A Kiss of Color: A BWWM Interracial Pregnancy Romance (Book 2) (6 page)

“Well, ladies, to thank you for this wonderful surprise, I say we go and get some lunch on me.” Both of his sister’s beamed at his suggestion.

“Awesome, I’m starving.” Despite Brandy’s near constant state of hunger, she seemed to never lose her svelte, size four figure. A product, he was sure, of her rigorous exercise regime (and a little bit of their mother’s pressure on her to be the perfect socialite), but today, he planned on testing her appetite with one of the best restaurants in town.

That was, at least, until the cell phone he’d contemplated using earlier started buzzing on his desk. Excusing himself, the young programmer reached for his suit jacket as he proceeded to answer the phone. At the words on the other line, he felt his heart stutter in his chest and his blood run cold.

Helena had collapsed at work. She was fine, but she wasn’t feeling too well, and her mentor, Doctor Forge, recommended that she have someone come pick her up.

There was no question of who that someone would be. Frowning, Xavier hung up. He was sure his sisters wouldn’t mind a slight detour, but he was more concerned with what had happened to the woman he loved. Was she overworking herself
again
? Or was there something more serious afoot here.

Only she would be able to tell him.

“I’m
fine
, Xavier, I promise.”

Eying the woman sitting across from him skeptically, Xavier bit his tongue. He didn’t want to argue with her in front of his sisters, especially if he was trying to make a good impression upon Emily.

The young cellist had been thrilled to meet Helena, even if his lover was pale and haggard, her greeting a bit half-hearted. Being the person she was, Helena, of course, apologized, explaining she’d been feeling a bit under the weather.

And that was
all
she explained.

Despite the fact that her mentor and administering physician had personally called him to come get her, she wouldn’t say anything more about what had caused her incident in the workplace. She was just tired, she assured him. She needed food and some rest and she’d be perfectly fine.

But she didn’t look fine.

In fact, Helena looked even more wan than he’d ever seen her – including the times when she’d denied herself sleep trying to pass exams. He knew that she was getting rest every night – he was personally seeing to it – and she was eating well. He supposed that she really could just be catching a bug, but there was a lingering worry in the back of his mind. If it was a bug, somehow, he doubted it would seem so much like Helena was avoiding the topic of her health.

Reaching across the table, he took her hand in his with an earnest smile. “I trust you, honey. I just want you to be OK. You look a little pale.”

The dark-skinned woman met his eyes for only a split second before looking away – almost as if she were uncomfortable. When she smiled, it was nervous – almost on edge. “Well, I am
starving.”

“Exactly what I said.” Brandy grinned at her from her position next to her brother before picking up the bistro’s menu. “What are you thinking about ordering, Helena?”

As the women considered the menu, Xavier looked over all three of them. Emily seemed to take instantly to Helena, despite the fact that the gray-eyed woman seemed somewhat out of sorts. She’d immediately offered her some ibuprofen from her bag and now glanced over at her ever few moments, as if checking to see if she was still upright. Emily was like Brandy in that respect – she had the mothering instinct of their elder sister.

Both of his siblings would make amazing maternal figures someday, he realized. Brandy had always attested to wanting children – and though she was nearing her forties, she was aging gracefully. Doctors had apparently informed her that having a child was still very much in the cards for her, and the blonde had informed her brother that she was merely waiting for the right time to address the subject with her husband. Emily, of course, was a bit young to be considering motherhood just now, but when she did, he was sure that she would do splendidly.

Which had him hoping that they would break the often-toxic cycle that his family had entered when it came to their parents. His sisters would mother their children with love, support, and affection.

Just as he would his.

With a faint smile, Xavier glanced at the woman sitting across from him.

Whenever he spoke to Helena about children, the physician-in-training always changed the subject. She was still relatively young, he knew, and her first and foremost interest was finishing her degree; but it seemed hard for Helena to think of anything beyond her eventual career. On one level, Xavier understood completely. Success was very important to Helena, especially coming from the background of poverty and exploitation that she had.

Her father, the only positive influence she’d ever had in her life, had been stolen from her before she’d finished college, leaving her with an amazing legacy but no real emotional support. Helena was bound and determined to become a physician that he would be proud of – and to prove her mother wrong.

In that respect, they were very much alike. While Xavier’s parents were filthy rich, they had never given him the love or attention he craved. Atop that, they had pulled even their financial support when they realized that he wasn’t going to allow them to control him like a puppet on a string. Helena’s mother never had the money to provide her daughter with what she needed, and she had used that very fact to try and control her, sucking her dry emotionally, spiritually, and financially. Helena, too, had broken free of her poisonous influence and was now chasing the dream instilled in her by her father. While her mother rotted in jail for attempting to kidnap her and force her to sell her body for the money the woman had so desperately needed.

Yes, Helena was now very safe from her mother, but Xavier saw Janette’s presence linger in his lover’s behavior – in the way she reacted to certain situations.

She was still scared – not only of the woman who had never loved her properly, but of what kind of mother she herself might become because she had never experienced a proper mother-daughter- relationship. The very thought of having her own children seemed quite incomprehensible to her – so much so that he’d never gotten a straight answer about whether she wanted them or not.

But, Xavier told himself, he still had plenty of time to work on her. There was no rush. She had, at least, let him purchase the house that they were moving into – which meant that she couldn’t be completely against the eventuality of starting their own family.

Now, if only he could be so sure that she was at least being honest about her health.

