A Cry For Hope (17 page)

I reluctantly threw the last of my things in my bag and waited for Nick to arrive. The rest of my family had already headed up to the lake house, but I had a late afternoon photo shoot on the beach with the most adorable brother and sister. The little girl was four and her brother was nine, the same age that Charlie would have been. Nick had offered to wait for me to get done so we could drive up together. Deep down inside, I was hoping that the photo shoot would make the perfect excuse for me not to go, but I was outnumbered. I was feeling more down than ever. It had been three-and-a-half weeks since I had left Jamie sitting all alone on that bench by the pond, and I hadn’t heard a word from him since.  I threw my bag over my shoulder when I heard Nick knocking on the front door.  “Hey, you!” I said, stepping outside and locking the door behind me. Nick took my bag and placed it in his trunk.

“Are you ready for this long ass drive?” he asked as we buckled our seat belts.

I sighed heavily. “Well, no, but I wasn’t given much of a choice.”

He smiled that double-dimpled smile that I hadn’t seen from him in a while. “Come on, Hope. It will be fun! If I have to go, you have to go.”

“Fine,” I retreated, throwing my head back on the seat. “How long are we talking?” I asked.

Nick looked straight ahead and raised his eyebrows like he was deep in thought. “I’d say about four hours, and that’s if we don’t hit any traffic.”

“Ugh! Shoot me now!”

“Relax. It will be fun!” I rolled my eyes as we pulled out of the driveway and started on our journey.

“Mommy, let’s dig for sand crabs.” Charlie looked up at me with his bright blue eyes and then, all of a sudden, he was a baby once again. I kissed his sweet soft lips, inhaling his sweet baby breath, before placing him in his crib. “Mommy, help me! I can’t breathe!”

“No, Charlie! Where are you?! Mommy’s here!”

“Charlie, no….Mommy is here! I’m coming!”

“Hope,” I slowly opened my eyes to Nick’s gentle nudge on the arm. I looked around to try and get my surroundings. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I must have been dreaming.” I rubbed my eyes, feeling the moisture from my tears. Nick looked at me sympathetically. “Are we there?” I asked.

“No, still about an hour-and-a-half away.”

My stomach began to growl loudly. “Hungry?” Nick laughed.

“A little.”

He pulled over and began to punch something into his GPS. I looked out the window. The sun was just beginning to set and all I saw were trees. “Well, it says that Manny’s Restaurant is two miles up the road.”

“Where the heck are we?” I asked.

“In the boondocks!”  he said, pulling back out onto the road.

“I’m sorry for falling asleep. You should have woken me up.”

“Why? You were tired. What were you dreaming of?” he asked, tentatively.

I looked out the window, remembering my dream. It was so real that I could actually taste Charlie’s lips on my mine and feel his soft baby skin.  “My son,” I whispered.

Nick briefly took his eyes off the road and gave me a sympathetic gaze. I took a deep breath and pulled it together as we pulled into the parking lot of Manny’s Restaurant, a huge log cabin in the middle of nowhere. “Hmm…this place looks interesting,” I joked.

Nick laughed. “Welcome to the sticks.” He held the door open as we walked inside. I felt like all eyes were on us, as what must have been the “locals” checked us out. Country music was blaring from the jukebox.  We were greeted by an older blonde woman who looked like she had been “ridden hard and put away wet”, as Jamie would have put it. “Hey there!” she said in a very gruff tone, checking Nick out from head to toe.

“Hey,” Nick responded. She grabbed two menus as we walked through the bar to take a seat on the other side of the small dance floor.

“Kayla will be right over to take your order,” she said, giving Nick an extra smile.

“Grandma’s got a crush on you!” I teased. I looked around at the rustic setting, feeling much like I was in a time warp from the 1970’s.  We had taken the last empty table so I was hoping that meant that the food was good.

A young bubbly waitress approached our table, causing me to look up from my menu. “Hey, I'm Kayla!” I noticed her eyeing Nick and tried my best to stifle my laughter.

“You are just a chick magnet, aren't you?” I said after we placed our orders and she had walked away. He shrugged his shoulders, looking a little embarrassed. “Aw, are you’re blushing, Abate?” I teased. “Don't be embarrassed. You always were a cutie pie.”

He shook his head and smiled. “So, have you talked to Angie?” I asked, suddenly becoming more serious.

“She sent me an email telling me that she was sorry for hanging up on me that night, but she's still hurt and just needs time to think.”

“Well -.” I paused for a moment when the waitress brought us our drinks. “That's a good thing, right?” I continued as she walked away.

“I don't know. You know, I still love her so much, but part of me thinks she deserves better.”

I took a sip of my ice tea and placed it down. “Nick, why do you think she deserves better? You are the best there is.”

He shook his head and smiled. “You would say that because you're my friend. Trust me, Hope. I am severely fucked up.”

“Well, I'm going to give you the same advice that my therapist gave me. Sometimes you have to fix yourself before you can think of fixing anything else and, in the end, if she's still there, you know that it was meant to be.”

“How can I fix seeing that horrible day over and over in my mind? I don't sleep at night because it haunts my dreams. I was joking around with him one minute and two seconds later, he was blown to bits.” He bowed his head and looked down at the table.

I knew exactly how he was feeling, only it was Charlie's adorable face that I saw when I closed my eyes at night.  I reached over and took his hands in mine. “Nick, it wasn't your fault. You didn't cause it to happen to him. You just happened to be there to witness this tragic accident. I know that it will be in your memory forever, but don't punish yourself over it. You deserve happiness.” I found it so ironic that I wasn’t able to follow my own advice.  

