Read Avoiding Amy Jackson Online
Authors: N. A. Alcorn
Tags: #Literature & Fiction, #Humor, #Romance, #Contemporary, #Humor & Satire, #General Humor, #Romantic Comedy
His only response is to lean over and pull my body close to his, tucking me near his chest.
Okay, I think I can get through this movie like this. I hear a small creaking noise from behind the couch and latch onto James’s white t-shirt. “Did you hear that?”
He chuckles to himself as he continues to watch the movie. “Nope,” he says, loudly popping the p with his lips.
I scoot closer to him. I’m as close as I can be without actually sitting in his lap. Have I mentioned I hate scary movies? Because I do. I loathe them. Another five minutes into the movie and I’m hiding myself behind James’s shirt. I slowly bring my eyes to his and find that he’s looking down at me with those handsome green eyes. His expression is one of enjoyment, seeing as I’m hiding behind his clothing like a total chicken shit.
“You okay down there?” he whispers with a husky tone to his voice.
“Do I look okay?” My eyes go wide again when I hear someone screen on the television. “That’s it. I can’t take this.” I climb into his lap and wrap my arms around his neck in a viselike grip. I keep that hold on him until the very end of the movie and nearly piss my pants at the ending. I screech like an idiot when the possessed girl’s creepy, demonic face is plastered on my television screen.
Why! Why did that damn movie have to end like that?
James turns the television off and adjusts me in his lap, turning my body so that he can make eye contact. “So I guess I should be heading out?” He glances at his watch. “It’s almost eleven and I wouldn’t mind getting a good night’s sleep since I’m not due into the office until after ten.”
I give him a pouty face, pushing my bottom lip out as far as it will go. “Don’t be an old man, James. Stay here and hang out with your friend for a little while longer.”
“You’re too scared for me to leave, aren’t you?” He raises is eyebrow, questioning my level of frightened.
“Uh…no…it’s not that. I just like hanging out with you.” I wrap my arm around his shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze.
He barks out a husky laugh, his lips turning up into a knowing grin. “Don’t bullshit a bullshitter,” he says, repeating my words from earlier. “Do you want me to stay here all night and make sure no possessed girls come crawling out of your closet and eat your face off while you sleep?”
EAT MY FACE OFF WHILE I SLEEP?
I smack his chest in anger. “James! Thanks a lot, asshole! Now I’m never going to be able to sleep tonight!”
Did he really just say that?
I’m already peering down the hallway to see if I notice any odd movements or disturbances that would indicate that there’s a possessed woman hanging around, waiting for me to fall asleep before she starts chowing down on my forehead.
James pulls me in for a tight hug and his laughter vibrates against my chest. “I was just fucking with you, Amy. Do you want me to stay here tonight and protect you?”
I vigorously nod my head yes while I bite my bottom lip.
“You’re kidding me, right?”
I frantically shake my head no.
He sighs heavily and runs his hands through his dirty-blond hair in frustration. His eyes meet mine as he questioningly assesses my current state. “You’re really not kidding. I can’t believe one scary movie has you this freaked out.”
I climb off of his lap and hold out my hand. “Come on, friend. Let’s get some shut-eye.”
He closes his eyes briefly as he chuckles to himself in what I’m assuming is annoyance.
“
Screw you, buddy
. You wanted to be friends with me and this is exactly what a friendship with me is like. I’m needy and bossy, and when you make me watch scary movies, you have to pay the consequences.” I hold my hand out to him again. “Get your ass off the couch and let’s go to bed.”
“Well I guess I don’t really have a choice in this, do I?”
I shake my head no and he takes my hand, standing up and following me to my bedroom.
“Get a move on it, bossy. I want at least eight hours of sleep tonight,” he demands before spanking my ass.
“Hey! No funny business!” I yelp in response to the feel of his hand smacking my ass. Not going to lie, my little snatch might have had a slight tingle in response to that inappropriate gesture.
More like several tingles and a few tight clenches…
Eh. Forget I said anything.
We’re finally tucked into my bed. James talked me into only leaving a small nightlight on. If it were up to me, every light in the apartment would be turned on. James was going to sleep on the floor, but I refused to sleep in my bed by myself. I need his giant body to shield me from any crazed-psycho-possessed chicks that may decide to come inside my bedroom tonight and scare the living hell out of me.
