Arcadium (13 page)

“Relax. Look.
I’ve got plenty of time. And it’s only one.” Kean starts walking
toward me and he starts popping out a disjointed version of the
robot dance. Actually it’s pretty good. He does a Michael Jackson
spin with sound effects and faces toward the infected person.

The infected
man swings out his arm and growls, but he’s nowhere near Kean.

“Now it’s two.”
I point up across the other side. An infected lady is jerkily
walking toward us.

Kean sees her
but doesn’t seem alarmed. He starts doing a shimmy as the man
approaches him, jumping back every time the infected guy lunges for
him. “Yeah you like that, dontcha. Break it down with me.”

“Kean!” I
practically scream his name.

He turns around
and runs a few leisurely steps. “Alright, serious face. Lets get
out of here.”

We start
running back for the door, the two infected lumber behind, but they
won’t catch us. Kean is laughing his head off.

I’m running but
he’s just jogging. I pull back to his speed. We’re going to get
out, easily. Sure there are infected chasing us but soon they’ll
hit a glass door and be doomed to live out the rest of their
existence trapped in a shopping centre. But Kean and I will burst
out into the fresh air. And I kind of get it, I think. He’s
laughing in the face of death because he can. Because, why not?

I leap over a
fallen mannequin and Kean grabs my hand. He pulls me along, looking
back, smiling. I seriously cannot believe he turned out to be so
mad but at the same time his laughter is infectious, in a good way.
I can’t help it. I don’t mean to laugh but it just comes out.

We tear through
the debris, sliding along the tiles, crunching through glass. I
kick away a pink top that’s half caught on my boot. When we round
the corner Kean skids away, almost taking me down but he’s still
gripping my hand and I tug him back up.

We blast toward
the doors, still cackling. He actually gets there first and stops.
My hand slips from his and he holds the door open for me. I walk
through, taking my time, doing my best snooty-shopping-lady walk
and he bursts out laughing again.

Outside our
laughter fades and we cross the silent car park, not even looking
back to see if the infected are at the doors.

To my complete
and utter surprise Kean takes my hand again and slots his fingers
in between mine. I stare down at out linked hands for a moment then
look away. It’s not technically the first time he’s held my hand.
There was that time in the tunnel when we went back for Trouble.
But right now we’re not running from anything, we’re not scared or
injured or being chased. There’s no real reason for it.

“You’re
insane,” I say, still catching my breath.

“Nah,” he says.
“I just think that you can’t always be scared. They’re pretty slow
and lame on their own.”

“Yeah but in
mass…”

“Yeah they’re
still freaky. But it’s like I feel a rush facing them, confronting
the fear. I feel alive again. Don’t you?”

“I
suppose.”

He smiles and
his green eyes lock onto mine. I look away quickly.

We cross
Dandenong Road in silence. This damned smile keeps threatening to
show up on my face and I spend the entire five minutes of the
journey back battling to keep it hidden.

***

The sun’s warm
today but not searing hot. We spend the day at the bottom of the
hotel’s drained swimming pool. It’s completely surrounded by a tall
fence and other buildings which is about as safe as an area can be
these days.

Kean has
dragged one of the white plastic sun beds down into the deep end of
the pit and is relaxing in the sun with his jeans rolled up.

Somewhere is
the middle Liss and Henry are laying on their stomachs, drawing
games on the pale blue cement bottom with a stick of chalk. I sit
with Trouble, in the shallow end. We’re leaning our backs against
the side, just under a slice of shade. Trouble is studying the back
half of the Chinese-English dictionary, running his finger down the
page, while I study the front of mine.

It’s harder
than you think, trying to communicate with a few bare-bone words.
In the past hour we haven’t got very far. It’s pretty frustrating
so I kind of understand how he must have felt before meeting
us.

I know he’s
from China because when I ask, by pointing to the Chinese versions
of
where
and
from
, he points to the Chinese title on
the front of the book. Man would I have felt stupid if he was
really Japanese or something.

