All Due Respect (4 page)

“I have to have it when I get home to get in.”

“Didn’t she send your dad a note about that?”

“I gave it to him.” Jeff looked up at Seth, round-eyed. “I promise.”

“Well, what did he say?”

Biting his lip and avoiding Seth’s eyes, Jeff swayed side to side. “I dunno.”

“Yes you do.”

A resigned sigh hiked his slim shoulders and Jeff shuffled his foot in the sandy dirt, kicking up a little cloud of dust. “Do I have to tell you?”

“Yes, you have to tell me.”

Blinking hard, Jeff tucked his head to his chest and mumbled, “Goddamn your mother for dying, and goddamn you.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry for cussing, Dr. Seth, but that’s what he said.” The boy’s cheeks blistered and his eyes filled with tears. “I hate it when he cusses.”

What Jeff hated was his father cussing him. Seth didn’t give a tinker’s damn for it, either. He’d never in his life hugged a kid, but he wanted to hug Jeff. How many times had Camden pulled this stunt, damning them? “Losing your mom’s still hard, isn’t it?”

“I miss her.”

Three little words, but ones so powerful they threatened to knock Seth to his knees. “I know. My mom died when I was six, too. I still miss her.” And he still felt guilty about her death. At least Jeff had been spared that.

“Dr. Julia’s sure Mom misses me, too.” Doubt riddled the boy’s voice. He pushed away from the fence and stared down at the dirt. “But I think she might be too hurt to miss me.”

Confused, Seth pressed him. “What do you mean, buddy?”

“My mom’s burning in hell.” Jeff studied the sand crusted toe of his sneaker. “Dad says she’ll burn there forever.” He choked down a sob rooted in hopelessness. “Every time I close my eyes I see her on fire.”

The depth of the kid’s suffering stabbed through Seth’s

heart, and every instinct in his body urged him to beat the hell out of Camden for doing this to the boy. But that was a selfish response. Seth had to focus on what was best for Jeff.

He squatted so they could see eye to eye. “I have a question for you, Jeff. It’s not a test or anything, just a question,” Seth said. “Do you believe in God?”

The boy rolled his gaze. “Everybody believes in God. They gotta cuz He’s everybody’s father and Mom said.”

Universal, Mom being the ultimate authority on everything. “What else did she tell you about Him?”

“That He loves us and always will, no matter what.”

So far, so good. “I think she’s right.”

“She was real smart.” Pride tinged Jeff’s voice.

Seth smiled to lend weight to what he was about to say, hoping the boy would find comfort in it and maybe, just maybe, a little peace. “What she told you is how we know she’s not burning in hell, Jeff.”

Hope filled his face, but doubt quickly chased it. “Then how come Dad said she was?”

Because he’s like my father was. He’s a cruel and selfish bastard who has no idea how much he’s hurting you. Because even if he did know how much he was hurting you, he wouldn’t give a tinker’s damn. Because making you feel worse makes him feel better. Stronger. Like more of a man.

Seth thought it all, and said none of it. Instead, he searched for a reasonable explanation that wasn’t hard on Jeff’s dad. If Seth came across hard, the boy would feel compelled to defend his father. Sad, but that’s the way it always worked. The parent abused, the kid protected.

“When somebody you love dies, you miss them. Your dad hurts way down deep, but he can’t go around crying all the time, so he acts angry with your mom for leaving you both.” ť

Jeff’s jaw dropped open and his eyes stretched wide. “You mean, Mom wanted to die?”

“No, she loved you too much to ever want to leave you.” Sensing Jeff’s doubt and confusion, Seth lifted a leaf from

the ground and then dusted away the grains of sand clinging to it. They showered against his shoes. “It’s like this leaf.” He pinched it between his forefinger and thumb. “It was green and on a tree limb up there.” He pointed to a wintering oak. “But when it was time, the leaf turned brown and fell off.”

Understanding dawned in Jeff’s eyes. “Grass turns brown, too.”

“In a way, everything does.” Seth smiled. “People are born and, when it’s time, they die.”

“But the leaves and grass don’t burn in hell. Just people do.” A frown creased the skin between Jeff’s brows. “So if God loves us, then how come He’s burning Mom?”

“He isn’t, son,” Seth said softly. The little skeptic shrugged, and Seth countered, offering logic. “Think about it. If God is everybody’s father, then He’s your mom’s father, too.” Seth slung an arm over his bent knee. “Now if you were a father who loved your children—no matter what—would you make them burn in hell forever?”

