Authors: Linda Kavanagh
At Treetops, Ellie was waiting eagerly for Alan’s visit. He’d phoned briefly while Sylvia was feeding Pete in the kitchen, and had promised to call later that evening. As soon as she saw his car coming up the driveway, she had the door open and was waiting for him to step inside.
‘Come and meet your daughter!’ she said proudly.
‘You’re wonderful!’ he whispered, kissing her hair as he held her close. ‘I’m so sorry I wasn’t here for you when you gave birth.’
‘Don’t worry – your wife was,’ Ellie said, giving him a cynical smile. ‘I presume she’s told you all about it?’
Alan nodded, stepping into the living room, and Ellie proudly led him over to the cradle in the corner where young Kerry was sleeping.
‘She’s beautiful!’ Alan whispered, gazing in awe at the tiny baby sleeping peacefully. ‘But I wish you hadn’t had to go through all this without me. How did it happen?’
Ellie explained about her early labour, the disconnected phone line and how his wife had stopped to help. Now that the stress of Sylvia’s involvement was over, she was able to laugh about her initial fears. ‘I never expected to have your wife in my home,’ Ellie told him, smiling. ‘There wasn’t time to hide anything incriminating, so I was terrified she’d spot something belonging to you!’
Alan shuddered. Just thinking about what could have happened gave him palpitations.
‘But I’m also deeply grateful to her,’ Ellie added humbly. ‘Without her, I don’t know what would have happened. She may well have saved our baby’s life.’
Smiling, they slipped into each other’s arms. Their relationship was different now, and they both acknowledged it. They were a family, albeit a family that couldn’t proclaim itself in public.
Ellie then told him about the flowers and how, on the spur of the moment, she’d used the name Anthony to explain away his initial on the accompanying card: ‘I hope Sylvia doesn’t snub Tony Coleman, because I managed to give the impression that he might be the father,’ she said. ‘It made Sylvia very annoyed on my behalf – she thought Tony should have been present at the birth.’
Alan chuckled. ‘Luckily, Sylvia is too polite to behave badly in public, so I don’t think we need worry on that score.’ Then he suddenly remembered the gift he’d bought for her, and produced a package from his pocket. ‘Thank you for my adorable baby daughter,’ he whispered, as she unwrapped a magnificent diamond pendant. In the glow of the light overhead it sparkled as Ellie lifted it out of its box.
‘It’s beautiful!’ she told him, turning her back to him and urging him to fasten it around her neck.
‘No, you’re the one who’s beautiful!’ he whispered, nuzzling her neck as he fixed the clasp. She felt the quickening of desire, and knew he was feeling it too.
Suddenly, the peace was broken by the sound of crying from the cradle. ‘It’s feeding time!’ Ellie announced, smiling. ‘Kerry and I have already established a routine – every three hours she wakes up hungry, she feeds for fifteen minutes, then goes off to sleep again.’
As Ellie lifted the baby out of the cradle, and brought her back to the sofa to breastfeed, Alan couldn’t help eyeing Ellie’s beautiful breasts, now bare and tantalisingly full of milk, as his tiny daughter began suckling contentedly. He marvelled at Ellie’s beauty.
Ellie smiled, knowing exactly what he was thinking. She always knew when Alan was ready to make love. Which was nearly always. They could never get enough of each other, and giving birth hadn’t changed those feelings one iota. If anything, she wanted him even more now.
When the baby eventually fell asleep, Ellie gently extricated her and laid her back in her cradle. When she approached Alan, making no attempt to cover her breasts, she could see his erection straining through his trousers.
His expression was a mixture of tenderness and excitement as she stood provocatively before him.
‘Ellie, I’m not sure if you realise what you’re doing –’
But her wanton expression told him that she knew exactly what effect she was having on him.
‘Please, Ellie, don’t make me want you so much –’
As she kissed him, Alan groaned.
‘Stop, Ellie –’
But she didn’t stop, and her hands became even more adventurous.
‘Isn’t it too early?’ he whispered. ‘I mean, I’m longing to make love to you again, but are you sure you’re ready?’
She could feel his erection pressing against her.
