All the Feels (11 page)

“You’re not funny, Xander.”

“I am, but that aside, I’m … Well, I suppose I’m a bit surprised.”

Liv glared at him. “Why?”

“Because you’ve never been attracted to anyone who wasn’t fictional before.” He smirked. “So what happened?”

“Nothing.”

He raised an eyebrow.

“Honestly. There’s nothing to tell.”

“Liar.”

“Okay, there’s a little bit to tell, but not much.”

“I don’t care how little,” Xander said, waving her concerns away. “I want to know what’s happening.”

By the time they reached the end of the parking lot, she’d done a recap of the sociology project, and late-night work on Bristol board, and Hank’s obsession with double-checking references, and his summer volunteering for an equal-pay-for-equal-work focus group. Xander seemed a little quieter than usual—certainly not his usual outgoing self—but Liv was relieved to have him to confide in. She just wished she knew what he was thinking.

“I’ve never had a serious boyfriend,” Liv sighed. “I mean I dated one guy when I was in high school, but that was different. It was just a teen thing. We hardly even kissed, never mind did anything else.”

Xander stared at her. “Are you joking?”

“No. He just…” Liv squirmed. “I don’t know. He didn’t seem interested.”

“Mmph. Too bad for him.”

“But this thing with Hank feels just different, you know? Like it might go somewhere.”

Xander opened the passenger door for Liv before heading to the driver’s side and climbing into the frozen car. He started the engine. It whined and moaned, the two of them forced to sit in the icebox while the fan struggled to spread heat through the air. For a long time, Xander stared out the window, frowning.

“I know you’re thinking something,” Liv said. “So you might as well say it.”

Xander rubbed his gloved hands rather than look at her. “I’m not actually.”

“You are.”

He didn’t answer.

“So … what would you do?” Liv asked.

“You should do whatever you want.”

“But what if you were me?” Liv said. “What would you do then?”

Xander sighed. “I suppose I’d probably ask him out.”

“But I can’t do that!” Liv gasped. “Dating’s stressful. I’d have to dress up.”

Xander gave an exaggerated sigh as he popped the car into drive and eased it onto the snowy streets. “My dear Liv, I’ve dated plenty, and I honestly think it comes down to mind over matter.”

“Please don’t give me that stupid ‘if it doesn’t mind, then it doesn’t matter’ line.”

Xander chuckled. “I don’t think that particularly applies to dating. You
should
mind what someone does. But you shouldn’t let your fear stop you.” He slowed for a passing truck, then turned off campus and onto the main drive. “If I never went onstage when I was scared, I’d never act. If I never asked someone out if I thought they’d say no, I’d always be alone.” He nudged her with his elbow, though his eyes stayed on the road. “If I never trusted you could make me into an Internet sensation, I’d never be the star of a YouTube video with half a million hits.”

Liv sighed. “I just … I don’t think I can.”

“It’s up to you whether you want to try or not, but you’ve got to decide what you want from life. You’re a freshman. You should be living a bit.” He grinned. “Granola sounds nice, albeit a bit boring.”

“I should never have told you that nickname,” she grumbled.

“I think it’s a lovely nickname.” He laughed. “Fitting even.”

“Xander … that’s just mean.”

He snorted rather than answering.

Liv stared out the window as they drove. Xander was an actor. It was easy for him. But the thought of asking Hank out left her panicked.

Xander cleared his throat, drawing Liv back to the present. “What’s on your mind, Liv?”

“What if I ask him and he says no?”

“He’d be stupid to do that.” Xander patted her hand. A tiny gesture, but it nearly brought her to tears. “Trust me. It’ll work out.”

“How do you know?”

His smile faded into something softer.
Sadder
, Liv thought afterward.

“Because you deserve to be happy,” he said quietly, and then the light changed, and they drove on. Just the two of them, one warm car, in an endless swath of night.

“Maybe,” Liv whispered.

6

“MY ‘PEOPLE SKILLS’ ARE ‘RUSTY.’”

(
SUPERNATURAL
)

@StarVeilBrian1981:
@LivOutLoud Have you heard the news, Liv?

@LivOutLoud:
@StarVeilBrian1981 News?

@StarVeilBrian1981:
@LivOutLoud There’s a rumor #SpartanSurvived isn’t Grander at all. It’s MRM!

@LivOutLoud:
@StarVeilBrian1981 Doubt it, Brian.

@StarVeilBrian1981:
@LivOutLoud But what better way to prop up a sagging fandom? It’s the perfect plan to create a surge of popularity!

@LivOutLoud:
@StarVeilBrian1981 It’s a good theory. I just don’t think that’s it.

@JoesWoes:
@LivOutLoud @StarVeilBrian1981 I’m with Brian on this.

@LivOutLoud:
@JoesWoes @StarVeilBrian1981 Maybe … maybe not. ;)

@JoesWoes:
@LivOutLoud I think MRM killed Spartan on purpose, then started #SpartanSurvived. Think about it-fandom’s together like it never was before.

@StarVeilBrian1981:
@JoesWoes @LivOutLoud Only one way to know for sure.

@LivOutLoud:
@JoesWoes @StarVeilBrian1981 And that is?

@StarVeilBrian1981:
@JoesWoes @LivOutLoud Have to ask him personally.

@LivOutLoud:
@JoesWoes @StarVeilBrian1981 Well, I don’t live in LA, so that’s not an option.

@JoesWoes:
@LivOutLoud @StarVeilBrian1981 Neither do I, but that’s not the only place you can talk to MRM.

@StarVeilBrian1981:
@JoesWoes @LivOutLoud You still thinking about this summer, Joe?

