Authors: Katie Price
Angel soon found herself asking indiscreetly, 'Is Flavia
like that with everyone's husband?' as Flavia yet again
monopolised Cal's attention, speaking Italian to him and
excluding everyone else.
Alessia smiled knowingly. 'Yes, she is, but I'm sure you
have nothing to worry about. Cal is not going to fall for
her, is he? He's just for you – I'm right, aren't I?'
'I hope so,' Angel answered, feeling miserable.
She could
trust Cal, couldn't she?
And Alessia replied reassuringly,
'I'm certain it is so.'
Now that Flavia had joined her party, the night had
lost some of its sparkle for Angel. She would far rather
have returned to the villa and carried on talking to her
friends there, besides putting some more questions to Cal
about Flavia. But everyone else was having a great time
and Angel didn't think she could suggest that they leave
yet. So she pretended that she was having an equally
good time, dancing with Jez and Gemma and drowning
her anger in yet more champagne. They didn't leave the
club until after three and were all quite drunk except for
Cal who never lost control. His mother had been an
alcoholic throughout his childhood. She only got dry
when he was in his twenties, because he finally managed
to persuade her to go into rehab and paid for her
treatment. Maybe that was why Angel couldn't confide in
him about her depression – sometimes, however much
she loved him, Cal just seemed too bloody perfect. He
never messed up.
Back home Angel didn't want the night to end and
suggested Bailey's which everyone took her up on,
except Cal who said he had to go to bed or he'd be wasted
for training the next day.
'What a night!' Jez declared, lying back on the
sofa. 'That was such a fantastic club, Angel. You're so
lucky to be out here where everything and everyone is
so glam.'
'Yes, especially the women,' Angel said bitterly,
thinking of Flavia.
'Babe, you have nothing to fear from
them
,' Jez said,
looking astonished. 'You are totally the fairest of them
all!'
'Oh, really?' she said sceptically. 'Well, I wasn't very
happy to hear that Flavia chose this dress. She fancies the
arse off Cal. He's admitted it.'
'So what if she does?' Gemma put in. 'He doesn't feel
the same about her, does he?'
'No,' Angel grudgingly admitted. 'It's just that she
reminds me of Simone and I don't like her.'
'Forget about her,' Gemma urged her friend. 'Don't let
her spoil your time here. So she fancies Cal? You know
lots of women do and you've learned to accept that, just
as he has to accept that loads of blokes fancy you.'
Angel sighed, not really believing that anyone could
fancy her right now. 'It's just that I wanted everything to
be perfect for your stay and now I feel as if she's ruined
it.'
'It's only ruined if you let it be,' Gemma told her.
'Come on, what about those drinks? '
They only lasted another hour before staggering up to
their beds. Cal was already asleep. Angel unzipped her
dress, bunched it up and threw it into a corner – so what
if it was designer and cost a fortune? She was never going
to wear it again. She pulled on her silk PJs and got into
bed, and even though she was angry with him she still
curled round Cal, slipping one arm over him, enjoying
the feeling of his sleep-warmed skin.
He wouldn't have an affair, would he? Not Cal.
She tried to push the dark thoughts away, the thoughts
that tormented her, but one kept breaking through her
defences, and that was that she hadn't been much of a
wife to him lately. Would it really be that much of a
surprise if Cal did have an affair? She held him tighter
and in his sleep he took her hand. She couldn't bear to
lose him. She would just have to make more of an effort
to be happy. She could do that, couldn't she? She always
used to be happy. Eventually she fell into a dreamless,
alcohol-fuelled sleep.
But all Angel's good intentions to be more positive
evaporated in the morning light as she opened her eyes
and the hangover kicked in. When Cal walked in with a
cup of tea for her, she found herself saying nastily, 'Don't
ever let another woman choose my clothes for me again!'
'Look, I'm sorry, she just happened to be in the shop.
And it really wasn't like she made out. I'd already chosen
the dress, she just agreed with me,' Cal replied. 'Don't
make this into something it's not, Angel.'
'Whatever,' she muttered.