‘I’m sure,’ she whispered, taking his hand and leading him upstairs.
W
hen Jeff collected Laura from the hospital a few days later, they drove home in silence. Already, Laura had a headache from the sheer dread she felt at being alone with her husband. The silence in the car was oppressive, the atmosphere loaded with tension. She darted a glance at Jeff’s profile, and could see that his lips were tightly pressed together and he was frowning – a sure sign that there would be hell to pay when they got home.
Then her anger reasserted itself. She hadn’t done anything to provoke his ire! She hadn’t lost the baby deliberately. If anything, Jeff should be consoling her and showing her some kindness. Losing the baby had been a horrible and devastating experience, and her husband should be capable of understanding that.
When they reached the apartment, Laura fully expected Jeff to come round and open the passenger door for her, given that she was still a little unsteady on her feet. But Jeff remained in the driver’s seat.
‘You’d better get out,’ he told her. ‘I’m putting the car in the lock-up.’
Biting her lip, Laura gingerly alighted from the car. This wasn’t the homecoming she’d been hoping for, although perhaps it was the one she should have expected.
Alone, she let herself into the silent apartment. Instantly,
she longed to be back in the hospital, where the medical and nursing staff had been kind and caring.
When Jeff entered the apartment a few minutes later, Laura heard him cursing as he threw down his keys on the hall table. He was clearly in a temper. She felt too tired to cope with his mood, and hoped he’d either go back to work or go into the TV room and just leave her alone.
As she lay on the couch in the living room, Laura longed for a cup of tea. But she didn’t dare ask Jeff, and she didn’t feel well enough to make it herself.
To her relief, he disappeared into the TV room, but before long she heard the sound of things being thrown about. When she heard something large hitting the wall, she feared it was the TV set – or could it be her computer?
Struggling to get to her feet, Laura called out. ‘Jeff – what’s wrong? Do you want to talk about it?’
The door of the TV room was suddenly thrown back on its hinges. As Jeff strode over to the couch, his face was like thunder, she sat down again. ‘Talk about it? Of course I want to talk about it! I was trying to restrain myself, but if you want me to talk, I’ll talk!’ He stared down at her, rage and contempt in his eyes. ‘You stupid bitch, you couldn’t even manage to hold a child in your belly! Other women manage it, so why can’t you? What sort of woman are you, anyway? And not only that – you had to carry a female child when you know I want sons!’
Laura was shocked by the venom in Jeff’s voice, and by his totally irrational views. She felt weak and very tired, and all she wanted to do was sleep.
‘Can we save this discussion until I’m feeling better?’ she whispered.
‘No, we can’t! Anyway, you’re the one who suggested we talk about it! So what the hell
is
wrong with you?’ Jeff
shouted, standing over her. ‘Did the doctors say why it happened?’
Laura was annoyed now. ‘Why do you assume it’s
my
fault? The doctor said that these things happen sometimes – if there’s something wrong with the foetus, nature decides to get rid of it, so it’s for the best in the long run.’
She was tempted to suggest that his recent violent sexual behaviour might have been a contributory factor, but the look on his face made her quickly change her mind.
Jeff’s eyes narrowed. ‘I hope you’re not implying that my genes are faulty –’
‘No, of course not –’
The blow caught her across the side of her head, and suddenly she was seeing stars. What had just happened? Laura found herself on the floor from the impact of the blow, and when she put her hand to her mouth, blood came away on it. She felt something gritty inside her mouth, and realised that part of a tooth had broken off. Her head and her mouth were throbbing, and she realised that Jeff had hit her. Again.
As he stormed out of the room, Laura continued to lie on the floor, in pain and disbelief. She felt too lethargic to get up. Her insides hurt, and she wondered vaguely if she’d started bleeding again. The doctor had told her to rest for the next week, and to allow her husband to pamper her. Laura felt tears forming – the doctor couldn’t possibly imagine the kind of relationship she really had.
She must have passed out, because suddenly she opened her eyes to find Jeff smiling down at her tentatively, a mug of tea in one hand, a wad of tissues in the other.
