Allegiant (9 page)

“
Why?” I search his face.
“When I told you to stay away, I meant physically.”

He presses his forehead to mine. “I’m trying
to get over you. I told myself I would only check in or intervene
if you were in danger. I thought it was the best way.”

“
And how’s that working
out?” I ask wryly.

He raises his head and gives me a crooked
smile. “I think you know the answer to that.”

My heart melts upon seeing that smile, and I
have the overwhelming urge to kiss him. He can tell, and his smile
fades into seriousness again. “It probably wouldn’t be a good
idea.”

I lean forward. “Does it really matter?”

“
Yes,” he says, but the
word sounds stuck in his throat.

The emotions surrounding
his return overcome me, and I don’t care about any Guardian rules.
The electricity running through me is tangible. He’s here.
He’s really here
. I press
myself closer, my lips centimeters from his. “Are you going to stop
me?” I whisper.

“
No.”

I practically attack him. His arms tighten
around me as we kiss; his lips just as eager as mine. Kissing him
is easier with his new form; I don’t have to concentrate nearly as
much. I feel his hold shift as he grasps my waist with one hand and
runs the other up into my hair. I wrap my fingers around what I
think is his neck, to pull him closer to me. I open my eyes for a
brief second to see that I’ve managed to grab his shoulder instead.
After a few breathless minutes, his mouth leaves mine, and I
silently pray that it will reappear somewhere else on my skin. It
doesn’t.

I open my eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“
This isn’t
helping.”

“
So?”

“
Emma,” he groans and
releases me, rolling on to his back.

“
What?” I lean over
him.

“
Nothing has changed.” He
looks at me. “The rules haven’t changed.”

“
I can’t help it,” I
confess. “I love you.”

He looks at me, defeated, and a soft
expression takes over his features. “And I still love you.”

I move to kiss him again, but he stops me by
gently pressing his hand against my shoulder. “We shouldn’t.”

I know what he says is true, but it hurts to
hear. In all the time we’ve been together, he has never stopped me
from kissing him. My bruised ego speaks for me. “Why? If Garrett is
here with us now, who’s going to tell?”

He stares at me for a moment, his bright
blue eyes clouding over to a stormy gray. He releases my shoulder,
shifts his gaze, and trails his fingers lightly down my arm. My
pulse accelerates.

“
That’s not helping,” I say
quietly.

His stormy eyes refocus on mine. He reaches
around my neck with his free hand, pulls me toward him, and kisses
me softly. His lips leave mine to find the corner of my mouth, my
jaw, my throat, and then my collarbone. He moves forward to wrap a
cold hand around my arm as he presses me on to my back, leaving a
trail of gentle, urgent kisses along the opposite side of my neck.
His hand brushes down my side and wraps around my waist as our lips
meet again. He presses the length of his body against mine, and my
insides nearly combust. I’ve missed him so much.

Suddenly, he disappears. “Damn it!” I hear
him curse.

I look over to see him lying beside me, the
heels of his palms pressed against his brow. “Even if Garrett
didn’t say anything,” he says, “sooner or later The Allegiant would
find out.”

“
The Allegiant?” I ask,
trying to breathe normally.

He sets his hands on his stomach and stares
at the ceiling. “They watch over the Guardians. They maintain order
and balance. They make sure we’re fulfilling our duty.” He turns to
me. “They will find out.”

I turn on my side to face him. “Maybe we
could talk to Garrett and see how much time we have.” I know I’m
grasping at straws, but I want to keep him and what we have as long
as I can.

He gives me a skeptical stare. “Aren’t you
freaked out yet?”

“
About what?”

“
Garrett is my mentor. A
Guardian. You’re okay with that?”

“
I didn’t realize he was a
Guardian. I thought he was human.”

“
What made you think he was
human?”

I sit up. “Why would your Garrett be my
neighbor? He has Ethics with me; he tutors me in Stats. He cooks.
He eats and sleeps. He wanted my old couch.”

