Accidental Love (Accidental Crush #2) (20 page)

"
Don't worry. It's just a priceless, one of a kind Persian." He smiles as if he's kidding, but I'm pretty sure he isn't.

"
She did have it coming to her, though," I say, justifying.

He
nods his head in agreement. "That she did."

"
Sorry I caused a scene at your small get-together." I mean it sarcastically, but then I remember what RTS said. "Hey, did you invite her?"

He locks eyes with mine
. "I swear, Ash, the only people I invited were on the swim team. Word got out, and who knows how she found out. I haven't talked to her since she sent that picture." Then he reaches over and places a loose strand of hair behind my ear as he leans in closer. "So you don't have a boyfriend anymore?" he questions, changing the tone of this conversation with just one look.

"
That is true," I whisper back without pulling away; instead, I keep my eyes locked on his. "But it seems you have a girlfriend." I smile.

I see confusion gloss over his face quickly
before he smiles. "Oh, Court?"

"
She did say she was your girlfriend."

He gives a quick
, deep laugh. "Yeah, she said a lot of things." He leans in closer to me. "She's a little intoxicated tonight."

"
I noticed." I smile, still not backing away, keeping my eyes locked on his. When his hand moves to my jaw, I think I should stop him, but then I think,
why?
I'm not with Todd—we are officially broken up—so I don't. "How's she doing?"

"
Sleeping comfortably in a guest room at the moment. We broke up at the beginning of summer. Before I met you. Just so you know." With each sentence, he moves closer to me until his mouth is now inches from mine.

I lean in to accept his kiss, finally giving in.

"There's little Rocky Marciano." I hear Brian's voice, and my stomach lurches.

I
'm inches away from Casey's face, about to kiss him, and I'm almost afraid to look because I'm sure where Brian is, so is Todd. I freeze in place and pretend that this is all a bad dream, but from the look of shock on Casey's face, I can tell it isn't.

He immediately drops his hand and pulls back. I slo
wly turn around, afraid of who I might see. Sure enough, Ryan and Brian are standing there, and I see Todd walking up to join them from behind. His hair is perfectly messy, his eyes bluer than I remember. He's wearing an old, beat up Yankees shirt with beige, worn in cargo shorts, and flip-flops, yet he looks perfect. Better than I've ever imagined him the million times a day he pops into my head. It's clear he's not dressed for a party, none of them are.

"
What are you guys doing here?" I ask, angrier than I've intended.

"
Gretch called me. She said she thought I should come get you, but you seem to be taken care of already." Ryan gestures toward Casey.

I see Todd visibly tense up
, but he says nothing, does nothing.

"
Yeah, she interrupted a marathon of Tomb Raider in honor of Todd's return," Brian says sarcastically as he pats Todd on the shoulder.

Todd gives me a small open hand kind of gesture; I guess you could call it a wave.

"Welcome home," I say, giving him a closed mouth smile. Outside, I seem stiff and uninterested, but inside, I'm dying. I want to run up and kiss him, to tell him Casey means nothing to me, not really, to tell him how much I miss him. I don't. Instead, I say, "Well, I'm good. Thanks for coming." With the same closed-mouth smile.

"
Oh, no. We're not coming all the way here to get you and leaving without you," Brian says. In that moment, I love him for being the selfish human he always is, but mostly, I love him for forcing me to be with Todd, at least indirectly. Either way, I'll take it. "No offense, Casey. I mean, it looks like an awesome party. We're just not really dressed for the occasion," Brian continues.

"
Yeah, none taken, guys. It was just supposed to be the swim team, but Dylan started inviting people." With her name, his eyes move to Todd out of habit, I guess, and I notice Todd's body language change. He seems uncomfortable, clearly wanting to leave. Instead, he places his hands in his pockets without saying anything.

"
Come on; let's go, Ash," Ryan says, and then he notices the bag of ice. "How's your hand?"

"
Hurts. I don't know how you guys punch each other so often."

