I scoffed. “You think he’s in love with me?” The thought was so absurd, I actually laughed.
He shook his head. “Yes. Think about it. He made our realities when we were in Limbo. He got to know you. How could he not fall in love with you, with your vulnerability?”
I rolled my eyes. “You’re acting like I’m special. Riel does that for everyone, sees vulnerability all the time. Besides, he’s an angel. They can’t fall in love with humans.”
Even as the words flew out of my mouth, I thought back to the conversation I had with him before I went rogue. He’d said an angel falling in love with a human wasn’t common, but not unheard of either.
Nate took my hands in his, giving them a squeeze. “First of all, you are very special. You’re also humble, so you don’t see it. Secondly, apparently angels do fall in love with humans sometimes, even if it is forbidden. That’s the secret Riel told me about Grace. Dr. Judy had an affair with an angel, and Grace is their child. Saving Grace is really important. Even though Riel thought you were competent, he didn’t want you to face the circumstances if we failed, so he told me to push you away.”
I straightened, dropping my hands to my sides. All the mumbo jumbo Dr. Judy said during her hypnosis kind of made sense now. “But they said our failures and successes are tied to one another, so if you failed, wouldn’t I still fail, too?”
He gave me a cautious look, biting his lip. “Only if we’re in a romantic relationship.”
I drew in a long breath. “So why are you telling me about Grace now?”
His eyes were red, like he’d been crying the whole night. “Because after you left, I started thinking about the past three weeks. There’s a reason we’re supposed to be working as a team. We’re better together than we are apart. Riel took our greatest strength and manipulated the situation to convince me it was a weakness. Maybe he made the argument because he was genuinely scared for you, but my gut tells me the whole reason behind his little speech to me was he wanted you for himself. ”
My gaze narrowed. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about Grace before now!”
“Riel told me we’d all be better off if we weren’t together and if I didn’t tell you anything, at least until Grace moved on. I was a brand-new spirit guide, and my boss was a freakin’ angel. Can you really blame me for listening to him?”
I pressed my hands against his chest. “Yes, I can! I don’t care who he is and if he thinks our connection can be severed. This mission could’ve meant suicide for both of us.”
He held my hands at his chest and angled his body closer to me. “Do you know what time it is?”
“Huh?”
He took my face between his hands. “Time for you to stop being a hypocrite and forgive me.”
I thought about how I pushed Nate away for his own good, and the whole time, he did the same for me. He was right on in calling me a hypocrite. Then I flinched, remembering my desperate kisses with Conner. I’d been so broken by the way Nate walked away from me, I’d ran headfirst into kissing Conner, the very thing I told Nate I wasn’t going to do. If I learned anything in the past twenty-four hours, it was that I needed to tell Nate the truth now. But I wasn’t quite sure how to do that yet.
A cluster of trees moved with the wind, and I watched a few leaves drift to the ground out of the corner of my eye. “So what now? Do we demand Riel let us work together on the Grace assignment again?”
“Shouldn’t be too difficult. I’m failing miserably without you, and I’m really scared of what might happen to Grace if I can’t help her have a breakthrough soon.” He dropped his hands to his side and sniffed, like he was trying not to cry, and I couldn’t help but feel jealous over how much he cared for another girl.
I opened my mouth, but a moment passed before I could form words. “Do you think she has super powers we could help her tap into somehow? You know, because she’s part angel?”
Nate laughed. “I don’t know. What super powers does Riel have, other than being one cocky SOB?”
“Oh, I dunno. He can fly and teleport anywhere faster than the speed of light, he can manipulate our perceptions of reality. He can probably transform into others, too. If Dr. Judy had an affair with an angel, then that angel must’ve taken on a human form, right?”
“I guess so.” He kicked at a rock. “You don’t want to be with Riel, do you?”
“Of course not.”
My mind spun in a million different directions, trying to decipher everything Nate told me. What had he said? He followed orders from Riel? “Are you still in love with me?”
He stared, like my question shocked him. “Olga, of course I’m still in love with you. There’s no chance of ever falling
out
of love with you. I’ll always love you. I’ll always want you and nobody else.”
I took a step closer to him. “You still l-l-love me?” After all I said to him, the idea that he still loved me seemed impossible.
“With everything that I am.”
I mentally cursed, wishing for the millionth time I had a cosmic do-over button.
How could I have made out with Conner within twenty-four hours of breaking up with Nate?
I sighed. “Well, add everything you’ve just told me to the long list of things I never thought I’d hear but have in the past twenty-four hours.” I thought of Conner, how he gave up on me so easily, and I already missed him horribly.
Nate tilted his head to the side, studying me as if I were an alien species, and maybe I’d become one somewhere along this journey. “Olga, I’m sorry for not fighting for you, for us. There was a quote by Ralph Emerson that I tried to live by, when I was still alive. He said to, ‘Live everyday as if it is the best day of your life.’ Somewhere in death, I forgot about all of that. I should’ve been putting my trust in God, but I didn’t.”
His words should have made me happy, but they didn’t. Instead, I felt this giant void inside of me. I knew I had to come clean with him about what happened, but I’d already broken one heart today, and I didn’t know if I had what it took inside of me to break another.
He drew me forward until our lips brushed. His mouth trembled. My own body shook against his, but I didn’t pull away. I knew I shouldn’t kiss him, shouldn’t take back up with Nate at the first sign of his remorse. We needed to
talk
, not kiss. But I couldn’t stop him either, and I didn’t want to. We were a gravitational force, our desire for each other too powerful.
