‘This is insane,’ I said, looking around me. ‘It’s…’
‘Worth doing once,’ he finished for me. ‘But only once.’
I smiled, and then, in the middle of Tallyho, in the middle of the night, in the middle of everything, Eli kissed me. It was not at all how I’d imagined it happening, and yet totally perfect anyway.
When he pulled back moments later, the song was winding down. And yet everyone kept dancing, kept holding on, until the very end. I rested my head against Eli’s chest, letting it last, knowing that what the DJ had said was true. It was already tomorrow. But I had a feeling it was going to be a really good day.
When I woke up at noon, the house was quiet. No waves, no crying. Nothing, except…
‘Are you kidding? Of course I’ll come. I wouldn’t miss it!’
I blinked, rolling over, then got out of bed and made my way to the bathroom, where I woke up slowly while brushing my teeth. My dad’s voice, louder now, kept drifting down the hallway.
‘No, no, there’s a couple of daily flights…’ There was the sound of keys clacking. ‘Sure. The timing couldn’t be better. I’ll bring the draft with me. Yes. Great! See you then.’
By the time I came down for coffee ten minutes later, he was in the kitchen, pacing back and forth. Heidi was at the table, looking bleary, with Isby in her arms.
‘… a great opportunity to get my name back out there,’ my dad was saying. ‘Lots of industry types, just the people I need to make contact with. It’s perfect.’
‘It’s tonight?’ Heidi asked. ‘Isn’t that kind of short notice?’
‘Does it matter? I’ll just book a flight, head up there for a night, and then come back.’
I pulled a mug out of the cupboard, watching Heidi as she processed this information. It took a while, but then everything did on the mornings after Isby was up crying, as she had been most of the night before. Sleep deprivation dulled all Heidi’s edges, but especially the cognitive ones.
‘When?’ she said finally.
‘When what?’
In her arms, Isby squawked, and she winced, putting her over her shoulder. ‘When will you be back?’
‘Sometime tomorrow. Maybe in the evening,’ my dad replied. He was all jacked up, still moving around. ‘As long as I’m there, I might as well try to take some meetings. At least set up a lunch.’
Heidi swallowed, then looked down at Isby, who was snuffling into her shoulder. ‘I just,’ she began, then stopped. ‘I’m not sure this is a good time for you to go away.’
‘What?’ my dad said. ‘Why?’
I took a sip from my mug, making a point of keeping my back to all of this.
‘Well,’ Heidi said after a moment, ‘it’s just that the baby’s been really fussy lately. I haven’t slept in so long… I just don’t know if I can…’
My dad stopped walking. ‘You want me to stay.’
It was not a question. Heidi said, ‘Robert, I’m just wondering if you could wait a couple more weeks. Until we’re on more of a schedule.’
‘This party is tonight,’ he said slowly. ‘That’s the whole point.’
‘I know. But I just think –’
‘Fine.’
I grabbed the carafe, filling my cup again, even though I’d barely taken two sips of what I had.
‘Robert –’
‘No. I’ll just call Peter and tell him no, sorry, I can’t make it. I’m sure there will be another Writers’ Guild benefit in a few weeks.’
I didn’t want to be part of this. Not ever, but especially not today, which I’d started so happily on the floor of Tallyho, with Eli. So I made it a point not to look at Heidi or my dad as I slipped out of the kitchen and back upstairs to my room, where I pushed open my window and sat on the sill, letting the ocean drown out anything else I might have heard.
Still, I was not surprised when I came down a couple of hours later to see a small carry-on suitcase by the door. My dad might have made an effort to sound like he would compromise. But again, he had gotten his way.
By the time I left for work, he was already gone, and Heidi was in the pink room, rocking Isby in her chair. I paused outside the door, thinking I should probably check in with her, but then I stopped myself. It wasn’t like she’d asked me for help. And I was tired of always offering it anyway.
At Clementine’s, I busied myself in the office, trying to focus on Eli and the night ahead. Out on the floor, Maggie had a steady stream of customers, thanks to an outdoor concert that was going on at the boardwalk pavilion. Around nine thirty, she stuck her head in the office door.
‘Have you seen anything about a Barefoot special order?’
I glanced up at her, my head still swimming with numbers. ‘A what?’
‘Barefoot flip-flops?’ she said. ‘There’s someone here who said they set up a special order for, like, twenty pairs with Heidi ages ago. I can’t find a record of it anywhere.’
I shook my head. ‘Did you call her?’
‘I hate to bother her. The baby might be sleeping.’
