And the Shofar Blew (38 page)

She buried her face in the handkerchief and sobbed. “That’s what a great mother I’ve been. Then after two weeks, I was so scared. I was afraid to call you. I didn’t know what to do. And then, a few weeks later, I found out for myself that everything she said about Jeff was true.”

“That’s when you called and wanted me to tell her you were divorcing Jeff.”

She blew her nose and said a watery yes.

He prayed his confession wouldn’t bring an end to this conversation. “I didn’t tell her, Kathryn. I’m sorry. I wish I had now. But I was afraid you might be blaming her for the breakup of your marriage.”

At least she wasn’t screaming at him. At least she was still sitting in her chair and not flying at his throat.

She released her breath slowly. Closing her eyes, she blew her nose again, then crumpled his handkerchief in her hand. “I’m glad you didn’t. I want to be the one to tell her she was right.” Her mouth jerked. “Maybe then she’ll be able to forgive me.”

Given time, maybe Brittany would be able to forgive both of them for their faults as people and failures as parents.

“Thanks.” Kathryn barely whispered it.

“For what?”

“For listening.”

He should’ve started the practice a long time ago. “Anytime.” It was a habit worth cultivating.

“Well, well, this is something new.” Brittany stood at the top of the stair-well, watching them. She hooked her thumbs under the straps of her back-pack and looked from him to her mother. “I’ve never known the two of you to be in the same room longer than five seconds without having a fight.”

Stephen leaned back in his chair and smiled at his daughter. “Your mother and I had breakfast together.”

“You don’t say.”

“Your father cooked.”

“Was it up to your standards, Mother?”

When Kathryn didn’t answer, Brittany looked at him. “She complains about everything. Don’t let her get to you, Dad.”

“She said it was good.”

“Miracle of miracles. Another first.” Brittany stared hard at her mother. Stephen had the feeling that one wrong word would send her back down those stairs and out of their lives.

Kathryn broke the silence. “You were right about Jeff, Brittany.”

“Tell me something I don’t already know.”

“I divorced him.”

“Do you think I care?” Brittany tilted her head in the same manner Kathryn often did. “I’ve learned a few things since coming here. Dad
did
want me. You told me he didn’t.”

“I lied.”

Brittany looked momentarily surprised by Kathryn’s confession before her young face hardened. “Is there any reason I shouldn’t hate you for the rest of my life?”

“No. But I hope you won’t.”

“Don’t hold your breath.”

Stephen pitied Kathryn. He knew how hard it was to confess.

Kathryn took the strap of her purse and looped it over her shoulder. “I’d better go.”

Stephen stood. “I’ll walk you down.”

Brittany shrugged off her backpack and held it tightly in one hand. Stephen had the feeling she’d use it as a weapon if Kathryn tried to get too close. Kathryn didn’t. Mother and daughter looked at one another. Brittany turned her back before Kathryn could say anything.

Stephen walked down the stairs behind Kathryn. He opened the front door for her. “Are you going to be all right?”

“I guess I’ll have to be.”

“I want to know for sure.”

She looked up at him, pale and sad. “You have changed.” Her lips curved sardonically. “Relax, Stephen. We all know I’m too selfish to do anything to hurt myself.” The smile died. She put her sunglasses back on and gave a flippant wave. “At least I know Brittany is safe and doing well. That’s enough to keep me going right now.”

Stephen watched Kathryn walk out to her car, open the door, and slide in. She started the engine, sat for a moment, head down, and then pulled away from the curb.

Eunice was buying a box of pills reputed to ease migraine headaches when she saw Rob Atherton talking with the pharmacist.

“I know, I know.” Rob’s impatience came through clearly. “I have an appointment in two weeks.” Again the pharmacist talked low, his expression grim. Eunice stood back, not wanting to eavesdrop. “How long a wait are you talking about?” The pharmacist said he would call Rob’s doctor, confirm that a refill was in order, and have the prescription ready in a few minutes. “Fine. Go ahead.”

Rob turned and spotted her. Why would he give her such a pained look?

The clerk called her attention, asking if she needed help. Eunice handed over the box of pills. The lady chattered pleasantly as she rang it into the register, took Eunice’s money, made change, tucked the small box into a white bag, and stapled the receipt to it. She handed Eunice’s purchase back. “Have a nice day, Mrs. Hudson.”

She noticed Rob loitering in one of the aisles. “Is everything all right, Rob?”

He glanced up. “Not really. I need a refill on my nitroglycerin tablets, and he’s insisting I should’ve had a checkup with my doctor. He’s right, of course, but my schedule hasn’t allowed for it.”

“Isn’t nitroglycerin for a heart condition?”

“Angina.”

“I didn’t know—”

“No reason you should, unless Sheila mentioned it to your husband during one of their . . . counseling appointments.”

He said it in such an odd way, she was left wondering what he meant. Was he concerned that Paul was talking about things he shouldn’t? “I can assure you,” she said gently, “Paul never tells me anything that’s said during any of his counseling sessions.”

His eyes narrowed slightly. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.”

