Always Be Mine~ (16 page)

Emma tried to look back down, I tilted her head gently back up to look at me,
“I love you Emma.” I started with and just then, more tears came falling out of her deep, emerald eyes.

“
I think I have loved you, from the first time I ever met you.” I told her. “Nothing you tell me after this will change that. Nothing Emma, ok? Not one thing.” I whispered.

“
Now baby, let me take you to sit on the couch ok?” I asked waiting and watching her reaction. Emma just nodded.

“
That’s my girl.” I told her as I scooped her up into my arms and carried her over to the couch. I sat down, keeping her securely in my lap. I wrapped my arms back around her, as she laid her head against my chest.

“
Matthew…” She whispered. I kissed the side of her head “You don’t have to tell me Emma. I know want you want to tell me baby girl. I can feel your words through your eyes baby.” I whisper into her head that is against my chest.

“
You are not going through this without me Emma, I am not going anywhere baby doll.” I say with conviction. “We will get through this together Emma. You
will
beat this; I won’t accept anything less than complete remission. ” I tell her, and I feel her body relax a bit into my hold on her.

“
Is this why you went to the Dr.?” I asked, slowly rubbing her arm as I gently rock her in my arms.

“
Yes.” Emma whispers, as she bunched up into a ball, in my arms. I squeeze her tighter into me.

“
Ok, what happens now?” I ask.

“
I have a biopsy scheduled for tomorrow at the hospital.” She whispers into my chest. I feel like she is now in shock, Emma just seems to be on autopilot now.

“
Ok, what time do we need to be there baby?” I ask her and she moves to look up at me.

“
I can go myself. I know you have a great deal on your plate Matthew. Really, it’s fine. I didn’t want to tell you at all anyway, I mean…” She tries to continue her so called, “logical thinking” here, which I am not buying. I place my finger on her lips stopping her from continuing on this notion she isn’t kneading me with her. Maybe, it’s me who needs her.

“
Before you continue on this speech you have all ready to recite to me, I want to save you the energy and explain what
is going to happen
.” I begin, and she is still looking up at me. I feel like she needs someone to call the shots on direction right now. I don’t want her to feel this burden alone. I want to be the person she can lean on, not having to worry with me at her side through this.

“
You can just lay all that shit to rest Emma, you are not going alone tomorrow baby. I don’t give two shits to the wind, on anything other than being with you. Right now, if I had to make a choice right this second, to keep my company or being with you through this difficult time you are having…” I said and paused. “I wouldn’t need to think one second on my decision baby. You win hands down. Always, you’re mine Emma, you’ll
always be mine
. You were always mine. Before I met you, you were mine. Always be mine, Emma. So without the risk of sounding like I am staking a claim on you, I really am doing exactly that right now with you.” I explained and I see a new set of tears glitter through her eyes. Emma gasps in a sharp breath and cries again, harder. She pulls her arms around my neck and throws her forehead into my chest. I haul her body up to mine, and she crawls over my lap and straddles my body, our bodies meshed together, I crush her body deeper into mine.

I feel her body collapse into me, almost like she is surrendering herself over to me. To care for her, to protect her, keep her safe. And that
’s exactly what I intend to do for her through this, and for as long as she allows me to after she beats this terrible cancer.

I pick her up in my arms, and carry her off to bed.

Emma has a fierce, trembling grip around my neck, as if she is holding on to her only life line.

“
I’ve got you baby.” I tell her softly and she wraps her legs around my waist.

I get her in her bedroom, and lay her down on her bed. She looks like a beautiful, lost angel. Her hair fanned around her pillow. She
’s already dressed in comfy flannel; I leave her for a moment. When I get back into the room, she doesn’t even notice me. I lay the cool, wet wash cloth down on her forehead and she flinches. “I’m sorry baby doll; I didn’t mean to startle you.” I assure her, while she stares up into my eyes. She looks frozen in place. She isn’t even blinking. I softly glide the wash cloth across her face, paying close attention to her eyes, looking up into mine.

“
What if…” She whispers, and I immediately shake my head. “No Emma, we are not doing what if’s tonight.” I say dismissively to her, as I get up to take off my clothes.

I climb in the bed next to her, pulling the comforter up over us and she curls into a ball. I possessively pull her into me, pressing her back to my chest, while she pulls her hair around to the side she is laying on, around her neck.

We both lay there quietly for a few minutes. I try lulling her into sleep so I can go clean up out in the living room.

“
This song reminds me of you.” Emma whispers.

“
I think this is my new favorite song then.” I say to her, and I actually see a small smile briefly cross her lips.

I can feel the tension she has flowing through her veins, I try soothing her by playing with her hair.

And I watch as she creeps into a sleep, I doubt will be restful tonight for her. “I love you baby doll.” I whisper into her ear as she starts to finally even out her breaths, allowing sleep to take over her over thinking mind. I stay a bit longer with her to make sure she doesn’t wake right away. I want to make sure she falls deeper into sleep, praying she doesn’t start bad dreams immediately.

I carefully slip myself out of her bed, and in one precise movement, I slip out of her room, closing her door quietly.

I clean up the empty wine bottles, and take out my phone to make my calls.

After I leave my PA, (personal assistant) a very lengthy, detailed message on her work line, not wanting to bother her late at night, I then call my parents.

After filling them in for about a half an hour, I climb back into bed, crawl slowly up behind her again, wrapping myself around her.

I quickly wake up feeling Emma, thrashing around screaming in her sleep and crying, just hearing her cries in her sleep, makes my heart break a little more for her pain she is feeling right now.