Anyway, next I
point to
when
and then point to the ground. Trouble holds up
seven fingers and then flicks through his book and points to
month
.

See what I
mean? All that to get seven months. It’s tough going.

Trouble points
to
where
, gestures to all of us, and then does a long slow
movement with his hand.

I think he’s
trying to ask me where we’re going, since it’s pretty obvious where
we’re from. Besides that’s the first thing I’d be asking too.

I flick through
pages and find the word I’m looking for:
safety
.

The coolness of
the concrete is seeping through my clothing. I take a sip of my
mineral water as Trouble points out another word:
family
.

I shake my
head, but look for an appropriate word anyway. I choose
gone
.

I point to
family
in his dictionary and then at his chest. He shakes
his head and points to my dictionary. His family is gone too.

Liss giggles
and I look over. Henry slaps his hands over his face and presses it
against the floor while Liss does a little fist pump. Henry’s
wheelchair is inside. Just watching the two of them laid out on the
ground playing, you wouldn’t be able to tell he’s paralysed.

Beyond them
Kean is stretched out, staring up at the sky. When I look at him I
just think of the hand holding thing, remembering the way his palm
felt, warming against my skin. I have to look away again because I
don’t know what it means, if anything. Was he just being friendly?
Is he interested in me? Am I interested back? I know how dangerous
that could be.

I have to think
of something to ask Trouble so don’t have a constant barrage of
ridiculous questions running around in my head.

I remember
there is actually something else I want to know. I point to
Trouble’s arm, and poke it with my finger. He looks down at my hand
but doesn’t protest so I push his sleeve up until it reveals the
tattoo of eight numbers. I know it’s a date, only a month before
the outbreak.

He glances at
it and stares at the closed book in his hands for a while. I just
wait.

Eventually he
starts flicking through the pages and uses his fingers to hold two
places. The first word he shows me is
girl
and the second is
baby
.

Whoa.

If that’s the
date of his baby’s birth, and I’m pretty certain it is, his
daughter would have been a month old when the outbreak happened.
And if she’s not here in his arms then she must be…

I glance at his
face but don’t want to stare. His expression is strangely plain,
like he’s purposely trying to show no expression at all. I nod and
flick through my book.
Sorry
.

He looks over
and says a word out loud in Chinese. I pull my legs in so I’m
sitting cross-legged.

It’s weird how
a thought can hit you so hard and make you feel all wacky. I never
knew his kid but I know Trouble. And it makes me sad to think of
him loosing his baby, because he seems like such a nice guy. I try
to imagine how it would feel to loose Liss. I don’t know how I’d
ever smile again.

Suddenly
Trouble stands up. He points to
food
in his dictionary and
then points at Liss and Henry. I don’t really know what he means so
I shrug.

Then he shows
me another word:
make
.

I give him a
thumbs-up and when he reaches Liss and Henry I call out, “Trouble
wants your help making dinner.”

Liss jumps up
straight away, looking smiley. Trouble pockets his mini dictionary
and kneels down to help Henry. He kind of gathers Henry in his arms
and still kneeling he nods to Liss and looks over his shoulder
until she understands.

Liss claps her
hands together and climbs onto his back, locking her arms over his
shoulders.

The image of
Trouble, carrying Henry in his arms and Liss on is back, as he
marches up the steps of the shallow end, is so strange. The
sunshine smile returns to his face and Liss giggles until they
disappear inside.

I run my thumb
over the pages of the dictionary a few times, making a fan noise as
they flick past.

“Hey,” Kean
calls. He’s still laid back but his head is raised. “Come and sun
bathe with me.”

Oh, crap. I
don’t know why but suddenly I’m nervous. And there aren’t even any
infected people around.

I stand up and
wander into the deep end. Kean jumps up and starts climbing the
poolside ladder. “Have my seat,” he says. “I’ll get another
one.”

I sit down and
stare up at a floating puff of cloud. Behind there’s a gentle
clattering, and then clanging of the ladder. Finally Kean pulls his
chair right next to me. He lies back and looks over. “Nice, huh?”
he says. “Imagine if this pool was actually full of water.”