"
Well I'm pretty sure you broke her nose," Ryan says with a smirk.

"
Really?" I can't hide how happy that makes me.

"
I can see that you're really torn up about it." Ryan smiles back.

I glance over at Casey then back to Ryan
. "All right, I'll come home with you, but give me a minute, okay?"

"
Okay, one minute. We'll be in the car. See ya, Casey. Thanks for taking care of Ash." I can tell, in that moment, Ryan is being sincere.

"
No problem. Bye, guys," he says, but they are already gone. Then he steps closer to me and places his hands on my waist. "Sorry we got interrupted. I'd offer to take you home, but I probably shouldn't drive right now."

"
It's okay. I get it." I didn't realize Casey had been drinking, but part of me is happy to be forced to ride home with Todd. "Plus, you have a house full of people; you should probably stay." I smile up at him. "Hey, I'm sorry, too. It's complicated; the whole thing is complicated."

He runs his fingers over my hair
. "I know." Then he leans down, and I think he's going to kiss me, but he whispers in my ear instead. "Goodnight, Ashley Taylor. Get home safe." I feel his warm breath on my ear and hate myself for liking it.

"
You, too," I reply as I walk backwards, partly in shock at how smooth he always is. "Well, I guess you're already home." I laugh at myself. "See you tomorrow."

As I walk up to the car
, I want to hug Brian for taking the front seat. My heart starts pounding just at the thought of sitting next to Todd in the back, alone.

"
Hey, Ash." Todd gives me his crooked smile as I slide into the car. His smile gives me hope, but then we sit in silence. I keep thinking how ridiculous this is. I need to say something.

"
How was camp?" I finally break. I hate all the unspoken tension filling the backseat.

He looks over at me
, and my stomach instantly reacts as soon as our eyes lock. "It was good." His eyes move down to my swollen hand resting on Casey's homemade ice pack. "How's your hand?" He gently strokes it with his thumb as he scoots closer to me to get a better look.

"
It's okay." I smile up at him, trying to enjoy every second of this moment.

He laughs and shakes his head
. "I can't believe you hit her." I can tell by his smile he's impressed.

"
I broke her phone, too."

He laughs
. "You did? Gretch left that part out."

"
Yeah. I said something like, 'now you can't ruin anyone else's life'."

His smile quickly
fades, all traces of it gone. "Do you really feel that way?"

"
No," I answer as a reflex out of pride while the real answer is yes. "I mean, if she didn't take that picture, we would never have broken up."

He pulls his hand away from mine, like he just reme
mbered we are no longer together. "That is true." He smiles at me. His smile is full of longing, but there is guilt there, too. "But what I did, that's my fault. That's not on her."

"
I think it kind of is. You would never have done it if you didn't get that picture."

"
That's very true." He moves a little closer to me again.

I glance up at Ryan in the
rearview mirror, and luckily, he's engrossed in a conversation with Brian about college football rankings, or something like that, but I catch him occasionally looking at us. So he's not entirely oblivious.

"
I guess that makes you a superhero then." Todd smiles as his fingers inch back toward my good hand, resting on the seat beside him. "Stopping someone from doing evil. Really, you just single-handedly helped all of mankind."

"
Exactly. Think my mom and dad will buy that?"

He gives a small laugh
. "Doubtful."

"
Yeah, that's what I thought. I hope I don't get grounded."

"
I'll stick up for you." His fingers come to rest on top of mine, and it's almost as if he's secretly holding my good hand. Then he leans in closer to check out my injury. "Can you move it?"

I lift my hand off the ice and make a fist
; it's painful, but I can do it. "I guess I can."

"
Does it hurt?" He gently places his hand under mine, as if he's helping me hold it up.

"
A little," I say with my fingers still clenched.

"
Try to open it back up."

I do
, and as I obey, I can't help giving him a smile through the pain.

