And the Shofar Blew (41 page)

Let go and let God. One day at a time. Easy does it. Think.
All the slogans he’d learned in AA flooded in at once. If it was God’s will, it would be done.

His shoulders relaxed. His stomach stopped churning. He stopped measuring everything by past failures and hurts. How was he any different from his ex-wife and daughter, looking back instead of forward? His heart stopped pounding hard and heavy. Fear and pride dissolved. Everything around him was still and quiet. Was it only his imagination, or did he feel the Spirit moving, hear Him whispering?
I am the Way—yes, and the Truth
and the Life. I am the Bread of Life, the Living Water. I AM.

Gooseflesh rose down his arms and up the back of his neck.
Oh, Lord,
Lord, You changed the heart of Moses. Please change me. Make me whatever
suits Your purposes here.

Stephen knew what God wanted. Obedience. As to building a church, what came to him wasn’t a new vision, but an old one. He wasn’t to look ahead, but to look back to a small group of men and women who met in an upper room for a prayer meeting.

It was close to midnight when Eunice reached Reseda and the condominium complex where Lois and Timothy lived. She pulled into a space marked for guest parking, her fuel gauge in the red. She hadn’t even noticed how close she was to running out of gas. All she could think about was Paul in the arms of Rob Atherton’s wife. She’d cried for two hundred miles. Her head was pounding. Shaking with exhaustion, she turned off the engine and pushed the keys into her purse.

Making her way along the illuminated walkway, Eunice debated going back to the car and looking for a motel for the night. It was late. Lois and Timothy would be in bed. She wiped tears from her cheeks as she reached their section of the complex. A light was on in the living-room window.

What if it’s Timothy? What do I say to him, Lord? How do I explain why I’ve
come in the middle of the night?

She stood outside in the cool of the night, crying, undecided. She should have thought of all these things before driving over two hundred miles. Now she was too tired to drive another block to a gas station, let alone go searching the main drags of the San Fernando Valley for a decent hotel she could afford.

Standing on the stoop, she tapped lightly. The porch light went on and she knew whoever was up was looking through the peephole at her. She forced a smile. A chain jingled, the door opened, and Lois appeared in her pink chenille bathrobe, her hair in curlers. “Eunice! For heaven’s sake! What’re you doing here at this hour of the night?”

When Lois opened the door wide and reached out to her, Eunice went into her arms. She’d thought she had cried herself out for the night, but more tears came like a flood as the pain of betrayal welled up, spilled over, choking her with grief and confusion.

“Paul,” Lois said, her voice choked. “Something’s happened to Paul.”

Eunice drew back. Lois was Paul’s mother, after all. Why hadn’t she thought about that before racing to Lois for comfort? “He’s well. There’s been no accident, no bad news from the doctor, or anything like that.” Should she leave?

“Sit down, honey. You look ready to collapse.”

Eunice sank onto the sofa and covered her face. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come here. I don’t even know what I was thinking to come here.”

Lois sat slowly in her easy chair. She looked as though she were bracing herself for the worst kind of news. Eunice kept her hands over her mouth as she looked at her mother-in-law. “I’ll make us some tea.” Lois stood and took the afghan off the back of her chair and draped it around Eunice’s shoulders before she headed for the kitchen.

“Timothy.”

“Don’t worry, honey. He’s away for a few weeks. Tad has an apartment closer to the work site in Anaheim. We’re alone.”

Thank You, Lord.

She tried to batten down her emotions, to stop the burn of tears and get some control over herself before Lois came back. She kneaded her temples. Her stomach was churning. How long had it been since she had eaten? Just the thought of food made her nauseated. Sleep. Maybe she could sleep for the night, and talk to Lois in the morning. Did Lois use sleeping pills? How many would it take to stop the rush of adrenaline in her blood now? How many to quiet the chorus of voices screaming at her from all sides about what she should or shouldn’t do?

Rob Atherton knew. He had been trying to tell her that day at the coffee shop. Did Sheila make a habit of going after other women’s husbands? Just for fun?

It wasn’t all Sheila’s fault. She had seen with her own eyes how willing a participant Paul was in this moral fiasco.

Forgive, You say. Forgive.

“Euny.” Lois held out a cup of tea.

“Thanks, Mom.” Eunice took it. The cup rattled in the saucer. She put it on the coffee table with meticulous care, not wanting a drop of it to spill on Lois’s nice beige carpet. Hadn’t she been talking about redecorating? Eunice hadn’t even looked around. “Everything looks nice. French country?”

“More like shabby chic.”

