Avoiding Amy Jackson (6 page)

“You’re sorry? You’re sorry! I’d say you fucked up!” His dad is furious. Can’t say I blame the guy, I mean, his son stole his dick-popper pills and now he’s standing in front of his parents with his grandmother’s throw pillow in front of his giant boner. “Doc, how serious is this? Are you going to be able to help my son?” Jimmy’s dad makes eye contact with Dr. Simon from across the room.

“Well…I think…
CASTRATION!”
the idiot physician shouts loudly, and everyone in the room besides Ellen and I gasp in horror.

“He’s kidding! Seriously, he’s kidding! Let’s just get Jimmy into another ER room so we can start treating him.” Ellen leads Jimmy and his parents out of bed six. She gestures for Tony, who is currently sitting at the nurses’ station. “Tony, could you take over on this young man? Amy and I are already maxed out with patients. Dr. Simon will update you on what’s going on.”

Tony quickly stands up and directs the patient and his family into bed nine.

She is so full of shit and I love every minute of it. First of all, I’m not sure how much more of that clusterfuck of a situation I was going to be able to handle. Secondly, Tony should have been smart enough to say he was too busy to take another patient. I’m sure Ellen and I will both get an earful from him later.

“Ready to take a break?” I look towards Ellen.

“Of course,” she responds immediately. “But we better hurry because I’m sure Shirley will start making her rounds soon.”

Ellen and I walk through the ER doors and head for the main lobby so we can catch the elevator. The two of us file inside with a few other people. As the doors close shut, I whisper into her ear, “Aspiring Cock Bandits would be a badass band name, right?”

She peers at me out of the corner of her auburn eyes and a small exasperated sigh escapes her lips.

“You should probably answer my question or I might be tempted to give my best Dr. Simon impression right here on this elevator,” I whisper and a small smile crests my mouth. Ellen tries so hard to maintain a professional demeanor at work, and I love to tease the hell out of her for it.

She nudges my shoulder and nods her head yes in agreement before whispering back to me. “Yes, that would be an awesome bad name, but how about we save our discussion regarding the boner pill bandits until after we grab our food and reach the break room.”

I guess I can keep my mouth shut for another fifteen minutes…

Chapter Four

“Sometimes all a prude needs is a good dicking or

her roommate rubbing one out over her face.” - Amy

“Call Elle and see if she wants to meet us at Murphy’s for a few drinks!” I yell towards Lizzy’s bedroom. Lizzy is my roommate and Ellen’s sister. She’s currently in the process of divorcing her soon-to-be ex-husband, Matt Montgomery. To say things have been a little rough the past couple of months would be putting it lightly. Lizzy, otherwise known as Elizabeth Montgomery, is a little uptight and has some moments where I could quite literally strangle the ever-loving life out of her. A woman who finds the need to color coordinate and organize everything in her path causes me nothing but frustration. Lizzy is structured and conservative and has a strong dislike for my messy tendencies. She’s been living with me for several months now, and I’ve grown to love her despite the fact that I have the constant urge to masturbate on her face while she sleeps. Nothing would piss a straitlaced chick like Lizzy off more than her roommate crouched over her face, rubbing one out like a lunatic.

“I just called her! It went straight to voicemail! I left her a message and told her to put Trent’s cock away and come out with us for a night!” Lizzy shouts back to me.

The Lizzy six months ago never would have even thought about saying the word cock. Hearing those words spill from her lips causes my heart to fill with love. Love for the mere fact that Lizzy is slowly pulling that prudish stick out of her traditionalist ass.

I put the final touches on my makeup. I opt for fire-engine red lipstick and thick mascara to encourage men to have dirty thoughts of my lips around their cocks. What? I’m in need of a good, hard pounding. The last time I even came close to getting my rocks off, I was shut down by a physician who felt my vagina was too intoxicated for sexy time.

Yeah, you guessed it. That dick’s name is James.
Dr. James Williams
. The man who shook my vaginal confidence. He should have just slapped a chastity belt on my pussy and announced to the world that I have genital herpes. The fact that a guy was able to give my vagina’s ego a hard blow is a difficult concept for me to grasp. I’ve always been the girl who takes pride in her pussy.

So how could one guy screw with my head this badly?

