A Game of Shadows (28 page)

Louisa Whitfield carefully opened the door and peeked into the empty hallway.  It was just past noon, and the best time to slip out unnoticed.  The servants were in the kitchen having their midday meal, Aunt Louisa was in the nursery putting the children down for a nap, Uncle Kit was predictably out, and Genevieve was in her room doing God knows what, probably thumbing through the Bible.  Louisa tip-toed down the empty hallway and out the door, breathing a sigh of relief as she trotted down the street, melting into the midday crowd.  By the time they discovered her gone, it would be too late.  She would have accomplished what she set out to do.  The plan was two-fold, and the first part went off without incident. 

Convincing Uncle Kit to allow her to go to church to pray for forgiveness had been easy enough, although he was slightly taken aback by her desire to attend
All-Hollows-by-the-Tower church rather than the one they normally attended for Sunday services, but Louisa had her reasons.  Genevieve had been surprised as well, especially when ordered to accompany her, but she didn’t protest and did as she was told, the silly little mouse.  Louisa thanked her lucky stars that she hadn’t grown up in a convent.  The poor girl seemed to have virtually no free will.  She was so used to being told what to do that she simply complied, never questioning the order.   

Louisa had to admit that she felt sorry for the girl, but compassion would have to wait.  She had more important things to do.  She only hoped that Genevieve hadn’t figured out the real purpose of their visit to the church
, and wouldn’t feel morally obligated to report it to her aunt and uncle.  Louisa thought she’d been discreet, but Genevieve was more observant than people gave her credit for, and her knowledge of herbs and medicines certainly didn’t help in this case.  Louisa pulled on her hood and proceeded to Tom’s lodgings on foot. 

She’d never been out on her own and felt a thrill of excitement at the unexpected feeling of freedom.  She could just keep going and no one would know where she
’d gone.  But where would she go alone and pregnant, with no money of her own?  Foolish idea, really.  Louisa looked around to see if anyone noticed her, but the street was full of people going about their business.  Sleek carriages fought for space as cumbersome wagons loaded with produce and barrels of fish made their way down the narrow road.  People walked carefully on the muck-covered sidewalk careful not to slip on rotting cabbage leaves and apples, periodically glancing upward in case some overzealous maid decided to empty a chamber pot onto their head.  One could never be too careful, especially in Blackfriars.

Louisa walked past the Blackfriars Theater, quickly glancing at the handwritten notice to check what play was to be performed that week.  How she’d love to attend the theater, but Uncle Kit had kept her under lock and key for the past week, allowing her an hour a day in the garden to get some fresh air and
exercise.  Even Theo had been turned away, told by Uncle Kit that she was unwell and needed to stay abed for a few days.  Louisa had never felt so frustrated or alone.  At least her parents were still away, which was a blessing in disguise.  By the time they returned from France, everything would have blown over, giving them no reason to be displeased with her.  Everything would be resolved today.

A lovely breeze blew off the river, making Louisa’s use of a cloak more acceptable.  She didn’t want anyone to see her face or know that she had visited Tom’s lodgings.  She’d been there several times while poor Genevieve
walked along the riverbank, watching the packet boats crisscrossing the Thames back and forth, and the elaborate barges of the wealthy gliding down the sparkling waters on fine days, music drifting to the shore as they were entertained by players and mummers.  Genevieve was strangely drawn to the river, refusing to go anywhere else while she waited for Louisa.  Louisa had even offered her money for a ticket to a play, but the silly girl wouldn’t take it.  Maybe it had something to do with her mother’s body being found floating in the river, but that was just morbid. 

Louisa
’s thoughts turned to Tom and her impending visit to his rooms.  He wasn’t expecting her, but hopefully he’d be at home.  This might be her only chance to see him alone and put her plan into action.  Funny how she’d meant to teach Tom a lesson and show him what he gave up by not marrying her, but instead the joke was on her.  She’d learned a valuable lesson about playing with fire and getting burned.  Tom would get away unscathed, but her life would be forever tainted by doubt and fear. 

