Apocalypsis: Book 2 (Warpaint) (26 page)

Bodo sat there, frozen.  I could see he was trying to figure out if he were being mocked, so I did what I had to do to stop the nonsense.

I burst out with, “Bodo has a big bird.”

Peter raised an eyebrow.  “Is that what we’re calling it these days?  A bird?”  he turned to Bodo.  “I’m so happy for you both.”

I slapped Peter on the arm.  “No, idiot.  Not his … well, his … whatever.  I’m talking about a
real
bird.  Like a big ass bird.”

“Dat’s
my
secret, Bryn. You are not supposed to tell.”

“You were just about to.  I just helped.  I’m allowed to do that, since I’m … we’re … god, this is stupid.”  I shook my head, at a loss for what to call
us.

“When you say bird, do you mean the animal that has wings and flies over our heads?”

“Yes.  That’s exactly what I mean.”  I nodded, grateful to Peter for moving us past what was quickly becoming an uncomfortable moment for me.

“So what … ?  Bodo has a parrot or something?”

I giggled.  “Not exactly.”

“No, it’s not a parrot.  Don’t be ridiculous.  My hawk can eat a parrot in da middle of da sky.”

“You have a hawk?” Peter sat back a little bit before shaking his head.  “No sir.  Huh-uh.  No way.  You do
not
have a hawk as a pet.”

“Yes, I do.  But not really a pet.  More like a partner.”

“No, you don’t.”

Bodo frowned.  “Yes, I do.  Tell him, Bryn.”

“He does.  I’ve seen it.”

Peter shook his head. “No.  You two are messing with me, I know it.  I’m not
that
gullible.”

Bodo stood up, putting his plate on the top of the shelves.  “Come on, den.  Let’s go.”

Peter looked up at him.  “Go where?  Into the swamp like you did with Bryn earlier?  No thanks.”

Peter had no time to react before Bodo had grabbed him under the arms and lifted him like a toddler, standing him on his feet.

“Ack!”
Peter squeaked, slapping at Bodo’s hands. 
“
Get
off
me, you neanderthal!  Unhand my person!”

I laughed uncontrollably.  “Unhand my person?” I gasped out.  “Who says that outside of a high school theater play?”  I took some deep breaths to try and calm myself while Bodo stepped back and Peter brushed imaginary cooties off his shoulders, arms, and chest.

“People who are being manhandled by cavemen,
that’s
who.”

“Come on,” said Bodo, leaving the hut.  “Time to meet Nina.”

I followed closely behind, yelling over my shoulder.  “Come on, Peter.  He’s not kidding.  You really have to see this.  Bring Buster and his leash.”

“I’m not sure if havingk Buster dare is a good idea.  My hawk might be hungry.”

I looked at him askance.  “You’d better make sure your hawk doesn’t touch a single piece of fuzz on Buster’s little body or I’ll pull her stupid wings off.”

“Don’t even choke like dat, Bryn.”

“I’m not joking.  I will vote your hawk off the island before I vote Buster off.”

“Dare’s no need to vote anybody off.  She and Buster can work togedder.”

“How’s that?” I asked, noticing that Peter was following us.  He was normally one of the noisiest walkers in the entire swamp, but it definitely didn’t help that he was mumbling cuss words and slapping himself every five seconds as the mosquitoes descended.  They loved his tender skin.

“Lots of falconers use ferrets with da hawks to hunt.  Maybe Buster can be my ferret.”

“How does that work?  Seems like ferrets would be on the menu for a hawk like yours.”

“Da hawk learns dat with the ferret going into holes and scaring out da little furry animals for hiss dinner, he can chust be friends.  If he eats da ferret, dat’s chust one meal.  If he doesn’t eat da ferret, it’s lots of mealss.  It’s a very easy math for her.”

“Hawks that do math.  And I thought I was stupid
before
.”

“Don’t worry.  Many people underestimate da value of da hawk.  I triedt to explain to my old friends, dat dey didn’t need to hunt for anything.  We could do it all with da hawks.  But dey didn’t listen.  Dey chust saw a big tanksgiving turkey on my arm.”

“That’s so sad,” I said. And I meant it.  “People can be so short-sighted sometimes.”

“Yes.  Dey can.  But not me.  I see da long vision.  Dat’s why I’m with you.”

That one had me flummoxed.  I couldn’t figure out what the heck he was talking about.  Peter had caught up to us, and before I could ask for clarification, he chimed in.

