A Dream for Hannah (29 page)

No amount of worrying about it seemed to provide a solution, nor did her resolution to keep her feelings in check give her much comfort. By three o’clock, she had gotten the last group of riders ready and had just sent them off down the trail when a car slowed down and then stopped by the road.

She turned to look but knew who it was before she could see him. Jake Byler climbed out, waved, and while she stood there, her heart rattling, he came right toward her, his form tall and confident.

Hannah was sure he looked like Peter, only different in every other way. But after that dream the other night, she wasn’t so sure. He
seemed
so much more mature, conscientious, clean, wholesome, and even godly. Surely her dream had deceived her about him. Jake would never drive a car, let alone try to steal a kiss from her.

Please, God, help me,
she prayed silently.
I’m not a strong person like I need to be. You will have to save me.

“Hi,” Jake said as he approached her. “Are your riders about done?”

Hannah took a deep breath and thought,
So far so good.
He seemed like he always had before. Maybe she had just imagined things in her
dummkopf ways.
That was what it was she decided. She had jumped to conclusions when there really were none to jump to.

“The last ones for the day, I hope,” she said as their eyes met. His eyes looked like they always did—gentle and friendly. She relaxed. “Do you want Prince again?”

“Yes,” he said. He paused momentarily before asking softly, “Would you come riding with me today?”

She froze, unable to find her voice.

Jake looked at her with a question on his face. “You love to ride,” Jake said. “I thought we might go together.”

Hannah fumbled for the right answer. “I…I guess we could.”

“Then it suits,” he said. “Is Prince in?”

“Yes,” Hannah said, “both he and Mandy are in the barn.”

“So you were waiting for me?” he asked and grinned.

“No…Yes…I mean, I expected you to come. You often stop by on your Saturdays.”

“Well,” he said, “let’s get going, or do you have to wait for your riders to come back?”

“Someone has to,” she said. It occurred to her that if Betty were told about the ride with Jake now, this would be much easier than when she came back. Why not ask her to take care of the returning group and break the news that way?

“I’ll ask Betty,” Hannah said and turned toward the house.

Hannah entered the house and found Betty folding laundry. As casually as she could, Hannah said, “Would you mind taking care of the last group of riders when they come back?”

Betty looked questioningly at her. “You’re not going to be here?”

“Well…Jake asked me to ride with him,” she said, sure her cheeks were red.

“No,” Betty said firmly, “you can’t do that. You’re writing.”

“But it’s not like that,” Hannah assured her. “If Jake asks for anything such as bringing me home on Sunday night, I’ll say ‘no’ right away. This is just a ride. I think it would be rude not to go with him.”

Betty didn’t look convinced.

Hannah couldn’t help the flow of words from her mouth. “I can’t hurt Jake’s feelings. He’s down here by himself…away from his family. He’s not been untoward at all. He’ll think I have something against him if I don’t go.”

Betty thought for a long moment while Hannah held her breath.

“Well, I guess,” she said finally. “You have both behaved yourselves. Yes, I’ll take care of your riders, but don’t get any ideas about Jake. Okay?”

Hannah nodded and quickly went out before Betty could change her mind.

Jake had both horses ready as she approached. He gave Mandy’s reins to her and then climbed onto Prince. Hannah mounted Mandy, careful to keep her eyes away from Jake.

Together they rode in the direction of the river with Jake leading the way.

At the river they met the other riders on their way back. Hannah told them about the arrangement with Betty, to which they readily agreed.

Both had grins on their faces as if they knew more went on between the couple than what Hannah admitted to. Hannah told herself they were wrong. She wished to speak the protestation out loud, but figured that would just make matters worse.

With a press of her reins she followed Jake, who was already heading down to the river. The riders would just have to think what they wanted to. She had plans to be good girl. Of this, she was determined.

“Let’s go,” Jake yelled over his shoulder as he approached the open stretch by the river. He waited momentarily until Hannah caught up, and then he let the reins out on Prince. With only a brief backward glance, Jake rode Prince in a wide-open gallop.

Jake assumed a lot, Hannah thought as they raced along the river. How did he know she could ride this well? She had never ridden with him before, nor mentioned her ability. Yet, the fact that he felt she was that good was obvious by his actions. Her heart throbbed with the pleasure of his confidence in her.

Hannah kicked Mandy lightly in the ribs and thrills ran up and down her spine. It wasn’t just the speed she quickly achieved or the rhythm of a horse under her. She knew it was more than the wind whistling through her hair. It was Jake, bent over on his horse, his legs firm in the stirrups. He
was
a dream, after all, in so many ways. Yet Hannah knew she could never admit this—not to herself, not to God, and especially not to Jake himself. Jake was forbidden to her by forces beyond her control. There was a line between them that could never be crossed.

When Jake pulled Prince in, Hannah did the same with Mandy and came to a stop just behind him.

“Wow, that was something!” he exclaimed. “You do know how to ride.”

Hannah shrugged. “Of course, I do. We have horses in Indiana.”

“Is that where you learned to ride like that?” Jake asked.

“Yes. I’ve had a pony since I was small,” she said. Then she added, “I fell off of him shortly before I came here…broke my collarbone. Things like that help you learn.”

“How did it happen?”

“Honey, my horse, stepped into a groundhog hole,” Hannah said and almost added, “Sam was there.” But that wouldn’t do. Jake wouldn’t understand. She was to be married to Sam, the same Sam who had stood there by the fence with his mouth open and watched her. She was to be Sam’s wife someday, but now—here as she rode with Jake—her heart was beating furiously. Things were strange, indeed, in how they worked out. Hannah supposed it would all be okay once she was married. It seemed to be so for others once they said yes to the bishop’s questions. Maybe then all these silly love dreams would cease, and she could be what she was supposed to be—obedient to her parents and a good wife to Sam.

