An Imperfect Circle (29 page)

“
I can match that,” I offer. The car is a good investment for my business and it would be good if we could get a nice car for Matt.

“
Seriously?” He raises his eye at me.

I nod.
“Why? How much are you putting in?” I ask.

“
Hundred and fifty,” he frowns. “And only because I've done extra chores for the last two months.”

“
You work too hard,” I scowl because if he's not doing homework or studying, he's usually working out with Ian and Matt or doing chores.

“
I don't mind helping dad out,” he shrugs as best he can with me lying on him. “He's always working on something. If we help him out, he can spend more time with the kids.”

I nod solemnly because I know that, at the very least, Jamie and Jake wish they got more time with their dad. He'll be shipping to Iraq in a couple of months and I can't imagine how the family will cope without Andrew there. They'll have their grandparents but Grandma Carter is getting worse by the day.

The military provide assistance and their aunties and uncles help out but, even then, a lot of the responsibility seems to fall on Ian, Karl, and Matt.

It can't be easy.

“You must have earnt more than £150 though?” I prompt. I know Andrew pays them appropriately for any work they do.

“
Obviously,” he grins. “I have six brothers and sisters, Elise. Christmas cleans me out.”

“
Oh yeah,” I grin sheepishly, playing idly with the ring hanging from my neck.

“
Not that,” he smirks, nodding his head towards my new favourite habit. “That I’ve been saving for as long as I can remember.”

“
You seriously always knew you wanted to marry me?” I ask tentatively.

“
There was never any doubt, Elise. You set the bar too high when you made Ian face plant in the mud the first time we ran an assault course.”

“
He tried to trip me up,” I point out because it was only fair.

Karl grins.
“It was always going to be you. I just didn’t realise I’d find you again so soon.”

“
I didn’t want to be found,” I sober, uncomfortable with the sick feeling in my stomach. I resent the way I treated Karl in the beginning. He hadn’t done anything wrong and I treated him badly.

“
I don’t hold it against you, Elise,” he insists. “I understand. I’m just glad you let me in again. I need you in my life and I always will.”

I think this is the moment that I decide that one day, no matter how long it takes me to
be ready, that ring will be on my finger.

I wanted to name the car but the boys mocked me relentlessly when I suggested it so I just ignored them for a couple of hours and conceded.

We found a great little blue Mustang GT with some numbers and letters added on the end that mean nothing to me. It was in great condition and had
been looked after. Ian approves so that must mean something.

It’s blue and nifty so I wanted to call it the dolphin but the boys were not impressed and Matt looked
at me like I was insane.

I suppose it
is
Matt’s car.

He’s been squeezing in driving lessons on top of his part-time job, training, and chores. I feel like I barely see him at the minute so when Karl disappears off with his Dad to drop some things off at his cousins’ house, I stay at the house and let myself into Matt’s room after a couple of knocks.

He’s lying face down on his bed and I’m fairly sure he’s asleep fully clothed.

“
Matt,” I nudge him gently.

He jolts awake and I see his eyes widen with panic before he realises where he is and who has rudely awoken him.

Maybe I should have let him sleep.

“
What the fuck, demongirl?” He groans, burying his face in the cover once more.

“
You were sleeping,” I shrug.

“
Exactly,” he scowls, shoving up to sitting so I feel the full force of his scowl.

“
It’s five in the afternoon, Matt,” I smirk. If Andrew was here, he’d never be okay with Matt taking a nap.

Napping is for toddlers and pensioners.

“It was only a couple of minutes,” he sulks and, to be honest, he does look exhausted.

“
Are you alright?” I ask him hesitantly, sitting next to him on the bed. I very rarely get to spend any one-on-one time with Matt and I’m not sure if I’m crossing a line by asking him.

“
Are you concerned about me, demongirl?” He chuckles. “And here I thought you didn’t like me very much.”

“
You know that’s not true,” I frown at him. “I’m worried about you. You never seem to rest.”

“
I’ll be fine, Elise,” he snaps.

“
Don’t snap at me, you mardy muppet,” I growl back because he doesn’t get to speak to me like that when I’m just being nice.

He smirks and relaxes slightly, curiously more comfortable with aggression than affection. I relax as well becau
se I’m used to Matt’s fluctuating temper by now.

“
Where’s Karl?”