“Smart move.  Me too.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked.

Peter shrugged, talking without emotion.  “You’re strong, fit, positive, mentally healthy.  Beautiful.  Bodo would be stupid to let you go.  Girls like you will be the beginning of a new human race. 
I
would be stupid to let you go because you can protect me and make sure I stay fed and sheltered.  You’re a nice person like that.  You feel responsible for those weaker than you.”

“You’re not weak, Peter.”

“Not emotionally.  Not all the time.  But physically, yes, I am.  Let’s not lie to each other.”

I looked his twiggy arms that were about as big around as my wrists.  “Okay, so you’re a little on the puny side.  But that’s not the only strength that counts out here in this wacky world.”

“I know.  That’s another reason we need to stick together.  I can help you keep your head on straight and so can Bodo.”

“You guys afraid I’m going to go crazy on you?”

“Well, you could.  Sometimes you’re wound as tight as a spring.  But Bodo’s pretty good at picking fights with you when you’re
too
wound up, and when that doesn’t work I shame you into being fair.  It’s a little sad, admittedly, but it works for us.”

I shook my head, realizing that pretty much everything he said was true, even if I didn’t agree with the me being beautiful part.  “We are the epitome of a dysfunctional family.”  I wasn’t sure whether to be proud or sad.

“Nah,” disagreed Peter.  “We are the new definition of family.  And we function just fine as far as I’m concerned.”

I thought about it for a second before saying, “Me too.”  I slung my arm over Peter’s shoulders in easy friendship, deciding not to let my weirdness ruin what I thought was meant to be a happy time for us.  His bones pressed into my flesh.  “Wow, you are boney.”

He shrugged me off.  “Shut up.  Where’s this bird, anyway?” he said louder, trying to catch Bodo’s attention.

“Chust a little farther.  Keep your shoes on.”

Peter whispered to me.  “Where does he get this stuff, anyway?  Isn’t it pants?  Aren’t we supposed to keep our pants on?”

“Maybe for Bodo shoes are more important.  Maybe it’s a German thing.”

“You know, Chermans can hear very good.  You are talking about me not very nice, I know it.”

“We were just talking about your creative colloquialisms,” said Peter.

I had no idea what that word meant, but it was fun to mess with Bodo, which is exactly what Peter was trying to do.

“Is dat like a fucktart?”

“What?” asked Peter, half choking.

“Fucktart.  Dat’s a new word I learned today.  Isn’t it a good one?”

“I told you before, Bodo,” I said, “it’s not fuck
tart
.  It’s fuck
tard
.  And you were right before.  It’s not a nice word, so stop saying it.”

“I didn’t say fucktart.  Dat was you.  You are the lady saying all the fucktart words today.  Or moron.  She likes dat one, too.  I think it means
boy I luff
.”

“Wow.  You guys have one of the most messed up relationships I have ever seen,” said Peter, shaking his head.  “Seriously.  You fight to lighten the mood.  You call each other names …”

“And we take showers togedder sometimes. Don’t forget dat.”

“Shut up,
Bodo!”

“You do? 
Ew. 
That’s a public shower, you know.”

“We do
not
take showers together.”

“Yesss weeee doooo … ”

“One time!  Okay? 
One time.
  And it’ll never happen again, I can promise you that.”

“I can promise you different!” said Bodo in a singsong voice.

“Pfft. 
Over my dead body,” I mumbled.

“Challenge issued, Bodo,” said Peter.

“Challenge accepted!” said Bodo, laughing loudly.

Jerks.

We reached the clearing where I’d found Bodo before, and he pulled his harmonica from his pocket, blowing out a few notes before I had time to dispute his challenge accepted nonsense.

I heard the screech before I saw it.

Peter grabbed my arm and his eyes grew wide. 
“What the hell was that?”

“It’s Nina,” I said, bemused by his obvious fear.

“What is it?  A friggin pterodactyl?”

I laughed.  “Just look.”  I pointed to the small, brown dot in the sky that was getting bigger and bigger every second.

“Holy shit,” said Peter in a breathy voice.

“Yeah.  Pretty amazing, right?”

I looked over at Bodo.  He’d pulled the leather strap out of his pants and was busy wrapping it around his hand and forearm.

“What’s he doing?” whispered Peter.

“Getting read to make a landing pad for the hawk.”

