Allegiant (8 page)

I pull my keys out of my pocket and hand
them to him. The room starts to spin and my stomach begins to
twist. “Should we tell the others we’re going?” I ask, holding on
to the chair for support.

Garrett looks over my head. “I don’t think
we’ll be missed.”

We head to the parking lot, and I
concentrate on trying not to stumble. Now that I’m standing and
moving, I realize I’m more drunk than I thought. My world is
spinning; I want to get home as fast as possible. I walk as quickly
as I dare in the direction of my car, not paying attention to my
surroundings. A blaring horn and blinding headlights stop me dead
in my tracks.

Garrett grabs me by my shoulders and yanks
me out of the way as a car passes inches from us. “Emma! God! You
were almost hit!”

I look at him stupidly as I try to regain my
balance. “Sorry,” I mutter.

Garrett helps me to my car and places me
inside. I close my eyes and rest my head against the passenger side
window the entire way home. Thankfully it’s a short distance
because my stomach is very unhappy.

When we get to the apartments, Garrett
escorts me to my place. He helps me inside and starts to deposit me
on the couch. The downward motion makes my insides churn.

“
No!” I choke out.
“Bathroom!”

He helps me to the bathroom where I dive to
my knees in front of the toilet. I’m too sick to be embarrassed as
he holds my hair while I retch. When my stomach stops convulsing, I
lean over and rest my head against the cool porcelain of the
bathtub.

“
I’ll get you a glass of
water,” he says and leaves the room.

The longer I lie there with my eyes closed,
the more the room feels like it’s standing still again. What a
horrible day this has been. First Dane, then Rebecca. I almost get
run over, and then I get sick in front of Garrett. I think about
crawling into my bedroom on my hands and knees, so I can hide under
the blankets on my bed.

That’s when I hear the voices. It takes me a
minute to focus, but I swear I can hear two people talking. I open
my eyes and tentatively sit forward. I push myself to stand using
the toilet for balance, and hear someone angrily say, “Where have
you been?” I make it to the bathroom doorway and peer around the
corner.

“
Where have I been? Where
were you tonight? She managed to get herself stupid drunk and was
almost hit by a car!”

“
I’ve been trying to do
what you told me to,” James seethes.

“
I didn’t tell you to get
her killed!” Garrett fires back.

I blink my eyes. James is in my living
room.

And he’s arguing with my neighbor.

James takes a step forward. “I felt the
pull,” he snaps.

“
And you just ignored it?”
Garrett asks, shocked.

“
No! It disappeared as
quickly as it came!” He moves toward Garrett with his fists
clenched. “Can you explain that to me? Can you explain why that
keeps happening?” The two of them are nose to nose as James sneers,
“Can you explain why nothing works the way you said it
would?”

Garrett doesn’t flinch under James’ icy
stare. He crosses his arms. “I thought I’d trained you better than
this.”

“
Better than what?” James
steps away, frustrated. “From what I’ve been told, you barely
trained me at all!”

“
Who have you been talking
to?” Garrett asks, narrowing his eyes.

James gives him a cold smile. “Wouldn’t you
like to know.”

I’m mesmerized, clinging to
the bathroom door jamb for support. My neighbor Garrett was James’
Guardian all along.
All along.

Garrett nods at James approvingly. “Your
confidence has grown.”

“
Don’t try to flatter me,”
James spits. “I’m not under your guidance anymore. I don’t need
your approval. Not after what you’ve done.”

Garrett tilts his head. “And just what have
I done?”

James’ eyes flash. “You disappeared. You
assigned me and then you disappeared.”

“
You were
ready.”

“
You know I wasn’t!” James
growls. “You left Emma’s fate in the hands of a Guardian who can’t
protect her!” He face hovers inches from Garrett’s. “And for that I
will
never
forgive
you.”

Seconds pass and Garrett stares at James
accusingly. “You still love her.”

James sets his jaw. “I never stopped.”