“
Uncle’s house.”

He nods.
“Just you and me then.”

“
And the rest of the family.”

“
Speaking of which, where’s your shadow?”

I grin because Jamie-Lea does follow me about a bit when I’m here but I don’t mind because she’s adorable and she likes to learn things. She’s great.

“Cooking again,” I grin and I can almost see him salivating. Her cooking has only gotten better with practice.

“
What do you wanna do?” He yawns, stretching his arms over his head.

“
Want to go kick the black and white ball thing around a bit?” I goad.

“
You mean have a kick about?” He raises a sceptical eyebrow.

I nod and suppress my smirk.
“Not for ninety minutes though.”

“
You hate football.”

“
I’m being nice to you,” I stress.

“
You don’t do nice,” he laughs. “Not even with Karl.”

“
I’m nice to him!” I protest but I know that the really nice moments between Karl and I are always private. We’ve been together almost six months and I don’t think anyone outside the family and friends group has figured it out.

“
Well, you’re doing something right,” Matt grins, rolling ungracefully off the bed and grabbing a football from his cupboard. “Poor bastard isn’t right in the head when you’re around.”

“
What do you mean by that?” I scowl, giving him a playful shove.

He grins and loops his arm round my shoulder, carrying the ball under the other as he walks us down the stairs.
“Nothing,” he shrugs. “I just know when my best mate is happy and he’s happy even when you two are torturing each other. But whatever floats your boats, weirdos.”

He grins wickedly at this and ducks out of my way before I can make him eat his own football.

I know he’s trying to tell me he’s happy for me and Karl in his own screwed up way so I’m not really mad at him.

But it wouldn’t do to let him know that.

We borrow Jamie-Lea and Jake to play with whilst dinner bakes in the oven and we play girls against boys to start off but that proves wildly unfair because both Matt and Jake are pretty talented.

I’m sure I’d be good if it wasn’t
so boring that I want to saw my own feet off just so I never have to play again.

We switch
around and Matt and I play together because I think it would be good for the two youngest Carters to try playing on the same team. They could do with learning to get along.

Matt lights up when he’s playing football. I’ve seen it before when he plays with the guys at lunch o
r in P.E. but, now that we’re playing together, I can really see the difference.

The smile he wears is the same smile he had as a boy. Not the cheesy one he puts on like a mask when we’re at school.

I’ve worn a mask before. I know how to spot them.

By the time Karl and Andrew get back, Matt almost seems carefree and he even gives Jamie a hug and carries her into the house on his hip ready for dinner.

When the food has been demolished, the three of us have the den to ourselves because the twins are grounded for the weekend, which means they have to be in their rooms from eight pm onwards.

Ms Stoner caught them selling chocolates and sweets on school property and had to call Andrew.

He was not happy.

Ian is
helping Andrew, and Craig is helping Jamie-Lea and Jake with their homework in the kitchen.

“
How’d it go at Uncle Eric’s?” Matt prompts, his eyes on the screen even though I know he’ll give Karl his full attention.

“
Chaos as usual,” Karl grins. Their uncle Eric has four children, all slightly older but they cause just as much noise as their cousins despite being fewer.

Matt nods.
“You missed Elise trying to be nice to me.” He smirks at me before returning his attention to the screen.

“
I won’t bother in future,” I grumble.

“
You could be nice to me instead?” Karl suggests, tucking me further into his side.

“
You have to earn it.”

“
I gave you a Wagon Wheel yesterday,” he reminds me.

He’s right, but he also ate half of it. I remind him of this with a sarcastic cock of my head.

“I was hungry, woman!”

“
Then get your own Wagon Wheel.”

“
Why would I get my own when I can get yours?”

“
Enough,” Matt laughs. “You’re like an old married couple.”

Karl just smirks and tugs gently at my necklace like he thinks that’s a good thing.

“I know that’s not true though,” Matt continues. “If you were married, you’d at least be getting laid.”

I grimace because Matt
usually doesn’t talk about this. I’m not sure if he knows Karl is a virgin but with them being as close as they are, I suspect he does.

Karl doesn’t even seem
fazed; he just punches Matt lightly in the arm and smirks. “Everything’s not about sex, mate. If you found the right girl, you’d realise that.”

