A Heart's War (The Broken Men Chronicles Book 5) (8 page)

A week went by, an excruciating one at that, where instructions were given and followed methodically.  Morgan followed my lead, but pretty much kept her distance.  We rarely spoke when we were in the same room together unless it was about the work being done on her house.  At first, I thought it was a good thing.  But as the days flew by, I missed the times where one of us would make a crack about something which would make the other laugh.  I missed her easy-going nature.

To be honest, if Morgan wasn’t working on the house, she was always outside in her gardens, tending to her flowers.  Today was one of those days.  I sat on the back patio eating my lunch while watching her go back and forth between her gardens, to her greenhouses, then her barn with freshly cut blooms.  It was no wonder she always smelled of flowers.

As if she sensed my watching her, she turned and her gaze met mine.

“You need something?”  The peacefulness of the countryside was interrupted by swinging hammers, drills, and compressors as the crew still worked on the outside components of Morgan’s house.  I also had a few men working in her kitchen.  They were working on the drywall today.

“The guys will be done with the drywall in the kitchen today.  I wanted to show you what I’ve done with your cabinets, if you’re not too busy.”  I shoved the last bite of my sandwich into my mouth.

She tried to keep the look of excitement off of her features, but I caught it.  “When?”

“Well, I’m done my lunch, so any time.  You should probably eat something first, though.”

“Fine.”  The woman sauntered past me, heading for the house, a bit more of a bounce to her step, which had me smiling.  It was the first time I’d gotten a glimpse of happiness of some sort from her since our talk on Monday.

I was busy thoroughly inspecting the finish on the final cabinet when I heard Morgan’s gasp.

“Those are my cabinets?”  She stopped to stand beside me, laying a hand on the freshly stained and lacquered wooden box.

“M-hmm.”  I was rather pleased at how they’d turned out.  Even the one cabinet whose doors had been ripped off looked as good as new.

“Theo, they’re beautiful.”  Morgan’s hand touched my arm and it all came back to me.  The heat.  The want.  The unseen force that kept pulling me toward her.  The one I hadn’t felt this week, maybe because, until then, I hadn’t realized that we hadn’t touched each other all week.

Stumbling over my words, I rambled.  “I think they turned out all right.  Are you sure you like them this color?  I can always-”

“Theo, stop!”  My gaze finally met hers.  “They’re exactly what I wanted.  Thank you for doing this.”

Seeing the brightness of her smile had my mouth going dry, so I just nodded.

“Are the doors done?”

“Yeah, they’re over here.”  In order to show her, I had to move away from her, which meant her hand no longer touched me.  The instant I did so, I felt the loss of warmth.  But it would be worth it when she saw what came next.

“Oh my God!  What did you do?” Morgan exclaimed.

I stood back as she inspected the doors.  They’d been simple cabinet doors once.  Yesterday, after hearing her talk with Alissa about their current project, seeing the love she had for her business, the love that had been passed down from her grandmother, I had made a slight change to her original plans.

Each door was plain with their mitered edges, but now, in the center of each, I’d taken a stencil I’d drawn up with a fancy filigree vine, and with the help of a handheld router and chisel as well as a wood burning tool, I’d added the template to each surface.  It was delicate, but also made the cabinets one of a kind.  I’d only done it for the uppers.

“You did this?”  Morgan turned to me, her eyes filled with unshed tears.

I moved to stand beside her, brushing my hand over part of the detailing.  To be honest, they’d turned out a hell of a lot better than I expected.  “Yeah.”

“When did you have time?”

I didn’t want to tell her that since we’d agreed on our new working arrangement, I hadn’t had much luck with sleeping, so I’d taken up the habit of coming back to her place and working until the early hours of the morning, only going home to clean up, take a quick nap and head back to work.  I shrugged.  “I guess with the extra help around here…”

Morgan’s hand covered mine, and she moved closer.  I avoided her gaze, keeping mine set on the dainty pattern my hand was still covering.

“Theo?”  Her voice shook

“Hmm?”

“Theo…look at me.”  I shook my head in response.  “Why won’t you look at me?”  I bit my lip.  There were too many reasons why.  “Then tell me, why would you do this?”

“Because I knew you’d love it.”  I shrugged, whispering the next.  “I wanted to give you something beautiful for all the ugliness I’ve caused.”  I finally met her gaze, head on.

And then it happened again.

Leaning onto her toes, Morgan moved her hands so they ran up to stop over my chest.  The magnetic pull between us was stronger than ever, but I forced my arms to stay at my sides.  I didn’t know what would happen if I touched her.  One of her hands reached behind my neck and pulled me down.  I told myself I wouldn’t let things get this far again.  But would another taste be so wrong?  By the time that thought occurred, however, Morgan’s lips were pressed softly against mine in a series of sweet kisses.  And when her tongue traced the seam of my lips, I was so lost in savoring our connection that I opened for her for a more thorough taste.

All too soon, Morgan pulled away, leaving my brain a jumbled mess. My hand cupped her cheek, fingers feeling the soft edges of her features before I finally stepped back.  “You’re welcome, Morg.”  With that, I walked out of the garage, leaving her to her thoughts and emotions.