James looks more confused now than ever.
“How much time have you spent with him?”

“
Quite a bit,” I admit.
“He’s my only friend here.”

James sits up to face me. “Emma,” he says
seriously, “Guardians don’t eat or sleep.”

“
I know that.”

“
You’re sure you saw him do
those things?”

“
Well, I haven’t seen him
sleep, but he has a bed. A mattress. And he made us lunch and ate
it right in front of me. He had a few beers at the bar tonight,
too.”

James looks frustrated as he contemplates
what I’ve said. It makes me worry. I shouldn’t have brought up
Garrett. His mood makes me want to march next door immediately and
demand answers. Come to think of it, I should be pretty pissed at
Garrett for assigning me to James, then disappearing on him and
lying to me.

Just then, LB jumps up on the bed deciding
to grace us with her presence. “Where have you been?” I ask her as
she steps on my leg. I grab her and present her to James. “This is
LB. Little Booger,” I clarify. “LB, James.”

James finally relaxes and smiles, reaching
out to pet LB. “Where’d you find her?” he asks.

“
She was a birthday present
from Matt and Shel. They figured I was lonely.”

James’ smile vanishes and his face twists.
“I’m so sorry,” he says.

“
What for?”

“
For missing your birthday.
For leaving you. For screwing everything up.”

I set LB down and reach for his hand. “It’s
not your fault.”

“
Everything is my
fault.”

I shake my head and scoot closer to him.
“Don’t be sorry. Or sad. Or angry. I hate to see you like that. You
scared me tonight.”

“
I’ve been mad at myself.
And Garrett. Finding him here was a shock and I…I just lost
it.”

I pull him to lie down next to me, to
snuggle in for the night, and LB makes her way in between us,
curling into a ball. “I’m glad you’ve calmed down, and I’m glad
you’re here.”

“
So am I.”

“
Promise me you won’t
leave.”

James kisses my forehead. “Like I said,
there’s no place I’d rather be.”

“
I love you.”

“
Until the end of
forever.”

I smile. “I hope The Allegiant aren’t paying
attention.”

He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear.
“We’d know by now if they were.”

I raise my eyebrows. “So, can we, you
know…”

James pretends to look shocked. “What’s
gotten into you? In front of LB?”

“
I think she’s
asleep.”

He smiles, but gives me a resigned sigh. “As
much as I want to, I think it would be best if we didn’t.”

I grimace. “Fine. When did you turn into
such a rule follower?”

“
Since I’ve been threatened
with Erasure. The idea of having my memory erased doesn’t appeal to
me.”

Yeah, that sounds just as horrible as it did
the first time I’d heard about it.

“
You need to get some
sleep,” he tells me.

“
That’s not going to be
easy.”

“
Do you want me to sing you
a lullaby?”

“
Please no!” I laugh.
James’ singing voice is terrible.

“
Twinkle, twinkle, little
star…” he warbles.

“
Stop!”

“
How I wonder what you are.
Up above the world so high…”

“
Arrggh!” I plug my
ears.

“
Like a diamond in the
sky…”

Even LB looks up annoyed.

“
Twinkle, twinkle, little
star…”

“
I’m sleeping!” I smash my
eyes together. “See!”

He laughs then kisses my nose like a parent
would. “That’s better.”

He holds me tighter and eventually I drift
off, content in his arms, where I never thought I would be
again.

I awake to the delicious smell of cinnamon,
and my stomach growls. I roll over, reaching beside me in the
process, and find myself alone. Frowning, I open my eyes and look
around the room. The sun is shining around the blinds on my window,
and the clock reads 10:58. Apparently, all the activities from last
night wore me out. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I swing my legs
to the side and leave my bed. I find James in the kitchen, standing
over the toaster, with LB sitting at his feet.

“
Good morning,” he says. He
catches the time on the oven and smiles. “I mean, good
afternoon.”

“
You’re making toast?” I
ask.