The verdict is still out on this one. It doesn’t help that James is hot as motherfucker. I hate him and want to angry-fuck the egotistical smirk off of his sexy, smug face. But I’m
not
going to do that. Hell will have to freeze over ten times and skinny jeans on guys will have to become a permanent fashion statement before James Williams will ever get his fingers inside my panties.

“Amy! Let’s go!” Lizzy hollers from the kitchen.

I run my fingers through my wavy, shoulder-length brunette hair and give myself a good once-over in the mirror.

Ass in skinny jeans? Hot.

Strappy heels? Really Hot.

Tight black blouse accentuating some cleavage? Perfect.

Bright red lips? Perfect for encouraging blowjob fantasies
.

“I’m coming! I’m coming! Chill your scrawny ass down!” I bellow back as I grab my clutch and cell phone. Lizzy is standing near the front door, tapping her foot impatiently. I’m surprised by her current getup. She’s dressed in tight black jeans, leather riding boots, and a white tank. I have never seen Lizzy dress like this. Her wardrobe choices generally resemble a librarian or a bank teller. Cardigans, pencil skirts, and pleated pants are staples in her closet. I honestly didn’t know she had such an amazingly fit body. Seriously, Lizzy’s body is banging and she looks fantastic.

“Holy shit! Lizzy, is that you?” I give her a smirk as my eyes roam her outfit.

“Do I look okay? I look stupid, don’t I? Oh god, I’ll go change.” She starts to head for the hallway, but I swiftly grab her elbow and she stumbles a little on the heels of her boots.

“Don’t you dare. You look awesome. Seriously, you look really fucking hot.”

“
Really
? You think I look hot?” Her cheeks flush crimson.

“All right, what’s the occasion?” I ask with curiosity in my voice. There has to be a reason for the giant change in attire that has just occurred.

“Nothing. There’s no occasion. I just wanted to spice up my look a little. I thought it was time to not look like a….” She searches for the perfect words to describe her conservative garb.

I decide to lend her a hand and give her a few examples. “Librarian, Congresswoman, bank teller, school teacher—”

She tersely raises her hand in irritation. “All right, that’s enough. You made your point.”

“So are you going to tell me who you’re trying to impress?” I cock an eyebrow in her direction as I gage her reaction.

“N-no one. I’m not trying to impress anyone,” she nervously chokes out as she busies herself with looking for her keys in her handbag.

I grab the keys off of the hook by the door—the exact place we
always
keep the keys—and hand them to her with a smile. I’m going to let this one slide, but I will keep my eye out tonight. I need to see figure out the reason for this sudden change in fashion style.

“Whatever you say. Let’s get this shit-show on the road.”

We get to Murphy’s around nine, just in time to hear the house band start their set. They’re a pretty talented group of twenty-something guys who play awesome covers of various popular songs. I lightly bob my head to the music as we take our seats at the bar. Johnny, one of my favorite bartenders, waves to me from the other end of the bar and holds up two fingers. I nod yes, gesturing for him to give me my usual beer and grab an extra for Lizzy.

“How’s it hanging, sexy?” Johnny flips the tops of two bottles of beer and slides them in front of Lizzy and me.

“Come on, Johnny. How long are you going to try to get inside my panties?” I wink at him as I take a swig of ice-cold brew; the carbonation bubbles fizzle in my throat as I take a deep swallow.

“You mean you didn’t wear that hot red lipstick just for me tonight? I’m offended and hurt,
extremely hurt
.” Johnny holds his hand to his chest and gives me a full-on pout.

“Knock it off, asshole. And to answer your question, no, I’m not sporting the lipstick for your enjoyment. I’m hoping some schmuck with a big cock will let me take him for a test drive later.”

Johnny chuckles and pounds his fist on the bar. “Fuck. You’re like the human version of a female praying mantis. Do you bite guys’ heads off after you fuck them senseless?”

My fingers lightly tap the faded wooden bar top. I tilt my head to the side and give Johnny my best seductive eyes. “You like the idea of me riding a cock with a greedy, ferocious attitude?” I softly pronounce each word with precision. Lizzy sputters on her beer as she watches the exchange between Johnny and me.

Johnny’s eyes perk up and he leans in closer to me. “Only if that cock is mine.”

I can’t help it. He’s too easy to screw with. I burst into laughter and slam a few dollars onto the bar.