"
I think you're good. It's just bruised, not broken. It's going to be sore, but I think you're gonna make it." He gently runs his fingers over my injured hand as he places it back on the ice. "Keep icing it. It'll help."

"
That's what Casey said." flies out of my mouth before I realize it. I think I've ruined the moment, but Todd doesn't pull away; he doesn't react at all.

"
Smart guy, that Casey." He smiles at me. "He's got good taste."

"
Todd, we're not together." I want that to be clear, but from the look on his face, I don't think he believes me.

"
We're here," Ryan says, and sure enough, when I look up, we are in my driveway. How did we get here so fast? I'm not ready to get out yet. I don't want our time together to be over. I hate that Ryan gets to spend more time with him. Plus, I hate even more that Todd really believes I'm with Casey.

"
See you tomorrow," Todd says as his fingers stroke my good hand. He must read the confusion that crosses my face because he answers a question I haven't asked. "At the pool. Tomorrow is my first day back."

"
Oh, right." And those words alone bring enough joy to make it almost bearable to get out of the car. "See you tomorrow." I smile at him in a way I hope he understands, a way to express just how much I miss him. I want him to know that I love him. "Bye, guys," I say, slamming the car door.

As I watch Ryan
's car drive away, it sinks in just what this all means. Todd and Casey will be together tomorrow at the pool. This should be interesting.

Who am I kidding
? This is going to be a disaster.

Chapter
21: A New Kind of Pool

Being at the pool with Todd and Casey this week has been harder than I've ever imagined. I can't stop myself from wanting to see Todd whenever I'm with Casey, but I'm trying hard to hide it, and I think I'm succeeding. I think
.

I also find it incredibly difficult not to stare at Todd
's perfectly toned abs whenever he's in my line of sight. Working out constantly at different sports camps this summer has clearly helped define what was already pure perfection. I find myself extremely grateful we all chose lifeguarding as our summer jobs this year.

Todd and Ryan are still on opposite schedules from me and Casey
; as a result, we only pass each other in-between breaks. However, we're all still on the same lunch schedule, which has been a truly wonderful experience, and I mean that in the most sarcastic way possible. I don't think Todd or Casey have said one word to each other—it's just head nods, clenched jaws and death glares—so lunch has been fairly quiet. Ryan and I have been carrying most of the conversations. I usually sit next to Casey and secretly wish I was sitting next to Todd. I'm pretty sure Casey knows, but he's too cool to say anything. At least I have a good view of Todd from across the table.

Being outside in the sun really makes
his eyes pop. They are practically the same color as the surrounding pools. My heart skips every time his eyes meet mine while my cheeks flush red. The good part is, my cheeks are already so red from the heat it's a perfect camouflage.

I wish I could wipe away the awkwardness.
Todd and I used to tell each other everything, and now we say nothing. The afternoons are the worst, watching him drive away without me.

I keep thinking back to my conversation with Ryan
about the accident. I know almost losing Gretch and Brian really helped him completely forgive them for what they did, and I know what Todd did was a mistake, but it still hurts whenever I picture him with that girl. My heart has forgiven him entirely; however, my head isn't as easy to convince.

Every time I see him
, I want to say 'This is stupid. Let's get back together,' but I can't seem to get the words to come out. I know he thinks he's bad for me. He doesn't want to hurt me, so he tries to avoid me, but that hurts me more than he could ever imagine.

Then
there is Casey. I really like him and don't want to hurt him, either. My heart just isn't fully over Todd, and I'm unsure if there is room for anyone else at the moment. Or, honestly, if there will ever be room for anyone else. I'm not even sure if I want there to be room.

One thing
, Casey isn't is stupid, and with Todd being back, he hasn't really made any moves. Although, the playfulness of our flirting must be more obvious than I realize because I occasionally catch glances of disapproval from Ryan. Casey's been tiptoeing lightly around the situation, which part of me appreciates, but part of me just wants him to make a move if he's going to—a real move. Yet I have no idea if that's what I truly want because, if he does make a move, I don't know how I would react. Part of me likes our relationship the way it is, somewhere in limbo, pre-dating purgatory. Maybe it will grow into to something greater and maybe it never will.

