All At Sea (22 page)

She doesn’t approve, but I think she understands why you like me so much. I’m fckn adorable! And hot! And dynamite in the sack! What’s not to like?

I promised your mother I would start from scratch with the water therapy when we get to Sydney.

I promised you already. You will always be safe in the water with me. I am a really strong swimmer, and I can’t take my eyes off you anyway.

Monday 5
th
May 1.45pm

—Waikiki Yacht Club—

Guess where I’ve been all day? Getting my passport updated!!! Cheese!!! Don’t I look cute?!?! A lot better than when I was thirteen with braces!

I’m glad you talked to my mom. She’s starting to come around a bit. She’s definitely, definitely still not thrilled that I’m going with you but she’s slightly (ever so slightly...) less worried, I think. She has told me a dozen times at least: “If it doesn’t work out, you come home right away, Amelia! Don’t be embarrassed. If you’re unhappy you come home!”

She also made me swear on my life not to elope. O.o  I assured her that we’re just spending time together until fall semester starts.

She loves me fiercely. She clings to me so tightly that I sometimes feel suffocated by it. She’s never gotten over the incident in the pool. She had the pool drained and broken up and filled-in the day after it happened. There’s a rose garden there now.

I don’t remember it at all. I only remember the fear part. She remembers it like yesterday. It wakes her up in the night still, nightmares of me at the bottom of the pool. I can feel the remembering of it in her hugs sometimes. She would send me to school and know that I was going to be forced into the water and her face would be aching about it. She tried to get me out of the swimming, get a note from the therapist, but he refused. He told her that it would only make it worse for both of us, that it was only feeding the problem.

We were kind of getting through it on our own. She would take me to the park and we’d feed the ducks at the pond or we’d walk over creek bridges and sometimes I’d look down. Then we went to that barbecue last summer and the push happened and it all started over, became worse than ever. Last semester was awful, my anxiety, the meltdowns and the bullying. It was like this cycle.  You would think that by senior year people would have grown out of that sort of thing. If it was because they were jealous or bored or wanted attention, I don’t know, but they were altering my course like you said, making me feel like I was crazy and needing locked up. When the semester ended, I had enough credits to graduate anyway so my mom withdrew me. “Get bent, Mission Hills!” she said, when we were packing. Lol. Then we flew to Hawaii to live on the sea.

Tuesday 13
th
May, 8.24pm

—Private Residence near Sydney, AUS—

See, I can wash dishes!

But we have to take turns. Your new flat has to stay neat or I’m booking a ticket home immediately. We’re both feminists, remember?

You seem happy which makes me happy. You have a settled look like you’re glad to be home.

I will always write to you. Even if we are an ocean apart. Even if we are sitting on the couch and you’re kissing my neck and telling me to put my phone away, I will always write to tell you I love you.               

About the Author:

Pepper Ellison was born in 1991 on a Royal Navy ice patrol ship stationed near Ross Island on the coast of Antarctica. Currently, she divides her time between Waipahu, Hawaii and Sydney, Australia. She has worked as a marine science research assistant, specialising in sea mammals, a brand ambassador for a craft beer company, and most recently, a Harley-Davidson joy-ride driver out of Kings Creek Station in Central Australia. She is a keen surfer and gymnast. ALL AT SEA is her first novel.