Again, the undercurrent of something unpleasant. What was wrong here? Paul would never break a confidence. It was a matter of ethics. She wasn’t sure what to say other than what she’d already said. “I feel remiss for not knowing you’ve been having health issues, Rob. I’m sorry.”

“Well, to be frank, I could use a little sisterly advice.” The pharmacist called his attention. “Would you mind giving me a few minutes, Eunice? I’d like to ask your opinion about something.”

She had an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach, but agreed to wait. He paid for his prescription, and listened to the pharmacist caution him on the side effects of the medication and explain proper usage. Rob joined her again in the aisle lined with headache and stomachache medications. “Is there someplace we can talk?”

She suggested the coffee shop at the end of the block. “They put tables out on the sidewalk a few days ago. It’s nice and sunny, and there shouldn’t be many customers this time of the morning.”

Rob picked a table farthest from the front door. The umbrella hadn’t been put up yet. “I’m not sure how to begin. I don’t know how much you know.”

“Know about what?”

“Sheila’s counseling.”

“Well, nothing, of course. Paul never talks about his counseling appointments to anyone.”

His mouth turned down slightly as he studied her. He opened his mouth to say something, and closed it when he saw the waitress approaching. He asked Eunice what she wanted. “A latte, please.” He ordered a decaf coffee for himself.

He leaned back in his chair and studied her. “How much do you know about me and Sheila?”

“I know you’ve both been very generous to the church.” She wasn’t certain how much to say or how to say it. “Sheila seems to be far more interested in being involved in the church than you are.”

He gave a short laugh. “I guess that’s one way of putting it.”

“I’ve heard you travel a great deal.”

“As often as possible.”

His dry tone disturbed her. “On business, as I understand it.”

He nodded. “On business. And sometimes, personal.” He put his hands on the table and tapped his fingertips together. “I go to Florida every other month. My ex-wife lives there. It’s all pretty messy, Eunice. I’m just going to lay it all out for you and then ask your advice. Is that all right?” He leaned back again as the waitress delivered their order.

Eunice thanked him for the latte before taking a sip. She almost hoped he would resist the impulse to tell her any more about his private life, but he moved his chair closer to the table, apparently intent on doing so.

“Molly, my first wife, put me through college. She helped me get started in business. She’s the mother of my two children. About the time they were entering high school and giving us some problems, I hired a new secretary. Smart, young, beautiful. As you can guess, it was Sheila, and it wasn’t very long before I was having an affair with her. My wife seemed boring compared to her. Molly never went to college. She never had the opportunity.” He leaned back again, his eyes distant.

“I guess, in some ways, Molly embarrassed me. Here I was with a master’s degree, making more money than I ever dreamed I’d make, and involved in a lot of social functions, and Molly didn’t seem to fit in. Worse, she didn’t seem to want to fit in. I started taking Sheila to business dinners, and it went from there. I asked Molly for a divorce. Of course, it devastated her and the kids, but by that time, I was so besotted by Sheila, I didn’t care what I did to my family. I had friends who’d gone through similar things and gave me advice. Bad advice. They told me to get as much money out of the joint accounts as I could and put it all in my name. So I did. I justified it to myself that I’d been the one making the money all through the marriage, except for the first four years when Molly was working and putting me through school.”

He shook his head and looked away. “I got a high-powered attorney to make sure I retained most of the assets. Molly didn’t fight me. She said she hoped I’d come to my senses and come home. So it was easy to take advantage of her. She agreed to everything my attorney proposed. Child support. Alimony for ten years. Half the house. She never stopped to think how she’d pay me for my half on what little I was going to give her.”

Leaning forward, he held the tall cup for a moment. He sipped, winced, and started again. “Molly didn’t put the house on the market until the week after I married Sheila. It was in an exclusive neighborhood and sold the first week. She didn’t have the money to buy another house like it. So she rented a cheaper house in the same school district. She wanted to make sure the kids could finish school with their friends. Which they did. I saw Molly a couple of times. She lost a lot of weight. She was taking computer classes at the local junior college so that she could find a job. The alimony wasn’t enough, you see. Not that she ever asked me for more. My son told me, the last time he spoke to me.”

Eunice could see his pain. When he studied her, she had the feeling he was checking to see if she was judging him harshly. She was trying hard not to judge him at all.

His shoulders relaxed. “The thing is, I still love Molly. I still love my children.” He gave a bleak laugh. “Neither one of them will have much to do with me. Not that Molly ever poisoned them against me. They saw right through everything. I got myself a trophy wife. Someone younger and prettier than their mother who didn’t care what methods she used to get herself a rich husband. Sheila still sneers about Molly, and still resents every dime I send to my children. The truth is, Sheila doesn’t even care about me.”

“I’m sure that’s not true, Rob.”

He looked at her with a strange mingling of pity and impatience. “You haven’t got a mean bone in your body, have you? You haven’t got a clue how a woman like Sheila works. How devious and deceptive she can be. How ambitious. She’s probably—” He stopped. Pressing his lips together, he shook his head again. He took another sip of coffee. “Just take it from someone who knows her. Sheila bores easily, and she was bored with me after the first few years. It bothered me in the beginning, and I did everything I could to hold her interest. After a while, I looked the other way and immersed myself in business.”