James’s breathing is getting softer, and I can tell he’s probably close to falling asleep. There’s no way in hell I can sleep right now. I’m lying flat on my back with the covers pulled up past my nose, and my eyes are wide, constantly scanning the room for anything weird.
“Did you hear that?” I nudge James with my elbow.
“
Amy
.” His voice is tired with an underlying exasperation laced in. “Close your eyes and go the fuck to sleep.” He turns onto his back and places his arm over his eyes.
After his breathing gets softer again, I hear a light snore come from his nose. Okay, he’s officially asleep and I couldn’t be more wide awake. My apartment is eerily silent, and I swear I hear someone opening the door. Now there are footsteps walking down the hall.
Oh my god, she’s coming to get me!
“James.” I nudge him again with my elbow as I whisper-yell to him. “
James!
” My heart is starting to race as panic takes over my body. I can’t believe I’m going to die at the age of twenty-nine and the last time I had sex was in a dirty bar bathroom with two young guys that I had to boss around. And one of them wasn’t even worth taking for a ride!
More footsteps down the hall. I hear a door creak open.
She’s looking for me! She’s going to look in every room! Oh my god! Oh my god!
I scoot closer to James, nearly wrapping my body around his. “
James!
” I say a little louder into his ear. My arms are now tightly enfolded around his midsection and my thigh is hitched up over his leg. “James. You have to wake up right now!”
“What’s wrong, Amy?’ His voice is gruff and thick with sleep.
“She’s coming. Oh my god, she’s going to come in here!”
“Who?” He still hasn’t budged, and he doesn’t seem to understand the dire situation we’re about to be faced with. Why isn’t he freaking out? The Paranormal Activity girl is in my apartment! She’s in my apartment and creepily crawling down my hallway, looking in every room because she wants to eat my face off.
“Someone just walked into my apartment! It’s the possessed girl! She’s going to walk into my room any second!” I grip onto him tighter.
“Lizzy!” James hollers towards the hallway, his voice resonating loudly off the walls.
My hand flies over his mouth. “Shhhhhh! Are you trying to get us killed?”
“What?” I hear Lizzy’s voice yell back from the hallway and hear her footsteps continue down the hall until they reach my door. “Is it okay if I come in?” She asks with a hesitant tone.
“Yes,” James replies with his lips still firmly against my hand.
Lizzy opens the door and turns on my bedroom light to find my body wrapped around James. I’m comfortable in my favorite pair of flannel pants and soft Henley shirt and he’s only wearing his boxer briefs. I can only imagine what she’s thinking right now.
An intrigued look crosses her eyes. “Everything all right in here?”
James removes my hand from his mouth and grins over at me. “Well, our friend Amy is scared shitless from watching a scary movie. She thought someone had snuck into her apartment and was going to come into her bedroom.”
Lizzy starts laughing as she eyes me with curiosity. “You finally watched Paranormal Activity, didn’t you?”
I just nod my head yes in response and then point to James. “He made me do it.”
James chuckles and holds his hands up in defense. “Now, wait a minute. You told me you wanted to see it like two weeks ago, and if I would have known it would have you this scared, I wouldn’t have brought it over tonight.”
Lizzy leans up against the doorframe and smiles at both of us. “Well you two look
cozy
and I’m tired, so I’m going to head to bed.”
“Wait!” I demand as Lizzy starts to turn away from my room.
“What?” Her arms are crossed in front of her chest.
“Where were you? What kept you out so late tonight?” I cock my eyebrow at her with a knowing look.
“Goodnight, Amy! Goodnight, James!” Lizzy responds as she hurriedly walks away from my bedroom and shuts the door.
“Don’t think I’m not going to ask you a thousand questions about it in the morning!” I shout out to her.
“I know!” she yells back before I hear her bedroom door shut.
I untangle myself from James’s body and curl up on my side. My bedroom light is still on and I’m pretty sure I can probably fall asleep this way. The mattress creaks lightly and I feel James get up. Two seconds later, the light turns off.
“Hey! Leave that on!”
James climbs back into bed and pulls my body towards his. My back is up against his chest.
Mmmmmm this is nice.
Wait, no it’s not. This is friendly—just friendly.
“Go to sleep, Amy,” he whispers into my ear.
