Atonement (34 page)

Now I was crying, hard. I couldn’t imagine what all that must have felt like to Tate…and oh God, to my parents and friends. I looked down at the face of our peaceful, healthy, and now asleep again infant and the realization set in. I couldn’t imagine not having him in my life. I’d only held him now for a short while, but I was attached for eternity by an invisible string. I could feel it tighten just now at the thought that it could have been snapped so quickly. It was a reminder at how fragile that string really is, and how quick it could be severed. Looking up at Tate, I knew our attachment was bound and then reinforced with steel. I’d known since our early days of dating, and I knew it now. So it was all the more reason for me to be honest…right?

I grabbed Tate’s hand, suddenly nervous for what I was about to say. “Tate, I was thinking of John…of how much he’s hurting…that’s why I stressed out and my contractions started.” I had to get the rest out, but I sensed the cool air that had just seeped into the room. Before he could speak, I
trudged on. “Maura had mentioned how down John had been since he found out about my pregnancy. She said he had gone into a state of depression…he’d lost weight, and was traveling constantly to stay busy. I was feeling horrible for what I had done to him…”

“Damn it Reese!” Tate jumped up, startling Ty (well at least he started eating again). Unfortunately, I jumped too. Tate whipped back around, running his hands through his hair. You mean that bastard is responsible yet again for the near tragedy of me losing you and…and…our baby?”

It’s not like that Tate. I just feel a need to talk with him…hear him out. I know he…”

“You know he what Reese? He lied, manipulated, played God with our lives. You know he also relished in my pain, in YOUR pain. You know that, right Reese? Because it doesn’t seem that way from where I stand. I want you to forget about him Reese…I NEED for you to forget about him.” Tate was begging me with his eyes and with his words. “Why, with everything good in our life would you be concerned over him? Tell me Reese.” Then there was a knock at the door. Tate’s eyes locked with mine and he summoned, sourly, for whomever it was to come in. My eyes bulged when in walked Lauren’s parents. I should have known they would have come by to congratulate Tate. After all, Tate was still playing for her dad’s team.

“Hey, there’s the happy couple and parents of my future ball player.” Lauren’s dad said with a triumphant voice. “Congratulations! Lauren said you were due at the end of next month, but it looks like little guy here decided to make an early entrance.” Okay, now my head was spinning. How did Lauren know about my due date? Tate avoided my eyes, still
portraying a fake, interested grin at Mr. Baker. After a quick glance at my son, and small talk, the Baker’s left. Once again, Tate and I were alone with Ty and the elephant in the room. The few moments of silence were interrupted with a knock at the door. It was a flower delivery. The young man walked in with not one but two beautiful arrangements of flowers. That brightened the moment temporarily, until I started reading the cards. The first one was from my old colleagues at the pregnancy clinic. They had sweet words of congratulations. The second one took my breath. It was from Lisa Davis. Lisa Davis! I dropped the card to my lap and looked up to Tate. He was eyeing me curiously.

“Let me guess Reese. Those are from John? I should have known! This will never end will it?” I just stared at him like he had three heads, so he quickly walked over and grabbed the card from me. I watched with baited breath to see Tate’s response. I got exactly what I expected. Tate turned pale and closed his eyes, sucking in a quick gasp.

“Those aren’t quite from John are they Tate?” I couldn’t help it, as pissed as I was, I was enjoying the turn of events.

“It’s not what you think Reese. You know there is no way…”

“No? You haven’t seen her since we’ve been home this week? You haven’t talked with her at all?” I knew there couldn’t be much to it with Lisa and Tate. I knew he was head over heels in love with me. But, honesty is honesty, and he hadn’t divulged anything about Lisa or Lauren to me. Baby Ty had fallen asleep again. I wasn’t about to arouse him now…now that neither of us was sure what was happening.

Tate let out a long sigh. Sitting down at the end of the bed, he covered his face with his hands. “Okay. I know this looks
bad. Lauren was at one of the away games, with another guy no doubt, and she overheard the guys talking about me having a little ‘mini me’ coming soon. I didn’t speak to her Reese, I swear.” He lifted his eyes to mine. Then he shot up and started pacing. And Lisa was actually at the clubhouse today while we were going through to pay for golf. She knows better than to say much to me, but she and my parent’s neighbors were talking. They congratulated me, and she of course did too. They must have filled her in on everything. She tried to catch me by myself, but I didn’t give her a chance.” Turning to face me, he walked slowly to my bed. Glancing from me to Ty and back to me, he said, “This is stupid Reese. I’m sorry I got so worked up. I just hate the thought of you being so upset over…over
him
. There’s no way you could forget the heartache he caused.” Then sitting on the end of my bed and cradling the sleeping Ty, he grabbed my hand and looked me in the eyes. “Reese, I know you are a caring, loving person. Ty and I are so blessed to have you…I…I just don’t want anyone else, especially John, to get your sympathy and thoughts. He doesn’t deserve them.”