What would Theo do if he ever found out about her betrayal?  Aunt Lou and Uncle Kit would never
breathe a word, but what about Tom?  He would be able to hold the secret over her head for the rest of her life, and once her child was born, things would be even worse.  Thomas Gaines was many things, but stupid wasn’t one of them.  He made his dislike of Theo very clear, so what if he implied to Theo that the child wasn’t his or better yet, decided to blackmail Louisa into paying him for his silence?  Tom made sure to have the finest suits of clothes and trinkets when he came to Court, but judging by the location and state of his rooms, he was short on funds.  Having an extra income from a secret source would not only line his pockets, but bring him a perverse sense of satisfaction while Louisa’s life could be ruined forever.  He’d proudly told her how he blackmailed one of his employer’s associates, having been privy to information that could ruin the man.  No, that would never do.  She couldn’t give him that kind of power over her. 

Louisa patted her pocket before knocking on the door.  The little pouch was still there, her ticket to freedom, but did she dare use it?  Thinking
thoughts of revenge was one thing, but carrying it out something completely different.  She never intended for things to go this far, but he had been so charming and persistent at the start, sending her letters full of pretty verses and lovely promises, berating himself for the fool he’d been for not appreciating her when he had the chance.  Louisa had wanted nothing more than to heal her wounded pride, but instead she allowed him to use and humiliate her, and turn her into a willing participant in his little games.  Tom had played her so skillfully that she never even realized that she was simply being used and manipulated.  He wanted to fuck her into submission, bringing her to her knees and showing her that she was no better than a whore at heart; ashamed, but hungry for anything he could give her.

Louisa
sighed as she stood in front of the door, her trembling hand raised to the iron knocker, a last opportunity to change her mind and flee.  Her head knew the truth about Tom, but her heart still needed convincing, and that was ultimately the purpose of the visit.  Tom’s response would decide everything, sealing his fate and hers.

**

Tom opened the door himself, surprised to find Louisa on his doorstep in the middle of the afternoon, a self-satisfied smirk playing about his lips as he ushered her in.  Louisa made sure to cross to the other side of the room before he could kiss her or slide his hand between her legs, awakening the surge of desire that would no doubt land her in his bed, the purpose of her visit forgotten.  She wouldn’t let it happen.  This time she would be in control, and she would bring him to his knees.

“What are you doing here
?” he asked carefully, watching her with narrowed eyes.  Normally, she went straight to him, but this time she was keeping her distance, alerting him to the shift in power.  Tom smiled a predatory smile.  Whatever she had planned, he was ready to play.

“I had to see you, Tom.  Lord Sheridan has forbidden me to leave the house, but I slipped out and must return before I’m missed,” she said guiltily, looking at Tom from under her lashes. 

“What have you done to deserve such treatment from your uncle?  He’s normally an understanding man.”  Tom sat down, inviting Louisa to sit next to him, but she remained standing.  She needed to see his face.

“I’m with child, Tom, and it’s yours.”
  Louisa held her breath as she blurted out her news, hoping against hope that Tom would surprise her and offer words of love and comfort, but Tom just leaned back, cocking his head to the side, as if watching an amusing play.  He gave Louisa a lazy smile, studying her for a few agonizing moments before finally answering.  “Sweetheart, I greatly enjoyed our trysts, but you could have done the same with any number of men.  Your bastard is your problem.”

Louisa felt as if she had been kicked in the stomach by a horse
; the cold look in his eyes cutting her to the bone. 

“You said you loved me, Tom.”  She didn’t mean to let him see her distress, but her voice shook and her eyes filled with tears, betraying the hurt.

“All men say that to women they hope to seduce, but it’s not always true.”  He continued watching her with an expression of wry amusement as if trying to gauge what it was she really wanted from him.  “Were you hoping that I’d declare my undying love for you and offer marriage?  I’m afraid you have a bit of a problem, my little dove,” he said, smiling cruelly.  He was mocking her, his blue eyes twinkling with sarcasm as he studied her pale face.  “My, my, what will little Louisa do?”

