A Dom Is Forever (14 page)

Why wasn’t she running? She should be running, right? She wasn’t in his league. He was so much more attractive than she was. He was into crazy sex stuff and she was absolutely inexperienced. She was overweight. How was she going to get naked with him?

How was she going to hide the fact that she’d never been particularly sexy? She had no idea what to do.

Open the door. She should open the door. It really was the first step. The problem was the second step. The second step might take her off the ledge, and who knew how far she had to fall. A long way. The question was could she survive that moment when she hit the concrete at a hundred miles an hour? Did she really know what she was doing?

Did she really know what she wanted?

“I could open the door for you if it’s really that hard.” Lee’s deep voice brought her out of her thoughts, her fears.

She winced. How long had she been standing there? “Sorry.” She tried to concentrate on getting the door open.

Before she could turn the key, he pulled her around, pressing her back to the door. He invaded her space, taking up all the air and leaving her lungs in a hazy, breathless state.

His chest bumped against hers. “You are easily distracted. I need to give you something to focus on.”

He leaned over and brushed his lips against hers, his tongue coming out and lazily tracing her bottom lip. He swiped his tongue across her lips and then she felt his hand fisting in her hair, pulling her back as he surged into her mouth. What was he doing to her? She felt that kiss deep inside. It skimmed along her lips, lighting up her skin and finding its way to her breasts, her nipples peaking, moving lower.

What did she want? Oh, she wanted this.

She dropped the keys as her hands drifted to touch his chest. Even through the cotton of his shirt, she could feel how muscular he was. Every inch of him was hard and perfectly cut. He towered over her, making her feel small and delicate. She let her arms wind around him, pressing up to plaster herself against him.

He held her head, dominating her mouth while his left hand made its way to her backside, cupping her cheek and pulling her closer even as he pushed her against the door. She was trapped, and it felt so good. Out of control. She’d been out of control before, but that had been a terrible thing. This was a roller coaster ride, and she wanted to know where it led.

Lee pulled away, his gorgeous face flushed and hard. “Let’s go inside. I’ll handle the whole key thing.”

He knelt down and grabbed the key, opening the door in one swift move.

And she was right back to nervous as she followed him in. She wasn’t good at sex. The only experience she’d had had been with Brandon, and they had gotten pregnant their first time together. She’d been married a month later, and the pregnancy had been hard. They had lived with his parents for a while. It had been weird to try to have a sex life while she felt sick and tired and his parents were in the next room. By the time she felt good enough again, they had a baby and then everything had gone to hell.

She was practically a virgin, and he was a man who went to sex clubs.

What was she thinking?

She followed him inside and locked the door behind her. She was alone with him. Maybe if she just got through this first time, it would be okay. The kissing part was nice, but she knew the actual sex would be something she just endured. It was okay because she really liked the kissing and the holding afterward.

Her hand found the light switch, illuminating her small flat. There was only one bedroom, and Lee was standing next to it.

“Come here.” His voice was velvety smooth, making her heart race. He’d taken off his jacket, tossing it over the small leather sofa.

She hadn’t had many visitors. Thomas never came to her place. No one at the office seemed to want to be more than casual friends besides Simon. She hadn’t had girl friends over. It felt odd to not be alone.

“Are you changing your mind?” Lee asked. His face was a polite blank, all emotion gone. He stood there, his shoulders set and she just knew that if she turned him down, she wouldn’t see him again. Not because he would walk out but because she would never have the courage to try again.

“No.” She wanted him. She just didn’t want for him to know how scarred her body was or how much cellulite she had. She didn’t want him to realize she wasn’t really capable of having one of those crazy screaming orgasms that women in movies seemed to have. She wasn’t that girl, but if she kept the light off and made the right sounds, maybe he would think she was fully functional.

She was only going to be in London for a short time longer. This wasn’t forever, but she wanted him for however long they had. He’d been so open and honest. That was what she needed in a man. She hadn’t told him everything. She’d left out parts of her tragedy because she wanted him to see her as a strong woman he could partner with. If he knew about Madison, he would just see her as an object of pity. A childless mother.