The bread pops up. “I’m making breakfast.”
He removes the slices from the toaster and grabs a knife. He opens
the butter dish. “Cinnamon raisin okay with you?”

“
Well,” I move to lean
against the counter beside him, “since I bought the bread, I would
say it’s perfect. What brought this on?”

“
You said Garrett cooks.”
He runs the knife over the toast. “I thought I’d give it a
try.”

I laugh. “I don’t know if toasting bread
counts as cooking.”

James looks at me and raises an eyebrow. “Do
you want the toast or not?”

My stomach growls loudly, reminding me that
everything that was inside of it ended up in the toilet last night.
“Yes, of course I want it.” I stand on my toes and kiss his cheek.
“Thank you.”

He hands me the plate and moves to the
refrigerator. He opens the door and pulls out a carton of orange
juice. I watch him, mesmerized, as he grabs a glass from the
cabinet and fills it. “For you.” He holds it out to me.

I take it from him tentatively. He puts the
carton back and shuts the fridge door. I haven’t moved.

“
What?” he asks.

I blink. “It’s like…it’s almost like you’re
not a Guardian.”

A sad expression flashes across his face,
then the corner of his mouth quirks up. “Maybe with some culinary
practice I could be your butler.”

“
Ooooh, I like that,” I
smile. “It would be nice to come home to a clean apartment and a
hot meal every day.”

He laughs and reaches around me to collect
the bread and the butter dish, putting things back where they
belong. I step out of his way, carrying my breakfast into the
living room and setting it on the coffee table. I sit down and pull
off a piece of toast. “So, what’s on the agenda for today?” I call
into the kitchen and pop the bread into my mouth.

A moment later he appears in the doorway.
“Are congratulations in order?” he asks, holding the newspaper
article and the envelope I received in the mail.

The bread suddenly feels dry in my mouth,
and I choke it down. “Apparently so.” I turn my attention to the
orange juice. I forgot I left the article about Teagan on the
counter.

“
When did this happen?” he
asks.

I swallow my drink and nod toward his hands.
“It sounds like a year and a half ago. I don’t know.”

James frowns. “You don’t know?”

I pull off another piece of toast and try to
look unaffected. “I just found out about the happy couple
yesterday.”

“
From the mail?”

“
Yep.”

James looks irritated and starts to walk
toward me. “How are you?”

“
I’m fine.”

He reaches me and sits down on the couch I
now hate. “Don’t lie to me.”

I don’t want to talk about Dane with James.
I’m nervous about how much he knows. Before he left, he knew we
were friends and suspected Dane wanted more. I was adamant that he
didn’t. I was wrong.

“
I’m not lying.” I shove a
piece of toast in my mouth. “I’m really fine.”

He gives me an exasperated look. “You forget
I can feel your emotions, and you’re still a terrible liar.” He
stares at me intently. “Yesterday was a very hard day for you.”

I look down, embarrassed. If he felt my
emotions yesterday, what did he feel when I was with Dane before I
left for school? I try to eliminate him from our conversation. “I
also ran into Rebecca at Wayside last night.” James is familiar
with the bar; we used to go there often.

He crumples the article and the envelope in
his hand, his jaw tensing. “I’m sorry she upset you.”

I shrug and go back to picking at my toast.
James stands and begins to pace. He stops. “He really didn’t tell
you he was engaged?” he asks in disbelief. “After all the time you
two spent together?”

I look at him annoyed. “No, he didn’t. Can
we drop this?”

“
No.” I can tell he’s
getting worked up. “I know you care about him.”

I freeze, alarmed by what he just said. He
knows I care about Dane? “H–how do you know that?” Do I even want
the answer?

My reaction causes him to pause. He tilts
his head. “You’re nervous. Did something happen?”

This is
it
, I think and start to sweat. My mind
flashes back to when I found out about Rebecca, when I learned
about her and James. I remember how hurt I was that it had
happened, but even more so that he had kept it from me. I can’t be
like that; I have to be honest. My face searches his, and I know I
look guilty. I open my mouth to confess.