My breath catches. These months apart have
been for nothing?

“
You have to get your
feelings under control,” Garrett says.

“
You think I don’t know
that?” James asks. “That lesson I did learn.”

LB appears at my feet, meowing softly, as if
asking what’s going on. I bend down carefully to pick her up before
her mewling distracts them, but when I stand, I’m too late. Both
James and Garrett have directed their attention toward me.

“
Hi,” I say quietly. I feel
embarrassed for eavesdropping. I make eye contact with James, and
his face instantly softens, his eyes flooding with
relief.

Garrett glances between the two of us and
sighs. He walks out of the living room and into the kitchen as I
decide to leave the bathroom doorway. I hear the clink of glass and
the sink faucet turn on as I walk toward James. I stop a few steps
away from him, clutching LB. My pulse accelerates at the sight of
him, his sandy brown hair falling haphazardly over his forehead,
his clear blue eyes swimming in mine. His skin still carries a
slight pallor, and he’s wearing the same jeans and polo shirt that
he always does. Despite looking the same, he also looks different.
He appears more solid to me, and I can’t help but notice that his
shirt fits him more tightly across his chest.

“
Who’s this?” James asks
softly, his eyes flicking to LB and then back to me.

“
You don’t know?” I ask,
confused.

He looks hurt and shakes his head. “I’ve
stayed away.”

Garrett returns to the living room, pulling
my attention away from James. I turn toward him, and he holds out
the glass of water he promised me. Allowing LB to jump from my
arms, I reach for it, giving him a small smile of thanks.

Just as I wrap my fingers around the glass,
it’s knocked forcefully from my hand. I jump back in surprise as
water flies everywhere, and the glass bounces off the carpet. I
look at James, shocked by what he’s done, and he wears a murderous
expression. He lunges at Garrett, grabs his shirt in his fists, and
drags him across the room, slamming his back against the wall next
to my television. The sound makes me cringe.

“
Why can she see you? How
does she know you?” James demands through clenched
teeth.

I’ve never seen James act so violent. It
scares me. I take a step back, my heart pounding. The only other
time I’ve seen him fight was with Patrick, and even then he didn’t
initiate it. His reaction was in self-defense.

Instead of looking scared, Garrett looks
impressed. “I see your skills have improved as well.”

“
Talk!” James
shouts.

“
We’re neighbors,” Garrett
says calmly. He looks unaffected by the body slam; his arms hang
loosely by his sides.

“
What are you trying to
pull?” James growls.

“
Nothing.”

He pulls Garrett off the wall and then slams
him back against it, making me flinch.

“
Calm down.” Garrett looks
like a parent trying to wait out a two-year-old’s temper
tantrum.

James stares my neighbor in the eyes and
then releases him, pushing off his chest roughly. He turns to me.
“How do you know him?”

“
He moved in when I did,” I
whisper.

He turns back to Garrett. “This is where
you’ve vanished to? To college? To her?”

Garrett steps away from the wall. “I came
here to keep tabs on you.”

“
Why?” James demands. “Why
not stay in the Intermediate?”

“
I had to leave,” Garrett
says, taking a step toward James. “Because of that I had to be near
Emma. I knew if she was doing well, then you would be fulfilling
your duty.”

“
And if she wasn’t?” James
snaps.

“
Then I could step in if
necessary.”

I remember my lack of self-preservation in
the parking lot as we left the bar. “Like tonight,” I say, without
thinking.

They both turn to me, reminded that I’m
still in the room. Pain is written all over James’ face. He should
have been the one to help guide my actions tonight, not
Garrett.

“
This is why,” Garrett
says. “This is why you have to get your emotions under control.
You’re too angry; you’re trying too hard to let her go. You’ve all
but abandoned her in your effort to stop loving her.” He crosses
his arms. “You’ve stayed away when you need to be
present.”

