A Kiss of Color: A BWWM Interracial Pregnancy Romance (Book 2) (8 page)

Xavier came awake groggily. He’d been awake until almost dawn negotiating a supply deal with a Japanese manufacturer and had all but stumbled into bed. This had come after an entire day of work, and a meeting for which he’d had to miss dinner with his sister.

The guilt had followed him into the boardroom, only to be assuaged when Helena told him that she was going with Brandy instead. Theirs was a solution that had allowed him to go about the rest of his day feeling slightly less like a cad – even if he had ultimately gotten a paltry four hours of sleep.

He had heard his lover come in the previous night, though, from his new home office, he hadn’t seen her until he’d slid into bed. She’d been wrapped in the sheets, fast asleep, her lovely mouth turned downward into a deep frown that made him wonder what she dreamt of. Some exam or upcoming class, no doubt.

Xavier slid into bed next to her, hoping that his presence would calm her somewhat, but he hadn’t the wherewithal to stay awake long enough to see if his methods had worked. When he woke around ten am, Helena was absent from bed, despite it being a Saturday. Groaning, the programmer rubbed his hands over his eyes, trying to gather the strength to go and seek her out.

They were supposed to meet with Brandy and Emily later on that day, but for now, they could find a little time to be together. Lately, Helena had been more withdrawn than usual, and he wanted to make sure that he took time out of his schedule to soothe any fears she might have.

With a wide yawn, Xavier hauled himself from bed, stepping up to the tall mirror they’d placed on the wall that separated the bedroom from the bathroom. He looked a mess. Hair mussed, stubble overgrown…and he hadn’t been to the gym in almost four days. Not a big deal to the average man, but the gym was where he found his inner peace – and maintained his physique. The young man was on the cusp of making his way to the shower before his gaze fell to the cell phone on his bedside table.

There were no less than four missed calls from his sister.

Immediately, he arched a brow in inquiry. She was in the same city as him. What could be so important that she could call him so many times before ten in the morning? Picking up the device, he put the call on speaker as he made his way towards the bathroom. He was brushing his teeth when Brandy picked up.

“Xavier?” She sounded frantic with worry, making the young programmer’s brows knit together.

“Yeah, Brandy?” He spat out minty froth. “What’s going on?”

“Is Helena alright?” The attorney asked, concern evident in her tone. “She left me at the restaurant last night looking really upset – really sick. I’ve been trying to call her, but she hasn’t answered my calls.”

Xavier felt his heart sink. There had been a part of him that suspected that Helena wasn’t as well as she’d let him to believe and this simply confirmed it. “What happened? Did she eat something bad?”

“That’s just it! We didn’t eat at all. She didn’t even touch her wine. We were just talking about Hank and I and she just…well…” Brandy trailed off for a moment before sighing. “I mean, I guess I should have known something was wrong. She was acting…off.”

“Off how?” Xavier’s sister now had his full attention. When it came to matters concerning Helena, he could afford nothing less.

“…I wanted to wait until we were all together to tell you this, but I might as well spill: Hank and I are trying to get pregnant. When I told Helena, she just got this look on her face…lost. Sad. I’m not sure what happened, but I think I upset her.”

Xavier bit his lip, leaning over the sink. He was torn between wanting to congratulate his sister on finally taking steps to have the child she so wanted and asking about what had seemed to upset Helena so. “Brandy…that’s amazing. I’m so happy for you and Hank.”

“I was too…but now I’m a little more worried about Helena. Could you please talk to her, Xavier? I don’t want to think I did something…I mean…you know her better than I do.”

Most of the time, Xavier liked to think he knew Helena better than anyone else alive, but then, there were times like this – when even he was confused.

“I’ll do my best, Brandy. But don’t lose sleep over it. You know how she can be sometimes. I’m sure this will all blow over in a day or two.” It usually did, at any rate. He would be willing to bet that this all boiled down to something having to do with the young woman starting surgical trials, or some exam that was driving her to stay up late.

“Ok. Emily says hi.” He could hear his younger sister murmuring in the background. “We’ll see you guys later then, I guess. And, Xavier?”

“Yeah?”

“Be gentle with her…
very
gentle. I’ve never seen Helena like this before.”

Xavier knew better than to take Brandy’s words with a grain of salt. Though she could sometimes come off as an airhead, the eldest Thompson child was amazingly perceptive. It was an attribute that allowed her to assuage her parents while remaining close with the brother who didn’t approve of their methods.

After he hung up with Brandy, Xavier gave himself a long, twenty minute shower to contemplate how he was going to address the subject with Helena. She and Brandy were good friends. In theory, he knew Helena should be able to overcome her own worries about having children to help celebrate her companion starting her own family. That she had, instead, fled entirely spoke to a deeper, underlying problem. He would address her as delicately as he possibly could – perhaps over lunch, and, as they always had, they would talk out the problem rationally.

If there was one thing Helena prided herself on, it was her rationality.

After he dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, he made his way down the hall to the kitchen, towards the faint sound of his lover’s voice. He was distracted momentarily from the task at hand by the flowing floor plan of the home they’d chosen. Though he knew it would be a long while before they even contemplated children, it was nice to gaze around the lovely space and imagine little girls with their mother’s questioning gray eyes and sweet smiles running all over the gleaming pine floors.

He paused for a moment just beyond the kitchen, peeking past the partition to see the young woman seated at the kitchen table in just a tank-top and a pair of lacy boy-shorts that emphasized her glorious behind. Xavier’s pants immediately tightened – before he took in the distraught expression on her face and the tension in the hand curled over the edge of the table.

She was clearly in distress.