What if he saw her C-section scar? Maybe she was changing her mind.

“Come on.” He held out his hand.

She knew she should run, but she just kept moving toward him, her hand floating up as though there was some invisible tether pulling her along and binding her to him.

A slow, sexy smile crossed his face. “You look like you’re going back to the Tower to stay as a resident.”

Yes. She could believe that because this whole episode could put her right back in the prison of her solitude. Now that she was here with him, she realized just how lonely she’d been. There had been no one to hold her hand, to protect her body with his. Her father had been wonderful, but he’d died. Her husband had been just a child really with no chance to become a loving man.

Lee was the first time someone had shielded her. It was the little things that drew her in. He made sure he was the one who walked next to the street. He made sure she found a seat on the Tube and then loomed over her like a bodyguard.

Lee was the first time she’d felt safe in years.

This had to work.

She let him pull her close, reveling in the feel of his body against hers. Safe was only one of the things he made her feel. Her body came alive the minute he touched her. “Kiss me again.”

His face went slightly hard, and his voice was a low growl. “Ask me nicely.”

Was this part of the games he liked to play? “Please kiss me.”

“Let’s start with the rules. You’ll call me ‘Sir’ when we’re playing.”

She could do that. It was actually a little sexy. “Sir, will you please kiss me?”

“With pleasure, sweetheart.” His voice went silky smooth when he was happy. He lowered his lips to hers and took over.

She loved this part. She’d been kissed before, certainly, but never like this. This was a long slow devouring of her mouth. Lee didn’t just peck and poke and then move on. He settled in like he could kiss her for hours, days, like he never wanted to stop. Over and over again his mouth took hers, their tongues moving in a fluid dance, and it was so easy to forget everything except him.

He came up for air, those green eyes practically glowing in the dim light. “Do you want another drink? Do you have anything in the kitchen?”

Nope. She wasn’t ready for company. “I have some bottled water.”

“Tomorrow we’ll get some beer and some Scotch. I like a Scotch before dinner. We’ll have to figure out what you like.” His hands never stopped moving. He was always stroking her somewhere as if he simply couldn’t stop himself. “So why don’t we sit down and talk about how this is going to go?”

She couldn’t stand another minute of talking. Why couldn’t he just attack her and be done with it? That cold feeling in the pit of her stomach was back. She would feel better once this whole thing was done and she knew she could please him. Sex wasn’t so hard. She just had to show him she wanted him and let him have her. That was easy. Then she would feel better.

Unless he took one look at her so not-perfect body and ran for Scotland. Lights out. That shouldn’t be a problem.

“I don’t want to wait.” Boldness was required. She went on her toes and kissed him again.

He stood there for a moment, but then his hands found her backside and he hauled her up. “Fuck, I shouldn’t let you do this to me. There’s a way to handle this, but if you can’t wait then neither can I.”

His fingers gripped her cheeks, pulling her up so her pelvis rested against his. She could feel the hard line of his erection. He did want her. He rubbed that thick part against her. Big. He was really big, way bigger than Brandon had been. She whimpered a little.

“Hush,” he said, his voice like gravel. “You can take me. You were built to take me.”

She wasn’t so sure about that. He was a Mack Truck, and she was kind of worried that her girl parts were more in line with a Prius, but it didn’t matter. She didn’t give a damn about the penetration part. That was the part she had to get through to get to the good part, the part where he was happy and held her all night long.

“I’ll make sure you’re ready. Just follow my lead.” The words skimmed across her skin. So tempting. She could just follow him and everything would be all right.

He opened the door and led her inside her tiny bedroom. The bed dominated the room leaving only a little space for a wardrobe and a nightstand. She might be the only person in the world who came to London and thought the living space was bigger than she’d been used to, but hospital rooms would do that to a girl.

“Where’s the light, baby?” Lee asked.

She didn’t answer him. She really didn’t want that light on. The ambient light that filtered in through the window shades from the busy street below was bad enough. She couldn’t put her body on display. It wasn’t pretty. She let her hands do what she’d wanted all along. She touched him. His chest, his arms. Steel covered in soft, warm flesh. She pulled at the bottom of his T-shirt.