“Did it hurt the horse?” Jake had apparently asked the question already, but she hadn’t noticed.

“Oh, no,” Hannah said, her face blushing. Why did she have to be so clumsy? What if he knew what she’d been thinking?

“How did he keep from breaking his leg?” Jake asked.

Hannah willed her brain to stop its spin and tried to form words that made sense. “He…I don’t know. It happened so fast. I suppose we were going slowly enough that he had time to pull it out.”

“Still he was going fast enough to break your collarbone?”

“Yes,” she said. “He threw me against a fence post. It doesn’t take much speed when you add in the fall.”

“I’m glad you weren’t hurt worse.”

Hannah nodded her thanks.

They rode on in silence for a while, just admiring the surrounding beauty.

Finally Jake said, “I suppose we should head back now?”

Hannah nodded, and they rode back to the barn in silence.

Betty said nothing about the subject that night, and Hannah did her best to ignore Jake in church the next morning. Hannah again got the distinct feeling that ignoring him might just have made things worse, but there seemed to be little she could do about it.

Twenty-six

As July quickly faded, Hannah realized there were only a few more weeks left of her stay in Montana. Her baptism would take place on the last Sunday she was here.

She’d miss this place with its beautiful mountains, peace, brisk air, and, of course, the people she had met. At the bottom of it all, she admitted—just once and then quickly shoved the thought away—she’d be sad not to see Jake anymore.

There were two Saturdays yet when he would likely stop in for a ride. If he didn’t, that would certainly solve her problem. But deep down, in spite of the potential for pain, she hoped he would drop by again.

Turning her mind where it belonged—to Sam—she sat down on Friday night to write him a letter. She told him all the news she could think of—the riders, the horses, how beautiful the approach of fall weather was here, and of her planned trip home.

In the morning Hannah got up early to start the day, but the riders made a slow start of things. Few showed.

“It’s getting toward the end of summer, and the weather is beginning to cool,” Betty said when Hannah came back into the house at ten o’clock. “We always slow down about this time of the year.”

Hannah had little to do after lunch and was glad to see that Jake was indeed coming by today. This time he rode out alone on Prince. She watched him go, and emotions throbbed through her. Why hadn’t he invited her along? Was he mad at her? Had she offended him? Then she realized what she was thinking and spoke harshly to herself, “Stop it right now. It doesn’t matter. It’s none of my business how he’s feeling. It could just be his work or something. And I’ll be leaving soon…very soon.”

Startled to hear the kitchen door open, Hannah glanced up. It was just Betty, who waved and then went back inside. The gesture was unmistakable. Betty had just checked up on her.
She doesn’t trust me anymore. She thinks I am going riding with Jake again and am up to something.

Hannah pressed her hand against her head. To distract herself, she went into the barn and brushed Mandy down and then released her into the pasture. She didn’t want to go inside yet, and so she waited out of Betty’s sight until the sound of Prince’s hooves came back down the trail.

“It’s getting a little chilly,” Jake commented as he dismounted. “Fall comes early in this country.” He didn’t look at her.

“That’s what Betty said,” Hannah said as a feeling of desperation flowed through her. She wished he would look at her. How would she stand it if Jake was mad at her for some reason?

“Well, I should be going,” he muttered. “John has some work for me to do yet before dark.”

Hannah tried to think of what she could say and came up with nothing. Jake nodded and was gone. She watched his back retreat slowly down the lane and then down the road. It was a full ten minutes before Hannah could move again. Her face ashen, she found her way to the house.

Betty couldn’t help but notice Hannah’s composure when she came in. “Are you okay?” she asked.

Hannah nodded, apparently unconvincingly.

“Was there a problem with the horses?” Betty probed.

Hannah shook her head, “No, they’re fine.”

“What is it then? You look positively white.”

Hannah didn’t trust her voice, and so she simply flopped down on the couch. The house was silent as Betty looked at her.

“I guess it’s that Jake,” Betty finally concluded. “You haven’t agreed to see him, have you?”

Hannah shook her head.

“Did he ask?”

“No,” Hannah managed to say.

“This isn’t turning into something it shouldn’t be, is it?” Betty’s eyes bored into Hannah’s.

“I don’t think so,” Hannah ventured.

Betty raised her eyebrows. “I think your heart is straying again. That’s really what’s happening. You must stop this, Hannah. You know that, don’t you?”

Hannah nodded numbly. She
did know
it, but she was helpless to do anything about it.

“Well, I’m glad to hear you say it.” Betty’s voice reached her as if from a great distance. “Thankfully, there are only two more weeks, and then this thing will be over. I want to get you safely home to your mother.”

Hannah tried to smile, but the effort wasn’t very successful. It seemed to satisfy Betty. She patted Hannah on the head as if she were a five-year-old.

“I’ll try real hard,” Hannah said. “And I’m looking forward to getting back home. I will miss this place, though, and the people out here.”

Betty smiled now. “We will miss you too, and maybe that’s part of your problem. Leaving and going home like this. Well, you can always come back for a visit.”

“It’s pretty far,” Hannah said. “It’s expensive too.”

“That it is, but we will just have to see. Well, I must get busy. Sunday’s coming on fast.” She then headed for the kitchen and her work. Hannah soon followed her, tackling the day’s stack of dishes without being told. The splash of the water and the slush of the soap soon joined her thoughts of Jake in one mixed-up, jumbled mess.

After supper Hannah went to bed early. She could see that Betty approved of this because the whole family liked an early bedtime on a Saturday night. Hannah had tried to comply once she understood the custom. And tonight it was no sacrifice. She was ready for sleep.