Alex Armstrong: Awakening (14 page)

“We can turn back if you want.”

She shook her head. “I’m fine. It’ll be warmer once we get on the trail.” The little fuzzy ball dangling from her ski cap bobbed along with each step.

Alex adjusted his backpack and quickened his pace. Soon they were at the hedge. There was a small wooden sign:

They entered single-file. They had discovered two other trails at the southern end of this hedge wall, but they kept coming back to The Old White. It was the longest and the most scenic.

After half an hour of hiking, Alex glanced over his shoulder to check on Eva. He slowed so she could get within talking distance.

“Don’t worry about me,” she said. “I know the way.”

“Oh I know. It’s just that…”

There was a long pause. “It’s just that what?”

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

“What? What were you gonna say?”

“It’s nothing. Forget it.”

“
What?
”

“Well…‌I’m hungry.”

“So.”

“So, not to be morbid or anything, but if you happen to take a tumble off this cliff and splat somewhere way at the bottom, then how am I gonna get my bagel? I mean, even if I could, it’d be a mess. Probably inedible. So I’d have to walk all the way back to the Student Center to get another one. And by then, they’ll probably be out of sesame seed. Inconvenient, to say the least.”

“Plus you’ll probably have to spend time filling out police reports. You know, since I’ll be dead and all. Who knows when you’ll get to eat again?”

“Now, see I didn’t even think about that,” he said, shaking his head. “Yeah, the whole event would just be a real hassle for me. A real shame.” He could only hold a straight face for so long.

“You ass,” Eva said, laughing. She punched him in the arm and motioned for him to get moving.

They were over halfway into the hike when the path veered east around a mossy embankment and opened into a field still blanketed by a light layer of fog. Standing in its center was a white oak at least eighty feet high and just as wide. Its blood-red leaves looked like stained glass in the backlight of the sun.

Click
.

“I was wondering when the camera would make its first appearance.”

Eva looked at Alex and stuck out her tongue and then went back to the viewfinder. “Sorry. I know how much you hate pictures, but this is just too pretty.”

“I don’t hate pictures.”

“You hate the act of taking a picture. Don’t deny it. I can read you like a book.”

Alex stood there frowning and then nodded. “Well, it just takes so long. You know, how you have to take off your backpack and set it on the ground and unzip the top and pull out that huge camera and pop off the lens cap and stick it in your back pocket and look through the viewfinder and adjust the zoom and then
finally
you start taking some pictures. And it’s always a
lot
of pictures. It just seems like it kinda ruins the flow whenever we’re making good progress.”

“Well I’m sorry for ruining the flow, but I want to remember our hikes. And I can’t remember unless I take pictures.”

“I know, I know. And I get it now. I do. Seriously, I don’t mind anymore. Take as many as you want. Honestly, I’m surprised you waited this long because I saw a couple of good photo ops earlier.”

“I saw them, too. It was killing me not to take any pictures.”

“Then take em. Stop worrying about me. I wanna see how they turn out.”

“On the way back then?”

“Definitely.”

Eva smiled. “Maybe you’ll let me take
your
picture.”

“Don’t push it,” Alex said, backing out of her shot.

As he listened to the
click, click, click
of the shutter, Alex thought back to their previous hikes. They began as tutoring sessions, and for the first few weeks, that’s exactly what happened. But Alex hit his ceiling as an instructor after Eva got past the basics. He couldn’t explain how he could lift that log above his head and toss it aside as if it was weightless. He didn’t know how he could move that pebble with such speed that it embedded into the tree trunk. He could just do it. So the tutoring stopped. The hikes continued.

Alex approached the white oak. Its roots were thick and barkless, crawling along the ground before plunging into the soil some fifteen feet from the base. If these were the tentacles on an octopus, it would be sized to take down a shrimp boat. Alex got on his haunches and read the names carved up and down the length of the roots. He traced a cursive one with his fingertips.

“Scoping out a spot?”

“I’ve got a couple in mind.”

She scattered a handful of leaves across the roots and snapped a few more pictures. “I’m done. You ready to keep going?”

Alex nodded and led the way beyond the oak and back onto the trail. There would be another hour of hiking before they looped back around.