“
You knew this would be
difficult for me,” James says, gritting his teeth. “I’m dealing
with it the best way I know how.” He turns to face his mentor.
“With no help from you.”

Garrett gives James a stern look. “I trained
you to the best of my ability. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you I had
to leave. If you had been fulfilling your duty to Emma, you would
have known where to find me.”

James’ eyes flash at the accusation of his
poor guidance, and he clenches his hands into fists. “And now that
I’ve found you? Now what?”

His expression and his reaction frighten me,
and I envision him punching Garrett…or worse. I take another step
back and Garrett notices.

“
We’ll have to work
together,” Garrett says, his eyes leaving me and focusing on James.
“To protect us both.” He pauses, giving James a hard stare, then
sidesteps him and heads for the door.

“
Where are you going?”
James asks in disbelief. “Don’t walk away from me! What do you mean
to protect us both?”

Garrett ignores him and continues toward the
door. James lunges at him again, making me jump. He grabs the back
of his shirt and forces him to turn around. I retreat further into
the living room, away from them, as anxiety continues to creep up
my spine.

Garrett looks at James and utters one word.
“Concentrate.”

It takes a moment, but the angry expression
on James’ face slowly changes into one of deep concern. His eyes
flash to mine, and he releases Garrett. “I’m sorry,” he apologizes
to me.

I look between the two of them. “For
what?”

“
I’ll let him explain it
you,” Garrett says. He moves to open the door and steps outside.
His eyes lock on James. “I’ll talk to you after you’ve calmed
down.” He gives me a sympathetic look and closes the door behind
him.

James and I stand in silence as my heartbeat
returns to its normal rhythm. His entire body relaxes, and he no
longer appears upset or angry. He looks like my James. The one I
love.

“
I’m sorry I scared you,”
he says, his voice full of regret.

“
It’s okay.”

He shakes his head. “It’s not.”

Despite all that’s happened, my heart aches.
The only thing I want to do is wrap myself around him. To tell him
I love him and how much I’ve missed him. To keep him from leaving.
“Can you stay?”

He’s inches from me in two strides. “There’s
no place I’d rather be.”

The changes in James are amazing. Before he
left, he was just starting to move light objects, like my hair. But
when he lies down beside me tonight and wraps his arms around my
waist, he physically pulls me back against his chest. I had assumed
he was able to manipulate Garrett during their argument because
they were both Guardians, but he can now move me. He stills feels
cold, but his arms are somehow heavier. I try to lace my fingers
through his without concentrating and end up with my hand in a
fist. Although I still move through his body, the air that is him
feels thicker, like I’m moving through water. There is no
resistance to his form, yet I can feel more than just his
temperature. I relax into him, glancing down in order to lace my
fingers through his again, cupping my hand around the new feeling
that is his skin.

“
What are you thinking?” he
murmurs against my hair.

“
That I may have died and
gone to heaven.”

I can feel him tense up behind me, which is
new as well. “That’s not funny.”

I look at him over my shoulder. “It wasn’t
meant to be.”

He regards me seriously for a moment then
his face relaxes a bit. I release his hands and shift myself to
wrap my arms around his waist. “You don’t know how much I’ve missed
you.”

He holds me tighter.

“
What made you visit?” I
ask.

“
I sensed danger around
you,” he says. “Then it instantly disappeared. I needed to see that
you were safe.”

“
I’m glad you
came.”

He leans his cheek against the top of my
head. “Garrett’s right. I’ve been doing a terrible job.”

“
You haven’t,” I raise my
face to look at him. “I’m still in one piece.”

James stares at me and confesses. “I can
feel you. I know things have been hard. Every time you feel a
strong emotion, I feel the pull.”

I frown. I’ve been upset a lot lately, but
I’ve been happy too. Like on my birthday and this past
afternoon.

“
I don’t need to manifest
in order to guide you. But I am supposed to look in on you and see
what’s needed. I haven’t even been doing that,” he
sighs.