“Okay,” I croak out, my body too distracted by the feel of him against my back to come up with anything better to say. I’m no longer scared, but I’m definitely a myriad of other things right now, none of them considered friendly.
Damn you, James, and your ridiculously hot body and sexy, spicy smell.
“Good night, sweetheart,” he says with a deep, masculine voice.
AND your undeniably sexy voice! Damn it all to hell!
“Goodnight, friend.”
Chapter Fourteen
“Good morning wood.” - James
I’m awoken from the best fucking dream when warm sunlight hovers over my eyes. I was dreaming about a very naked and undeniably sexy Amy. She was draped across my bed with a seductive look on her face. She spread her creamy thighs apart and then whispered, “
Fuck me, James.
” And then…I woke up.
Son of a bitch.
I squint from the overwhelming brightness and irritation that my perfect dream was cut short. I didn’t even get to the best part. You know that moment when you wake up in the middle of a dream that’s so good you actually try to fall back asleep? Yeah, I’m having one of those moments right now.
I’m one lucky bastard. The fact that I got to sleep next to Amy all night is proof of this. My movie selections will always be of the horror genre from here on out. I’ll do anything to make this sleepover ritual a common occurrence.
A soft moan convinces my eyes to open. Amy’s back is to me, and her silky hair is lying across her pillow. She tosses and turns for a minute before she nestles her body into mine. Her tight ass is pressed against me, and I have no plans of waking her up. She can stay just like this forever. My hand rests on her hip as I savor the feel of her in my arms. A moment too soon, her back stiffens and my fingers grip her waist to prevent her from pulling away.
“James?” she asks with a raspy voice.
“Yeah.”
“Is that your fucking hard-on pressed into my ass?”
“Yeah.” I won’t deny it. Morning wood is an inevitability for the male species.
“Seriously? This doesn’t seem very friendly,” she responds, but she still hasn’t moved away from me. I’m taking this as a good sign.
I clear my throat. “Well, it is the
morning
, and I obviously have
morning wood
. You’re the one who nuzzled your little ass against me. This is a proper dick reaction. I’d be worried if I wasn’t hard right now.”
She snorts in laughter and quickly relocates her body a few feet away. She turns over and her brown eyes immediately find mine. God, she’s beautiful. I wish every morning would start like this.
She covers her face with her hands. “Stop staring at me. I look like shit. I am lucky if I managed three hours of sleep last night.”
I pull her hands away. “Shut up. You’re gorgeous.”
Amy exhales an exasperated breath. Then her eyes move down my body, which is no longer covered by the sheets. Her mouth forms a tiny ‘O’ as her focus finds what rests—more like
strains
—below my waist. This reaction makes me happy.
Really fucking happy.
“Now you’re the one staring at me, doll. Go ahead. Take in all of its glory.”
Her eyes instantly snap back up to my face. “I was not!” she squeaks out. Her cheeks are flushed pink. I watch her eyelashes flutter as she pushes the sleepy look from her eyes.
“Don’t worry, I didn’t mind,” I add for good measure. But seriously, I didn’t mind. I hope she continues to do it and then hopefully gets some ideas. I’d like to reenact my dream and actually finish what we started.
“Shut up, Limp Dick,” she mutters as he she turns onto her back, her arm thrown across her face.
Man, she’s grumpy in the morning. It’s actually kind of adorable, and I’m getting a thrill of enjoyment from getting her so riled up. “I’m not sure that nickname really works right now.”
“There’s no way I’m touching that one with a ten-foot-pole,” she grumbles into her arm.
I stifle a laugh and her eyes shoot over to my face, silently cursing me.
“Don’t even say it.” She points her index finger towards me. “Why don’t you take your morning wood into the kitchen and fetch me some coffee?”
“Anything for you. I know just what I’ll stir it with.” I flash a wicked grin.
“Yeah, idiot. Go ahead and stick your dick in my hot coffee. I hope you burn your foreskin off,” she spits in my direction.
“Come on, sweetheart. You know I’m circumcised.”
“Oh my god! Just go get my fucking coffee!” Amy shrieks with exasperation.
I chuckle at her reaction and the fact that I managed to one-up her sarcastic ass. “All right. I better head out of here soon anyways. I need to be at the office by ten,” I say before climbing out of bed.