A Game of Shadows (23 page)

Abbie rubbed her eyes, trying to remember what she had seen.  It seemed like years ago that she sat at Major Weland’s desk copying the map, but it had only been yesterday morning.  She closed her eyes in an effort to envision the map and began drawing, marking the places on the map where British forces were amassing.

Jim Jenkins was already putting on his hat and coat, ready to leave with the map.  Abbie didn’t know where he was taking it or if it would get there in time, but she continued to draw on
the map, details coming back to her now that she was concentrating. 

“That’s all I can remember,” she said apologetically as she handed the map back to Mr. Jenkins. 

“Don’t you worry, Abbie.  It’s priceless information, and I will get it into the hands of the Committee tonight.  You just get some rest.  You’ve earned it.” 

Mr. Jenkins tipped his hat and disappeared into the night.  Abbie tried to stand up, but her head was spinning, her legs refusing to hold her up.  Finn swept her up and carried her to her cot, gently laying her down and covering her with a blanket. 

“Go to sleep, love.  I’ll clear up and wait for Jim to return.”  He kissed her forehead, but Abbie was already asleep, unable to hold on any longer.

Finn finished tidying up the kitchen, but although he was physically exhausted, he couldn’t go to sleep.  The events of the day kept replaying in his mind, leaving him vibrating with tension, his mind on fire.  He stepped outside, sitting down on the bench and leaning back against the wall of the farmhouse.  The moon was obstructed by clouds, their fluffy shapes lit up from behind and casting an eerie light onto the world around him.   The croaking of frogs and chirping of crickets filled the night with sound, making him feel slightly less alone.  Finn wished he could go to bed and slip into oblivion like Abbie, but thoughts kept racing around and around in his head, keeping him wide awake.

Visions of Sam lying helpless and bleeding kept popping up in front of his eyes, making him ball his hands into fists with frustration.  They shouldn’t have left him, but what choice did they have?  Abbie had been on the verge of collapse after her ordeal
, and he needed to get her to safety. Dragging an injured and bleeding Sam would have taken hours, and left a trail of blood for the British to follow had they come looking for them on Staten Island.  Finn loved Sam as a brother, but Abbie was his first priority, especially in her condition.  He had made a difficult choice, and now the blame lay with him.  Where was Sam, and was he still alive?  Finn jumped to his feet, walking to the stile and leaning against it in frustration.  Was there anything he could have done differently?  Probably not, but it didn’t make the situation any easier to bear.

And then there was Abbie.  She was doing her best to keep her emotions under control, but eventually the shock would wear off
, and the events of the past forty-eight hours would come crashing over her.  She had come very close to dying today and her life might have been saved at the expense of Sam’s.  That realization was sure to wreak havoc in her mind, causing her to blame herself for something she had no control over and had no power to prevent. 

Finn looked up at the overcast sky, wishing he could see the stars.  Looking at the familiar constellations always helped
him find balance and remember that he was just a speck in a vast Universe, his existence nothing but a fleeting moment in time, part of a greater whole that made up life on Earth.   He felt a pang of sadness as he thought of his parents.  He missed them so much, especially at moments like this when he felt like a helpless child.  What he wouldn’t give to talk to his father and tell him everything that happened, wishing he would absolve him of blame and tell him he’d done the right thing. 

Finn walked back to the house and sat down again, exhaustion suddenly rolling over him and leaving him shaking with fatigue.  He had been so lucky to get Abbie back, but what if he hadn’t?  What if he had been unable to rescue her and prevent her execution?  The thought of losing her made him shake even harder, a chasm opening up somewhere inside his guts, making him feel hollow and fragile.  After all, his father had lost his young wife and newborn baby, and his mother had lost his father shortly after they were married.  Finn suddenly understood those events in a whole new way, the magnitude of his parents’ loss leaving him gutted.  How had they coped with the death of people they loved?  Both his parents had managed to move forward and rebuild their lives together, but what had they gone through before they came out on the other side of such devastating pain?  Was it possible to ever be whole again after such tragedy?

Finn forced himself to his feet and stumbled inside, crawling into bed next to Abbie, and holding her against him as if she would vanish if he didn’t hold on hard enough.  He mouthed words of a prayer, thanking God for allowing Abbie and their child to live, and begging him to spare Sam.  Finn was still praying when he fell into a dreamless sleep, his mind and body depleted physically and emotionally. 

