Authors: Masha Leyfer
We must have been kissing for a long time, because when we finally break apart, I am out of breath.
“I love you,” I whisper.
“I love you too.,” he whispers back and we begin to kiss again. I feel so happy. Happier than I’ve been in a long time. I am finally right here, right now, not worrying about anything, not torn apart by the weight of the future. No. Now, I am freed by the levity of the present.
Suddenly, Nathan pulls away.
“What’s wrong?”
“What?” I mumble. “Nothing’s wrong.”
“You’re crying.”
“What?” I bring my fingertips to my eyes and find them wet with tears. “Oh. I don’t know. I’m just happy, I guess. In love.”
Nathan smiles.
“Me too,” he says, wiping my tears away with his thumb.
“Sit by me,” I say and begin to slide over to give him room.
“No, don’t move. Give me a moment.” I let his hand go as he pushes another cot towards mine. I watch him and I can’t help but smile. He’s so wonderful, how could I not smile? He lies down on the cot and intertwines his fingers with mine again.
“Nathan, can you tell me a story?” I ask. “Any story. I just want to hear you talk.”
He smiles at me. His smile is so radiant, I feel the temperature in the infirmary go up.
“Alright. Hmm. So, you can’t see the stars from inside this tent, but you know that there are stars out there. There are millions upon millions of billions of stars. That’s the entire visible universe. That’s everything that we will ever know. Can you imagine how vast that is? That’s already outside of our comprehension. But that’s not it. Outside of that, there is even more. There are hundreds, thousands,
millions
more galaxies, maybe even more life. The universe is infinite and time is infinite and we’re just a blink. Less than a blink. The two of us are too little to even count. We live. We die. We disappear. And that’s it. We stop. The universe goes on. And we don’t count. We aren’t remembered. We vanish. But you know, tonight, tonight it is different. Tonight, we count. Tonight, there is nothing more important than us.” He turns and smiles at me. “Tonight, we are the universe.”
I smile back at him.
“That was beautiful,” I mumble. “Thank you Nathan.” I lean over to kiss him on the cheek. “Get some sleep, alright?”
“Hm.” Then I roll back over to my cot and we fall asleep with our fingers still intertwined.
CHAPTER 32
The next morning, I stand up, with Nathan’s help. I can’t put weight on my bad leg yet, so I walk with a heavy limp. Nathan kisses me quickly on the cheek before we walk out and I notice that his beard is unshaved.
“You look like a mess,” I whisper.
“So do you.”
“Shave your beard.”
“I kind of like it this way.”
“For Christ’s sake.”
“What? You don’t like it?”
“No.”
“When did you become so judgemental?”
“I just died. I have the right.”
He laughs and kisses me again.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“Ready to face the world?”
“Am I ever?” I groan.
“Sure you are. Let’s go.”
With my hand slung over his shoulder, I stumble out of the tent. It must be fairly early, because Big Sal is the only one who is up, melancholically tending the fire. When she sees us come out, she jumps up and sweeps me into a bone crushing hug. I yelp out in pain.
“Molly, my dear, you’re alive!”
“Yeah, I am,” I chuckle. “Ow.”
“Oh my, I’m sorry, darling, did I hurt you?”
“No, not really,” I say, leaning back against Nathan for support. “That was just a very, um, vicious hug.”
Big Sal laughs.
“Prepare for more, darling.” Indeed, at the sound of our voices, more people rush out from their tents with a general chorus of
Molly!
and everybody simultaneously tackles me into a hug. The hug is so sudden, that I trip and fall. Somebody pulls me up and I laugh. Emily slaps me gently, something I’ve taken to be a sign of affection from her.
“You goddamn idiot.”
I laugh.
“Thanks, Emily.”
Mike and Smaller Sally come out of their tent. Seeing me, they rush up. Mike sweeps me into a hug that lifts my feet off the ground.
“Molly, thank goodness, you’re alive, you’re alive.” I laugh again, also entranced by the unlikely miracle.
“I know. I can’t believe it,” I say. Smaller Sally hugs me next, carefully avoiding my wounds.
“You’re really an idiot, you know that? Thank goodness you’re safe.”
After everybody has hugged, congratulated, or insulted me, Big Sal again brings out two bottles of brandy.
“The tea will be ready in a moment” she says.
“Thank you.”
She distributes the brandy then entrusts me with a cup of hot tea.
“To Molly’s survival!”
“To Molly’s survival!” everyone echoes and we drink. I turn to Nathan.
“Is it Saturday?”
“I think so. Why?”
“I just wanted to know. This all feels so surreal, I need something quantitative.”
“Eighty,” he says.
“Eighty what?”
“Eighty more years to live.”
“You think I’ll live to be ninety-seven?”
“Maybe more.”
I laugh. I don’t believe him, but today isn’t the day to argue.
