”

“Like what?”

“Like how amazing you are and how much I love you.”

Yeah, that’d do. I grinned and was pretty sure I blushed as well. Noah was so sweet. Some of the lads at school would never say things like that to their girlfriends in front of people. Noah said it no matter who was around.

We got off the ferry and were officially in
Ireland
. If my parents found out, they were going to freak and probably ground me until I was thirty. “We’ll definitely be home in time, right?”

He nodded, not meeting my eye. The closer we got to Ireland the more distant he’d become. He’d usually hold my hand, but he’d dropped that an hour into the ferry ride.

“You okay?” I asked.

“Let’s get a taxi,” he said, taking my hand and ignoring my question.

Frowning, I followed. Something wasn’t right. He was never off with me, and I was worried he was having second thoughts about me meeting his aunt. Maybe it was a too big a step for him, and he hadn’t realised until now?

“Noah, have you changed your mind? If you’re not sure about this, we can do it another time. I don’t mind.”

Shaking his head, he opened the back door of a black taxi. “Get in, babe.”

I did as he said, and he climbed in beside me. I looked at the driver and froze. Shaun. What was Noah’s dad doing here? Noah hadn’t told me he was coming, too, and why wouldn’t he have taken the same ferry? Were we being busted? My heart sank. If Shaun told my parents I would be in so much trouble.

“What’s going on?” I asked, gulping and looking between the two men. They watched each other through the mirror. Wasn’t he about to bust us?

Noah took a deep breath, clenched his fists and looked out of the window as Shaun locked the doors and sped off. I gripped the seat in front of me as Shaun’s erratic driving had me falling to the side. He levelled off and started to drive properly. My heart was rattling in my chest.
This isn’t right.

“Noah!” I said. “Look at me! What’s going on?”

He refused to face me, but I could make out him squeezing his eyes closed as he leant against the window. I started to feel sick. Noah had never made me feel anything but safe and loved before, but right now, it was like I was sitting next to a different person – one that scared me.

“Shaun, what’s going on?”

“We are taking you home, sweetheart.”

Beside me, Noah’s body tensed.

“Home? What do you mean home?” We weren’t getting back on the ferry. “Shaun, what do you mean?”

“Eternal Light, Scarlett. We are taking you home.”

My eyes widened.
What?
“I don’t…”

Suddenly everything slotted into place and my world spun off its axis.
They are part of it.
Whimpering, I pressed my fist to my mouth as bile shot up my throat. No, no, no. He
lied
. All this time Noah had been lying to me.

I couldn’t believe he was taking me back to them. After everything my parents said, after everything he
knew
about them, he was taking me to them. They were part of that cult and had come to England to get me. I was glued to the spot with shock.

Noah is part of Eternal Light.

No, he can’t be. He can’t!

“Noah,” I whispered, tears rolling down my face. “How could you?”

His jaw tightened. “Hurry up, Dad.”

“I can’t speed, son, you know that.”

“Shaun, please,” I said, finally moving. I poked my head between the seats, desperate to get him to listen to me. “They’re going to kill me, you know they are. Just let me go and I promise I won’t tell anyone. Please, I just want to go home. You don’t have to do this.”

“Sit tight, Scarlett, it won’t be long until we are back.”

I shook my head, hair flying around my face, sticking to my tears. Neither of them cared that I was going to die for no reason. Falling back in the seat, I looked at Noah wide-eyed.

This can’t be happening.

Had everything he said been a lie? He told me he loved me, but he couldn’t.

“Why did you pretend to love me?” I asked, far too calmly for the situation. I felt like I was in one of my dreams.

He’d pretended to love me. It hurt, so badly. He might as well be stomping my heart into the ground. “You didn’t have to take it that far. Did you want to hurt me before they murdered me? Was that it? Do you hate me?”

He stared out of his window, clenching his fist against his forehead. He looked in pain, and that made me want to strangle him.

“Noah!” I snapped. “You at least owe me an explanation. You didn’t have to take it that far! Why? Answer me, damn it!” I thrashed my arm out and hit his shoulder. He didn’t even flinch. I was so angry, so hurt that I felt like I was going to explode.

“Settle down, Scarlett,” Shaun said. “Noah had his instructions.”

“Instructions!”

“Shut up!” Noah shouted. “Both of you. Please, just stop talking.” He rubbed his forehead roughly.

“Did you ever live on that Island?” I asked in disgust.

He shook his head.

“Always in Ireland?” He didn’t have the Irish accent.

“Since I was seven.”

Wow. He made up a whole life.
Just like my parents.
Was there anyone in my life who didn’t lie?

“Was any of it real?”

He turned away again, and I wasn’t sure if that was a yes or no. As much as it broke me, I wanted to believe no, it was easier than knowing he loved me but did it anyway.

“You’re going to be fine, Scarlett. Your parents will explain better than we can so just sit quietly until we get there,” he said.

“But I’m not going to be fine. You know I’m not. My
parents
told you what those people are going to do.”

He blinked a few times, looking down at his feet. The blood drained from my face. He knew before that. “No,” I whispered, and his eyes closed again. Pain cut through my chest.

Noah knew they were going to kill me all along, and he still brought me here.

I have to get out.
Gripping the door handle, I tugged at it until I thought it’d break. The door was locked. The window wouldn’t open.
I’m trapped. No, no, no.

Sobbing, I pulled my legs up, curling into a ball and cried. My heart was splitting, pieces breaking off. Everything he’d said, we’d done, we had, set on fire and burned to ashes. None of it was real.

He’d played me, and I fell for it. That
hurt
.

I held myself tighter, holding my body together. How could he? Did he even care about me at all or was it all one big, fat lie to get me to his cult.

“Scarlett,” he whispered. “I’m sorry.”

Sorry would never be good enough. I would never forgive him for what he’d done. He always seemed so mature and level headed. How was Noah in a cult?

Noah is part of Eternal Light. Shit.

“Don’t talk to me ever again,” I growled, sobbing around each word. I was done. No matter if he felt guilt or not we were done.

Sighing, he looked away, and I cowered back inside myself, burying my head between my knees and wrapping my arms as tightly as they’d go around my legs.
Think. You can still get out of this.