This weekend, Ben rallied us all together to help him out with a fencing project.  It was clear as day that he was lost when it came to Hannah.  You know that dream most women will have of the white picket fence?  Well, we were building it.  I just didn’t expect an entire flock of women to show up, but then again, why wouldn’t they when their men were hard at work.

What shocked me most was that Morgan showed up with Alissa.

After yesterday’s cabinet revelation and the ensuing kiss, Morgan and I hadn’t said another word to one another.  I’d caught her eyeing me from time to time, but if I’m being honest, I was just as guilty of doing the same thing.  The woman I should avoid at all cost, but couldn’t, took hold of my every waking thought.  She also haunted my dreams in the most delicious, yet tortuous of sensual ways too.

I had gone to the backyard to rinse myself off with the hose when I felt her presence.  Then the gentle pressure of her hands on my bare back had me freezing.  “You shouldn’t.”  I was losing ground here, and fast, as Morgan’s lips met the skin between my shoulder blades.

“Theo-”

I stepped away, turning to face her.  Her hair was up high in a messy pony tail, but instead of her shorts and tank top, today she wore a simple yellow sundress.  She looked innocent, and in that moment, I wanted to be the one to sully that angel-like image of hers.

“I should get back,” I said after a lengthy moment of staring at one another.  “The guys are bound to start asking questions.”

“Yeah.”  Morgan’s smile was forced.

“See you on Monday?”

“Yeah…Monday” is what I heard as I rushed for the front yard.

Well, Monday arrived, and with some help, I got Morgan’s kitchen cabinets installed.  But then the day went to shit and nothing worked according to plan.

Working in close proximity with Morgan all day was wearing thin on me after our brief interactions of last Friday and Saturday.  Combine my sexual and emotional frustration with my lack of sleep, and there’s a recipe for disaster.

Sure, Morgan was learning how to do the basics of renovations like drywall, plastering, and then some, but every little instruction on my part had been short and sweet in an effort to get her further away from me before I did something epically stupid.  Like pinning-her-to-the-wall-and-having-my-way-with-her stupid.  Suffice to say, the air grew thick with sexual tension, bordering on hostile, and things finally came to blows between us for the second time in under a week.

“Get out of here and let me do my work, will you!  I know you have other things to do,” I snapped.  “Go pick the damn paint colors and your kitchen backsplash or something…just get out.”

Despite my snippy comments throughout the day, Morgan didn’t balk at my attitude.  Until now.  “Why?  You’re the one who asked me if I wanted to know how to do framing and install drywall,” she spat as she turned toward me with a two-by-four. “Can’t stand the sight of the poor little bereaved sister whose brother you killed?”

My jaw dropped.  I wanted to shout that I hadn’t killed him, but I didn’t.  The fact of the matter was that she was right.  She had a right to be mad, to say those things.  I deserved it, especially with the way I was behaving.  But it didn’t mean I had to take it.

“Get the fuck out of here, Morgan!” I growled and took the wood from her as she turned and bent over to grab another piece.

“No!” she yelled back as she twirled, but I missed the fact that she was ahead of me with another two-by-four.  As she swung, time slowed and I saw the wood flying toward me with no time to react. By the time I tried to dodge, it was making hard contact with the back of my head.

Next thing I knew I was on the floor.  “Fuck!” I tried to focus my vision through the dark spots that clouded it.

The board clattered to the floor right before Morgan came to kneel down beside me.  “Shit, Theo!  Are you okay?”

“What do you think?”  I tried to sit up.

“Stay still.”

I waved my hand in dismissal to keep her away from me.  “I’ll be fine.”

“No.”  She flattened her palm on my chest, forcing me to stay where I was.  “You might be concussed.”

“Takes a harder hit than that to keep me down.” I lifted my hand to rub the back of it. 
Son of a bitch that hurt! 
It came away with a bit of blood on my fingertips.

“Shit!”  Morgan got up and ran to the bathroom.  By the time she made her way back to me, I had gotten up to my feet only for the room to start spinning.  “I told you to stay still, damn it!”

I grabbed onto her forearm to steady myself and walked slowly toward the bed.  “I’ll be fine, really.” I sat down.

I heard her almost imperceptible mumbling of “Men!” to the ceiling before she sighed, looked down and said, “Just let me clean you up.”

Standing between my legs, she cupped the back of my head with the wet cloth.  The cool sensation eased some of the pain away, and my eyes fluttered closed with the relief.

When I opened them again, Morgan had tears in her eyes, and I could tell that by the way she bit her bottom lip she was trying damn hard not to break down by focusing her attention on taking care of me.

“Morg?”

“I didn’t mean any of what I said,” she whispered as the first of her tears spilled. “I just… I don’t know.”  She let out a loud breath.

“It’s true,” I said dryly.  “That’s why you said it.  I don’t blame you for saying it, either.”

“It’s not and you know it.  I was mad. I had no right to say those things.”

“You had
every
right,” I corrected her. “You more than anyone else.”  I grabbed her outstretched arm and pulled it and the cloth it held away from my head, but I didn’t release her.  Instead, I pulled her so she sat down beside me.  “You want the truth?”