'Anyway, can you listen out for Honey? She's still
asleep and I've got to go to training. I'll be back just
before lunch.' Angel nodded then closed her eyes and
slumped back on the pillow, thinking she'd try and sleep
off the pounding headache, but a few minutes later there
was a knock at the door and Gemma padded in, in her
PJs and got into bed next to Angel.
'How are you feeling?' she asked.
'Rough,' Angel muttered and opened her eyes. 'How
come you look so perky?'
'Well, I didn't drink as much as you. I've cut right
down because of trying to get pregnant,' she sighed.
'I'm sure you will soon, Gemma,' Angel said
sympathetically, feeling guilty all over again for not being
happy when she had everything that her friend wanted.
'God, I don't know,' Gemma replied. 'I'm trying not to
let it take over my life and my head, but it's hard, Angel.
I want a baby so much! I look at you and Honey and I'm
so happy for you, but at the same time it really hurts.'
Angel sat up and hugged her friend. 'Gemma, I just
know you are going to have a baby, you've got to believe
that.' She felt full of sadness for her friend. 'Come on,
let's get up. Cal's gone to training and I expect Jez and
Rufus could do with a cup of tea.'
The day went by way too fast for Angel's liking. She
wished that her friends could stay longer but they could
only have two days away. They all hung out by the pool,
taking it in turns to entertain Honey who was becoming
a complete water baby and adored splashing about in her
bright yellow inflatable baby seat.
In the afternoon Angel took everyone on a boat trip –
their villa came with its own speed boat and boatman,
something that impressed Jez no end. While he interrogated
the boatman about whether George Clooney was
at his villa, Rufus turned to Angel and asked her if she
was all right, saying hesitantly that she didn't seem her
usual self. For a second she wanted to confide in him, but
then the familiar feeling of shame took over and she
found herself forcing a smile and replying that of course
she was.
For dinner Cal had booked a table for them at a local
restaurant. He offered to stay behind with Honey. Angel
tried to persuade him to come but he refused.
'I know you'd really like some time on your own with
them before they go and I need to have an early night
tonight because of training.'
Angel's heart sank. She hated the thought of tomorrow
when her friends would be flying back and she would be
left behind. She tried to put on a brave face over dinner
but everyone picked up on her sadness.
'You'll have to come back and see us next time,'
Gemma said. 'And in a few months' time you'll be
working again as well.'
'I know, it's just that I really miss you all,' Angel said,
and then she couldn't stop the tears from filling her eyes.
'Book your ticket for three weeks' time,' Jez told her.
'We'll go out clubbing, hit the shops and have a proper
London weekend.'
Angel sniffed. 'Yeah. Three weeks isn't that long, is it?'
But in her head she dreaded the days ahead.
Cal said that she could book a driver to take her friends
to the airport but Angel insisted she could drive them
herself. Getting used to driving on the right and
navigating her way to the airport were a good way of
keeping her mind off the fact her friends were leaving,
and she thought it was about time she got to grips with
driving over here. Having a chauffeur on tap 24/7 had
never been Angel's style.
Jez tried to keep everyone's spirits up on the journey
by bitching about his ex's latest plans to redecorate the
hairdressing salon they owned together. Usually they got
on well as business partners but over matters of taste they
parted company dramatically.
'He wants leopard-print chairs, ornate gold mirrors
and
red
wallpaper!' Jez said in disgust. 'I told him it
doesn't exactly scream timeless chic, does it? More like
brothel!'
Angel smiled at Jez's comments, but if he'd wanted to
cheer her up he only succeeded in reminding her how
much she was going to miss him. She didn't think she was
up to waving them off at Departures so just dropped
them off at the terminal, hugging them and then driving
off so she didn't have to see them leave.
Angel had hoped that she and Cal could spend the rest of
the day together and that maybe she might be able to pick
up on their conversation from the club, but he had an
interview with a journalist in Milan about his charity. He
wanted to set up a number of after-school football clubs
in some of the most disadvantaged areas of the UK. It was
a project really dear to his heart.
The minute she walked through the door Cal just
handed her Honey, gave her a brief kiss and left,
reminding her that it was Lucy's afternoon off. The
moment he left Honey started crying. Angel tried
everything to pacify her – picked her up and walked
round the house with her; got out her toys; changed her
nappy; offered her milk. Nothing worked, she only cried
harder.