Jeff didn’t hesitate. “No.”

“Neither would God, Jeff,” Seth said. “Your mom isn’t burning in hell, son. She’s watching over you from heaven.”

Confusion muddied his relief. “But Dad says—”

“I know. But you’ve thought this through for yourself now. You know the truth in here.” Seth gently touched Jeff’s chest through the fence, felt his heart pound against his fingertips. “People say and do all kinds of things when they’re in pain. They keep hoping something will make them feel better.”

Jeff’s lip trembled. “It makes me hurt.”

Rage threatened Seth, but he swallowed it back down. More rage, Jeff did not need. “Your dad hurts you?”

“When he says stuff.” Jeff dragged in a deep breath that lifted his chest. “He doesn’t love me. I don’t know why:” Jeff glanced at Seth. “Is something wrong with me?”

“No, it’s just grief. It’s not your fault.”

“Maybe it is.” He bowed his shoulders and stared at

Seth’s shoes, as if confessing the most shameful, unmentionable sin. “Dad says only Mom wanted me and then she died. Now, he’s stuck with me.”

Camden was a real piece of work. A bastard, through and through. “I don’t know a lot about kids, Jeff. But I know a good one when I see one, and you’re a good one. Don’t you ever let anyone tell you different.”

“It’s hard to remember.”

It was. Particularly when you heard you were lousy a lot more often. Seth’s voice went thick. “Are you scared he’ll hurt you, buddy?”

Jeff stared off into the pin oaks. The wind slicked his hair back from his face. “Maybe. He—he used to hurt my mom.” Turning, Jeff stared hard, willing Seth to believe him. “But he was always real sorry. Mom told me he was.”

Seth sincerely doubted it, but he kept his opinion to himself. Jeff needed the lie. “Okay, but no more nightmares of your mom burning, because she’s not. She never was. I said so, and I never lie.”

“Dr. Julia told me.” A weak smile touched Jeff’s lips, and he swatted at a mosquito buzzing his neck.

Seth’s smile froze on his face. It wasn’t just dust and dirt, Jeff was bruised. Even under the armpit. He’d been grabbed and jerked. Hard.

The front door creaked open, and a man stepped out onto the porch. Had to be Camden. Mid-twenties, brown hair, CPA slump in his shoulders. He topped out at about five eight and moved with a giveaway swagger that pegged him as a severe sufferer of the little, big-man syndrome. So you ‘re short. Act tough, bluster and bully, and people will consider you important.

Seth pretended not to see him but made sure his voice was loud enough to carry. “I told Dr. Julia I’d check on you everyday while she’s away.”

“You did?” Jeff’s smile got broader. “Every day?”

Camden’s grimace deepened. “Yeah,” Seth said. “You know how women are. Worrywarts.”

“Yeah.” Jeff’s nod nearly cracked his neck. “Worrywarts.”

Seth bit back a smile. Jeff loved it. Knowing Julia was worrying about him made him feel safe, as if he mattered. And, of course, he did. “So is that okay with you?”

“It’s not okay with me.” Camden came off the porch and walked three steps down the sidewalk, toward the fence.

Seth looked down at the man, debating. He couldn’t hit him; he’d kill him. And though he had left the Special Forces, his hands and feet were still considered lethal weapons. Camden might deserve killing, but if Seth did it, then he’d be in prison. He couldn’t help the boy from prison. He had to give diplomacy a try. It’d set a better example for Jeff, and keep Julia off his back.

Seth turned a cool gaze on Camden. “Why would you object?” he asked, letting the implication that Camden had something to hide hang between them.

He went red. “Who the hell are you?”

“Dr. Seth Holt.” Seth didn’t offer to shake the man’s hand, not that Camden had ventured within reach. He’d stopped a good twelve feet away.

“I don’t want you around my son.”

“Last I checked, this was a public sidewalk.” Seth folded his arms across his chest. “Are you saying I’m committing a crime by standing on a public sidewalk?”

“I’m saying I want you to stay away from my kid.”

Seth glanced down and saw that Jeff had paled. Not wanting to upset the boy, he softened his expression and his voice. “Jeff, you’ve got some dirt on your face. I don’t want to have to tell Dr. Julia your face was dirty. How about you go wash it up, so I can tell her you were spit shine clean?”

He dropped his voice so only Seth could hear. “Are you and Dad gonna … talk?”

Seth nodded.

“Don’t hurt him, okay?”

Damn it. “I won’t.”

The little skeptic gave him the once-over. “You look awfully mad.”