On our first break
, I check my phone in my locker to find a text from Sid.

Please
Please Please come tonight

I really wish she would stop with the texts.

Sid, I can't and you know it
,
I type back.

Everyone is coming. And you are my best friend. How could you not come to MY end of summer pa
rty???

I take a deep breath and type
back,
It's Todd's party, too.

So?

I roll my eyes and shake my head, stealing that move from Sid as I type back,
???

Come on Ash, PLEASE! Shane and Johnny will be there and Blythe and
Bri and Ry and Gretch and of course Simon. :)

All wonderful couples
,
I type back.

I
'm getting angry. We're broken up, and she knows it. Besides, after this week of Todd being cordial but nothing more, I know nothing is going to change.

Lots of other non-couples will be there
, too. And you'll get to see RTS's nose brace.

I actually laugh out loud at that
one; she does know how to entice me.
LMAO

It t
urns out, I did break her nose, and she has to wear this nose brace thing for two weeks.
I love Karma.
The bad news is, when my parents found out, it forced me to tell them the whole Todd story. Once they heard it, they understood why I did what I did, and luckily, they are big believers in Karma, too; so I didn't get in trouble. Of course, now Todd's parents also know, so the status of our relationship is officially out in the open.

I feel my phone buzz
but this time it’s a text from Shane.

Stop it. You are going tonight. Johnny and I are picking you up at 8 - be ready.

For some reason, it's much more difficult to argue with Shane, so I just don't respond. Instead, I toss my phone back into my locker and slam the door.

"
Are you going tonight?" Casey asks as I join him under our air vent. This seems to be a popular topic.

"
Are you?" I'm kind of surprised he even knows about it. "Wait, you were invited?"

"
Ouch." He smiles. "Everyone from the pool is going. It's gonna be huge."

"
I can only imagine what you would describe as 'huge' since your small get-together was pretty insane."

"
First of all, I already explained that to you, a million times, that was all my sister. And second," he leans in closer to me, "I wasn't the one throwing punches."

"
Ouch." I smile back.

"
You should go. It's a good group from the pool and stuff."

I
look down and start the routine of picking at the orange-shag rug, "Yeah, but…" I shake my head. "Never mind, forget it." I haven't really talked to Casey about Todd, and now is not the time to start.

"
What? Because
he's
going to be there?" Casey says with unusual seriousness.

"
Well, it is his house, so that's pretty much a guarantee." I shrug, sort of uncomfortable with this topic, yet Casey is the one pushing it.

"
You guys are tight. I mean, you have a lot of friends in the same circle. Not to mention, he's your brother's best friend and your best friend's brother. He's always going to be there. You need to get past it." I don't really know where this is coming from, and I'm equally surprised it's coming from Casey, of all people.

He gently grabs my chin
, forcing my eyes to connect with his. "You still like him, don't you?" I guess he knows me better than I realize because he's read my expression perfectly, even though I thought I was an expert at hiding my feelings at this point.

My non-answer is probably
answer enough for Casey, but I feel like this is a trick question. If I say yes, then he'll know and I'll be admitting it out loud, and there's no turning back from that. And if I say no, it's a lie and will continue to give Casey false hope. When I stop to think about it, I can't believe I'm here with this dilemma. This kind of thing never happens to me, and now I have an ex-boyfriend I love and a really good friend I have more than just "friends" feelings for. I wish I knew what to do, but I don't. So I don't say anything; instead, I move my eyes to the clock on the wall.

"
It looks like we need to get back."

Casey drops his hand from my chin
. "Way to avoid the question." His smile says he's kidding, but his tone is filled with frustration. I can't blame him.

I think back to what Blythe said last year about not stringing Brian along when she had feelings for Ryan. I wish I could be that strong
. I just don't know what I want. Well, I know; I just don't really know what my options are with Todd anymore.

