A Ranger's Love: A Military Erotic Romance (8 page)

“I’m sorry,” Mike whispers.

“For what?”

“For hurting you.”

“You didn’t hurt me, Mike,” I whisper, still caressing him. “I loved how tight you were holding me.”

I can feel Mike relax at my words. “I wish I could stay.”

“So do I.”

“There isn’t enough time!” Mike says. The frustration is clear in his voice, as he levers up out of my embrace. “I want to see you, every day, every night, but the fucking Army…”

“Shhhh, it’s okay. I understand. I do. Just call me when you can. Come to me when you are able. We’ll work something out.”

“You deserve better,” Mike says. I can see the fear in his eyes. He’s afraid, just as I am.

I smile at him. “Mike, I grew up in the Army. I understand. I do. Go. Train. Blow stuff up. But come back to me when you are done. For the next six weeks, I am yours.”

Mike smiles at me, drawing his finger lightly along my chin. “Why? Why are you doing this? Why are you putting up with…well…me?”

“I have to know. I have to know if you are the one.”

“The one?”

“Yes. The one for me. I think you might be. Only time will tell.”

“And if I’m not?”

I smile. “Then I have had eight weeks of the best sex of my life.”

Mike smiles back at me. “How will you know?”

“I just will. Don’t you think you will know when you find the one for you?”

“I don’t know. I hope so,” Mike says. Then, he looks at me, his face softening slightly. “Time will tell.” Mike leans in and kisses me gently. “I should be going. I would love to stay, but I have to sleep some tonight.”

“I’ll get dressed and take you back,” I offer.

“No need. I borrowed a car.”

“Okay. But you’ll call me?”

“Not tonight. If I start talking to you I won’t want to stop. But every chance I get. I will see you as often as I can, too.”

“I’ll like that. Do call. Anytime you can, day or night. It will be okay. I won’t bitch at you for waking me up, I promise,” I say with a smile, reminding him of the promise already made.

Mike moves, preparing to leave. “Daisy, no matter what happens, this has been the best two weeks of my life.” He leans over and kisses me ever so gently, again. “I will never forget you.”

I want to say something, but I don’t trust my voice. Instead, I just smile and touch his face.

CHAPTER EIGHT

Mike surprises me at work Monday afternoon. He is out of class on a lunch break and had a friend drop him off. Thank God I didn’t have anyone in my office. He only has an hour for lunch, so we hustle out and grab a quick burger at a McDonalds, just outside the gate. Not the most romantic meal I have ever had, but the company is good and I enjoy myself immensely.

I hear nothing Tuesday or Wednesday, but Thursday evening Mike calls me. We talk for a while, but then Mike begs off. He claims he has homework to do, but he promises to see me Friday.

Friday, I cancel with Beverly, Teri and Kat. They are on the prowl again, but I will have everything I need at home when Mike arrives. He shows up late, tired and stressed out. We cuddle on the couch, saying little. We kiss and touch gently until he falls asleep. If it were anyone but Mike I would be pissed, but I simply settle in with him until bedtime. I finally wake him about midnight and we go to bed. We snuggle, but don’t make love. I don’t care. I will have him in the morning, when he is fresh. I slide into a deep sleep, content and happy with his closeness.

And so the next three weeks pass. We get together when we can and make love when we are able. Sometimes we only see each for an hour over a burger. Other times we spend three days walking, holding hands, and making love. Regardless of the amount of time, I treasure each moment I spend with Mike. Each time I see him, I feel closer to him. The bond between us rapidly grows stronger.

I am definitely falling for Mike and I think he is falling for me. As his training in Benning winds down, we have more time to spend together. The lovemaking is better than ever, but I find that is no longer the primary reason I want to see him. Now, I want his companionship in addition to his body. 

I’m noodling around on the computer, selecting classes for my fall semester when my cell rings. I smile, as I my phone plays
Happy
by Pharrell Williams, Mike’s personal ring tone. I grab the phone up, “Hey, babe,” I say. My day has just gotten better.