“How’s your dad?”

“I talked to him last night. He seemed kinda sad, I guess.” Alex kicked a rock off the trail and listened to it fall through the trees. “He said he’s sending me a present, but I’m not allowed to open it until Christmas day.”

“It must be really hard for him.”

“Well it’s not gonna be easy for any of our parents. It sucks that we can’t go home for Christmas.”

“Yeah, I know. But your situation…‌it’s different. For your dad, I mean.”

They walked in silence for a few minutes before Eva spoke again.

“Does he ever talk about her?”

“Who?”

“Your mom. Does your dad ever talk about your mom?”

Alex sighed. Seeing those roots must have stirred up this line of questioning. “No. He’ll mention her name in passing once in a while. But if you’re asking if we’ve ever sat down and had a deep conversation about her, then the answer is no. Nothing like that.”

“I figured.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. Just that guys aren’t good at that kind of stuff.”

“What stuff?”

“Discussing feelings.”

“Oh, please don’t go all amateur psychologist on me. I mean, if you really wanna know, I can tell he thinks about her a lot. I know I look a lot like her.”

“So every time he sees you he’s reminded of her.”

“If you wanna put it that way, then yeah, I guess.”

“And you don’t think that’s sad?”

Alex kicked another rock. “Well,
Jesus
, of course I think it’s sad. But I didn’t—I didn’t even
know
my mom. She’s never been a part of my life. So it’s not like these feelings are always on my mind.” His head was beginning to itch and his jaw clenched.

The truth was he
had
thought about his mom. Many times. He wondered what it would be like if she were alive. Would his dad still be a professor? Would they have had more kids? But he never put those thoughts into words, even on those days when he could tell his dad was hurting. Alex always told himself it was for the best; that bringing her up would only make his dad more depressed. But deep down, he knew that wasn’t true. And it made him feel callous. Just like he felt now. Suddenly, that itch became unbearable. He jammed his fingers underneath his beanie and raked his nails across his temples.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you mad.”

Alex readjusted his beanie. “It’s not you. I’m mad at myself. It’s just so hard for me to put this stuff into words. It makes me seem like some prick who doesn’t care that his mom died.”

“No, it doesn’t. Not even close. It just means you’re a guy.” Eva flashed a smile and edged past Alex. “I’ll take over rock-kicking duty for this last stretch.”

“Well, then do it with authority.”

She sent one screaming over the edge. “Like that?”

“Perfect.”

They reached the rocky outcrop that marked the end of the trail. It was huge, as if someone had taken a jackhammer to Stonehenge and made a pile of the rubble. They clambered up the side and took a seat at its highest point. For their efforts, they were rewarded with a view of the valley, now equal parts yellow and orange and red.

“It’s even prettier with the fall colors,” Alex said. He took the sounds of the camera’s shutter as Eva’s agreement.

“It feels good up here on the stone,” she said, taking off her gloves. She removed a brown paper bag from her backpack and pulled out a sesame seed bagel. She placed it in Alex’s hand. They locked eyes and his face contorted in a ridiculous smirk. There was a faint echo as their laughter bounced around the surroundings.

“So
now
you’re smiling.”

“Well, now that I know I’m not gonna starve,” Alex said, tearing off a hunk. He leaned across her lap and felt inside her backpack for the peanut butter. She handed him the butter knife.

They ate in silence and shared a water bottle. When the food was gone and the supplies put away, they laid back on the rock and closed their eyes.

Eva was the first to speak. “Did you ever tell your dad about your dream? You know, after we took the pill.”

“You mean the one where Philip shot me in the chest and then my dad saved me by giving me his own heart, killing himself in the process? No. No, I don’t think he’s gonna hear that one.”

“Geez. You are feeling morbid today.”

Alex still remembered every detail. The police car. The shoot-out. The hospital. The funeral. And then the ride home. “You were in my dream, you know.” Alex regretted the comment as soon as he said it. Why, why, why did he just tell her that?

“Oh?”

Alex’s face was pale and his eyes were wide. He sat up as if to put some distance between them, but Eva did the same. The comment was out there. There was no avoiding it. He turned to Eva and saw that he had every ounce of her attention.