Lunch, at least, went off without a hitch. Everyone present was starving, and food began to disappear the moment it arrived. Brandy complimented him on his restaurant choice, as did Emily. Xavier was surprised to see that, despite his youngest sister’s willowy figure, she could tuck in with the best of them. When he looked to Brandy in inquiry, the elder woman’s expression said merely that she would have to speak to him about Emily later.

Xavier forced himself to drop it and enjoy himself. Helena grew less and less pale throughout the meal, restoring his faith in her well-being. By the time they dropped his sisters off at their hotel and headed for home, he had forgotten how dejected he’d felt that morning.

When they returned home, Helena collapsed on the couch, closing her eyes as Xavier tossed his briefcase onto the coffee table. They were scheduled to meet up with Brandy and Emily again the following evening for dinner, and he’d taken off the next day as well to show them around town.

He was sure that when he told her, Margaret would blow a mini-gasket, but Xavier hardly cared. This was about family. He would do anything for his sisters – and anything for Helena.

Sinking down onto the couch next to her, he wrapped his arms around the dark-skinned woman, pulling her close. Without a word, Helena buried her face in his chest, clinging to him almost frantically. Xavier was slightly surprised, as she would usually stave him off in favor of studying until they got ready to go to bed, but he certainly wasn’t complaining.

It was very seldom that Helena showed him her softer side – so seldom, in fact, that sometimes he forgot how delicate she could be when she was stretched thin. “You alright, hon?”

Her dark, curly head nodded into his chest wordlessly and Xavier kissed its peak, cradling her against him. “Do you need some ibuprofen? Meds? I can go get something for you.”

This time the head shook, almost frantically. “I’m fine.” Helena’s voice finally came, muffled, against his shirt. “Just…stay with me. Please.”

As if he could deny her that. Xavier felt the warmth of her breath falling against his neck, the press of her fingers into his shoulders, and relished her mere presence. He knew she wasn’t perfect. Hell, he himself was far from it. But, they accepted one another – as difficult as that sometimes was. Xavier knew he could be a nightmare in the weeks leading up to a new location opening, and Helena could literally drive him insane in the few nights before she took and exam.

But it was all worth it. For this.

She was the woman he loved – the woman he
needed
. And he’d be damned if he’d let anything tear them apart.

When they made love that night, there was a desperate kind of urgency in their ministrations. In all the years since Xavier had taught Helena how to enjoy sex – how to
master
it – she’d never been as wild as she was that night. Her passion – the heat of her mouth and the vigor of her body drove away any memory of how pale she’d been that day – and left only echoing, mind-numbing bliss.

When he finally fell asleep, it was with a smile on his lips. He had no way of knowing what difficulties the next day would bring, but if there was one thing he
did know:
It was that he could face anything as long as he had Helena beside him.

**

How the hell was she supposed to handle this?

Sitting at her desk in Dr. Forge’s office a week after her mentor’s fatal proclamation, Helena found herself with a spare moment. One she couldn’t fill with work, studying, or small talk with Miranda. Which meant she had to turn inwards and address her own thoughts for the first time in a long time – and she didn’t like the process very much.

She was pregnant. Pregnant with Xavier’s child. If the baby had been some accident – a result of a careless one night stand or interaction with an ex-boyfriend, there would be no question as to what she would do. Helena couldn’t afford to have a child right now. She had to finish medical school and live up to the legacy her father had left her. She had to make something of herself – to support the man she loved by being the very best that she could be.

Xavier deserved someone just as successful as himself, and that was certainly Helena’s aim. While she didn’t think she’d ever be able to make quite as much money, it wasn’t really about the money. It was about them being on equal terms – both successful in their chosen fields.

A child would ruin all of that.

Funnily enough, the battle waging inside Helena wasn’t because she didn’t want the child, per se. That wasn’t it. There was a part of her that would love to hold a warm, soft bundle of she and Xavier’s making. To watch it learn and grow – to see it interact with her lover and to feel its heart beating against her own.

But there was another, darker part of her that was very afraid. What kind of mother would she make? She could hardly keep herself together, let alone a child.

Taking a deep breath, Helena closed her eyes as she tried to blot out painful memories from her childhood. She, of all people, should know what it was like to have a mother that didn’t want you. She would never want to bring her child into anything remotely like what she had faced. Helena’s greatest and most prevalent fear was that she would end up like the woman who had raised her.

Which was why she couldn’t be a mother.

Ever
.

The realization made tears rise to her eyes. She had just agreed to buy a house with Xavier knowing that he would want to fill it with children and hoping that one day she’d be able to come to terms with that ambition. Instead, she simply found herself falling short.

As always.

Reaching out absently, she fingered the prescription bottle Doctor Forge had provided her with. The medicine helped her morning sickness immensely, but the ultimate solution would be to get rid of the problem.

Even to Helena’s own consciousness, the solution sounded cruel and abrupt. Getting rid of her baby – of their baby.

But what other option did she really have? She was having enough trouble as it was keeping up appearances with Xavier as it was. She’d rather do it before he figured anything out and avoid his inevitable disappointment; even if she wouldn’t be able to escape her own self-loathing.

But, as she hadn’t been able to come to a solid decision yet, she was forced to grin and wear a façade of domestic bliss around her lover and his family. Under any other circumstances, Helena would be absolutely thrilled to see Brandy. Emily, Xavier’s youngest sister, was equally as darling, and almost reminded the young woman of herself at the same age.