We finished eating and were waiting for the check when I looked around at the couples starting to make their way out on the dance floor. “I think we better get out of here before the square dancing starts,” I joked.

Nick began to laugh, a genuine laugh that was so uncommon from him lately. “Do you remember sixth grade gym class and square dancing?”

“Um, yes!  How on earth could I forget? My partner was the worst!” I winked.

“Sorry, that just wasn't my thing.”

“Up, up, up!” The waitress said as she walked over to the table and took both mine and Nick’s arm, pulling us up from our seats. “Manny wants all couples out on the dance floor for the weekend kick off dance.”

“What the heck?”  I said to Nick as we both began to laugh.

“I think we’ve entered the Twilight Zone,” Nick joked. We walked out on the dance floor just as
You Needed Me
by Anne Murray began to play from the jukebox.

“Anne Murray?” I said.

“Well, at least you know who it is,” Nick laughed.

“Only because I grew up with a mother who was stuck in the seventies when it came to music. Uh oh, blondie is giving me dirty looks,” I joked. Nick looked over at the hostess, who was not trying to conceal that she was checking him out.

“Good, pretend you’re my girlfriend and maybe she’ll stop freaking me out with her staring.”

“Or maybe she’ll kick my ass!”

We both began to laugh as he pulled me closer. I placed my head on his chest. The sound of his heart beating put me at ease. We swayed back and forth and I listened closely to the lyrics of the song. I smiled, thinking how fitting it was of our relationship. I felt my pain begin to fade away and began to wonder if it was fate that we had stopped at this backwoods restaurant. Whatever it was, it was creating a simple little distraction to help us temporarily forget about reality.  I closed my eyes, and unlike our last dance that we shared, I wasn’t imagining that I was dancing with Jamie. I didn't want to imagine myself anywhere else, or in any other time of my life. Nick made me feel...happy again.

We pulled into the long and winding driveway, and my jaw dropped when I saw the beautiful house. It was completely lit up, almost like a lighthouse leading us on our way. “Wow….this house is beautiful!”

Nick laughed at my enthusiasm. “You haven’t even been inside yet.” He grabbed both of our bags out of the trunk and we walked up to the huge, covered front porch.

“There they are!” my mom exclaimed, looking a little relieved as we walked in the door.

“Sorry if you were trying to call me. My phone isn’t getting reception out here,” I said.

“That’s okay. As long as you’re here now, I’m fine,” she said.

Patty gave me a huge hug and kiss, and wasted no time handing me a glass of wine. “Hey, where’s Alexa?” I asked, looking around.

She shook her head and waved her hand in the air in disgust. “My mom and dad came down to stay with her. She was having a fit about coming.”

I giggled. “Well, she’s fifteen. It’s not cool to hang with your parents, don’t you know that?” I could tell that she was upset over it. “Well, just think, it gives you and Bobby some time alone together.”

“Nick, why don’t you show Hope around. You can take her bag to the blue room.”

Nick waved his hand for me to follow him. “The blue room? Sounds pretty fancy!” I laughed. He walked me down the long hallway of the oversized ranch-style home. We entered the “blue room” and I could certainly see how it got its name. The walls were painted in a relaxing powder blue color, while the comforter and bedding accents on the twin beds, along with the curtains, were done in navy blue. “Is there a ‘red room’ and ‘yellow room’, too?” I joked.

Nick laughed, then led me around the house, giving me a tour of each room. The finished basement was a complete game room with a pool table, air hockey table, and a beautiful mahogany bar. “Wow, this place is really nice!”

“It’s been in my family for years. My dad did a lot of work on it.”

“Well, it certainly shows. It’s beautiful. But, just to let you know, this is not camping by any stretch of the imagination,” I teased. 

“I’ll show you the lake tomorrow when it’s light out,” Nick said.

“Come on, you guys! We were just going to play a game of Taboo!” my sister-in-law shouted from upstairs.

I rolled my eyes, smiling on the inside, remembering how competitive Patty and Jamie would get when we would play this game. “I’ll make sure you’re on my team, Hope. I’m awesome at this game!” Nick said as we made our way up the stairs.

“Oh, you haven’t played with Patty yet!” I giggled.

An hour into the game and my stomach muscles were hurting from laughter. Between Patty and my brother and the clues they were giving each other, to Patty and Nick bantering back and forth over the rules, I was unable to control my laughter and it felt good! Tears of laughter flowed down my face when we were down to the final round and Patty became desperate to win. I knew right away that the word she was trying to get my brother to guess was dog; he, on other hand, did not. She was screaming out words and he wasn’t even coming close. Finally, in one last ditch effort, she began to pant. I spit my ice tea out when my brother shouted, “Sex!”

“You’re not allowed to use gestures as clues!” Nick shouted.

Patty stuck her tongue out. “Not like the stupid ass got it right anyway. It was D-O-G, you dummy!” She playfully smacked my brother in the arm.

“Dog? Well, what the hell were you doing acting like you just got done having sex then?”

I burst out in laughter once again at the look on my mother’s face.

Nick’s dad got up and picked up his camera. I couldn’t help but notice that it was an older camera that still took film. “Wow, now
that’s
a camera!” I said. 

His dad looked it over. “Yup this is vintage, but it takes the best pictures ever. Way better than those computer cameras.”

Nick shook his head and laughed. “Digital, Dad!”