“Every time.
Every fucking time
. When will I ever learn?” Johnny pulls away from the bar and crosses his huge arms across his chest. He starts to say something, but a customer grabs his attention and he immediately heads their way. He shoots a glare in my direction and shakes his head with feigned annoyance as he takes a few orders.

“You have to teach me.”

I turn my head towards Lizzy and cross my legs. “Teach you?”

“Teach me how to talk to men like that, make them crazy and practically eat out of my hand.” She places her elbow on the bar and puts her chin in her palm. “I wish I had your confidence.” She huffs out a frustrated breath.

“Lizzy, you do not want to be like me. You’re pretty and sweet and kind…and I’m a total bitch.” I give her a pointed look and she laughs. “But seriously, what brought all this on?”

“I don’t know.” She shrugs her shoulders and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “I guess I’ve just been re-evaluating everything lately. I know I could benefit from being a little less uptight and maybe a little more…” She pauses as she searches for the right word.

“Bold? Brazen?”

Lizzy nods in agreement.

“Slutty? Shameless?” I offer a few more suggestions with an amused smirk on my face.

She rolls her eyes in a response. “God, you’re unbelievable. And here I thought we might be having a serious conversation.” An exasperated chuckle escapes her lips.

“I will say your change in attire is really working for you. It’s a little less ‘I’ll be your campaign manager’ and a little more ‘I’m a super-hot-sexy bitch.’”

“Really?” She questions with surprise.

“Uh huh. Your ass is working those skinny jeans.”

A small grin turns up the corners of her mouth and I can tell she’s feeling more confident, more comfortable, and more sexy in her own skin. I’m really digging this side of her. Confidence looks good on Lizzy Montgomery.

I feel soft hands touch my shoulder and turn around to see Ellen behind me. I jump off of the barstool and pull her in for a tight hug.

“Hey! I can’t believe you were able to disentangle yourself from Trent’s dick long enough to come hang with us!”

Lizzy joins in the hug-a-thon and embraces us both. “Yay! The girls are together again!” she exclaims over the music.

“She’s got two hours and then it’s back home to more entangling,” Trent interjects. I pull away from my girls to see his wide grin and then immediately notice that James is standing beside him. His eyes roam my body, nearly eye-fucking me to death.

“I’m so glad you guys could make it,
Ellen and Trent
.” I toss a corrosive glare James’s way.

“What about me?” He raises his eyebrow.

“Like I said,
Ellen and Trent
, I’m so glad you two could make it.” I raise my eyebrow right back at him. “And I’m not surprised to see James standing there, eye-fucking me like a creeper.”

He chokes out a laugh and slides both of his hands into his jeans pockets, my eyes automatically moving down—
way, way down
. My retinas manage to locate the generous bulge near his zipper and then the dirty thoughts of James being naked rush into my brain. Delicious fantasies of him sans clothing and ready to fuck me into next week.

I hate myself right now.

“What can I say? I’m a sucker for a beautiful woman.” James generously provides a wide opening for me to throw more sarcasm and put-downs his way. Trent, Ellen, and Lizzy follow our back-and-forth banter like an audience at a tennis match. Their heads move left and right, left and right, as they watch us with amused curiosity.

“You left that one
wiiiiiide
open, Dr. Limp Dick.” Sarcasm drips from my voice like a faucet.

“Only because I know you get off on being a bitch to me. And the idea of you getting off, well… That makes me
really
happy.” His wicked grin nearly knocks me on my ass and succeeds in pushing me off of my high-and-mighty pedestal, my entire sense of confident equilibrium knocked completely out of whack.

“See why I said we needed to come to the bar instead of seeing a movie, babe? Watching Amy and James together is the absolute best thing I’ve ever seen,” Ellen not so discreetly whispers to Trent before coming to my side and wrapping her arm around my shoulder. “How about we go dance to a few songs before you actually come to a decision on whether or not you’re going to strangle him or fuck his brains out?” she speaks directly into my ear.

My best friend just threw me a lifeline. She must have sensed that James just kicked my proverbial ass in our very obvious banter war. I agree with a slight nod of my head while my brown eyes shoot daggers at James, letting him know this little thing between us—this continual banter war—
is not over
. Of course, his egotistical ass receives my nasty glare with smug enthusiasm. I want to smack that smug grin right off of his fucking face.