~ ~ ~
~
Clayton had not forgotten the woman. Hours later, he was
haunted by the dark eyes. He remembered clearly how he had known
that she was there, before he had turned. He had felt her presence
and smelt the slight hint of jasmine blowing towards him. He had
known that there was a woman on the terrace, but ha
d been
shocked by his reaction when he had seen her. She was standing
there, as if ready to flee, a short black skirt barely touching her
knees. She had great legs and her long black hair had swayed gently
towards him as if beckoning him to her. Her eyes
had looked straight at him and warmed him all
over. She did not smile at him and he remembered how desperately he
wished she would smile.
~ ~ ~
~
R
ebecca had also
not forgotten the bold, blue eyes that had teased her, taunting her
to combat and the strong hand that had sent shivers down her spine.
She tried to dismiss these thoughts. After all, he was a good
looking man. In any event, it was no use. There was nothing she
could do about it. Even if he was interested, he would soon turn
away, like the rest. She knew what
she had to do. She had to
wait patiently for the Protector. He would come soon and clear away
the force that prevented her from finding love. There was no point
in lusting after this man. It would be a total waste of time and
the pain would be unbearable.
The
night was quiet and Rebecca felt despair. She
heard it, getting louder, the hissing, insistent sound, its wings
flapping slowly in rhythm. The Darkness was back again. She heard a
noise at her window and knew it was watching her. There was nothing
for her to do but to light her white candles. She burnt the
sandalwood incense and shouted
.
“
Away with you Darkness, there is nothing for you
here!”
She
chanted these words and felt its force getting weaker, until it was
a faint whisper.
Why ha
s it come
tonight?
It only came to
her when she was with a man or when she was in love with a man. It
had no reason to be threatened.
Why now?
She pondered this
question as she fell asleep. She woke up tired the next day,
exhausted from the energy of banishing The Darkness. She hoped it
would not plague her this week when she was so busy.
*****
On
Wednesday she dressed carefully for dinner at Jonathan’s house. She
changed so many times that she could no longer
decide whether she looked good or not. She
eventually settled for her jeans and a t-shirt.
Jonathan
and Jackie were chatty and friendly, but Clayton said very little.
He seemed an elusive man and she spent a great deal of the evening
avoiding his blue eyes. Eventually, Jonathan asked her to turn on
the music. She went over to the hi-fi, crouched on the floor and
put in a CD. Her t-shirt moved up her back and a butterfly tattoo
at the bottom of her back was visible. She got up and
smiled.
“
There, some sophisticated music for you unrefined
sods!”
Jackie was laughing. Jonathan smiled, but Clayton did not
smile
. His face was white, frozen in shock. He just sat
there, staring into space.
“
Clayton, are you okay? I told you he was acting strange this
week.” Jonathan looked worried.
“
I’m fine, thanks. I was just distracted for a
moment.”
When it was time
to go home, Clayton arose with her
and left with her. Outside, he stared at her.
“
Who are you, really? Why have you come into my life? What do
you want?”
She
stared back at him, hurt and stunned by his attack on
her.
“I
don’t want anything from you, you
arrogant swine. Who do you
think you are? Get a life!”
“
Don’t lie to me. Why do you have that butterfly tattoo?
Why?”
She looked at him astounded. It had been the symbol that
had protected her from harm for so many years. She had forgotten
about it and was
amazed that he seemed to recognize it. Was
he part of The Darkness? Is that why, after she had met him, it had
come to her, in the depths of the night? Is that why she had been
captivated by his blue eyes? Why her hand had itched long after he
had held it? She stared at him and knew she needed to get away. She
walked quickly to her car, not daring to look back.
Who is
he?
Rebecca went home, determined to clear her chakras and
speak to Nana. Nana had been dead for some five years now and she
missed her
grandmother so much. Today, she needed her,
wanting her wisdom and comfort. She had so many questions to ask.
Rebecca disconnected her phones that night and sat at her altar to
meditate. She could feel the tension leaving her body and she began
to relax. She lit some frankincense and white candles, and called
to her Nana:
Nana, Nana, it is I, Rebecca who speaks
It is your wisdom I seek
Where in my world and sector
Is The Protector?
Who might he be?
So I can bring him unto me?
Nana, Nana, Rebecca seeks your help free
So mote it be
She shut her eyes for a while and then went to bed. Nana
always came to her in her dreams and she hoped tonight would not be
different. Later, while deep in her sleep, her Nana came. She felt
the strong wave of warmth that filled t
he room and saw her.
She looked so beautiful, floating gently in the wind, her red hair
so short and crisp.
Where is this place, Nana?
She could see
many tall buildings, but none were familiar to her. She saw a
harbor close by
with ships
moving gently
to shore. Nana turned suddenly and behind her
emerged a white tiger. Nana was not afraid
. She smiled, as if inviting it. The tiger moved
slowly, carefully, untroubled by the buildings around it. It moved
in circles around and she realized that she was
in the
center of its circle and focus. It did nothing but pace around
her.
Then
Nana spoke, her voice soft and musical.
He holds the power in the palm of his
hand
. Do not
be afraid my child. He is here. He will protect
you.
The images faded and Rebecca
realized that she had
been awoken by the hissing of The Darkness. It had come to disturb
her dream. It dawned on her that it knew that the Protector was
close. For one thing, she recognized the Rosen Bay harbor, which
was about three miles from her home. So it was clear to Rebecca
that the Protector was in her city.
