He was breaking all the rules, and he knew, firsthand, how important was the order of the universe.
Maybe he'd better ask for a more in-depth consult, even though it would be humiliating for him. Maybe humility was the emotion he'd been sent to experience more fully.
Luke punched him on the arm to get his attention, so Joseph tried to focus on what the boy was saying.
After dinner, the boys offered, uncharacteristically, to do the dishes, and Joe said he had to get back to his report, though he wanted nothing more than to stay.
Sharon walked him to the door. "Dinner was nice, Joe. Thanks for thinking of it."
He leaned toward her and said in a low voice, "Since you're feeling grateful, how about having dinner with me Saturday night?"
Sharon's pulse quickened in confusion. "I...I don't know." It was one thing to have Joe over for dinner, or attend a crowded 4-H dance, but to accept a date with him alone would be admitting she was ready for...
Joe put his finger to her lips. "Don't think, just say yes. I'll call you."
Sharon nodded numbly. She should have given him a definite no, but her traitorous tongue remained silent. His face was so close to hers it was hard to think straight.
"You're beautiful, you know that?" His lips brushed hers lightly, then he was gone.
Sharon stared into the night, suddenly aware she was holding her breath. She exhaled and forced her respiration to resume a normal rhythm before going inside.
Part of her wished he hadn't left so early, but she needed time to sort through the emotions that were threatening to fly out of control. She'd heard that losing a loved one left a person disoriented for quite awhile.
Was that what this jumble called a brain was going through? Was it part of a natural process? She wished she knew the answer.
The boys were just finishing up in the kitchen. "Did you have fun bowling?" she asked. The dinner conversation hadn't gotten around to it, and she'd forgotten to ask them earlier.
"It was great," Luke replied. "I bowled a one-eighty."
When David didn't reply, Sharon prompted, "David?"
He faced her, his expression grave. "Isn't that Reardon guy here an awful lot? It doesn't look right."
"Come off it, David," Luke warned. "Joe's a super guy, and you know it."
Sharon silenced her younger son with a quick shake of her head and turned to her dark-haired boy. "We've talked about this before, David. Joe's been a good friend. Can't you see that? He's been kind to the whole family, and there's nothing more than that between us."
That wasn't a truly honest assessment, but what else could she say? What else would David accept? She'd known from the beginning he was keeping his distance from the older man, but had chosen to ignore it, hoping Joe's efforts at friendship would make a difference.
It hadn't been enough.
David's mouth formed a straight line, then he spoke as if trying to force the words out. "It's just that...it hasn't been that long since Dad died. I've heard some talk..."
Sharon wasn't surprised, but indignant just the same. "What have you heard?" She had her own suspicions, but waited for her son to confirm them.
"Mrs. Moran was telling Harold Baker's Mom that Joe was over here all the time, and she didn't think it was right."
Sharon felt her face grow hot with anger. "Is that so? Since when do you worry about what that woman says? You know how she watches our house. It's as if she has nothing better to do."
Her defensive outburst only made David look more grim. How could she explain she needed someone to depend upon, as a friend? Paula was busy working to save her marriage, and Sharon didn't
want to put a further drain on her.
She tried again. "I haven't done anything to be ashamed of, David. Have a little faith in your old Mom, okay?" She went over and put her arms around him.
He managed a shadow of a smile before turning back to the dishes. She knew he wasn't convinced. How could she blame him? Maybe her conduct
wasn’t
befitting a recent widow.
Perhaps she should refuse Joe's invitation to dinner, not wanting to do anything that would further hamper David's recovery from his loss.
What about your loss, she asked herself? Disregarding the question, she remembered her sons had to come first. Didn't they?
She stifled a yawn. "Now, if you two don't mind, I'm going to bed. Thanks for doing the dishes. I'll see you in the morning." She had no wish to discuss the matter further.
They said goodnight, but as Sharon went around the corner, she heard Luke say, "Couldn't you just keep your mouth shut?"
Sharon couldn't understand David's mumbled reply, but his words were low and urgent. He must be having a terrible time adjusting to Tom's death. She wished there was more she could do. Maybe it would be better to refuse to see Joe at all.
That really wasn't fair, she thought. Joe hadn't done anything wrong, and neither had she. Perhaps things hadn't worked out with Melanie, and he was feeling low about that.
If only his father were here... But how many times had she wished for the impossible?
Joseph forced himself to endure the meeting with Serena as penance for his crime, falling in love with a human, a very susceptible one at that.
"Is it as bad as all that?" Serena asked kindly.
"Worse." How could he explain? Surely the Head Guardian had never gone through anything like this.
"I've felt the way you do, Joseph, once, a long time ago."
Joseph lifted his head and stared in astonishment. "What did you do about it?"
He caught a glimpse of sadness before her natural joy shone through. "It wasn't meant to be, so I had to let go. It was the most difficult thing I've ever done."