***

At exactly eight o'clock, our doorbell rings, and I hear Ryan answer the door. By the sound of the greeting, it is Shane, and I'm pretty sure I hear Johnny's voice, too. Then I hear footsteps on our stairs, more than one pair. If Ryan is letting them both up here, I'm going to kill him.
Kill him.

"
She's in there," I hear Ryan's voice from the other side of my door.

Shane doesn
't even knock; he just flings the door open. Luckily, he's alone. I'm not even embarrassed at my state of disarray anymore. "Way to knock."

Shane stands there with his arms crossed
. "Get up."

"
I'm good here, thanks."

"
Ash, you have been there for weeks." He gestures to my bed. "Now get up." He steps a little closer, taking on a more gentle tone. "Listen, you've been there to pick me up every time I've fallen down, now let me be here for you. Get up and get dressed. That boy still loves you, and you need to let him know you feel the same way."

My heart leaps with his words
; however, I can't let myself believe it. If he loves me, why doesn't he talk to me?

"
Did he tell you that?"

"
He doesn't have to. I can see it all over his face whenever someone mentions you."

I just roll my eyes
. "Nice try."

"
Come find out for yourself, then." He pulls me up by the arm and drags me to my closet. "If you don't pick something out, I will." And I can tell by the glimmer in his eyes that what he would pick would be evil and not something I would ever want to wear outside of the house.

"
Fine."

"
Thank you." He smiles. "And you might want to take a shower first, too." He winks at me.

"
That bad, huh?"

When h
e just nods his head yes, I can't help laughing. I walk over and kiss him on the cheek.

"
Thank you," I whisper to him.

"
Go!" He pats me on the bottom. "I'll be downstairs waiting with my boyfriend," he says with such joy it makes me happy, and I haven't truly felt happy in a while.

***

As we walk through the door of Todd and Sid's house, a door I've walked through a million times, I feel my heart in my throat. I finally settled on wearing a white, summer, tank dress with silver wrap sandals. I know I look pretty good in white right now, one of the perks of my job.

It
's already packed when we get there. Todd's house is big, not exactly hotel big like Casey's, but big enough to know there are a ton of people here since we have to shove our way into the party.

We aren
't even there for a minute when I see Todd across the room. Of course, he's surrounded by girls, laughing and flinging their hair back like what he's just said is the funniest thing they've ever heard. It hurts. It's not like he's holding their hands or worse, kissing them, but to my heart, he might as well be. I want to be the one standing there, laughing at his jokes. I'm not even sure why I'm here, and I already wish I didn't come.

"
Ashhhhhh!!! You came!" I'm suddenly being steamrolled from the side. Sid is incredibly strong when she's excited. "Nice work, Shaney." She kisses him on the cheek. "You, too, Johnny." And she kisses him, too.

"
Come on." She drags us all through the crowd. "We're back here." My eyes connect with Todd's as I'm pulled out of his line of sight.

When we walk into Sid
's family room, I see Casey sitting on her couch, talking to a cute brunette I've never seen before. She is hanging on his every word, but when he looks up and his eyes lock with mine, he excuses himself and walks right over.

"
Glad you actually made it." He smiles, giving me a glimpse of his flawless white teeth.

"
So I see you're making friends already." I gesture to the girl patiently waiting on the couch for him to return.

"
Always," he says then winks at me. I hate that I like it, just as I hate the fact that someone else being interested in him makes me more interested in him. That is, until Todd walks into the room.

I
'm not sure why I thought I was safe back here in the family room—safe from seeing him, from dealing with the fact that we're at the same party—but so much for that. Just when I think I could be interested in Casey, Todd walks in and reminds my heart how much I love him.

My stomach instantly reacts
, erupting with butterflies. He's wearing a light blue button down over khaki shorts and flip-flops. The blue of his shirt really makes his crystal blue eyes stand out, even from across the room.