Alma Mater (15 page)

"That's just it, Jinx. I barely know the woman. But I can't be around
her without wanting to tear her clothes off. Torrential sex."

Jinx put her feet up on the crate serving as a coffee table. "Be
fore this—did you ever think you'd sleep with a woman?" Vic shook her
head. Jinx continued, "I always thought Teeney Rendell had a crush on
you."

Teeny Rendell, a pretty girl, a year younger, had followed Vic
around like a puppy during high school.

"So?"

"Didn't give you a flicker?"

"Jinx, get real. Not in the program."

"She's hot—good-looking. Wish I had her legs."

"I never thought of it. Come on, you've known me forever, since
we were born. If I were a lesbian, don't you think you'd know? Or
sense
it?
Or something?"

Jinx shrugged. "How could I know if you didn't know?"

"People feel those things about other people."

"Only if it's in the computer." Jinx tapped her head. "Why would I
look for it? But now that you've so spectacularly launched yourself
onto the bosom of another woman, how was it?"

"You pig."

Jinx raised his eyebrows. "Like you wouldn't ask me the same thing
if the shoe were on the other foot."

"I told you, torrential." Vic joggled the coffee mug, caught it be
fore spilling, and placed it on the coffee table. "I don't know if I can ex
plain it, but she touches me and I'm incinerated, fried. No brain
waves."

"Sounds pretty fabulous to me, with the exception that it's a
woman. I mean for me, I'm not passing judgment. You know I don't
care." She leaned forward. "What about Charly? I thought you'd been
sleeping with him and just not telling me."

"Oh, come on. I'd tell you. Jinx, I tell you everything. I can't be
lieve you'd think that." Vic grew impassioned.

"Yeah, but one still has to be, shall we say, circumspect."

Vic sighed, looking out the window—still raining. "I like whatever
makes him happy. Besides, seeing him get excited makes me excited."

"So?" Jinx voice rose.

"Oh, sex with Charly?" Vic folded her hands together. "It was
okay."

"Just okay?"

Now Vic leaned toward her friend, reaching across the coffee table
for her hand. "What do you want me to
say?
After Chris, I just had to
find out. Maybe it wasn't smart or right or fair, but I found out. Sex
with Charly is a pleasure, not a passion."

Jinx squeezed Vic's hand and then released it. "Ah, that does
change things, doesn't it?"

"Maybe I need to sleep with them both more. A lot. As much as I
can." Vic's face lightened. "Keep comparing notes."

"Do you think you could love Chris?"

"I kind of hope I can and I kind of hope I can't."

"Why not be in love with two people at the same time? Makes
sense to me, although it may not make sense to them," Jinx said.

"I can hide the fire, but what about the smoke? I'm a bad liar,
anyway."

Jinx held up her hands to stop the questions. "Don't tell either of
them anything. Yet. You don't know enough. Really. You don't want
to blow your relationship with Charly, forgive the pun. And if Chris really is the one, you don't want to run her off either."

"The funny thing is, I could tell Charly. The other funny thing is, I feel so close to him not because we made love, but because of what I
feel for Chris. It's like I woke up. I see the world. I see him. He's beau
tiful to me."

"I'll take your word for it, but I don't understand it."

"I don't either." Vic lifted the mug, draining it. "I don't understand a blessed thing. But I feel everything."

A sly smile crossed Jinx's lips. "Oh, give me more details." "Like what?"

"Tell me how they feel, since you're feeling everything and since I
probably will never make love to a woman. I need a vicarious thrill."

"She smells different than he does, sweet, very sweet. He smells
sharper, kind of, but maybe that's because men don't shave their
armpits. Clean but sharper. Her skin is smoother. He's heavier, denser

kind of, and in a way, more defenseless. I love that about Charly and
maybe it's true of all men: They're strong but fragile at the same time. I
mean he's physically strong, stronger than I am, and I'm no weakling."

"Brute. Your mother calls you a brute." Jinx's eyes sparked. She was
loving the details.

"His shoulders are so broad I think he could carry the world."
"Vic, your shoulders are about as broad as Charly's."

"Nah. I love him, Jinx. I do. I love his mouth, his muscles—God,
he has a beautiful body. I love his cock. I love his laugh. I love him. But
I don't feel for him what I feel for her."

A cloud passed over Jinx's face, a recognition that things change in
a split second, plans shatter, new paths emerge out of the rubble. She
didn't know what any of it meant for her or for her friend. But she realized life happens, it just happens. Human attempts to control it would
always be absurd.