Eunice sipped her tea. “It looks nice. You have a knack, Mom.”

“I’m glad you like it.”

Eunice stared at the magazines spread out on the coffee table. She fingered one. Anything to distract herself. Christian magazines mixed with home decorating and travel. It was like being in a doctor’s office, picking up anything to keep from thinking about what was to come. A consultation about major surgery. An amputation. No. Open-heart surgery without anesthetic. Or some kind of incurable cancer. “I’m sorry, Lois. I shouldn’t’ve come.”
Why am I here, God?
“I should’ve gone somewhere else.”
Lord, where
do I go?

“You’re like my own daughter, Euny. I love you. Where better than here?”

“I don’t know.” Emotions balled up inside her chest. Too many to make sense of what she was feeling. She clutched her sweater together and rocked back and forth against the pain. How could she open her mouth and tell Lois what she’d seen? Paul, Lois’s only child. Paul, the apple of Lois’s eye.

“Oh, honey, just say—” Lois’s voice broke—“just spit it out before it chokes you to death.”

“He’s having an affair.”

“Is it someone you know?”

“Yes.”

“Someone in the church?”

“Yes.”

“Is it just beginning, or is it almost over?”

What difference did that make? “I think it’s been going on for a long time.” She’d answered the telephone dozens of times to Sheila Atherton in some crisis or another. “He’s been giving her marriage counseling.” She laughed bleakly. “Her husband knows.”
“You remind me of Molly.”
“I didn’t understand.”
“Sheila bores easily, and she was bored with me a long time ago.”
“I didn’t want to understand. And Reka called this morning.”
“I’m sorry,
Eunice.”
“Reka said Paul needed me at the church.”
“I’m sorry to do this to
you.”
“She said I should hurry.” Reka had wanted her to walk in on them!

“Paul came home while I was packing. He made all kinds of excuses.” Her mind raced back over everything. She couldn’t shut it off.
“Rob didn’t
even bother to show up after the first appointment.” “You know things haven’t
been right between us since Timothy moved in with my mother.”

So many things made sense now. Heart-ripping, soul-shattering sense.

Oh, Lord, forgive me for missing all the signs. I felt Your Spirit move in
warning and ignored You because I didn’t want to confront Paul. I didn’t want
to hear the lies. I didn’t want to feel the pain. I kept telling myself that love always
believes the best. But love doesn’t ignore what’s wrong. Love doesn’t sweep
sin under a carpet and pretend it isn’t there. I was ashamed of my suspicions. I
didn’t want to believe Paul could be unfaithful. But I saw, Lord. Oh, Lord, I
saw his unfaithfulness to You. Oh, God, forgive my arrogance. How foolish to
think my husband could cheat on You and still remain faithful to me
.

“Excuse me.” She fled to the bathroom. Gagging, she sank to her knees. How soon after Sheila came for counseling had the affair started? A few weeks? A month? Two? Had Paul gone back to church to comfort Sheila? Was he at Sheila’s house now, trying to figure out a way to get a divorce without ruining his ministry? She vomited what little was left in her stomach from breakfast. Choking on sobs, she continued retching.

She flushed the toilet and turned on the faucet. Panting, she cupped cold water and washed her face. Dampening a washcloth, she closed the lid of the toilet and sat with the cloth over her eyes. If things weren’t bad enough, now she had the hiccups. She gave a broken laugh.

Lois tapped at the door. “Are you all right?”

“I’ll be out—” she hiccupped—“in a minute.”

“Can I help you, Euny?”

“No. I’ll be fine.”
Fine!
Would she ever be fine again? She pressed the cloth to her eyes, trying to press away the memory of Paul and Sheila.

“I’ll be in the kitchen.”

“Okay.” Eunice held her breath, but it did no good. Hiccup. She splashed more cold water and pressed her face into a soft towel. She had to get control of herself. She had to think. She couldn’t just blurt out everything. What would it do to Lois’s opinion of her son?

Why should I care what anyone thinks of him? Why should I protect him?

She leaned on the sink, chest heaving.
Because. Because! More lives are at
stake than his. Or mine. What will it do to all those precious souls sitting in the
pews of Valley New Life Center if word gets out?
Hands shaking, she tried to straighten her hair. She looked awful. Maybe if she dabbed a little lipstick on, she’d look less like a cadaver. Her purse was on the floor in the living room.
Help me, Jesus. Oh, Jesus, help me.

Lois was standing at the stove when Eunice entered the kitchen. “Chicken soup.”

Eunice sat at the nook table. Food, the great restorative. As if chicken soup could restore her soul. “I don’t know if I can hold anything down, Mom.” First she had to get rid of the pictures playing over and over in her mind. The sounds. The smells.