“Maybe I will.”
“As long as you’re happy.”
I hug him.
“I am.”
Nobody does anything that day. Big Sal bakes an enormous cake, a luxury we generally don’t see on top of the mountain. Mike excuses us from doing anything for the next week. I remember his words.
After all this is over…
And it’s over now. So what happens next?
Big Sal firmly instructs me to stay in the infirmary for several days more and not to do anything particularly strenuous.
“You watch over her, Nathan,” she says. “Or she’ll jump into another disaster.”
“Alright, I will. I promise,” he promises.
Later at night, Nathan leaves me for a moment and Mike comes in.
“Have you come to replace Nathan?” I ask. “To make sure I don’t kill myself again?” Mike smiles.
“No, I just came to see how you’re doing. I know I can’t hold you from stupidity. I’ve tried before, but here you are.” He sits down on the edge of Nathan’s cot. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m feeling fine.”
“Does your leg still hurt?”
“A little.”
“And your arm?”
“Not as much. It’s okay.”
“Molly, you could have died. You almost died.”
I note that he called me by name.
“I know,” I say.
“What were you thinking?”
“We had to win,” I say simply.
“It’s not a win if it’s without you.”
I smile.
“That’s very sweet of you to say, but it’s not true, Mike, and you know it isn’t.”
Mike sighs and looks at the other side of the tent because he knows I’m right, he just doesn’t want to admit it.
“Mike, how did I survive? I mean, that was ground zero.”
“Part of the ceiling collapsed in a way that protected you from the blast.”
“Oh.”
“Did you throw the bomb, or?..”
“Yeah, I threw it. The people who were inside, do you know if they…”
“We didn’t find any bodies.”
“Oh. Good. I know that they’re the enemy, but still, I would rather not…”
“Yeah.”
We sit in silence until Mike speaks again.
“Molly.”
“Yes.”
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For letting you run off to die and not being brave enough to do what you did and not even having the words to thank you now that it’s all over.”
“It’s okay, Mike.”
“I know you want to save the world, but start by saving yourself. Just promise me you’ll...You’ll take care of yourself”
“I promise. We’re safe now, aren’t we? You said yourself that when all of this is over, then things would be different.”
“We’re not done completely. We still have to overthrow the local governments.”
“I know, but we’re close, aren’t we? For the first time, we’ve really come close.”
“We have.”
“So what now? Do we still remain the Rebellion?”
“We don’t need the CGB to be the Rebellion,” Mike smiles. “Even after we have long become obsolete, we will always be the Rebellion.”
__ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __
I try moving my leg gingerly. It pulses with pain every time I put weight onto it, but I’m glad that I feel anything at all. It means that I get to keep my leg. I don’t know how fast gun wounds heal, but I hope that I’ll be able to walk alone within a month.
I hear the flap of the infirmary tent slip open. I turn around, expecting Nathan, but instead, I see the Kerman father.
“Mr. Kerman. Hello.”
“Hello, Molly,” he says gruffly. “I just wanted to say that I’m happy you’re alive.”
“Oh. Um. Thank you,” I say, but he has already left the tent. I can’t help but smile. Just as my leg wound will heal, so will all of the relationships that have been severed by the lost years. We can regain all that we’ve lost and live again.
I smile again.
It’ll be alright.
Everything will be alright.
__ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __
Later that night, Nathan lies next to me on his cot again. We lie in silence, both of us staring at the fabric on the top of the tent. I think about the night we danced under the oak tree and for a second, I think I hear the music again.
“Nathan, you still awake?”
“Yeah.”
“Help me up. Let’s dance.”
“Now?”
“Yes.”
“But your le
g
–
”
“Screw my leg. You can hold me up.”
Nathan considers that.
“Okay.” He helps me up. I hold on to his shoulders and he puts his arms around my waist.
“Let’s dance, then.” We begin to do something approximating a waltz, although between our complete inability to dance and my leg dragging behind me, it must look completely ridiculous.
“Do you remember the last time we danced?” I ask.
“Yeah. I was really drunk,” he smiles.
“I think those were the happiest moments of my life.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“It was just me and you and the ground was shaking and nothing mattered.”
“You know what I remember from that night?”
“What?”
“The entire world was spinning and you were the only thing standing still.” I blush. Nathan laughs. “You’re blushing.”
“I know. That’s just very romantic.”
Nathan laughs again.
“It’s what I do.”
I put my head on his chest and we continue to sway back and forth, drawing patterns in the dirt with our feet. I listen to the sound of his heartbeat, regular and steady, pulsing out the rhythm of our movements. He spins me around. I laugh, tripping a little and then falling back into his arms. I look into his eyes, blue and beautiful. They generate a sort of addicting energy from the inside.
“Your eyes,” I say.
“What about them?”
“They’re so blue.”