Read Avoiding Amy Jackson Online

Authors: N. A. Alcorn

Tags: #Literature & Fiction, #Humor, #Romance, #Contemporary, #Humor & Satire, #General Humor, #Romantic Comedy

Avoiding Amy Jackson (7 page)

Ellen quickly grabs my arms and moves my body towards the dance floor with impressive quickness. “Nope. Not happening. You’re not smacking him again.”

“What? Amy smacked James? How did I miss this?” Lizzy is right beside us, and she wraps her arm around my other shoulder.

“Can we just not talk about James anymore? He makes me angry and gives me the urge to light shit on fire while simultaneously masturbating.”

Lizzy and Ellen look at me incredulously, and I realize how ridiculous that last statement sounded. But seriously, James is like taking Ecstasy while on your period. He’s like watching the hottest porn gif you can find while opening a bankruptcy statement. He makes me hornier than a cougar at a high school graduation and madder than a woman who just found out her boyfriend gave her Chlamydia. He makes me
fucking crazy
.

“Let’s go! Shake that little curvy body!” Lizzy slaps my ass and pulls me out onto the dance floor. Ellen follows as she giggles at her sister’s enthusiasm.

We shake our asses to the beat of The Neighbourhood’s
A Little Death
playing over the speakers. The house band is doing a fine job of covering this undeniably hot track. I seductively shake my hips and notice that I have an audience of one. He watches me from the corner of the bar. This guy is attractive, probably early thirties, with a smile to die for. He continues to chat with his friend while simultaneously throwing flirtatious looks my way.

Hmmmm. He could work.

I continue to put my best ass forward. I lose myself in the music, lean my head back, and let the vibrations from the bass take over my movements. I feel strong hands grip my hips from behind and I automatically lean into the very masculine touch. This mystery man has some serious moves. He takes the lead and encourages my hips to move with the rhythm of his pelvis. Heat courses through my body and small beads of sweat drip down my back. Shivers roll down my spine when I feel the swipe of his tongue on the nape of my neck. My lashes sweep down involuntarily as my eyes close shut from his erotic move.

His tongue just lapped at my salty, sweat-glistened skin and I couldn’t be any more turned on than I am right now. I feel sexually sensitized and continue to shake my hips as I turn around to come face to face with my new dance partner. I need to see the man who has my body aroused like a live wire, ready to explode any minute.

My gaze slowly takes in his entire body as my eyes move upward to his face. The jeans, the chest, the strong jawline—all of it—give me a sense of familiarity. As my focus locks with an emerald gaze, an intoxicating scent assaults my nostrils. The aroma of peppermint, clean laundry, and cedar swim around my entire being, and I’m faced with the notion that I’m probably going to think about sex every time I pour detergent in my washer.

He
is fixated on me.
His
intense, penetrating stare watches my every move.

Fucking Limp Dick.

My body tenses automatically in pure rage. I can’t believe he had the gall to come up behind me…pull my body into his chest…grind into me…and lick me! He fucking licked me!

My anger gets the best of me. I start to yank away from his grasp on my hips, but his hands reach around my lower back and pull me flush against him. My breasts press into his chiseled chest. His noticeable arousal pushes against my belly.
God that feels good
. He’s successfully thrown my equilibrium again and my pussy isn’t helping matters. She’s primping herself, preparing for a night of sex-crazed madness with James.

I really want sex-crazed madness with James.

No. You. Don’t.

Yes. I. Do!

His lips brush the sensitive spot behind my ear, and I feel his warm breath on my neck. A moan escapes my lips as I feel the flat of his tongue lick my collarbone. My nipples are now poking through my bra like they’re Punxsutawney Phil and it’s fucking Groundhog Day. Yes, I just compared my tits to a groundhog…
Get over it.
I’m grasping at straws here. This man doesn’t exactly have me in the most controlled state of mind.

“You. Taste. So. Fucking. Good.” His deep, masculine voice fills my head as he speaks directly into my ear. His teeth gently tug on my lobe, inciting another myriad sensations to course through my body. Sensations that have triggered me to become temporarily insane and forget all of things I promised myself I wouldn’t do. I hate that I’m so turned on by him, but I can’t stop. I can’t pull myself away from him. I’m intoxicated by his very presence.