After nearly two hours Angel felt at her wit's end. If
she'd been back in Brighton this would have been the
moment she got on the phone to her mum and begged
her to come over. But, of course, here she couldn't. As
Honey persisted in crying, Angel began to worry that
there might be something seriously wrong. She did seem
very hot. Panicking that she might have something awful
like meningitis, Angel stripped off her babygro to check
for any rashes which only made Honey cry more. She
tried to take her temperature but couldn't because the
baby wouldn't keep still for long enough.
'Oh, God, what's wrong!' Angel exclaimed. In
desperation she picked up her mobile.
'Cal, Honey's really ill and won't stop crying, I think
she might have meningitis!' Angel gabbled down the
phone.
'Hold on,' he said, 'I'm sure she hasn't.' Calmly he went
through all the symptoms with her – no, Honey didn't
have a rash. No, she didn't seem floppy. No, she didn't
seem sensitive to light. 'Look, Lucy said she was really
overtired and needed a nap – I meant to tell you before I
left but I was in such a hurry. Sorry. Just put her in her cot.
She might cry for a bit but I'm sure she'll be fine.'
Almost beside herself with the stress of being alone
with her screaming baby, Angel walked up to the nursery
and tucked Honey up in her cot. She did cry for a further
ten minutes while Angel sat outside the room but then
she fell asleep. When Angel crept back in to check she was
sleeping peacefully. Relieved as Angel was, she couldn't
help reproaching herself. She should have known that
Honey was tired. Why hadn't she?
She spent the time Honey was asleep preparing
something for her tea, carefully following a recipe because
she wasn't a natural cook. When Honey woke up,
fortunately in amuch better mood, Angel tried to give her
tea but Honey wasn't having any of it. Most of the risotto
that Angel had so painstakingly made ended up on the
floor, on Honey or on Angel. And that was how Cal found
them on his return. When he saw the state of them he
burst out laughing and rushed to get the digital camera.
'Babe, you look so funny!' he said, clicking away.
Angel's white Juicy Couture tracksuit was covered in
splatters of food.
'I'm glad you think it's funny,' she snapped, 'I spent
ages cooking that.'
Cal took Honey's spoon and sampled the meal for
himself, grimacing. He was about to say something
cheeky when he caught sight of Angel's stern expression
and said, 'Delicious, babe.'
'You don't mean that,' she said crossly. 'I can't get
anything right at the moment – I can't work out when my
daughter's tired. I can't even cook a meal that she wants
to eat. I'm such a failure.' She could feel her eyes welling
up with tears again.
'Don't be silly,' Cal said, enveloping her in a hug and
not caring that now he too was covered in baby food.
'You've just had a bad day, that's all.'
No, that's not all,
Angel wanted to say.
I've had a bad six
months and I don't know why and I need you to help me.
But
even having come so close, she still couldn't say it.
A week later Angel was feeling worse than ever. Cal had
to go away for intensive training with the team and being
alone in the house made her feel as if she was going mad.
Lucy was having some days off as well, so it was just Angel
and Honey. Cal was back to sounding distant on the
phone, and reading between the lines she gathered that
training wasn't going as well as it should and his knee was
troubling him. Yet again, it didn't seem the right time to
tell him how desperate she felt.
She tried to structure her days, taking her daughter
swimming or walking to the nearest town and going to the
shops, but the time without Cal felt very long and lonely.
One afternoon Alessia called round to see her. At first
when Angel saw her car pull into the driveway she
thought she wouldn't open the door. She felt very
unlike her normal self, so insecure and paranoid, but in
the end she let her in. Alessia looked like a supermodel,
effortlessly beautiful and chic in her designer jeans
and cream silk shirt. Compared to her Angel felt
skanky. She hadn't washed her hair for a few days and
had scraped it back into a pony tail. She wasn't wearing
any make up.
'I just thought I'd call round,' Alessia said, walking in,
'I hope you don't mind? I was worried you might be
feeling lonely. I know how I felt in Manchester when my
husband was away training.'