"Vic, could you marry Charly?" She held up her right hand as Vic started to answer. "Don't interrupt me. Everyone, including Charly, ex
pects you to marry. But could you marry him, have children, and forget what you feel with Chris? Could you live without that—torrential
sex or torrid love or whatever you now know?"

Vic's hand flew to her face. She covered her eyes for a second as
though shading them
_;
then she dropped her hand. "Jinx, I don't think I
could. I think sooner or later I'd find a woman or a woman would find
me. Why?" She slapped her hands together. "This just fucks up every
thing. My parents will die. Aunt Bunny will shit a brick. We'll lose
Surry Crossing."

"Hey, you can't live for them. They made their choices. And your
parents won't die. I don't think they'll reward you for it. Yeah, I suppose
marrying Charly could save Surry Crossing." She paused. "But you can
save your home place without him. I don't know how, but there's got to be a way. This isn't about Surry Crossing. It's about you. Can you
live a lie?"

"Loving Charly is hardly a lie." Vic raised her voice.

"You know what I mean."

"Maybe it's just about fucking."

"No"

Vic dropped back against the chair, a cozy wingback. "Guess not.
Well, why can't I have both? Other people do it."

"Name one."

"I read about these things. Why can't I have two lovers for as long
as I like?"

"Maybe you can and then again maybe you'll lose them both."
"Everything's a risk." She paused. "Why can't I take them both to
bed, the three of us. Who's to know?"

Jinx sat straight up. "Now, there's an idea! Think you could talk
them into it?"

Vic shrugged. "I was joking."

"I do wonder sometimes why it's two by two. Maybe it's hard enough to deal with one person plus the kids. Add another one, and
it's impossible. Under the same roof, I mean. God knows people have
affairs all the time. Maybe they have to do it, get the energy to go
home. I feel like I'll never find out. I'm going to be single."

"Jinx, that's bullshit."

"Victoria, you are completely ravishing. You can have who you
want when you want them. I am most emphatically not ravishing. And
I need to lose ten pounds."

"You're beautiful to me. You're beautiful to anyone who takes the
time to get to know you. If you want to lose the ten pounds, you will.
I'm sick of hearing about the ten pounds."

"'Get to know you' is the key phrase. Men don't want to get to
know you. They make up their minds in one look whether or not
they'll even bother. It's all about sex."

"No, it isn't. Some guys are smarter than that. Sure
^.
, they look and
some women look better than others on the outside. But I know there
are guys who can see you like I see you. And think of it this way:
You've already weeded out the superficial jerks."

"Chris is great looking. Would you be as hot for her if she were,
say, ten pounds overweight?"

"I don't know."

"See? You're as superficial as the guys," Jinx teased her.

"How would I know? I never looked at women before!"

"Now you will. You'll walk across that campus and think about

who's fuckable and who's not. You will. You'll watch women's breasts
sway, and then you'll look at the ones with the light round asses and—"
"Jinx, maybe you're the one who's gay."

"1 really don't think I am, but I can imagine."

"Breasts are a good thing. Trust me. A really good thing." Vic
grinned. "I think I'm demented. I've turned into a sex maniac. Overnight.
I can't stop thinking about it."

"I'm not even getting any, and I can't stop thinking about it."
"It's kind of exhausting."

"Vic, are you going to spend all your time with Chris?"

"Huh?" Vic was still thinking about being exhausted.

"Is a female lover, wait, let me rephrase that, is Chris your new best
friend?"

"No. Why are you asking me that?"

"Because—" Jinx's voice trailed off.

"You're my best friend. You'll always be my best friend."

_V

ic couldn't blame Jinx for it, but she did look at every woman
she passed. She noticed their breasts, their waists, whether
they were fit or flabby, the way their hair complemented their

faces or didn't.

She had called Chris when she woke up in the morning. She re
membered that Chris had an eight-o'clock class. She told her she'd see
her after classes.

Then she called Charly. He told her he loved her and couldn't live
without her, and could he see her after class? With a pang, she said she
couldn't today but she'd see him tomorrow after training table.

Nothing said in her classes penetrated her skull. She bought sand
wiches and a bunch of asters in a blue vase on the way home. She still
had no furniture except a kitchen table, four chairs, and a bed, but the flowers decorated the center of the table. She set two places, and time
crawled until she heard Chris's footsteps in the stairwell.

Carrying a huge bouquet of roses, Chris handed them to Vic. "A
rose by any other name." She kissed her on the cheek.

"These are beautiful. We had the same idea, only yours was better."
Vic didn't have another vase, but she did have a coffee can. She put
the grounds in a Ziploc bag, washed the can and added water, and put the
roses in it.