“I can’t
remember the last time I went swimming.”

“I haven’t been
since Henry’s accident.”

I don’t know
what to say to that and when I do speak somehow I don’t realise
what I’m doing. It’s like my mouth is on autopilot. “Trouble had a
baby daughter when the outbreak hit.”

Kean looks over
at me with his light green eyes. They lower a bit. “Oh, man.”

“All his family
is gone too.”

“No wonder he
likes us. We’re like the most random family ever put together.”

I had enough
difficulty making the leap from just Liss and me to working as a
team of five. But family? That’s something completely
different.

“We are
family,” he says, looking over my face. He drops his head back and
closes his eyes. “We eat together, we live together, we move in
formation together.”

I try to
imagine what it would be like if Liss and I woke up tomorrow and we
were on our own again. I’m not sure I could do that anymore. I know
I’d miss Trouble and the background noise of the two brothers
trying to outwit each other. Crap.

“What did you
think when I held your hand?” Kean says.

I glance over
at him. “What?”

“You know.” He
shrugs, watching me. “What did you think? Good, bad, happy, sad…
angry?”

“I don’t know.”
My brow furrows. “Not angry.” I shrug. “It wasn’t exactly life
changing.”

That definitely
did not come out right.

“Oh, ouch.”
Kean closes his eyes again. “I’ll have to make sure the kiss is out
of this world then.”

Somehow I’ve
lost the ability to speak out loud. The words just sound in my head
like: what and what do you mean and oh my God… what?

Suddenly Kean
laughs. “Relax, it was a joke. I won’t kiss you.” He looks over at
me. “I’m not bold enough anyway.”

“I doubt that,”
I say. “You shimmied in front of an infected man.”

“Yeah…” Kean
gives a short laugh. “But that’s different.” He pauses for a split
second. “You know there was this girl I liked back in school.
Hailey White. Man, I must have had a crush on her since primary
school. She was in my group of friends too. And for years and years
I just watched her, waiting for the chance to actually tell her,
but I never had the guts. And then the infection happened…”

“Where do you
think she is now?”

“Dead.
Definitely dead.”

“You don’t know
that, though.”

“Nah, I kind of
do. She was a big wus. I heard she cried at an episode of Home and
Away.” Kean’s smile seems distant. “And not in a
this-show-is-so-bad-I-can’t-believe-I’m-watching-this kind of
way.”

I laugh but
don’t know what to say so I just stare up at the sky.

He looks over
suddenly. “You watched Home and Away, didn’t you?”

“I may have…
dabbled but I wouldn’t say I was a religious about it.”

Kean nods. “Ok,
you can get away with that. You’re bold, you know.”

I shoot him a
sideways glance. “I’m not.”

“Yeah.” He
nods. “You definitely are. “Bold in a balls out kind of way. When
you jumped out of the car, like thirty seconds had passed since
running out of fuel and you’d already hatched a plan to save our
butts. And then when you were sprinting through the infected I was
just watching thinking… wow. I also thought you were going to die.
But it was mostly wow.”

I smile but say
nothing, just keep squinting up at the sky.

“Though,” he
says. “You did surprise me by going back into the tunnel for
Trouble.”

I look over at
him. “How come?”

Kean shrugs
slowly and doesn’t let his shoulders drop again until he speaks
again. “You just seemed like you didn’t want us there in the first
place.”

“I didn’t.”

“Do you now?”
Kean asks.

A few seconds
pass before I answer. “Undecided.”

Kean
laughs.

“It was really
stupid going to the shopping centre,” I say. “I shouldn’t have done
it. I don’t even know why I did. It’s so unlike me.”

“Putting your
ass on the line for someone you care about, that sounds like you
every which way.” Kean rolls onto his side, studying my face in
that way that makes me feel like I’ve got food on it or something.
“We’re alive,” he says. “And better yet we’re able to talk to
Trouble… sort of. But now he can communicate with us properly if
he
needs to. That must be such a release for him.”