Though Xavier didn’t mean to eavesdrop on her conversation, he found himself doing so, eager to know who was causing her issue and how he could best go after them.

“You don’t have
anything
for today?” Helena scowled even more deeply. “How about tomorrow?....You’re closed tomorrow. Well, I have work on Monday!” Her voice had risen to an almost hysterical pitch that gave Xavier chills. “No, I can’t wait another week. I need the procedure done now.” Helena ran a hand through curls already mussed by the same action performed hundreds of times before that exact moment. “No…I don’t want to discuss my options at a Planned Parenthood. It’s
my
body and I want it gone.”

Xavier’s heart stopped.

Planned Parenthood?

There were precious few reasons he could think of for why someone might refer a woman to Planned Parenthood, and Helena wouldn’t fit into any of those scenarios. Unless there was something she hadn’t told him.

When his lover very clearly enunciated that she wanted “it” out of her body, Xavier’s blood turned to ice in his veins. Suddenly, her behavior over the past few weeks made complete sense. She’d been sick – pale and nauseous, and she hadn’t spoken to anyone about what had caused her discomfort. Instead, she’d provided half-hearted excuses and withdrawn into herself when he expressed concern.

Stepping into the entryway of the kitchen, Xavier stared at her in disbelief. “You’re pregnant.”

Helena leapt from her seat, ending her call immediately to face him, her eyes wide. In her expression, he read a myriad of emotions, from shock, to guilt and helplessness, among others. The young woman only stared at him for what seemed like an eternity before she straightened, setting her jaw. “Not for long.”

Her words were like a physical punch to the gut.

“You were going to get rid of the baby without even telling me?” As uncomfortable as he knew Helena was with the idea of having children, he never dreamed she would do something like this. They were supposed to understand one another – to speak frankly and work out their problems.

“Xavier…we can’t have a baby right now. I thought we’d already discussed this.” Helena’s expression was pained.

“We didn’t
plan
to have children just now.” He rebutted. “But now we’re faced with a decision that you were going to make without even consulting me. It’s my child too, Helena.” She understood how much this meant to him – how much
family
meant to him.

“This is precisely why I didn’t want to go through this with you, Xavier.” Helena exhaled, shaking her head slowly. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Well it’s too goddamn late for that!” He couldn’t help the way the words burst from him. He’d come to seek her out hoping that they could have a civilized conversation, and any chance of that was rapidly disappearing. “Did you think I would never find out, Helena?” She hadn’t wanted to
hurt
him? What part of her had assumed that hiding the fact that she was pregnant and then offing the product of their love wouldn’t hurt him?

“Xavier, please.” The young woman’s voice trembled as she searched his face desperately. “I can’t…we can’t do this right now. A child will destroy everything we’ve worked to build. Now…now just isn’t the right time.”

“And when
would
be the right time, Helena?” He replied, pain radiating from his chest as his clenched fists shook with repressed emotion. “How many more children would you get rid of before you were ready to talk with me about them?”

The young woman inhaled sharply at the bluntness of his statement. It was clear that his words had struck her deeply, but Xavier was too wrapped up in his own pain to care. He’d thought that when she’d agreed to purchase this house that they were moving in the right direction. That they could have more productive conversations about the family they might one day build. The
last
thing he’d expected was for her to lie to him – to make a decision like this without letting him have any say so whatsoever.

For a moment, Helena stared at him, her eyes filling with tears as her lower lip trembled with emotion. Then, all at once, her gaze hardened. “You don’t
understand
.” When she spoke, her words were filled with anguish. “You’ll
never
understand. It doesn’t matter for you. You’re already achieving your dream – living it. I still have
years
before I’ll be a doctor, Xavier, and I need that time to devote to my practice. I will
not
dedicate it to some…to some force of nature I can’t even control!”

Xavier was rendered utterly speechless.

In that moment, she seemed so much like his parents that the agony was unparalleled. She valued her own aspirations above those of her potential child’s – wouldn’t even consider that it would be a person, with thoughts and feelings, and not just some
thing
.

Something she couldn’t bend to her every whim.

“I think it is
painfully
clear,” he finally managed, “That there is room for nothing else in your life than those oh-so-important aspirations of yours.” His voice was soft, eyes dark. “And far be it from me to address how what I want would fit into your precious plans.”

The young woman’s eyes widened in shock at his words as she searched vainly for words. “Xavier…that’s not…I didn’t mean…I just…”

“You’re just
scared
.” Xavier spat, as his heart tore itself apart. “You’ve been scared of
everything
your entire life Helena, and just when you’re on the cusp of rising above your circumstances, you turn into the one person you always feared you would.” Janette’s face loomed between them, even if her name remained unspoken. “I’m sure your mother would be
extremely
fucking proud of you.”

A pained, strangled gasp escaped Helena as she gazed at him in utter desolation. For a moment, silence reigned in the gleaming, airy kitchen…and then, in a split second, the moment was broken. With a low, soft sob, Helena fled the room, rushing past him.

Numb, Xavier stood in the hallway, listening to her as she rushed towards the bedroom and rummaged through her things there. A full five minutes passed as he let the woman he loved be consumed by her fear and anguish.

He looked up just in time to see her curvaceous frame, dressed haphazardly in jeans and a t-shirt, breeze past him, a duffel bag clutched in her hand, her purse slung over an arm. Without a word, Helena walked through the front door and out into the bright California sun before the door shut behind her with an abrupt, terrifying finality.

Xavier sagged back against the kitchen wall, all his strength leaving him as his eyes slid closed. He replayed their conversation in his head over and over again, each time drawing more pain until he would have very gladly plunged a cleaver into the center of his forehead to rid himself of it.