“
Least we raised one of you boys right,” Andrew remarks, joining us in the den. I guess that’s where Ian inherits his stealth from.

“
Thanks, Dad,” Karl laughs even though I’m thoroughly mortified that we’re having this conversation.

“
We’re over sixteen, it’s not like I’m breaking any laws,” Matt shrugs.

“
It’s legal to punch yourself in the face, doesn’t mean you should, or that it’s smart,” Karl answers back before I get there.

I was going to warn him that his junk would fall off if he kept sticking it in skanks like Shelly but whatever.

“In this house, the law is eighteen and only if you’ve been courting for a year,” Andrew narrows his eyes at Matt.

“
So none of you are allowed,” I smirk at Matt.

“
Not in the house at least,” Matt grumbles under his breath.

“
I heard that,” Andrew’s lips narrow to a thin line. “If I catch you with a girl, you’ll be running laps round the house for a year.”

“
Yes, sir,” Matt nods but I can already see him planning his next hook-up.

Andrew doesn’t look convinced either and he sighs and sits down on the sofa opposite us.

“Love and sex are two very different things,” he begins.

“
Dad!” Karl groans. “Don’t do this with Elise here.” He shoots me an apologetic glance and I know he can tell how uncomfortable I am.

“
She should hear it too,” Andrew dismisses Karl’s protests with a wave of his hand. “You can have sex as many times as you want, with as many people as you want, but all of it will be meaningless until you share the experience with somebody who you actually love.

And when you do, you’ll regret cheaping on the experience by not waiting for that person to come along.
”

I’ve kept my eyes firmly on my knees for the whole conversation and I’m not looking up now. I can feel Karl’s frustration at his father and I know it’s not because he’s ungrateful. It’s because he hates it when I’m not happy.

“Dad,” Karl grits. “Enough.”

“
Alright,” Andrew sighs. “I’ve said my bit. I know you’ll probably ignore me anyway.”

This is definitely aimed at Matt.

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, Elise,” Andrew says, his voice lower.

I look up and meet his eyes at this and I know he’s remembering what I went though. His jaw sets and he nods before strolling out of the room.

Getting “the talk” from a parent is mortifying but it’s definitely worse to get it from somebody else’s.

“
We need to start keeping track of how many times he tells us that,” Matt chuckles, glancing sideways at me.

He can probably see the look on my face and I know by now that he’s aware that I have my secrets and this is his way of subtly deflecting from my awkwardness.

“We still on for tomorrow, mate?” He prompts, looking past me to Karl, whose attention is solely on trying to rub some of the tension out of my shoulders.

I hate that even thinking about sex makes me sick to my stomach. I hate that, despite the fact that I have Karl, I’m still left feeling broken because of what somebody else did to me.

I hate that I’m not strong enough to stop hating it.

“
You’re perfect to me,” Karl whispers in my ear. He’s so in tune with me that he knows exactly where my brain is at. That’s exactly what I was thinking; that I was too broken, too flawed, too imperfect.

“
Tomorrow?” Karl looks up at Matt once he’s sure that my breathing has evened out. “Oh yeah, of course, mate. You know you don’t need to ask.”

“
What’s happening tomorrow?” I ask in an attempt to shake off the bitterness that’s permeating my bones.

I
glance up and see an uneasy look pass between the two of them. It’s then I realise that Matt was just trying to make conversation to make me feel more comfortable and I’ve just flipped the tables and made him feel awkward because tomorrow is one of the Saturdays where the two of them disappear off for a few hours.

“
I have to nip round to my mum’s,” Matt says in what sounds like a surprisingly neutral tone. His jaw is set and his eyes are jet black so I can tell he’s not happy, no matter what he sounds like.

“
Oh,” I say, because that’s totally not what I was expecting.

With them being so secretive about it, I’d almost expected something sinister or borderline
illegal. I know enough to know that Matt doesn’t come from a good home and I understand why he doesn’t look happy about going back there.

I want to ask why but it’s none of my business so I just nod and pretend to watch the TV.

I still feel a little bit shaken by the conversation with Andrew so I do something uncharacteristic and lift myself onto Karl’s lap.

He must be surprised but he hides it well and just hooks his arm round my waist as I settle sideways into his chest. I’m still not in his fan club but he makes me feel
stronger when my insecurities come to call and I need to be close to him.