We continue to dance, our faces mere inches from each other as we stare into each other’s eyes. His hands move up to my face as he grasps my cheeks. His eyes have my mind mesmerized. My entire being is entranced by him.

“Come home with me, Amy. Let me show you all the things I want to do to you. All the things I haven’t stopped thinking about since that night after the charity event.”

The charity event… The charity event…

Ding! Ding! Ding!

And my temporary insanity comes to an immediate halt.

Oh sure, you mean the night I basically threw myself at you and you

shut me the fuck down.
My brain is in charge again, giving me a strong sense of control. I finally have enough control to show James what it feels like to have someone decline your invitation to enjoy a night of dirty foreplay and illicit sex.

Enough control to get my revenge.

I stand up on my toes, brush my lips across his cheek, and whisper softly into his ear, “I’m sorry, sweetheart, but I just can’t accept this very generous offer. I want to…
I really, really want to.
But I think you might have had too much to drink and I just…
can’t do it
.” And with that, I turn on my heel and stride right back to the bar, leaving a very shell-shocked James on the dance floor to deal with his blue balls and very obvious hard-on.

Suck on that, Limp Dick.

I sit at the bar next to Ellen and Trent and order a round of tequila. Ellen raises her eyebrow at me inquisitively, trying to question what exactly just occurred out on the dance floor. I shake my head, indicating that I have no desire to discuss it.

Johnny slides three tequila shooters in front of me.

“For old times’ sake?” I grin at the happy couple.

Trent chuckles and nods his head as I slide a shot his way. Ellen just grins back at me.

“Like you even had to ask, dickhead,” she says before grabbing the shot glass.

“Cheers, you horny assholes. I’m glad you were kind enough to take time away from your busy fuck schedule to come hang out tonight. I love you both!” I tip my glass towards them before taking the shot in one fluid motion. The tequila makes itself known as it burns a path down my throat. I immediately suck on a lime. The citrus cools my mouth, relieving the burn and strong aftertaste.

“So how long are you going to make him suffer?” Trent asks bluntly.

“Forever,” I answer without batting an eye.

“You know, by being ridiculously obstinate, it’s only making him want you more, right?” Trent stacks the shot glasses and slides them towards the end of the bar.

“I know you’re his number one fangirl, Trent, and I get your need to fill my ear with thoughts of him, but I’m never getting with James.
Ever.
” I take a long swig of my beer and glance over at Lizzy, who’s sitting with two young guys at a bar-top table.

Holy shit. That little hussy!

One of the young guys, who looks to be around twenty-four, is her personal trainer, Ryder. Now it all adds up. All of the extra training sessions, the late-night phone calls to talk about her “workout plan,” and her recent update to her wardrobe start to make sense. Lizzy is a little slut bag cougar and she’s keeping all of the juicy details to herself. I
cannot
believe this!

She better prepare herself to get bombarded with one million and one question tomorrow. I
have to
hear
about how unbelievable Ryder is in the sack. The guy might as well be a Greek god. Seriously, he’s that good-looking
.
Shit, I’m salivating just thinking about Lizzy having sex with him and I’m not even a participant.

“Well, labia face, Trent and I are going to head out. I’ll see you tomorrow night at work?” Ellen gets off of her barstool as Trent pays their tab.

“Yep, I’ll see you tomorrow night in the trenches.” I stand up and give her a quick hug. “Bye, Trent. Take care of my best girl,” I say before I sit back down on my barstool.

“Goodnight. And, Amy,
good luck
.” Trent smirks down at me as he wraps his arm around Ellen’s waist.

“Uh, good luck?” I peer at him dubiously. I have no idea what he is talking about right now.

“Yeah. Good luck with James.”

Ellen rolls her eyes towards me when she hears that last comment come from Trent’s mouth.

“Why in the fuck would I need good luck with James?” Now I’m just curious to see what in the hell else he’s going to say.

“Well I know that you want nothing to do with him, and he knows you’re doing your best to stay on the defense, but James isn’t going to give up. He’s stealthy and determined, and your persistence at being a complete bitch to him, well… It’s only making him
more determined
. Plus, you should know that James is a former Marine, so everything he does is calculated and
strategic
.”