“Daisy,” Mike says quietly. I hear the despair in his voice.

“Mike, what’s wrong?”

“They just told us. We ship out two weeks early. I deploy Saturday.”

“This Saturday?” I ask. That’s only three days away. I knew this time was coming, but it’s like my parents all over again. It’s so unexpected.

“Yeah. Even worse, we’re restricted to base until we ship out.”

I sit in stunned silence. It’s not Mike’s fault. There is no point in pissing and moaning about it when there is nothing he can do. “Okay,” I say. The only thing I can say. “When will you be back?”

“I don’t know. That’s the truth. It could be a couple of weeks or a month or more. I just don’t know. Daisy, I’m sorry.”

I hold my tears. I have been preparing for this moment, but that doesn’t make this any easier. “I don’t suppose you will be able to call while you’re gone?”

“No. Daisy…” Mike begins but stops.

“You don’t have to say anything, Mike. I knew this was temporary.”

“No! No, that’s not what I was going to say. Daisy, I love you. I want to stay, but I have to go. This is what I do. I want to make a difference. Will you wait for me? As soon as I get back, I’ll call. I’ll think of you every moment I’m gone. When I get back we will figure something out. You could come to North Carolina. Maybe I can get transferred to Benning. But I want to know you will be here, waiting for me, when I get back. Will you wait for me? Please?”

I am so shocked I can’t speak. I wasn’t expecting this at all. This is the first time Mike has said that he loves me. I’m rocked back on my heels. “Mike, I don’t know. I want to be with you, too. But…”

“But what?”

“But, it’s so sudden. I can’t leave here. This is my home.” I am so out of sorts; I don’t know what to do. I want to scream that
yes
I will be waiting for him when he returns. I want to shout it so loud that he could hear me without the telephone. But, I’m afraid. Afraid to make the leap, afraid of being abandoned again. Afraid to truly open my heart and risk the loss and the pain of Mike not returning.

“I understand,” Mike says softly.

“No! It’s not like that! Mike, please…” I try to keep him on the line, but he is gone. I franticly dial his number, but it rings into his voicemail. I hang up and dial it again and again. Mike is gone. What have I done?

I stare at the phone, as if has betrayed me. Then, I burst into tears. I have driven off the one thing that I want most. I sob for a moment. Then, I gather myself and try the phone one more time.

The phone rings and I am just about to hang up when Mike answers. “Yes?” He sounds as dejected as I feel.

“Mike! Thank God!” I gasp. “I’m sorry. Mike, please don’t hang up!” I say. The words come out in a tumbling rush.

“Just say what you need to say. I have to get ready.”

“Mike, I’m sorry for what I said. I’ll be here for you when you get back. I promise.”

“Why? I don’t need your pity, Danielle.”

“It’s not pity, okay?” I nearly shout. “I love you, goddammit! I don’t want you to go!”

Mike is quiet for a long time. “I have to go. I don’t have a choice. Even if I did, I want to go. I want to make a difference.”

“I know, but you have already made a difference. You have made a difference with me.”

Once again, Mike is quiet for a long time. “Why the sudden change of heart. Not five minutes ago you were kissing me off.”

“I was…afraid.”

“Afraid?”

“I’m afraid you won’t come back. Afraid you will leave me alone like Mom and Dad did. I don’t think I can take that again.” I sniff again. I’m thankful that Mike can’t see my tears.

“Daisy, nothing can keep me from coming back, if you’re here waiting for me. Nothing.”

“I know you’ll try but…”

“Nothing,” Mike repeats firmly, cutting me off.

“Promise me,” I whisper.

“I promise you, Daisy. I promise you that nothing can keep me from your arms,” Mike says with such conviction that I actually believe him.

I blubber out a laugh. “This is one promise you had better keep.”

“I will always keep my promises to you. I promise to come back and do everything I can to make you the happiest woman in the world.”