September 1624

England

Louisa Whitfield sank into a chair in the drawing room, grateful to be alone.  She felt lightheaded and queasy, especially after she broke her fast.  Normally, she was hungry in the mornings, but lately all she wanted was something to drink.  The ale soured her stomach, and she asked the maid for a glass of milk; a request which was greeted with a look of shock.  Milk was for small children, not young ladies.  The milk and bread seemed to settle her stomach for the moment, but she still felt odd.  Louisa closed her eyes enjoying the silence.  Maybe she would go out into the garden.  It was lovely outside, the heat of August having been replaced by the crisp freshness of autumn. 

“’Isa, help me.”  Louisa’s eyes flew open as Evie ran into the room, lugging Louisa’s work basket and something white that got caught under her feet making her lose her balance.  Louisa caught Evie just as she was about to fall, taking the work basket from her hands and sitting her on the settee. 

“What are you doing, pet?  Where’s your nurse?” Louisa asked, noting the guilty look on Evie’s face.

“She’s with Robbie and I ran away,” she said proudly.  “I brought my nightdress.”  She held out the white fabric to Louisa, expecting her to take it.

“Whatever for?”

“I want flowers, ‘Isa,” the girl said, pushing the work basket toward Louisa.

“Ah, I see.  You want me to embroider some flowers on your nightdress?  What color would you like?”  Evie had been enthralled with the pattern Louisa had embroidered on her own nightdress, one of flowers and vines around the bodice and hem.  She hated sewing, but embroidery was something else entirely.  To take a plain piece of cloth and turn it into something beautiful gave her a feeling of accomplishment and pleasure, not to mention peace. 

“I want bluebells and primroses,” Evie informed her.  She’d obviously had time to think this through. 

“All right, what about vines?  Would you like those?”  Louisa tried to fight a wave of nausea as she looked at her eager cousin. 

“What’s a vine?” Evie asked, confused.  “I want some leaves.”

“There you are, you little monster,” Aunt Lou exclaimed as she burst into the room.  “Mills is looking everywhere for you.”  Evie gave her mother an imperious look that nearly made her laugh.  “I want flowers,” she announced as if that explained everything. 

“I see.  Well, if Louisa is willing to do it, then you shall have flowers
, but you are not, and I repeat, not to run away from Mills ever again.”  Evie just nodded, as if she couldn’t understand what all the fuss was about.  She’d only gone downstairs by herself, not outside.  Evie turned to Louisa, waiting for her to reply.

“I’ll do it, and I promise to make
the flowers extra pretty for my favorite cousin.”  Louisa opened the basket looking for blue thread.  Evie swung her legs back and forth as she peered into the basket, wanting to choose a color herself. 

“That one,” she exclaimed as she spotted something she liked.  Louisa pulled out the skein of thread and a needle and rose to her feet.  She’d need a little extra light to thread the needle since the eye was so small.  Louisa walked to the window, the lightheadedness returning
as soon as she stood up.  The room seemed to shift around her, everything dissolving as she slid to the floor, needle still in hand.

“Louisa.  Louisa,” her aunt called out.  “Can you hear me?”

Louisa opened her eyes to see her aunt’s anxious face above her own.  Her limbs felt strangely heavy as if they were weighed down with something, but the dizziness had passed and she felt better.  Evie was on her knees next to her, peering into Louisa’s face, her dark eyes glistening with tears.  The poor child was scared, so Louisa sat up and wrapped her arms around the little girl, needing Evie’s comfort as much as the child obviously needed hers.  Evie wrapped her arms around Louisa’s neck, her wet cheek against Louisa’s, her little body trembling.

“I’m all right.  I don’t know what happened.” 
She patted the floor, feeling for the needle she’d just dropped. She wouldn’t want Evie to hurt herself. 

“Ah, there it is,” Louisa exclaimed, picking up the needle and getting up off the floor.  She still had flowers to embroider.

“I’m going to summon Dr. Wells.  He treats some of the ladies at Court and has even seen Her Royal Highness when her own physician was ill.  Come, let’s get you to bed.”  Aunt Louisa took the needle out of Louisa’s hand and stuck it into a pin cushion before taking Louisa by the arm and maneuvering her toward the door.   

“Aunt Lou, I’m much better, really.  I don’t want to go back to bed.”  Louisa tried to protest, but it was pointless. 
Her aunt would brook no argument.  She guided her past Mills who was just coming down the stairs with Robbie, her expression one of relief that Evie had been found.