I look at Trent like he has three heads and a dildo strapped around his waist. “What are you trying to say? That James has some master plan to win my affection?” I huff out a breath. “Are you being serious right now, Trent?”

Trent raises his hands and looks down at Ellen when he hears her sigh in annoyance. “Look, I’m not trying to piss both of you off. Amy, you’re my girl, I’ll always have your back, even more so than James. I’m just trying to throw you a little warning. So seriously…
good luck
.”

I wave goodbye to both of them as they head out the door, but I can’t get the words Trent said out of my head. Good luck? I mean, come on.
Good luck?
I don’t need luck. Dr. Limp Dick needs luck to keep his balls intact if he plans on attempting any more ambushes like he did tonight on the dance floor.

Military…
Pfffft
. That doesn’t scare me. I can handle a Marine any day of the week.

Marines.

Men in uniform.

James in uniform.

Well, that definitely does something for me…

Ah, fuck.

 

 

Chapter Five

 

“Occasionally getting women riled up is worth the hassle.

There is no denying the fact that angry fucking is the best kind of fucking.” - James

 

I manage to get out of the OR earlier than expected. I’m exhausted and starving. One hip replacement, two ACL repairs, and one reconstruction of a shattered ankle are more than enough for one day. I walk into Trent’s office to find him peering down at his laptop, his brow furrowed intensely.

“Don’t look too serious there, Dr. Hamilton, or you might start looking like an actual surgeon,” I say as I sit down in the worn leather chair that faces his desk. He really needs to update his office. His aversion to giving the appearance that he has money is something his frugal ass needs to get over.

He doesn’t even take the time to glance up from his laptop before responding. “James, I wish you were actually funny.” Trent finally pulls his eyes away from the screen and leans back in his chair, his arms resting behind his head. “What brings your ugly mug into my office?”

“Lunch?”

He checks his watch and notes the time. It’s already two, but I can guarantee his ass hasn’t left his office. “Am I going to have to listen to you commiserate about a certain nurse?”

“Fuck you. Let’s go. I’m driving.” I stand up and pulled the keys out of my pocket.

“No way. I’ll drive. I’ve got Ellie’s Mustang.” He grins wide then grabs his suit jacket from the back of his chair and heads for the door.

We make our way out of his office and I hop in the passenger’s seat of one of the sweetest muscle cars I have ever laid eyes on. Ellen has fantastic taste in transportation, and I can understand why Trent would want to drive this bad ass Shelby Mustang around.

“How in the hell did you manage to get the Shelby today?” I ask incredulously. Even I know that car is Ellen’s pride and joy.

Trent revs the engine loudly. The tires squeal as he pulls out of the parking lot. “I didn’t really manage it, per se. I left the house before she did and I’m sure there will be hell to pay when I get home tonight.” He chuckles quietly as he switches lanes on the main road, the engine purring when he accelerates past a minivan to hop onto the highway. “I have a feeling there’s going to be some serious angry-fucking tonight and I can’t wait.”

I chortle and shake my head as I glance out the window. “Do you do shit like this just to get Ellen riled up?”

Trent doesn’t even humor me with a response. Just a simple laugh and a knowing grin are answer enough. He continues to speed down the highway, and the speedometer indicates we’re cruising at around ninety. That’s the dangerous thing about cars like these. There’s just no way to actually drive the speed limit when you’re behind the wheel. I mentally convince myself that my next purchase will be a vehicle with enough horsepower to vibrate my ass and threaten to botch my clean record with speeding tickets.

We finally reach our destination—a small local eatery called Mabie’s that I’ve found has the best Reuben sandwiches I’ve ever tasted. We find a small booth and order without perusing the menu. A young waitress whose nametag reads
Ally
delivers our drinks with an obvious sashay in her hips. She’s blond, cute, and nicely stacked. If my head weren’t filled with thoughts of Amy, I might have actually paid attention to her.

“So you’ve been in Charlotte for a while now… Are you happy with your crazy-ass decision to move here?” Trent inquires as he adjusts the cutlery on the table.

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