“You already have,” I say wiping at my eyes.

“And you have made me the happiest guy in the world.”

“When you come back, where will you come back to? Bragg?”

“I don’t know. Probably. That’s where we’re stationed.”

“If you can, call me, I will meet you there.”

“I would like that, but I doubt that will be possible. Mission security and all that jazz,” Mike says. I finally begin to relax. Mike is starting to sound like his old self again.

“It’s okay. It’s not fair that you are leaving and I didn’t even get to say goodbye in person.”

“I know. It is what it is.”

We are silent for a time, not knowing what to say. “I have to go,” Mike say softly. “I should have told you this before now. I don’t think I knew myself until I found I out I am leaving, but I love you, Daisy.”

“I love you, too. Be safe and come back to me.” I am fairly proud I managed to get that out without my voice breaking.

“I will,” Mike says so softly that I almost don’t hear him. “I’m looking forward to holding you again.”

“As am I, Mike.”

“Goodbye, Daisy. I will call as soon as I get back. Sooner if I can.”

I grit my teeth to hold back the tears. “Do. Goodbye.”

When Mike is gone. I sit on the couch, stunned. Mike is right; I didn’t realize how much I wanted him until I knew he is leaving. This is my home. This is where I have lived the last ten years of my life; but, Mike has my heart is. I sit and stare at the wall, lost in thought.

They say home is where the heart is and I have given mine to Mike. I look around my apartment. I realize that there is nothing holding me here. Nothing but memories. Those I can take with me.

As I sit and stare into nothing, I realize that the loneliness that has been my constant companion for the last few years is gone. I realize it has been gone, ever since that first picnic lunch with Mike. I miss my parents, but I no longer feel tied to this place. It’s time to move on. It’s time to stop living in past. I smile. No, not just time. Past time.

***

A banging pulls me awake. I sit up, groggy. I have slept all night on the couch, wrapped in the throw. I pick up my cell. Eight-fifty. “Just a minute,” I call, staggering to my feet. I’m stiff and I hurt all over.

I open the door to see a grinning Beverly and Tim. “Get your ass in gear, girl! Paul will be here with the truck in a few minutes.” Beverly crows bustling into my apartment. “Are you ready to start your new life?”

“Ugh,” I grunt, not yet awake. “Tell me why this is a good idea again?”

“Because,” Beverly says, ticking the items off on her fingers, “you’re finally getting on with your life. You’re hopefully going to be living with the love of your life and getting laid every night. Plus, it cuts down on the competition around here.”

I snort. “I can’t compete with you, Bev.”

“Says the woman that is moving to North Carolina to be with the hottie that didn’t even give me a second look.” Beverly teases.

“We’ll, okay. Maybe that one time,” I say with a smile. I look at Beverly and I can feel myself tearing up. “I’m going to miss you, Bev.”

Beverly smiles back at me, her eyes swimming in tears as well. “I’m going to miss you, too; but, I’m glad you’re going. This is the first impulsive thing you’ve done since your parents died. Mike will be so surprised when he gets back and finds you there. This is a good thing. I’m happy for you.”

I give Beverly a crooked smile. Moving from Georgia to North Carolina with no job and no prospects would have terrified me just two months ago. It terrifies me, now. Mike left three weeks ago for wherever he went and I am packed to leave. I am moving to a new state with my few possessions, a little money, and nothing else, except for Mike’s embrace upon his return. It is the thought of that embrace that gives me the courage to go through with this.

I’ll find another job. I’ll make it work. With Mike’s help, I’ll know it will work. I look around the apartment that has been my unintentional prison for three years. I think of the saying:
The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present
.
Charles Michael Hanover has given me the greatest gift of all. I look forward to each day that we spend together.

I feel my smile widen. I hope Paul will be here with the truck soon. I’m ready to leave. I’m ready to go to North Carolina, so I can be there when my family returns from duty.