“Shhh, it’s ok Emma, I’m here. I’ve got you baby.” I say tenderly over and over, in a low, calming tone. That’s when I heard her start to talk in her sleep.

“
I love you Matthew.”
Emma says through her shallow breaths, little puffs of air coming out of her mouth makes me smile to watch her.

“
I don’t want to leave you yet Matthew.”
Emma continues with her talking in her sleep. Her sleep confession makes my heart throb and I click my tongue at her.

“
I’m not letting go Emma. I won’t let you go baby.” I tell her back, careful not to wake or scare her.

“
I’m sorry I can’t stay with you.”
Emma says out loud, like she is having a conversation with me in her dream. I want to wake her so badly; she needs to stop this nightmare of us ending. Or worse, her leaving me.

“
I won’t accept you leaving me Emma. You are not leaving me.” I whisper to her, laying feathery kisses along her neck and the back of her head. I hear her moan.

I hear my phone alarm go off. I stretch, realizing I must have fallen asleep. Emma is lying on her side, facing away from me.

I reach over, turning off the alarm and roll back over, wrapping my arm around her waist.

“
I don’t want to go Matthew.” Emma whispers.

This admission makes me feel so sad.
“Not happening baby.” I tell her, pulling her into my chest, I start to play with her hair.

“
I don’t need anything.” She whispers.

I reach under her, pulling her to turn around and face me, I keep my arms around her. She has been crying. I kiss her wet, flushed cheeks.
“I’m not letting you give up without fighting. So forget it.” I warn her, trying to scare her out of this crazy notion she doesn’t want to put everything she’s got into her recovery.

“
What’s the point?” She asks, looking up into my eyes.

“
Baby, why are you afraid to get well, to kick this cancer on its ass, refusing to allow it to consume you? Why baby?” I ask, tracing my finger along her jaw.

“
What’s the point? I watched my mother fight with everything she had. My parents drained everything they ever saved in the bank, and for what? The money they saved they used on treatments, that didn’t ultimately safe her in the end. Why bother? I don’t want to waste money on the inevitable to happen. Better to just go with it, instead of fighting against it. It’s my fate. Why not just embrace what is meant to happen.

I lay there in complete shock. What stage of the grieving is she in? I nearly jump over her body, pinning her down to the bed.
“Aren’t we worth fighting for Emma? Isn’t the love I have for you, enough to make you want to fight for a future together?” I ask, hovering over her body, holding her hands down on either side of her head in my hands. She starts to fight my hold on her.

“
Let me go Matthew!” Emma yells.

“
No. I am NOT letting you go Emma.” I firmly ground out.

“
You can’t sit around and watch what I watched with my mother. I don’t want you to. I don’t want you around for this.” She yells.

I know she
’s scared. She is trying to put another wall up between us. I know she is angry. Maybe that’s the stage she is in. She is trembling and making weird faces, I assume she thinks they are supposed to scare me away or something. I just think they look cute though. I make smirk thinking about her “scary” faces.

“
I want you to LEAVE NOW MATTHEW!” She yells louder this time.

I don
’t dare move. I just slowly shake my head. “Not working Emma. You are going to have to try harder baby doll to get rid of me. You are just afraid. I can completely understand why, you have every right to be, but I am not giving in to your crazy thinking. So forget it. It won’t work. Now, get your cute little ass up, and let’s get ready.” I tell her, leaning down to kiss her lips. Emma quickly turns her head so I kiss her cheek, which makes me growl.

I pull myself up, and move to get dressed. I know that Emma is just sitting up, staring at me. More like praying poisoned tip darts that will come shooting out of her eyes towards me. I just don
’t pay attention and continue on with my task at hand of getting dressed. She can’t eat or drink anything, so I am not going to either.

“
I don’t love you Matthew.” She barely says over a whisper. That of course, got my attention. I had my back to her, while I was fixing my belt. That statement made me freeze in my tracks. I looked back down and finished with my belt, zipping my pants up; I turn around to face her.

“
Do you need me to pick something out for you to wear or are you going to get up and find something yourself?” I ask, watching Emma turn 3 different shades of red. She is panting, her nostrils are flared. She looks like a rabid dog.

“
I said, I DON’T LOVE YOU, MATTHEW! Now LEAVE!” She screamed, pointing to the door.

I held my hands up in the surrender pose. I slowly walked out of her bedroom, backwards, keeping my hands up to show I am without a weapon.

Emma jumps off her bed, marches over to her bedroom door, and slams it right in my face.

“
Yep, that went well. That’s my little hellcat.” I muttered.

I go outside, sitting on her front porch. Emma will probably think her little temper tantrum really worked. She has no idea how she is not pushing me away. Hell no.

“What the hell are you still doing here?” She barks, making me snap out of my day dreams.

“
My little kitten.” I call her as I stood up, facing her.

Emma just glares back at me.
“Please move your car Matthew.” She spits out.

“
We are taking my car. You won’t be able to drive after. Ready?” I say, looking as cheery as I possibly can, trying to get her to melt a little of this ice princess façade she thinks is working.

Emma stands there, crossing her arms over her chest, causing me to look down at them since they are actually swelling up her chest with her arms crossed, pushing them up. I see Emma make some sort of grunt and cocks her head a bit to one side.
“Might as well drink in the sight of them in now. You won’t want to soon.” She says as she plows through the porch, knocking my shoulder as she shoves past me. Emma stomps off towards my car, opens the passenger door up, and throws herself in, slams the door, crossing her arms again over her chest. All the while Emma is putting on this dramatic scene for me to watch, very impressive I might add, I am trying so hard to just not start laughing hysterically. So cute, she definitely deserves an Oscar for best actress in a drama.