Joseph didn't know what to say. She really did understand his dilemma. "So, what should I do?"
"No one can choose for another, Joseph."
"But...couldn't I undergo a forgetfulness session, or something? Anything?" He really didn't
want
to forget Sharon, he admitted to himself, at least not yet.
"I'm afraid not, my friend. You'll have to see this through."
In a way, Joseph was relieved that his task hadn't been terminated, but that didn't solve any of his problems.
The cafeteria was busy all the next week, with several visiting groups of teachers touring the school. Esther and her staff were expected to serve a special luncheon for the visitors right after they'd finished feeding the students.
Sharon worked longer hours than usual and went to bed early each night.
On Thursday, her mother called to invite the boys down for the weekend. Without checking with them, Sharon accepted, grateful to her parents for their consideration.
"They'd love to, Mom. We'll call and let you know what time they get on the bus Saturday morning."
David and Luke liked the idea of spending the weekend at Haden Lake. Luke's basketball game was Friday night, and David wasn't scheduled to work.
She promised to take good care of Caddy, refusing their suggestion that the dog go with them. Their grandparents might not mind, but she didn't think the bus driver would appreciate an oversized and shedding passenger who also drooled.
Paula called that afternoon to bring her up on the latest developments. "When I realized how badly Ty wanted to see his parents, we decided he should make the trip, or even better, bring them here."
"Won't that be awfully expensive?" Sharon was mentally calculating whether there was any way she could help.
"I know. That's why I'm looking for a part-time job, then I'll help him save."
"That's wonderful, Paula. I'm happy for both of you." She decided to ask Esther if they could hire anyone else in the cafeteria.
"We couldn't have done it without your help, and Joe's." Sharon felt a lump in her throat when she heard her name linked with Joe's. "How are the kids taking all this?"
Paula hesitated. "The younger ones don't seem affected by it at all, but Melanie is a little cool toward Ty. Of course, he is her stepfather, so she's more judgmental of him."
"Probably just her age and the pain of growing up," Sharon said, "but Melanie's a smart girl. She'll realize how much Ty loves all of you."
"Yes, and I'm glad she and David are getting along. Her mood has brightened considerably."
"That's good. Melanie's been a true friend to David."
They chatted a few more minutes before hanging up, promising to get together soon for lunch.
Sharon drove the boys to the Greyhound station early Saturday morning. As they were buying the tickets, it hit her that this was the first time they'd been separated since Tom's death. She embraced each one as if they'd be gone a month.
"Hey, we'll be home tomorrow night," Luke said, laughing at her.
Sharon punched him playfully, then looked up into David's blue eyes.
He was watching her with a worried expression. "Will you be all right?"
"I'll be fine. You two have fun and give the folks a hug for me."
They boarded the bus, and she waved goodbye, feeling a sense of loss. Maybe she should have gone with them. Her mother had hoped she would, but understood Sharon's need for quiet, especially after last weekend with the Banners and their problems.
But now, she felt overwhelmingly alone. Is this how she'd feel when they left home for good? How would she bear it?
Sharon stopped at the post office to pick up the mail, rather than taking her usual walk to retrieve it. She didn't glance at the stack, but set it on the seat next to her.
When she got home, she took the mail into the kitchen and tossed it on the table, making a fresh pot of coffee. While it perked, she sat down and shuffled through the envelopes.
There were several bills, and a request for a donation, but the one that caught her attention was a letter addressed to Tom.
It had been forwarded from the trucking company where he'd worked. It still hurt when that happened, especially if it was from an old acquaintance of his who didn't know about the accident. Then, she had to write an explanation and live through Tom's death all over again.
Glancing at the return address, she stopped and stared. Portland, Oregon. A curious sense of foreboding washed over her. She remembered the address tucked away in Tom's wallet and the MasterCharge bill from the lingerie shop in the same city. That, too, had been forwarded from Tom's work.
Her chest rose as she tried to inhale enough air to overcome a sudden lightheadedness. With trembling fingers, she ripped open the envelope.
A faint aroma tickled her nose. The letter was scented, she noticed, as she unfolded the blue paper and read the neatly written script.
"Dear Tom, where have you been? I couldn't wait any longer to write. Please get in touch. I've missed you so. Love, Kathy."
The name Kathy stuck like a bone in her throat. She tried to think of another explanation for the letter, but Sharon finally had to admit that all the suspicions she'd hidden deep inside were true.
She could no longer deny Tom's unfaithfulness.
How blind she'd been, or wanted to be. It began to make sense...all the little signs she'd refused to believe, the address, the bill, the times Tom was a day or so late in coming home...
Maybe she'd wondered about each incident separately, but hadn't wanted to piece them together. That would have meant she'd have to do something about it and disrupt her safe, secure little world.
Besides, she thought they'd been happy together. Hadn't they? She crumpled the blue sheet into a ball, then opened it again and read for the second time, wondering why she was torturing herself.