“I know, but mad men don’t always hit.”

“Promise?”

Gritting his teeth, Seth staved off a sigh. “Yeah, I promise.”

Jeff ran up the walk, giving his father a wide berth, paused on the porch to look back and double-check Seth, then went on into the house.

When the door slammed shut, Seth turned his attention back to Jeff’s father. “Camden, let me be perfectly clear. Jeff is my friend, and I am going to check on him every day. That isn’t negotiable.”

“The hell you say. You can’t stick your nose in my personal business.”

“I’m using every ounce of restraint I possess to keep from kicking your ass for beating on a kid,” Seth warned him. “Now, I can check on Jeff without you causing any grief, or you can cause grief, I’ll kick your ass, and then check on him anyway.” Seth shrugged. “Your choice. I’m up for either.”

Camden’s Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat. “Don’t come on my property. You come on my property, I’ll have you arrested for trespassing.”

Seth stiffened his stance. “You’ll let me see Jeff whenever and wherever or I’ll have the cops riding your back, nonstop.”

“Don’t threaten me, Holt.”

“No threat.” Seth would report the bruises to the social worker and to the cops and he’d call them daily for a report. In his experience, cops had a low tolerance level for men who beat up on kids. “It’s a solemn promise. I saw the bruise.”

Camden paused on the first step up to the porch and looked back at Seth. “What?”

“I saw the bruise.” Seth let his anger seep into his voice. “Don’t hurt the boy anymore.”

“He fell playing football.”

“Sure he did.” Seth grimaced. “It’s a little tricky to bruise your inner and outer arm, your armpit, and your ribs by falling down, Camden.”

“He did fall,” Camden insisted.

“Okay, fine. Let’s keep this simple. I don’t give a damn how he gets bruised, if I see another one on him, I’m holding you responsible.”

“What gives you the right—”

“You grab the boy hard enough to leave a bruise that covers half his body-and you want to talk to me about rights?” Losing it. Control slipping. Promised Jeff. Seth took in a deep breath and dropped his voice to just above a whisper. “I’m holding you responsible.”

“Okay. All right. You can see him.”

Typical. Back a little, big-man against the wall and he folds, provided you’re big enough to stomp him.

The front door swung open and Jeff ran outside, up to the fence, and then cranked back his neck. “This okay?”

Seth leashed his rage, forced himself to relax, and then looked down at Jeff’s upturned face.

He’d washed it, all right. But only it. A thin rim of mud circled his jawline. The face was clean, but his throat and neck were dust covered and mud splotched from water droplets. Seth nearly laughed. “Looks good to me.”

Camden slipped-into the house.

“Dr. Seth?”

“Yes, Jeff?”

He licked at his lips, then stared up at Seth. “Thank you for checking on me.”

Hell, when a kid looked up at you as awed as if you were Michael Jordan, what was a measly couple hours of driving time and a few phone calls? “No problem, buddy. That’s what friends are for.”

“Yeah, buddy.” Jeff smiled.

The warmth in it captured a corner of Seth’s heart, and he smiled back. “Yeah.”

Jeff tapped the tip of his shoe against the metal fence, and his smile faded. “Dr. Seth?”

“What is it, Jeff?”

“Buddies don’t lie to buddies, right?”

“Buddies don’t lie period.”

“I didn’t have ray listening ears on, but I heard Dad when he yelled at you.” Jeff rubbed at his bruise. “I didn’t fall playing football.”

Admitting that took guts. And of all the people in the world he could have chosen to trust, Jeff had picked him. The kid had courage—and he’d snagged another corner of Seth’s heart.

Honored and humbled, Seth squatted down. He curled his fingers through the wire fencing and around Jeff’s tiny ones, and then looked the boy straight in the eye. “I know, son.”

Jeff’s eyes stretched wide. “He told you?”

“No.” Hard to admit even to Jeff, even after all these years. But necessary. “My dad used to get mad and hit, too.”

“Did you have to live with him?”

“No. I lived with strangers.” Twenty-three foster homes in twelve years.

“You didn’t have nobody to love you, neither?”

“Just myself,” Seth said, then winked at Jeff. “But now I’ve got a buddy.”

“Yeah, two buddies. Me and Dr. Julia.”

Seth smiled, wishing that were true.

JULIA stared through the windshield at the four-story beige brick building. Deep down, she felt the stir, the old surge of excitement and enthusiasm she had always felt on entering a lab. But this return was temporary, and this lab was unlike any she had worked in before—it had windows.

Someone rapped on her car window.