“And what was I doing in that dream of yours?”

“Uhhh.”

“Come on. Let’s hear it.” Her green eyes were full of mischief, her lips turned up in the faintest smile.

Alex had to look away. He focused on the strands of blonde hair that had escaped her coat and were now blowing in the wind. “You were with me at the funeral. At my side.”

“Your dad’s funeral?”

“Yeah.”

Eva pulled in her feet and sat cross-legged. “That doesn’t explain why it looks like you’ve seen a ghost. What else happened?”

“Uhhh. You rode back with me to the house. Comforted me.” Alex felt his hands get clammy and wiped them on his jeans. “Look, I really can’t remember all the details.”

“Well I must’ve done a heck of a job because you can barely look me in the eyes right now.”

Alex looked away.

“There you go again! Did we have sex or something?”

The word made him flinch. The way she said it was just so frank. “No, there wasn’t any…‌sex.” He was surprised at the effort it took to say the word. He felt awkward. Childish. Alex forced himself to look Eva in the eyes and when he did he saw that she was getting a kick out of this. She put a hand on his knee.

“Alex, you can be open with me. I’m a good girl and I go to church, but I have no problem talking about these things.”

“We didn’t have sex. I promise.” The color that was coming back to his face pooled at his cheeks. They were on fire.

“Well, boo. I was hoping to hear some details. That’s all right, though. I can still think back to
my
dream.” She closed her eyes and tilted her head so that her hair touched the stone. When she finally turned back to Alex and saw the look on his face, she burst out laughing. “All right, I’ve made you uncomfortable enough. Why don’t we head back?”

Alex nodded and got to his feet, his legs wobbly.

****

He pressed his chest against the face of the mountain and inched along the stone surface, nothing but empty air at his back. Alex hated this section. Especially going downhill. The drop-off was just so severe. He made it safely to the wider part of the path and looked back at Eva. “Be careful. It’s slippery.”

“He speaks!” she called. “You know, that’s the first thing you’ve said to me since we left the rock. That was like forty-five minutes ago! I was starting to worry about you.”

“You’re not even looking down. Pay attention to where you’re walking.”

“I’ve got this,” Eva said. She smiled and kept her eyes on Alex as she strolled smoothly across the slick surface. “See? Easy.”

As Alex stood there shaking his head, Eva walked past and pulled his beanie down over his eyes. He tried to grab her backpack but she skipped out of the way.

“Too slow.” Eva turned around and stood there grinning as she watched Alex pull off his beanie and wedge it into his backpack. “Come on. You’re following me now,” she said. She started to walk backwards.

“Quit showing off and watch where you’re going.”

“What? I’m just excited that you’re talking to me again.” A breeze whispered through the trees and played with her hair. “Burrr. The air’s starting to get cold again.” Eva turned back around and as she did a spider web that was riding the wind enveloped her like some nightmarish pie to the face.

She screamed. A loud, piercing scream. She started clawing at her cheeks and her neck and her hair and her arms in a frantic effort to chase away a hundred phantom spiders, and in her blind panic she twisted in place and her right foot slipped and her leg kicked forward and her body reeled backward in a contorted attempt at balancing that only served to send her over the edge, her arms extended helplessly toward Alex.

Eva caught one last glimpse of him before there was nothing left to see but blue sky. Blue like his eyes. She covered her face and closed her eyes and braced for the first of the branches that would go tearing through her clothes and raking across her skin, and as her head dropped below her feet and her body continued its sickening inversion, the only thought that raced through her mind was regret, regret that she had yet to tell Alex—and now could never tell Alex—how she really felt.

And then everything stopped.

For a moment, Eva just hung there with her eyes closed. She didn’t dare move. She didn’t even breathe. She just waited, her mind rushing back into this new reality after already accepting death. It was Alex. It had to be Alex.

Her body began to reverse course. She felt impossibly strong hands cradling her neck and lower back, lifting her forward as if she’d just been baptized. She stretched her leg, her foot groping for solid ground. She wanted to see him, ached to see him, but was afraid that if she opened her eyes this would all be exposed as some beautiful dream playing out in her mind as her body lay bleeding and dying at the bottom of the mountain.