‘I’m sorry, love,’ he whispered, placing the mug on a small table beside her, and helping her up off the floor. Gently guiding her back onto the couch, he began dabbing her bleeding mouth with the tissues. ‘I don’t know what came over me – I
suppose I was just so disappointed. But we’ll try again, won’t we, love? And you’ll give me a son next time, won’t you?’ He gave her a wheedling smile. ‘Isn’t there a test that can tell what sex it is early on in the pregnancy?’
Laura wished that a giant hole would open up in front of her and that Jeff would disappear into it. Right now, she didn’t want to be anywhere near him. Because she knew that it wouldn’t take much for his violence to flare up again.
‘Of course we’ll try again,’ Laura lied, ‘but I need time to recover before then. The doctor said I must heal before I can become pregnant again.’
In truth, she had no intention of ever making love to this man again, if indeed her experiences with him could be called lovemaking – their sex life had always been on his terms. She had just made up her mind to leave him, but she didn’t dare tell him, because she knew what the consequences would be.
Although her lip and tongue were hurting badly, Laura took the proffered mug and downed the contents, enduring the pain rather than risk displeasing him.
By now, Jeff was kneeling down in front of the couch, weeping and begging her to forgive him. ‘It’s just that I felt so disappointed,’ he sobbed. ‘But I shouldn’t have taken it out on you, love. I’m so sorry.’
Laura said nothing. Everything felt weird and out of synch. It was like living in a real-life Punch and Judy show, where she was in favour one minute and out the next, and there was no rhyme or reason as to why she was being punished.
‘Do you want to tell me what else the doctor said?’ Jeff asked, gently lacing his fingers through hers.
Laura shook her head. The last thing on earth she wanted was to discuss her miscarriage with Jeff. Or anything else, for that matter. ‘Not now, if you don’t mind,’ she said dully. ‘I’m feeling very tired – ‘
Suddenly, Jeff’s mood reverted to anger again. ‘But I’ll bet you’ve discussed it all with your so-called friend!’
Laura sighed, no longer caring how he reacted, because as far as she was concerned, her marriage was now over. ‘If you’re referring to Kerry, yes, of course I talked to her about the pregnancy – and since she came to the hospital later, naturally she knew that I’d lost the baby.’
‘You mean,
we
lost the baby! And how dare you discuss our relationship with that – that –
creature
!’ He glared at her. ‘I suppose you’ve told her about our arguments, too?’
Laura grimaced, aware that yet again Jeff was refusing to accept responsibility for anything he’d done. ‘Arguments’ implied equality between the participants, whereas Jeff was always the angry one, and the perpetrator of the violence that inevitably followed.
‘Yes, Kerry did notice the bruises, and asked me about them.’
Jeff snorted. ‘How dare you tittle-tattle to someone else! It demeans our relationship! That’s what my mother used to do – she’d run to the neighbours, humiliating Dad in his own street!’
Despite her injuries, Laura no longer felt afraid of expressing her own anger. ‘But your father hurt her! She needed to get help!’
‘My mother deserved it,’ Jeff said, his voice dangerously low, before leaving the room, slamming the door after him.
Shortly afterwards, Laura heard the door of the apartment slam, and she was relieved that he’d gone before his anger boiled over again. But she wasn’t going to be his victim any longer – otherwise, she might end up dead, just like his mother.
At last she was facing the unpalatable truth. She wasn’t free to say anything she wanted, or have an opinion that was contrary to his. Everything she said had to be passed through a
filter in her brain, in order to ensure that it wouldn’t offend him and result in her being battered.
Kerry and Paul the counsellor were right – it was time to get out. She’d tried to be the woman Jeff wanted – she’d done her best to restore his faith in human nature by being there for him, through thick and thin. But defending his father’s violence didn’t augur well for their future together. And if she had children with Jeff, she’d still be trapped, because even if she left him, the courts would award him visitation rights, and she’d never be free of him. Now was the time to go, before another pregnancy linked them together for ever.
Mopping her bleeding lip, Laura picked up her phone and made her way to the bathroom, locking the door behind her in case Jeff should return.
Kerry answered immediately, listening as Laura told her that she was leaving Jeff.