“Sheila’s still with you, Rob. Surely that says something.”

“Yes. I believe it says
something.”
What he thought it meant clearly gave him no comfort.

Eunice felt out of her depth. “Maybe you should talk to Paul . . . ”

He gave her a droll look. “I don’t think I’d get a fair hearing.”

“Paul has counseled couples before. He—”

“It’s too late, Eunice.”

“It’s never too late.”

He shook his head. “Sheila isn’t my problem. My feelings for Molly are. I used to be eaten up by guilt. Now I realize it’s more than that. I still love her. I’ve made a point of going back to Florida every other month. To see my children. That’s what I tell Sheila, anyway. But the truth is, I go back there to see Molly.”

His smile was pained. “She’s really something. It took her ten years, but she put herself through college. She turned fifty-six last month and she looks better than ever. She’s done things I never even knew she wanted to do. She took up hiking a few years ago. My daughter told me Molly trained with weights and packs for months because she wanted to come to California and climb Mount Whitney. I thought she was nuts and she’d give up the idea. But she did it last year. I couldn’t believe it. Now she’s planning to go to Europe with some friends and walk through Spain. She’s even been taking Spanish lessons.” He shook his head. “And I thought she was boring.”

The waitress asked if they wanted anything else. He asked for another decaf. Eunice had hardly touched her latte. Her stomach was churning. Why was she so tense? Countless people had come to her over the years wanting her advice. Why was she so uneasy now?

Rob leaned back. “I went back for my son’s wedding last month. I didn’t even tell Sheila about it because I knew my son wouldn’t want her there. Molly and I were seated together at the reception. We talked all afternoon. When my son left with his bride for their honeymoon, Molly and I went out to dinner and talked some more. The bottom line is I still love her. I never really stopped. What I felt for Sheila was lust, and that died a long time ago. I love Molly a little more every time I go back there and see her.”

“Did you tell her that?”

“Yes, I told her. She cried. She’s built a life without me. And she reminded me I’m married to Sheila now. If you can call it a marriage.” He swore under his breath. “I can’t stand to be in the same house with Sheila. She harps about everything. Nothing satisfies her. If I gave her the moon, she’d want Mars. She saps my strength. Our marriage is a disaster. I feel like I’m living in a nightmare!” He couldn’t hide his despair.

“You loved Sheila once, Rob.”

“It wasn’t love, Eunice. That’s what I’m saying.” His eyes were filled with anguish. “I want my wife back. I want to come home at night to Molly. I want a relationship with my kids. I want restoration. Doesn’t God talk about restoration?”

Eunice’s eyes burned with tears. What could she say that would be any comfort to this tormented man? He didn’t understand the restoration of which he spoke. “Rob, if you turn to the Lord, He’ll give you peace in this. He’ll help you build—”

“I don’t need to hear about the Lord! What I want to know from you is if a woman can forgive a man for betraying her the way I betrayed Molly. Would you?”

“That’s not a fair question.”

“It’s fair. I need to know! Molly says she’s forgiven me, but she won’t even talk about us getting back together. She loved me once. I remember how much she loved me. She sacrificed her own dreams to get me through school. Don’t you think some of that love could still be there? that it could be revived?”

Eunice felt torn. However the marriage between Rob and Sheila had come about, it was a marriage, nonetheless, and not to be tossed aside heedlessly. “Rob, if you’re asking me to give you approval to leave Sheila so you can try to win Molly back, I can’t give it.”

He surveyed her. “Why not?”

Her heart thumped. She thought of what Paul would say if he knew what she was about to say to a man who had given so much money to the church. “Because it’s self-centered.” She said it as gently as she could. “You’re not considering the life Molly has built, but what you threw away.”

“I wonder if you’d feel the same way if you really knew Sheila.”

She reached out and put her hands over his. “Rob,
you
made the decision to leave Molly. Isn’t that what you’ve said?”

“Yes.”

“Then is it fair to cast all the blame on Sheila for the trouble you’re having? Or to put the responsibility for your future happiness on Molly? These are things you need to take to the Lord. Seek His will for your life. He can heal, if you’re willing to let Him.”

His eyes narrowed. “What if I told you Sheila isn’t faithful to me?”

She took her hands away and drew back, heart pounding strangely. “Do you have any reason to believe she isn’t?”

His expression was cynical, his tone bitter. “You mean other than the adulterous affair I had with her?”

“Yes.”

“Oh yeah. Enough.” He held her gaze.

The Spirit moved within her, but she didn’t want to listen. She didn’t want to pursue what Rob meant. And she didn’t want to ask herself why.

Rob sighed heavily. “I guess it comes down to the old tried-and-true saying: ‘When you make your bed, you have to sleep in it.’ ” He finished his coffee. “I’d better get to work.” He stood.

She felt she had failed him. “I’m sorry, Rob.”

When he extended his hand, she took it. “Not half as sorry as I am.” He put his other hand over hers and squeezed her hand gently, his expression oddly tender and sad. “You remind me of Molly.”

Eunice remained at the table in front of the coffee shop for another half an hour, her latte cold and untouched.