All Due Respect (24 page)

“I divorced him right after he went to prison.”

“Prison?” Christ Almighty. He had attacked her. He really had.

Or he was under deep cover.

“You’re shouting again.” She stared up at the ceiling. “Maybe this isn’t a good time to tell you this, after all. Maybe we’d better wait—”

“Oh, no.” Seth grimaced, grappling to get a grip on how these developments fit into the big picture of things. She wasn’t married anymore. Karl was in prison. Was he under deep cover or an abuser in prison for attacking Julia? And was she innocent, or a traitor? “I want to hear it all now. Right now.”

Julia sank her teeth into her lower lip. That was the trouble with opening a Pandora’s box. Once you lifted the lid, you were committed to exposing everything inside. “The thing you most need to know is Karl is out of prison now, and he’s trying to force his way back into my life. He’s using Jeff to do it.”

“How?”

“I don’t know.” God, but she hated telling him this as much as she hated handling that gun. “He threatened to hurt Jeff unless I do exactly what he says.”

“Matthew knows this,” Seth speculated. “That’s why he’s got Grace PD watching Jeff.”

“Yes. They have jurisdiction. But Camden isn’t cooperating. He doesn’t want his privacy invaded.”

“His son is threatened and he’s worried about privacy?”

Tears burning her eyes, she didn’t trust her voice, and so she nodded.

“Something’s wrong there.”

Agreeing, Julia tugged at the comforter, tucked and pinned it under her arm. “I have a restraining order against Karl, but it won’t stop him. Nothing will stop him, Seth.”

Restraining order? No deep cover. The bastard was guilty of the crime. “Julia. Honey.” Seth clasped her hand and gentled his voice. “I know Karl pulled you through the car window. I know he attacked you.”

Her heart thudded hard. God, how she wished she could deny it. A man doing that to his own wife. A woman so blind she had married that kind of man not knowing his

true character. Humiliation washed through her, shrouded her, smothered her. But she couldn’t deny the truth. Not anymore. Not to herself, nor to Seth.

Reaching deep, determined to face this head-on, she answered. “Yes, he did.” She paused, dragged in a reinforcing breath, praying more courage would come with it. “I’d left him. He reported my car stolen and used his cop connections to track me down. It didn’t take long. The same day I left, he found me in Destin and … and nearly beat me to death.” Remembering this was hard, and talking about it hurt like hell. Hurt, humiliated, and embarrassed.

You’ve got to do this, Julia. For his protection and for your own peace of mind, too. It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t deserve this. You ‘re not dirty because of it. Let the truth out. Once it’s out, it can’t hurt you anymore.

But letting it out wouldn’t hurt her any less. “When I came to in the hospital, Karl was there.” Her hands shook. She clutched at the edge of the comforter. “He warned me that I could never leave him. That he’d always find me. And if I tried to leave him again, he would kill me.”

“So you pressed charges against him.”

“Actually, I didn’t.” She clutched at a bigger bunch of the covers, rubbed the fabric folds between her forefinger and thumb. The nubby fabric grated, felt good. Comforting. “I was too afraid of him. I knew what he could do.”

“So how did he end up in prison?”

“Detective LeBrec figured out what had happened and turned the case over to the DA. They pressed charges.”

“And Karl was convicted.”

She nodded. “They sentenced him to five years. But he got out a few days ago, because of overcrowding. LeBrec said Karl conned the parole board into believing he was no longer a threat to me.”

Seth frowned. “Even with all the phone threats?”

“Yes.”

“And the parole board knew about them?”

“They didn’t consider what he said threatening.”

Still frowning, Seth sighed. “You said you left to protect me and you. How did I figure into this?”

She squeezed the quilt hard. “That’s not important, Seth.”

He clasped her hand, rubbed her fingers with his thumb. “It’s important to me.”

She swallowed hard, dug deeper still for the courage to answer honestly. This, she had never wanted anyone to know. Ever. Especially Seth. “Karl thought we were having an affair. I tried to tell him we weren’t, but he never believed me.” Insane jealousy. Insane man.

“He beat you for it.”

Because that was too difficult to answer, she turned the subject. “I really do think he killed Uncle Lou.” Her voice cracked. “I can’t prove it, but he taunts me with it. I—I think he did something to the brakes that made him crash through the bridge’s guardrail.”