She snorted.  “I wouldn’t expect you to start sugar-coating things now.”

“Cut the sarcasm for now, would you?”

“Theo.”  My eyes narrowed.  “Okay, I’m sorry.”

“The truth…” I began and she nodded to urge me on, “is that even though you’re the sister of a man I swore to protect and failed,” I grumbled with the next, “you soothe me.”  Her eyes widened.  “I’m only a shell of a man. I have nothing to give.  I have hope of having what my brother and parents have some day, but I don’t think I’m destined for it, at least not yet.  There’s something about you, though.  At first, I accepted the job because of a sense of guilt and loyalty toward your brother.  You both had all of these plans for this place and my actions took that away.  It was a way to give back, to give to you what your brother no longer could.  But now…”

“Now
what
?”

“It hasn’t been that long, but other than soothing me, Morgan, you make me want to be a better man so I can have those things my family and friends have.  I don’t feel as empty when I’m around you, which is why I’m having a hell of a time keeping things platonic.”  I shook my head.  “I still don’t think we should take things further, though.” She groaned her annoyance.  I huffed and ran my hand through my hair, wincing when my fingers skimmed the goose egg lump that was forming at the back of my skull.  “I’m really screwing this up here, aren’t I?”

“You’re doing fine.  Go on.”

“You deserve so much better than what I can offer.  Your brother’s been taken from you. And now you’re faced with me, a man who doesn’t even know how to live life the way it should be lived.” I ran a finger over her cheek, the tip skimming down her cheekbone before cupping the side of her face.  “You’re young, vibrant, successful, and beautiful.  You can do better than me.  There’s nothing for me to give aside from anything physical, and you shouldn’t have to settle for that, and it’s not what I want for myself either.  I’d be cheating both of us out of something great.”

Her expression was unreadable.  “I see.”

I wiped at her tears with the pad of my thumb.  “I’ve hurt you enough for this lifetime, Morgan. I can’t bear to think I could do it again if I can’t get over my hang-ups.”

“But you are hurting me, Theo.  With everything that you’ve said just now…” I pulled my hand back from her, but she took that opportunity to move closer.  Shifting, she knelt in front of me and reached up to cup my face with her hands.  “I’ve listened to you, now you’ll give me the same courtesy and listen to me.”

“Morgan,” I groaned.  The visual of her on her knees, between my legs no less, wasn’t what I needed right now. “I don’t know how much more I can take.”

“Then give up, Theo,” she said with unmistakable stubbornness.  “Because like I’ve said before, I’m a grown-ass woman and I’m capable of making my own decisions.  I’m not asking for forever.  I’m asking for you to take a leap of faith and let me show you what kind of man you are.  Theo, see yourself through my eyes just for a little while.

“You think that you’re only a shell of a man, but what I see is someone who cares, who’s been through so much that he’s bottled the guilt, the misery and suffering, and being the only survivor, he thinks that he’s less than deserving to live.  You led a team that day and three out of four of you died.  It’s sad.  It’s horrible.  My brother was one of them, so I know what that loss feels like, Theo.  But you have a family who loves you, one who didn’t know you were alive until recently. And you have friends.  People care about you, whether you think you deserve it or not.  It’s not something you get to control.  It’s something you should cherish.

“You didn’t die that day because somehow – someone – something out there had another plan for you. Theo, you came back!  Sure, a little banged up, scarred severely inside more than out, but you have a second chance at life and you should take it.  You say you failed, and I know you believe it, or else you wouldn’t be beating yourself up this much, but I have something to say about that too.

“You never failed your parents.  You never failed your brother, your sister-in-law, or niece and nephew.  You never failed your friends, and anyone else who supported you from afar.  Theo, you didn’t fail my brother, nor did you fail your team.”  Her face drew nearer, but her eyes, determined and filled with conviction, refused to let my gaze wander from hers.  She was a fierce one.  “And you most certainly never failed me.  My brother did come home, Theo, just not the way we all envisioned.  I said goodbye, I’ve been working on my demons, but you have yet to start working on yours.  I don’t blame you for any of it,” she said, and kissed my cheek softly.  “I’ll never blame you.”  She kissed my other cheek.  “None of it is your fault, Theo.”  She kissed the side of my mouth before pulling away far enough to make sure our eyes made contact.  “Not your-”

I grabbed the back of her head and smashed my lips to hers.

Like a cat, she crawled up and over to settle on my lap, her arms grasping my shoulders.  When our tongues met, the taste of her exploded in my mouth and I groaned.  The woman was amazing!

Her chest pressed to mine, yet it still wasn’t close enough.  My arms surrounded her like vices and she took her cue from me as we both sought the closeness only we could provide each other.

By the time we pulled apart, our breathing was laboured and heat radiated off our bodies.  I leaned my forehead to hers and closed my eyes, trying to calm my erratic heartbeat.

Something in me opened up.  A wall began to crack, letting warmth in as the bricks tumbled away.  With three words, tension was further released.  Thinking about Paxton’s words from over a week ago, I knew what was right.  Finally.

“I give up.”