@JoesWoes:
@StarVeilBrian1981 @LivOutLoud Better than thinking. I’m saving for it! Liv, you should think about coming too.

@LivOutLoud:
@JoesWoes @StarVeilBrian1981 Coming where?

@JoesWoes:
@LivOutLoud @StarVeilBrian1981 To Atlanta. MRM just announced he & cast will do the con circuit this summer. Dragon Con is top of the list.

@LivOutLoud:
@JoesWoes @StarVeilBrian1981 Er … probably not.

@JoesWoes:
@LivOutLoud @StarVeilBrian1981 C’mon, Liv. It’d be a fun escape from RL.

@LivOutLoud:
@JoesWoes @StarVeilBrian1981 Wish I could, but I can’t. I just don’t see it happening.

@StarVeilBrian1981:
@LivOutLoud @JoesWoes Never say never.

*   *   *

“My God, I look like Tom Hiddleston in this!” Xander laughed.

“Better than Hiddleston,” Liv said.

“Better?”

“You look like one of the
Starveil
cast. You’re gorgeous!”

“Gorgeous, hmm? I do like the sound of that.” Xander squinted at the screen. “Who did you say made this?”

“StarVeilBrian1981. He’s been in the fandom forever. He’s got mad Photoshop skills.”

Xander glared down the length of his nose. “I meant his
given
name, Liv. Not his username. Good lord, I’d never remember StairMaster Nine—”

“StarVeilBrian1981.” Liv giggled. “And his first name is Brian.”

“Well, tell Brian I’m very impressed.”

“Oh! I can’t.”

Xander looked up from the screen. “Why not?”

“No one knows I’m behind Spartan Survived.”

“Really?”

She gave a one-shouldered shrug. “It just seemed simpler that way.”

Xander nodded. “I guess that could work.”

“What do you mean
work
?”

“Well, your fandom is mostly online. It’s interaction-free. You don’t have to even know someone’s name.” He snorted. “I know my friends. In the physical world, I mean.”

“So you like to remind me.” Liv grumbled. She pulled the laptop toward her, but Xander grabbed hold of it before she could take it away, the two of them caught in an impromptu tug-of-war.

“Hey now!” Xander complained. “I’m not done with that!”

“Then be nice about my friends. I don’t troll your steampunk buddies.”

“True. You don’t. And I’ll play nice. Promise.”

Liv let go, and Xander slid the laptop to his side of the table. “It’s a very good manip, though. I look absolutely amazing!”

“And you’re oh so humble about it.” Liv laughed, her irritation fading.

“Thanks to you,” Xander said, nudging her with his elbow. “You were right about the captain’s jacket.”

“Told you so.”

For a few more seconds, Xander examined the screen. Liv expected this, like so many of their other projects, would be added to his acting portfolio. Suddenly he spun back toward Liv. He grabbed her arm.

“Why don’t you make yourself a costume? I’d help you!”

“A costume for what?”

“For whatever you want, Liv! There are cons all over the place.” Xander’s voice was breathy with excitement. “I’ll go with you!”

“I don’t know. I’m not one for dressing up.”

“But think how fun it would be!” He tapped Tekla’s image. “We could even go together. Dual cosplay, if you will. It’d be great!”

“Xander…” Liv groaned. “I don’t think—”

But Xander was already sizing her up. “Yes, yes. You could totally pull off her outfit. You have the bust…” Liv crossed her arms over her chest just as Xander reached for her booted foot. He pulled it up. “But her legs are longer than yours.” He waggled his eyebrows. “You’re built for comfort rather than speed.”

Liv kicked her foot away from him. “Stop it!” she hissed. “You’re embarrassing me.”

He laughed. “You really do have an amazing figure.”

“Enough!” She could feel the heat rising from her chest to her face.

Xander chuckled and leaned back in his chair. He waved away her words with an indolent gesture of dismissal. She never knew how he could pull off the whole “cosplay as a way of life”; just thinking about one day of dress-up terrified her.

“When I convince you to come to Dragon Con with me, I’m going to insist you try it.”

Liv purposefully ignored his suggestion. “You know there’s a bunch of people from the
Starveil
fandom going to Dragon Con this year. Apparently MRM’s making some big announcement.”

“And are
you
coming with the Spartan entourage?”

“Don’t think so.”

“Any chance I could change your mind? There’s even a parade, you know. We go right through downtown Atlanta. They film it and everything.” Xander grinned. “DC is a cosplayer’s paradise.”

Liv’s palms went sweaty at the mere thought. “I don’t really think that’s for me.”

“You don’t know unless you try,” Xander insisted. “It’s better than Comic-Con. The stars are much more accessible. And I have every intention of convincing you to come along.”

Liv snapped the laptop closed. “Coercing me, you mean.”

He smirked. “All a matter of opinion, dearest.”

“Sometimes,” she sighed, “I think you take the whole Byron thing way too seriously.”

“You’re the one who cast me as the Rebel.”

Liv smiled despite herself. “If the shoe fits.”

*   *   *

March disappeared.

April began.

The posts to the #SpartanSurvived tag grew. Liv and Xander made another vid, which made YouTube’s top ten video picks of the week. Rumors on several websites suggested that the Spartan Survived movement had drawn the attention of Hollywood itself, and
Entertainment Nightly
did a feature on the “grassroots movement” to bring back America’s favorite Rebel. In it, they interviewed Mike R. Miles, the creator of
Starveil
, about the fan movement, and he spoke of “reassessing fan interests” and “projects in the works.” As crazy as it sounded, Liv had to admit her death-defying enterprise was doing exactly what she wanted. People really
were
wondering if Spartan had survived. And if Liv ignored the last ten minutes of
Starveil Five
and just read fic, then she could convince herself he hadn’t really died.