I squeezed his hand, “I’m sorry Tate. I didn’t mean to get so emotional over thinking of John. I just, didn’t know he would be still so hurt over me. But you’re right, I haven’t forgotten what he did and I haven’t forgiven him either (not yet anyway). He was just determined to get what he wanted and…well, let’s not rehash that.” I was looking at Ty now. He needed me. Tate needed me. This was my future, these were my boys. I loved them more than I ever thought humanly possible. I never imagined my life like this. I never imagined I would be married and a mother at twenty-one, but here I was…doing just that. God was good…good indeed.

leep! That’s all I ask for. Not a new car (which Tate bought me anyway – I mean I love my jeep and it’s still in the garage, but he bought me a mommy car…a Range Rover for safety he says), not fancy clothes or shoes, or anything else cosmetic, I wanted sleep. Ty was the sweetest, most beautiful baby in the entire world, I promise he is! But, he is needy for his mama. He was seven months now, and already crawling!! He was determined just like his daddy. Time with an infant flew by. It was already June. Of course my parents came out to stay with us for a couple of weeks in the very beginning. Getting my newborn home on a plane in the dead of winter was scary. Tate freaked over everything. He was scared germs would be in the stale air on the plane, jumping right into Ty’s little body and weak immune system. He made him a tented blanket to cover him the entire flight. My baby daddy. He is so sweet and attentive to my baby’s needs, and to me. I am SO lucky. My mom, ‘Izzy’ as she is called now, (not Grandma or Grandmother) short for Elizabeth, came to stay for a couple of weeks in the beginning with my dad. And of course they’ve been out to our home a few times since then. They love their grandbaby.

Ty became a great eater, really from the day he came home from the hospital. Like his daddy, he was joined at the boob. We still laugh about it. Ty would sleep and hang out there most of the day if I let him. It was hard to have visitors for a while, because my breasts always seemed to be hanging out.

I finished my second semester, and was on a break for the summer. I was able to take most of my classes on-line, which was a huge help. We (Ty, Elle, and me) had traveled to Tate and Finn’s away games as much as possible, but having Elle in California with me, helped me feel better about staying home more without Tate. She and Finn were planning a big wedding around Christmas, and I couldn’t wait. Besides, traveling with a baby was like moving an entire house worth of stuff….pack-n-play, diapers, wipes, 10 changes of clothing (Ty was a spitter), bottles for when I pumped, my pump, and the list goes on. So when his games were at home, I always took Ty with me. I know he was young, but he seemed to become a focused, different baby when he was watching the stadium with wide eyes. Tate swears it’s because the sport is already in his blood. I don’t know, he’s built a little like a linebacker if you ask me. Only time will tell. But I’m addicted to his tiny, chubby hands right now, and his future in sports seems a light-year away.

As I was stuffing the last of the extra items in my diaper bag from Ty’s room, I jumped literally off the floor. Our house alarm started blaring. It scared the crap out of me. I did nearly jump out of my skin. I couldn’t imagine what had set it off this early in the evening. I flew toward the keypad to turn it off. On my way there I realized my little turkey had tried to pull up on a side table, shaking a vase off, causing it to crash to the floor. This obviously activated the glass-break on our alarm.
Instinctively, I ran to scoop him up before he got cut, forgetting I was still barefoot, and tearing the bottom of my feet all to pieces. I still had to hobble over to the keypad to turn it off, streaking blood on the hardwood floors the entire way. Crap it hurt. But, thank God little man was safe. He was still just crying and upset from the shrieking noise of the alarm. I sat down on a kitchen stool, praying my feet didn’t look as bad as they felt, but I had to calm Ty down before I could concentrate on anything else. I also had to answer a call from the security company to make sure we were okay. I told them what had happened and that it was a false alarm; all the while, his cry was piercing and full of terror. They seemed satisfied once I gave them our security code. The best remedy for Ty was to feed him, and while he took a bottle mostly now and soft baby food, the fastest fix was a boob, yet again. Oh well. It did cure a lot for the men in my life.

Finally his screams subsided, and I gasped out loud when I got a glimpse of my feet. Glass was stuck in shards in both of them. Why did we have to have travertine floors under that table? Wood wouldn’t have broken the crystal vase nearly as bad. But obviously the previous owners didn’t foresee a little terror in the house known as Baby Ty. Finally, getting my hand on the phone, I called my best friend, as I had so many times in my life to help me out of yet another mess. She came right over and helped me soak my feet in Epsom salt after tweezing out most of the glass, at least all that we could see. I bandaged them up as well as I could, and double dosed myself up good with Advil. What a disaster!

Tate’s next game at home in San Diego was against the LA Dodgers again, and just a day after my walking on glass incident. I wasn’t about to miss it though. It seemed the Dodgers were intent on trying to finally beat us. I was enjoying myself in the skybox. After all, Elle was by my side. This time I was able to meet a few more family members, as well as the fiance’s of his team mate’s. It was still a crazy feeling to introduce myself as Reese Justice, Tate’s
wife,
and let everyone make over our little guy. I wasn’t about to let a little foot pain ruin my night. I was smiling, happy to be a part of Tate’s world and going from watching him on the field to taking in all of the spectators.