“I know what you’re feeling, Eunice. I’ve been through it.”

Her eyes welled. “I know.” Maybe that was why she had made a beeline for Lois. She had known a little of what was wrong with her inlaws’ marriage. Who better to comfort her and give her some kind of understanding than a woman who had fought to keep her husband and still managed to keep her faith? Eunice wasn’t sure she had any fight in her, or if Paul was even worth it. He had changed. He had been changing for a long time. First he’d turned away from the Lord. Then he’d turned away from her.

“I’m sorry, Euny.” Lois ladled soup into a bowl and set it in front of Eunice. “I thought I raised Paul better.” Her eyes were dark with anger and pain as she took the chair opposite Eunice.

Eunice stirred the soup slowly. “I couldn’t stay. He said he had to go back to the church for a meeting, but he might’ve been lying and going back to her.”

“It won’t last. It never does.”

“What doesn’t last?” Her agony? Her marriage?

“The affair. It’s probably already over. There is nothing like the shock of exposure to bring the quick kiss of death to something like that.”

“Maybe.” It had certainly been the kiss of death to every sense of security she’d ever felt with Paul. Their marriage had been founded on faith, and now, she saw he was faithless.

“If nothing else, it will make Paul think about what’s important.”

“His church.”

“No, Euny. You. He loves you. I know he does.”

A mother-in-law’s wishful thinking. Empty words.
Love.
Did Paul even know the meaning of the word? He’d always had time for everyone except his own son and wife. And plenty of time for Sheila Atherton.

“Oh, Euny. Think back. I remember the way Paul looked at you on your wedding day. When you came down the aisle, he couldn’t take his eyes off you. He looked as though he would melt. I thanked God my son fell in love with a young woman of faith who would stand by him through every storm life brings. I knew the moment I met you that you weren’t just another beautiful girl. You were special. God’s blessing upon my son. You still are.” She reached over and touched her hand. “Give him time. He’ll come to his senses. Be patient with him.”

“Is that what you did?”

“Yes.” Her eyes shadowed. “After I swallowed my pride. It hurts when the man you love turns to another woman. It’s humiliating. You feel as though you weren’t enough of a woman to hold on to your husband, that something was lacking in you, that you were somehow to blame.” She shook her head. “That’s not true. Some men are just weak in regard to other women. They’re in a position of authority and power. Women come to them and fancy them-selves in love. It’s a boost to a man’s ego. One thing leads to another. It’s just an innocent little flirtation at first, nothing serious. And then they get caught up in it. The headiness of having a woman other than their wife adoring them removes restraints. Of course, it doesn’t last.”

“Usually.” Eunice put the spoon down. Was flirtation ever innocent? “We’ve both heard about pastors who have left their wives for another woman.”

“David never even considered that. Neither will Paul.” She smiled bleakly. “Paul will try to make it up to you, Euny. David did. At least Paul has told you he’s sorry. David never said it in so many words. But he treated me better after it was over. He gave me a beautiful diamond tennis bracelet once.”

“I’ve never seen you wear it.”

“How could I? Every time I took it out, I was reminded.” She shook her head. “Men are so foolish.” She rose and poured two fresh cups of tea. “When did you eat last?”

“Breakfast.”

“You need to eat something, Eunice. Try. One bite. You’ll feel better for it.”

She managed a few spoonfuls.

“It would be better if you didn’t say anything to Timothy.” Lois put a buttered piece of toast in front of Eunice. “It can only do damage to Tim’s relationship with his father, and you don’t want that. There’s been enough hurt already.” She sat again. “I never told Paul anything about his father’s misdeeds. Remember. Love covers a multitude of sins.”

Misdeeds? How many times had David Hudson committed adultery? Was covering up such sin love? Was it right to hide the truth from others? Let people go on believing an angel was in the pulpit while a devil was in the home? Eunice didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know what to do. Should she go before the elders, tell them the truth, and ask their help in making Paul accountable? The thought made her sick. How could she expect fair and righteous treatment from Gerry Boham, Marvin Lockford, and the rest of Paul’s sycophants? More likely she would be reprimanded and told to keep silent, to plaster a smile on her face and pretend everything was fine.

Lord, help me. The seed of bitterness has grown in me. I don’t want to feel
anything
.

“Do you have someone like Joseph to stand with you when you speak with Paul?”

Joseph, the able, faithful elder who had taken over David Hudson’s ministry.

“Samuel.” She thought of Stephen Decker also, but said nothing about him.