“Mills, please see to Evie.  Would you like to play in the garden
, darling?” Aunt Lou asked just as Evie was about to protest that she hadn’t gotten her flowers yet.  She nodded reluctantly, tears filling her eyes again.

“Evie, I promise to embroider the flowers as soon as I can.  You’ll have your nightdress by the end of the week,” Louisa called out as her aunt marched her
up the stairs.

**

Doctor Wells was younger and handsomer than Louisa could have imagined.  She expected some old man, smelling of leeches and potions, but the man who walked into her room was likely in his thirties, with a pleasant smile and warm gray eyes that made her feel slightly more at ease.  She was secretly glad that Aunt Lou summoned him.  She hadn’t been feeling well for about two weeks and was beginning to worry.  Her monthly flow had come on time, so at least that wasn’t a concern.

Aunt Louisa took a seat by the window, refusing to leave while the doctor examined her.  It was reassuring to have her aunt in the room.  She didn’t like being prodded by a stranger,
no matter how pleasant and handsome he happened to be.  The doctor started with her head, looking at her eyes, throat and ears, and feeling her forehead for any signs of a fever.  He seemed satisfied because he moved down to her chest.  Dr. Wells used a wooden tube to listen to her heart and lungs before palpating her stomach gently with his hands, a look of concern on his face.

“Lady Sheridan, do I have your permission to examine your niece further?” he asked, giving her aunt a meaningful look.

“Is that really necessary, Doctor?” 

“I’m afraid so.  I need to be certain.”  Aunt Louisa nodded miserably, turning away to look out the window
while the doctor continued his examination.  He pushed Louisa’s nightdress over her thighs, making sure that she was still decently covered. 

“Now, don’t be frightened, Louisa.  This might hurt a little, but it will be quick.  I promise.”  The doctor’s voice was soft and calming, helping Louisa to relax.  She didn’t like the idea of being so exposed, but he was a physician after all, and she didn’t have anything he hadn’t seen before.  She forced herself to relax, tensing a little as the doctor pushed her legs apart,
sliding his fingers inside her and feeling around.  She had no idea doctors did such things.

“Try to relax, Louisa,” the doctor said kindly as he continued his exploration.  He pressed on her stomach in several places before removing his hand and turning to her aunt.

“She’s with child, Lady Sheridan.”

“Are you sure?” her aunt choked out.  “How
far along?”

“I can’t be sure at such an early stage, but at least a
few weeks.”

“But I had my flow not two weeks ago,” protested Louisa.  “You must be mistaken, Doctor.”  It had been such a relief.  Getting with child
before the wedding had not been part of her plan.

“Some women do get their menses during the early stages of pregnancy.  I’ve seen it happen.  I have no doubt that you are expecting
, young lady.”  Louisa turned away toward the wall, unable to face the doctor or her aunt.  What would her parents say?  And Uncle Kit?  With her parents gone, he would be the one to decide on a course of action.  Louisa wiped away the tears as her aunt walked the doctor out and then returned, sitting on the side of the bed.

“I will speak to Kit
, and we will make arrangements to have you married as soon as possible.  I’m sure Theo will not object.  He’s smitten with you.  It will be all right, Louisa.  I only wish your parents were here.  This is the second time something’s happened on my watch,” she said miserably.  She took Louisa’s hand.  “Louisa, look at me.”

“I can’t,” Louisa mumbled.  Her aunt had no idea how miserable
and scared she was. 

“It will be all right.  I promise.  It’s not an ideal situation, but Theo loves you
, and no one has to know.”  Aunt Louisa stroked her hair, trying to soothe and comfort her, which made Louisa feel even worse.  Her aunt was so loving and trusting.  She had no idea how wicked she’d been, and now she was being punished for her sins.

“You don’t understand
, Aunt Lou.  It’s not as simple as you think,” Louisa sobbed, burying her face in her aunt’s shoulder.  “I don’t know if the baby is Theo’s.”

Louisa felt her aunt stiffen as she absorbed the words.  She took Louisa by the shoulders and held her away from herself, their faces only inches apart.
  All sympathy was gone from her aunt’s eyes, replaced by shock and disgust.

“Who else have you been with
, girl?”

“Thomas Gaines,” Louisa whispered as her aunt let go of her shoulders and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind her.