“Damn it, Avery. I’m trying to play this first time your way, but you should understand that after this, I’m in charge.” He pulled the shirt free and tossed it to the side.

She still wasn’t completely sure what he meant. Panic was threatening to take her over. Her mind wouldn’t stop racing. Even when he kissed her this time, she couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that she wasn’t wearing anything pretty under her clothes. She was wearing spandex underwear and a minimizer bra. He had to be used to women who wore lingerie. She wasn’t that girl. When Adam had tried to get her to buy something frilly, she’d laughed and refused because she had looked ridiculous in it. She had looked like a fool.

God, she was sick of looking like a fool.

Poor sick Avery. Poor girl, the universe must be against her. It would have been better off if she’d died with them. What kind of life can she have now?

She’d heard the whispers. They were imprinted on her brain.

Lee’s hands were on her sweater, pulling it off. Would he think her breasts were okay? They were already sagging a little. Her nipples were too big. They weren’t small and tight and perky.

Concentrate, Avery. This is going to be fine. You’ll get through this. You can do this.

She shook a little when he unclasped her bra. Her breasts bounced free. Yes. Definitely saggy. God, she was only twenty-eight. Shouldn’t they still be really firm?

But they had nursed a baby. Her baby.

Lee’s hands played at her breasts, tweaking the nipples while he kissed her neck.

She winced a little. He was rough.

Lee pulled back. “Did I hurt you?”

“No.” It hadn’t been bad. She tried to get close to him again, but he moved away.

“That shouldn’t hurt, Avery.”

“It didn’t.”

“Yes, it did.”

She sighed, thinking about grabbing her sweater again. She hated being exposed. “It wasn’t bad. Just be a little gentler.”

He stared at her. “This is about as gentle as I get. I’ll get a whole lot rougher, Avery. I wasn’t worried that I’d done something wrong. That was a little minor stimulation that should have been pleasant. Your nipples are sexual zones. But you have to be in a certain mood. You’re not in that mood, are you, Avery?”

It felt like an accusation. “I’m fine.”

“Then take off the rest of your clothes and let me feel your pussy. I can tell in two seconds flat if you’re ready for sex or not.”

She reached for the sweater now, hauling it up to cover her breasts. “Why are you being like this?”

He stood up, reminding her just how big he was. He was a tiger in a small cage, predatory and restless. “You want me to throw you down on the bed and get this over with, don’t you?”

“Would that be so bad? I’m not pushing you away. I’m offering you sex.”

“No, you’re offering me a quickie. I don’t particularly like quickies. And worse than that, you’re offering me a quickie where I take from you and give nothing back. I’m beginning to suspect you don’t think very highly of me. First you decided I was a hustler trying to play you for cash, and now I’m a man who just fucks and doesn’t care about his partner’s pleasure.”

The room had gone icy cold, and it was all coming from Lee. He seemed to have grown an inch or two, and if he’d opened his mouth and suddenly had fangs, it wouldn’t have shocked her. He was a predator, and she was a fluffy little bunny who might make a nice snack.

“I understand. I won’t bother you again.” She needed to get him out of here. It had all been an enormous mistake. She wasn’t ready for any of this. She wasn’t a sexy woman. She’d had her shot at a relationship and it had died in that car, the light of her life snuffing out with Brandon’s and Madison’s.

Maybe the nurses had been right. Maybe it would have been better to die.

Lee huffed a little. “You aren’t the woman I thought you were.”

Yeah, she got that a lot. “You should go.”

“Not until I’ve had my say.” He reached for his shirt. “You’re lying down. If that’s because I’m not the one you want, then that’s perfectly fine, but you should have the courtesy to me and to yourself to say it.”

“It’s not that.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. You’re giving up. You’re letting fear rule you. That’s not a way to live. It’s a way to exist until the inevitable happens. Is that how you live your life, Avery Charles? You just want to float through until you die, never taking a chance because it might not work out?”