“Actually, I don’t
have a problem,” Louisa replied haughtily.  “I’m to be married to Lord Carew.”  She held her head high, willing herself not to cry anymore.  She’d gotten the answer she came for. 

“Ah, I see Lord Sheridan didn’t waste any time.  He’s a clever man
; no wonder Buckingham is so enamored of him, in more ways than one.”  He smirked as if he knew something she didn’t.

“What do you mean by that?”

“Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.  It’s nothing to concern you, but what might be of concern is your sweet lord finding out about what you’re really like.  Does he make love to you tenderly, or does he think you are still a virgin and is looking forward to deflowering you on your wedding night?  What a surprise it will be when he realizes you’ve a full belly already.” 

Tom laughed
, his face contorted by malice.  “Oh, how I will enjoy watching you squirm, sweeting, especially when you will do anything I ask to keep your dirty, little secret.  Now, let me see, would I like to keep fucking you, or would I like you to pay me for my silence?”  He furrowed his brow as if in deep thought, then smiled viciously.  “I think I might enjoy both, now that I think of it.  We will discuss the details of our arrangement another day.  Now, I must get back to Whitehall; Lord Seton will be expecting me.  It was kind of you to call.”  Tom got up from the settee, obviously ready to show Louisa the door.

“Wait, Tom.  Will you
at least have a glass of wine with me to celebrate my upcoming marriage?” Louisa asked with a sweet smile, shocking him into silence.  “I would really like that.  You’ve made your position clear, and I will do whatever you ask.”  If Tom seemed taken aback by her change of tack, he made no comment, just shrugged his shoulders. 

“All right, but then you have to go.  I’ll get the wine.”  He turned toward the kitchen, but Louisa held up her hand. 

“Let me.  I know where you keep the wine.  I won’t be a moment.  Here, sit down.”  She gave him a winning smile before disappearing into the dingy little kitchen.  The wine was exactly where she expected it to be and she emptied the contents of her pouch into it, swirling the wine before picking up two pewter cups and bringing them back to the front room.  Tom was watching her as she poured the wine, handing him a cup.

“May you be happy in your marriage, Louisa,” Tom said
, dripping sarcasm as he raised his glass and drained it in one gulp.  He made a face as he peered into the cup.  “The wine tastes bitter.”

“Yes, it does, but what do you expect from cheap wine?  Uncle Kit keeps a good cellar,” Louisa said, putting on her cloak.  “Well, goodbye Tom. 
We won’t be seeing each other again.”

“
Oh, I’m sure our paths will cross sooner than you think,” Tom replied, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.  “Are you leaving London once you’re married?”

“Oh, I’m not going anywhere,” Louisa replied cryptically, “you are.”

“What do you mean?”  Tom stared at her as if she had gone mad.  “Is your uncle coming after me?” He seemed suddenly nervous, but Louisa gave him a warm smile.

“No, Tom.  I try to fight my own battles whenever possible
; it’s more efficient that way, not to mention more discreet.  But, I won’t let you hurt me ever again.” 

Tom was about to say something when his hands started to shake, his pupils dilat
ing in the dim light of the room.  He grabbed his stomach as if trying to hold in his guts, but the pain only increased, forcing him to double over, moaning.

“What have you done?” he croaked as his body began to convulse.

“I put ground yew seeds into the wine.  Did you know that many English graveyards have yew trees?  There’s a particularly impressive one in All-Hollows-by-the Tower cemetery.  They seem to represent death or some such nonsense.  My nurse told me that.  She was very knowledgeable about such things, but then you don’t really care about that, do you?  You don’t care about anything other than your own ambition and lust.”

Tom tried to say something
, but his eyes were bugging out of his head, his body shaking uncontrollably.  It wouldn’t be long now.  Bridget said that yew killed very quickly if properly administered.  Louisa felt a pang of guilt as she watched Tom’s agony, but there was no turning back now.  She hadn’t really wanted to use the seeds, but Tom’s cruelty had forced her hand.  All she’d really longed for was to hear that he loved her and would never forgive himself for letting her marry another man.  Instead, he had been vicious and menacing, his heart untouched by the child growing inside her womb.