Bodo held up his arm, blowing once more on the harmonica before putting it back in his pocket.  He took something else out and held it in his hand.

“What’s he holding?”

“A hunk of meat.  Better grab Buster before he gets eaten.”  I was only half kidding.

Peter moved with a flash, bending down and scooping the poodle up into his arms.  “Shhhh, Buster.  Do
not
bark.  I don’t want that beast pecking Bodo’s eyes out and then coming after us.”

I hated to admit that even though I trusted Bodo’s expertise, I also worried about the eye-pecking thing.  I would think from a hawk’s perspective that they looked really appetizing - so juicy and all.

“Stay back for chust a minute,” said Bodo.  “Let me settle her first.”

The hawk came swooping down, her wings spread wide and tipped up at the ends.  Her body rocked slightly back and forth, just before her talons reached out and gripped Bodo’s arm.  She folded her wings back in and took a couple of small steps left and right, flexing her talons and flicking her head left and right quickly.

She dipped her beak down and accepted the hunk of meat that Bodo offered, lifting her head up and jerking it back several times to move the food down her throat.  She finished and looked at him expectantly, but he just talked to her instead of feeding her again.  It was all in German so I had no idea what he was saying, but it sure sounded like endearments to me.

“Jealous?” asked Peter, whispering in my ear.

 I shoved him gently, trying not to bother the bird.  “Hush, freak.”

“Do you want to watch her hunt?” asked Bodo.

“Yeeah,” said Peter hesitantly.  He leaned over and whispered in my ear.  “Do I want to see her hunt?”

“I think so, yeah.” I whispered back.  “So long as it’s not our eyeballs she’s after.”

“Yeah, right,” he agreed, moving one of his hands up slowly over his eyebrows.  “I’m ready!” he called out.

Bodo launched the hawk into the air and she rose up with a great beating of wings to fly some lazy circles above us.  She stayed gliding on a current of air for what seemed like too long.  I half expected her to just fall out of the sky for lack of effort.

When she finally did change trajectory, she nearly gave me a heart attack.  She went from being a diamond-shaped feather in the air, to an arrow, rocketing down to the earth, aiming for something on the ground that I was just glad wasn’t me.

I moved closer to Peter and stroked Buster’s fuzzy back as he sat innocently in Peter’s arms, oblivious to the murderous predator above him.

“Are you as glad as I am that Buster’s not wandering around out there?” asked Peter.

“Yes, definitely.”

The hawk landed on something and looked like she was stomping around on the ground a little bit, her wings flaring out a few times before folding in again.  Then she bent down and tore at something beneath her feet.  I could see some of its flesh hanging from her beak.

Bodo tooted on his harmonica twice, and Nina lifted her head, immediately hunching down for a second before launching herself powerfully into the sky again.  Her wings beat with hard thrusts, her amazing strength evident with each stroke.  When she was high enough up, separated fully from the ground and the trees and grasses serving as her backdrop, I could see she had a snake in her claws.  The thing was flopping around all over the place as she moved closer and closer to Bodo.

I put my hand up to my mouth, speechless, thinking,
holy shit, I hope that thing is dead and not poisonous.

The hawk landed on Bodo’s arm and allowed him to take the snake from her, opening her sharp-looking talons and letting it drop into his hand.  He lowered it slowly, letting it hang limply at his side.

I tried not to gag when he casually stuck the tail of it in the back of his waistband.  He pulled out some more meat from his pocket and fed her, stroking her feathers as she gobbled it down like before.

I shook my head.  I had seen her before, but I was still blown away by her now.  She was almost magical.  I was reminded of movies I had seen before the world had changed so much, with knights riding around on horses wearing chain metal and cloaks, living in castles and fighting battles against armies of men in kilts.  I sighed, imagining Bodo dressed like that.  He’d totally fit in.

“Swoon-worthy,” said Peter.  “I have to admit.  He goes from goofy to hot just like that.”  He snapped his fingers.

“I know, right?”  I looked at the snake hanging down over his backside.  “Except for the whole snake in the pants thing.  Not so swoon-worthy.”

“Yeah, right. 
Gah,
that’s disgusting.  Why’d you make me look at it?”  He turned with Buster in his arms to slap me, but lost his grip when Buster wiggled at just the wrong time.

“Buster,
no!”
yelled Peter.

But Buster had other plans that didn’t include being coddled in Peter’s arms. He took off running, his leash trailing behind him, heading out into the grasses in the distance.