“I know.” Seth scanned the room. The dresser, the bedside lamp, the gingham curtains at the window. “And you left me to get away from him. Because he abused you.”

Her eyes burned, her throat went thick, and something hard and heavy weighed down on her chest. “Yes.”

“And you agreed to come back to help me, thinking you would be returning to New Orleans?” Seth wished to hell he could see her eyes. She had agreed to face all those old ghosts, all those bad memories, to help him. She had agreed to trudge through hell for him. For him.

She turned away, toward the window.

Seth paused, thought back to the day they had met at the beach, recalled her relief on learning she would be going to Grayton and not New Orleans. Now, he understood the enormity of that relief in ways he couldn’t understand it then. Now he knew how much she had been willing to sacrifice for his sake, how many more burdens she had put on herself to ease his load. And he loved her for it. It, and much more.

“Seth, it wasn’t my fault.” Her voice sounded thin,

thready. “I’m not a bad person. I really tried to be a good wife to him.”

“Julia, don’t.”

“No, please. It’s important to me that you understand.” She let out a little humorless laugh. “I married him but, back then, I didn’t knew what he was really like. He fooled me. He fooled everyone. I didn’t even know that men hit women, then. That sounds crazy and naive now, but then I didn’t know it, Seth.” Blinking hard, she stared out the window into the night sky. “My parents were clones of June and Ward Cleaver. They were rational, logical, work-everything-out-peaceably kind of people. I never, not once, heard my father raise his voice to my mother. They sheltered me from the ugliness of abuse. I didn’t know it existed until I married Karl and became a victim of it.”

“When did it start?”

The beatings. He meant the beatings. Julia clutched at the covers, wadded them in her fist. “Less than a month after the wedding.”

“A month?”

“Twenty-four days,” she said. Specifically, twenty-four days, six hours, and fifteen minutes. “We went to the policeman’s ball, and I smiled at his captain. When we got home, Karl accused me of coming on to the man. I’d done nothing wrong, but in his eyes I had committed adultery. He … went a little crazy.”

She skipped over the actual conflict, unwilling to relive it again in her mind. “Afterward, he was sorry. Genuinely sorry. And I felt so guilty. I thought maybe I had looked at the man wrong, or I’d done something to give the wrong impression. I must have done something wrong because men just didn’t hit women. They just didn’t.”

Seth looked at her as if she’d lost her mind. “You blamed yourself?”

How could he be so shocked? “In my case, wouldn’t you?”

Seth paused to mull it over, and then sighed. “Without

a frame of reference, I guess I would.” He dragged a hand over his neck. “So you forgave him.”

“Yes, I did. And things went along okay until the next time, and then the next, and then the next. He worked at breaking me down, Seth. Little by little. And he did it.”

She searched the sky through the window for a star to focus on, but there were too many clouds. “No one sets out to let something like this happen to them. Abusers are just damn smart at going about their business. They work on you in little ways until you start believing them, and by the time you realize they’re wrong, they’re not wrong anymore. You’ve become exactly what they accused you of being. And you don’t know how it happened, or even when it happened, only that, now, that’s the way it is.”

“I’ve suspected Karl attacked you for a long time. I knew he was involved, but I thought maybe he had been responsible and hadn’t done it himself.” What she had told Seth about her uncle Lou substantiated that. Seth reached out and gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “I understand how abuse works, Julia.”

“I wish you didn’t.” His touching her with gentleness was her undoing. A tear rolled down her cheek. “I wish I didn’t, too.”

So did Seth. He let the silence rest between them, giving them time for the reality of their broken dreams and shattered lives to settle and become easier to bear. Then he asked, “When did you realize the abuse wasn’t your fault?”

“I realized it early on, but we’d been married six years before I dared to believe it and began planning my escape. Right before I left for Destin, we were at his station’s Christmas party.” Julia sniffled, feeling stronger, less afraid of the truth’s ability to destroy her relationship with Seth. Less afraid that exposure could destroy her. “One of the wives came into the rest room and saw the bruises on my neck. She put together what was happening.”

“What brought on that attack?”

“I’d made the mistake of mentioning you the night before. Karl… took exception.”

He had beaten her because of him. More than once. Guilt Seth hadn’t earned lay heavy on his shoulders, soured his stomach. He clasped Julia’s hand in silent apology.