The Darkness seemed to appear more powerful these days, its
hissing fast, furious and booming. It tapped on her window again
and she chanted her banishment words to it. It took a long
time
before it finally left.
Rebecca was confused by her Nana’s images.
What is a white
tiger? What does it mean?
She knew that Nana had always applied
feng shui
in her living and it meant something. She
knew that the white tiger sometimes symbolised unexpected
events.
Is this the case here?
It is also a cat. What do
cats mean in dreams? The home, responsibility or sex?
Rebecca
played the dream over and over in her head, but was no closer to
the truth.
Her mind wandered to
Clayton and his accusations about her butterfly
. There was
too much confusion for her now and her mind drifted back and forth
with conflicting and confusing images. She slept with a strong
feeling of despair and hopelessness. She was twenty-nine years old
and was still looking for her Protector,
still battling with The Darkness and still
confused and frightened by the animal images. Where was he, her
Protector?
*****
C
layton was
horrified by his outburst after dinner. He wanted to go to her and
talk to her, but she was clearly afraid of him now. Her eyes had
been flashing at him in anger and fear. He tried to phone her a few
times, but she refused to take his calls. He had even tried to
phone her at about seven that morning, hoping she would be
there.
What
had made me say those things? Per
haps it was the shock of
seeing the butterfly again.
It had jolted him back to the life
he had worked so hard to forget.
Clayton had married his best friend’s sister, Suzanne
Bridges three years after he graduated from Law School. He was just
twenty-five years old, eager to take on the world. Suzanne with her
bright smile and spiky, blond hair had intrigued him for so long.
She had taunted and tormented him with her flirtation and he had
been grateful when she had eventually agreed to date him. He loved
her wild and dramatic poetry and had learnt a long while ago not to
ask
‘what is it about,
exactly?’ She had been cute
, funny and playful. Her brother
Barry was his roommate and had not been happy about them dating and
later marrying. He often told Clayton that they were too different,
that he knew both of them well enough to know that they could not
fulfil each other’s
needs.
But neither Clayton nor Suzanne paid any attention.
They were drunk with the arrogance and power of their youth. She
loved his quiet, sober ways and his dark and determined passion to
protect the innocent. She loved his inflexible values and
principles and found them comforting in her intangible,
ever-changing world of poetry.
Clayton, determined to save the world, had joined a firm of
attorneys wh
ich dealt
with many indigent clients wanting to enforce their constitutional
rights. He loved the work and was greatly
fulfilled each
time he beat the government or some large corporation. He was
driven by this passion and could not appreciate Suzanne’s concerns
about their financial security. Her poetic exploits brought in very
little money and as the years past, she wanted the full suburban
lifestyle that her brother, a corporate lawyer in their father’s
firm, enjoyed. She often felt ashamed and fearful when they met at
Barry’s house, with its massive garden, swimming pool and gazebo.
She would not accept that Clayton had no desire for such things and
felt like a very wealthy man in his work. She learnt to hate their
two-bedroomed apartment, with its tiny balcony and noisy streets.
She hated not having her own car and most importantly, she learnt
to hate Clayton’s inarticulate clients who did not have the civil
decency to phone during office hours. They were growing apart and
things did not improve on Clayton’s thirtieth birthday.
~ ~ ~
~
Suzanne had organised a party at an expensive restaurant in
Bateman Road and had invited her family. Her mother fussed over her
the whole night and Clayton felt slightly irritated by the party
and his mother-in-law’s fussing. His mood had not improved when his
father-in law had followed him to the
bathroom.
“Clayton, my boy, we need to talk about your future.
Suzanne needs you more now and I think it would be wise if we talk
‘man-to-man’ so to speak. Are you available for lunch
tomorrow?”
Despite his better judgement
, Clayton
replied.
“
I can’t see that there is much to discuss, but I will be
happy to meet you tomorrow.”
He had
left the bathroom feeling weak and silly, knowing he should have
said, ‘no, I am not available. I don’t want to work for you.’ But
he did not have the courage or energy to fight the old man once
again.
On the
way home, Suzanne was particularly happy and chatted about
everything. At home, she said, “welcome to our poky home. Happy
birthday, my love. I have a wonderful surprise for you.”
Clayton had smiled, thinking about all the ridiculous
presents she had bought him over the years, art by a ‘soon to be
famous’ painter or sculptor, boxing gloves to help him cope with
stress, bright, cartoon shorts he would never wear, and the like.
He was not enthusiastic about
this present, given her
history on the subject. And he was right.
“
Clayton, I am so excited. We’re pregnant!”
She was beaming and jumping around as she told him this and
he simply stared at her in stunned silence. Clayton was not happy.
They had
discussed the issue of children before they were
married and had agreed that they would not have children. They have
never discussed it again once they were married.
“At least now we can move out this place and get a real
home. I spoke to my father
and he is willing to take you
into his firm. Isn’t this wonderful? Clayton? Are you
okay?”
Clayton said nothing. He glared at her and then left the
apartment. He needed to think. All this was too much. He went over
to Jonathan’s house. Jackie was there al
one and they talked
for a long time. It was difficult for Jackie to be sympathetic, as
she had tried to fall pregnant for years. She tried to understand
Clayton’s anger, but could not.