‘Unlikely,’ I said. Then I handed her the phone, dialing it first.
She glanced back out at the floor, the receiver cocked between her ear and shoulder, as I turned back to the payroll. ‘Heidi? Hi, it’s Maggie. Look I just… are you okay?’
I pulled the calculator closer, clearing the screen. Outside, I could hear some girls squealing over the clearance rack.
‘No, it’s just, you sounded…’ Maggie paused. ‘What? Yeah, I can tell. She’s really crying, huh? Look, I’m so sorry I bothered you, but there’s this special order thing…’
Eli, I thought, punching in a number. Tonight. Hit the plus sign. Not my problem, subtotal, total. It took three different transactions, but finally, Maggie hung up.
‘She says they’re in the storeroom, in one of the jeans boxes,’ she reported, handing the phone back to me. ‘At least, I think that’s what she was saying. It was hard to tell with all the crying.’
‘Yeah,’ I said, clearing the screen again. ‘Isby can really let it rip.’
‘Not her,’ she replied. ‘It was Heidi. She sounds miserable. Is she all right?’
I turned, looking at her. ‘Heidi was crying?’
‘She acted like she wasn’t. But you can tell, you know?’ The door chimed again. ‘Crap. I gotta get back out there. Can you go look for that box for me?’
I nodded. Then I sat there for a second before pushing out my chair and heading into the storeroom, where I found the flip-flops right where Heidi said they’d be. I picked up the box, carrying it out to the floor, where Maggie shot me a grateful look as I slid it onto the counter. Then I pushed out the front door and turned toward home.
I actually would have felt better if I’d heard Isby’s familiar wailing as I stepped into the foyer, but instead it was quiet. I went down the dark hallway to the kitchen, where a single light was on over the sink. The living room was dark, so dark that at first I didn’t even see Heidi.
She was sitting on the couch, Isby in her arms, and she was crying. Not with gasps and shrieks, the kind I was used to, but a silent, constant weeping that gave me a chill up the back of my neck. It was such a raw, personal moment that I wanted to turn around and let her have it in peace. But I knew I couldn’t.
‘Heidi?’ I said. She didn’t respond. I moved closer, squatting down beside her. When I reached out, touching her leg, she sobbed harder, tears dripping down onto my hand. I looked at Isby, who was awake and staring up at her. ‘Give me the baby.’
She shook her head. Still crying, her shoulders shaking.
‘Heidi. Please.’ No response. She was scaring me, so I reached out, taking Isby from her arms. As soon as I did, she curled into herself, pulling her knees to her chest, and turned her face away from me.
I looked at her, then at Isby. I had no idea what to do. And while I knew I should probably call my dad, or even my mom, I instead walked to the kitchen and dialed the one number I thought might put me in contact with someone who could help.
‘Gas/Gro, Wanda speaking.’
In my mind, I could see the cashier that was always there at this time of night, with her dangling earrings and blonde hair. I cleared my throat.
‘Hi, Wanda.’ I jiggled Isby, who was sputtering a bit. ‘I, um… this is Auden, I come in there a lot around this time of night for coffee? I’m trying to find Eli Stock? It’s kind of an emergency, I mean, not really, but he’s about twenty or so, dark hair, drives a black –’
‘Hello?’
At the sound of Eli’s voice, I felt some small part of me relax. ‘Hi. It’s me.’ I paused, then clarified, ‘Auden.’
‘I had a feeling,’ he replied. ‘I am not sure who else would actually call me at the Gas/Gro.’
‘Yeah,’ I said, glancing at Heidi, who was harder than ever to see now in the dark of the living room, curled into the couch. ‘Sorry about that. I just kind of have a situation here, and I’m not sure what to do.’
‘A situation,’ he repeated. ‘What’s going on?’
I stepped into the foyer, putting Isby over my shoulder, and told him. As I did, faintly, distantly, I could hear Heidi, still sobbing.
‘Sit tight,’ he said when I was done. ‘I know just what to do.’
Twenty minutes later, there was a knock at the door. When I walked over and opened it, there was Eli, carrying four cups of GroRoast and a pack of cupcakes. ‘Coffee?’ I said. ‘This is your solution?’
‘No,’ he replied. ‘This is.’
And he stepped aside, revealing a small, middle-aged woman with short dark hair. She had familiar olive skin and green eyes, and was wearing a sensible cardigan and slacks, a purse strapped across her, and spotless white tennis shoes.
‘Mom, this is Auden. Auden, my mom. Karen Stock.’