She held on hard. “The woman told her husband, who talked to Karl’s captain. He and a couple other officers took Karl into the locker room and showered him down. Actually, I think they worked him over. The captain wanted Karl to know how it felt to be trashed by his own.”

“Did Karl tell you that?”

“No.” Julia pulled a pillow from behind her head and clutched it to her chest. “The captain’s wife warned me. I knew I had to leave fast. Karl would be humiliated by what they had done, and he’d take it out on me. I threw some things in the car, and left for Destin.”

“Why Destin?”

“I chose it like I chose Grace. With a fingertip on an atlas. What better place to seek your new destiny than a town named Destin? I’d been planning to escape for a long time.” She plucked at the pillowslip with her finger and thumb. “I just needed more money first. Karl kept a tight leash on our funds. But when I got my last raise, I had Personnel divert a part of the increase to a secret savings account, so the amount didn’t change much. He never knew I was skimming.”

She had to skim her own money? Seth wanted to vomit. Karl physically and emotionally dominated her, controlled her money, her actions, and her life—and made her think he had to do it, that she was incompetent to handle things for herself, and that his abuse was her fault. What a sorry son of a bitch. What a typical, sorry son of a bitch. “And then he found you in Destin.”

“Yes.” She swallowed hard. “And now he’s found me in Grayton. He was in my apartment when I came home from work Friday night. I escaped and called you to come get me.”

“Karl punched you?” Seth asked, but only for verification. During this conversation, he had come to see Matthew’s warning to stand guard in a whole new light.

“Yes.”

“I wish you had come to me right away, Julia. Back when all this started.” He felt like a damn fool for not realizing what was going on with her then. “We could have spared you a lot of hell.”

“Don’t you see?” She turned over to face him. “I couldn’t. He was angry with you already. Only God knows what he would have done.”

The last of the puzzle pieces clicked into place. Protecting him. “You’re afraid he’ll come after me now. That’s why you’re telling me this.”

“I know he’ll come after you, Seth.” Julia prayed for more courage, knowing her low-level light had begun flashing hard the moment she had opened this Pandora’s box. “I have to divert him. Leave here and never come back.” The thought of never seeing Seth again shattered her, and tears rolled down her face.

Seth pretended not to see them. “You can’t leave.”

“It’s the only way,” she said. “He won’t stop. Nothing will make him stop. If I’m ever going to have peace in my life, I’ve got to disappear.”

“What about me?” His voice dropped low, gritty.

“Once I’m gone, he’ll leave you alone. You’ll be safe.”

“Julia, I’m not worried about my safety, I’m worried about your being out of my life again.”

“Don’t.” She wanted to weep her heart out, felt so close to weeping her heart out. But if she started, she was afraid she would never stop.

You let down your defenses and you’re weak. You can’t just put them up again.

“He won’t go away, Seth. Ever. I can’t do that to either of us.”

“What about Jeff?”

“Maybe I should take him with me.”

“That, you can’t do.”

“Why not?” She sat straight up. “He has no one else, and Camden doesn’t want him. He’s being abused. I called to warn Camden about Karl, and he was so cool, and not

at all worried about Jeff. It gave me chills, Seth. Absolute chills. If I don’t take Jeff away, Karl will hurt him. He’ll do anything to anyone to get to me. You can protect yourself, but Jeff’s just a little boy. He can’t fight Karl.”

Seth clasped both of her hands in his and held them tightly. “Julia, listen to yourself. Just listen to yourself.” He paused, to give her a moment to think beyond her fear. “Honey, the truth is, you’re no kidnapper and you’d be lousy at living on the run.”

“I’ve got to try.”

“No,” Seth contradicted her. “That’s no kind of life for you, or for Jeff.”

“What else can I do?” She looked at him through blurry eyes.

“There’s only one thing you can do,” he said. “You’re going to have to back him down.”

“Karl doesn’t back down. Haven’t you realized that yet? If he did, when he got out of prison, he would have stayed away from me. He hasn’t done that.” She pulled her hand from Seth’s, sat up, and rubbed at her left arm. The tight muscles threatened to spasm. “I can’t live every moment of my life waiting for his next attack. I can’t do it, Seth. I have to run.”