‘Hi,’ I said. ‘Thank you for coming. I just… I don’t know what to do.’
She smiled at me, then leaned closer, looking down at Isby, who was now starting to fuss. ‘How old’s the baby?’
‘Six weeks.’
‘And where’s Mom?’
‘In the living room,’ I said, stepping back from the door. ‘She’s just crying; she won’t even talk to me.’
Mrs. Stock came inside. Then she looked at Eli and said, ‘Take the baby upstairs and swaddle her. I’ll be up shortly.’
He nodded, and then looked at me.
‘Should I…’ I asked. ‘I mean –’
‘She’ll be just fine,’ she said. ‘Just trust me.’
And the weird thing was, I did. Even as I stood there, watching this stranger walk past me into the living room. She put her purse down on the kitchen table, then moved over to Heidi, sitting down beside her. When she began to speak, I couldn’t make out a word she was saying. But Heidi was listening. It was clear in the way that, after a moment, she let Mrs. Stock pull her into her arms, patting her on the back as she allowed herself to be the one soothed, finally.
By the time we got to the pink room, Isby was all-out fussing, working up to one of her fits. Eli stepped inside, flicking on the light, then said, ‘Got a blanket?’
‘A blanket?’ He nodded. ‘In the dresser. Third drawer, maybe?’
I watched, jiggling Isby a bit as he walked over, rummaging around for a minute before pulling out a pink one with brown dots. He glanced at it, then shut the drawer. ‘We need a bed,’ he said. ‘Something flat. Where’s your room?’
‘Next door,’ I said. ‘But I don’t –’
He was already walking next door, leaving me no choice but to follow. Once there, he spread the blanket out on the bed sideways, then folded down the top corner. ‘Okay,’ he said, holding out his hands. ‘Give her here.’
I shot him a doubtful look. ‘What are you doing?’
‘Didn’t you hear my mom?’ he asked. ‘You’re supposed to trust me.’
‘She said to trust
her
,’ I pointed out.
‘You don’t trust me?’
I looked at him, then at the blanket, then at Isby, who was all-out squawking, and had a flash of him leading me to the center of the floor at Tallyho, not even a full day ago. I handed her over.
Isby was wailing, her face getting redder and redder as he carefully laid her down, her head just on the edge of the folded blanket. Then, as she writhed around, he put her left arm to her side and pulled the bottom tip of the blanket up and across her, then tucked the bottom corner over her shoulder. With each step, Isby wailed louder.
‘Eli,’ I said, raising my voice to be heard. ‘You’re making it worse.’
He didn’t hear me, moving to the last corner, which he pulled tight across her waist and around her. Isby was allout screaming now.
‘Eli,’ I said again, practically yelling, as he pulled the last corner tight and started to tuck it into one of the other folds, ‘stop it. She’s not –’
And then, suddenly, it was silent. It happened so abruptly and completely that for a moment I was sure Isby had died. But when I looked at her, and she was just lying there, all wrapped up like a tiny burrito, blinking at us.
‘– crying,’ I finished. Eli reached down, picking her up, and handed her back to me. ‘How did you do that?’
‘It’s not me,’ he said as I eased myself carefully onto the bed. Isby opened her mouth, but only yawned, then settled against me. ‘It’s the swaddle. It’s like magic. My mom swears by it.’
‘It’s amazing,’ I said. ‘How does she know all this?’
‘She was a maternity ward nurse,’ he replied. ‘Just retired last year. Plus my brother and sister have four kids between them. Add in all of us, and she’s had a lot of practice.’
There was a light tap on the door, and then Mrs. Stock stuck her head in. ‘Heidi’s going to take a little rest,’ she said. ‘Let’s go downstairs.’
Eli and I followed her down the hall, past Heidi’s room, where I could see a small sliver of light under the closed door. Just as I started down the steps, it went out.
In the kitchen, Mrs. Stock went to the sink, where she washed her hands, then dried them on a paper towel. ‘All right,’ she said, turning to me with a smile. ‘Give me that baby.’
I did, and she took her, easing down into a chair, and I watched as she brushed her fingers over Isby’s forehead. ‘This is a good swaddle,’ she said.
‘Eli’s a pro,’ I told her.
‘Just well trained,’ he said, and we both watched as she rocked Isby slowly, patting her back with her hand.
‘Thank you for coming,’ I said finally. ‘Heidi’s been having kind of a hard time. But when I got home and found her like that… I didn’t know what to do.’
‘She’s a new mom,’ Mrs. Stock said, still looking down at Isby. ‘She’s exhausted.’