I took in a breath as his hands smoothed down my shoulders, dropping my book bag to the ground. His hands rested on my hips, pressing me against the back of a tree. A shiver passed through me, and I molded my lips to his.
This kiss wasn’t like our other ones. I couldn’t help myself from comparing them. This kiss was sharp with all the hopelessness we felt the past twenty-four hours, maybe even the past year, almost painful. No restraint existed here, and I was thankful for that. We couldn’t stop touching each other. His hands grazed over my shoulders and down my arms; I fisted mine in his hair then in his shirt until finding the slope of his hard stomach. Somehow, I didn’t know if he pulled me down on top of him or I pushed him down, but our bodies collided on the grass as we continued to devour each other.
I sucked on his bottom lip; he nuzzled my neck; I trailed kisses along his ear and down his throat; he pulled at my shirt. Not to be outdone, I copied him. But then, the feel of skin on skin sedated us. The intimacy of the gesture awakened us to the knowledge that we moved too fast. Our breaths, soft and hot, began to slow. His hands traced up and down my back, and I laid my head on his shoulder, a feeling of peace washing over me, like I floated on a cloud somewhere far away from all my troubles.
The desire for more answers pounded my brain, despite just wanting to enjoy the moment. “How did you know how to find me by the wormhole?”
He gently rolled me off him, then rested his elbow on the Earth as he looked at me. “When you came to me about Conner, my anger and jealousy was genuine. Later, I regretted what I said to you, but I knew I couldn’t keep you from going after Conner. No matter what I did or said, you weren’t going to stop until you had your answers. But I couldn’t abandon Grace, and I thought someone who knew what was going on should stay at headquarters in case you needed some help. I actually contemplated turning you in to Riel or Ash or Dr. Judy for a good hour, but then I remembered I promised you I wouldn’t, and I feared you’d hate me forever if I did.”
I looked down at our hands, intertwined, and felt a surge of guilt when my eyes fell on the Morticia Addams ring. Feeling sick to my stomach, I pressed on, “So, what did you do instead?”
He fixed his eyes on me, and I could feel his intense longing to touch me again and put all this unpleasantness behind us, but he pressed on with the explanation. “I snuck into your room at night. I made sure you were asleep first, and then—”
“Wait a minute.” I held up my hand. “How could you make sure I was asleep before you entered?”
A smile flickered across his face. “I listened at your door for snoring.”
I poked him in the stomach. “I do not snore!”
“Yes, you do.”
I threw myself on top of him again, pinning his arms above his head on the soft ground with my hands in fake indignation. “Take it back.”
“What are you going to do if I don’t?”
I ducked my head down to his face, pressing our noses together, which was about the only part of our bodies not already pressed together. “Kiss you to death.”
He arched up against me, lips brushing mine. “I demand you carry out this sentence immediately.”
Slipping my hands behind his neck, I smiled against his mouth. “Not until you tell me the rest of your story.”
He groaned. “You evil woman, can’t you tell not kissing you is killing me?”
The desire nudged at me, too, but I needed to know what happened to plan my next move. Noon approached too quickly; I still needed to figure out what to do about the Alpha File.
“One quick kiss then.” I pulled him toward me and pressed my lips to his, just for a moment, thinking what an idiot I’d been to let him go, then rolled off him. “Now talk.”
He took a ragged breath. “I had seen you meeting with Sam at The Morning Glory Café and at the park.”
“You saw me?”
His lips parted, but he said nothing for a few seconds. “I always see you.”
Always.
The word sat in the air between us for a heartbeat or two or ten. His word echoed in my mind, resonated like a fact, and I didn’t know how to respond.
“I knew he’d given you a folder. When I searched your room, I found the file and read the information there about the wormhole. But I didn’t feel like that was enough, just having the details. So I injected a tracking device into your arm.”
Gah! What?
I bolted upright. “You did what?”
“Yeah, I wasn’t sure what your reaction would be when I told you about that.”
I could feel my eye twitching like it always did when I flew right past mad and became irate. “So, you seriously injected me with a tracking device against my will?”
Nate’s face turned ashen. “It wasn’t exactly against your will if you didn’t know about the device.”
Now I was
way
past irate. I was pissed! “Oh, okay then… you implanted a tracking device
without my knowledge
. Yup, that sounds so much better.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “What the hell were you thinking?”
Eyes widening, his brows remained furrowed. “I’m sure you mean that in the nicest way.”
I shook my head. “I don’t, actually. What if the security scanners in the storage facility or in Juvie picked up on my tracker? I was on a rogue mission where I broke at least twenty spirit guide laws. You could’ve gotten me killed!”
Nate bit his lip. “Olga, you’re already dead.”
“Fine! You could’ve landed me in a nice cell in Hell.”
He sat up and retracted his arms from behind his head as he did, bringing them to his torso, and I tried not to get distracted by the hardness of his stomach. “Look, you said it yourself. You were going rogue! It wasn’t as if you were off to see a parade of fluffy unicorns and peppermint puppies.”
Surprising even myself, I let out a gasp of laughter despite my anger. “Fine, you made your point. But know this, I will send you straight to Hell in a hand basket if you ever pull a stunt like that again.”
He squinted at me, his eyes quizzical. “Are you planning more dangerous missions in the near future? Maybe to infiltrate the enemy’s headquarters next?”
“Shut up. I should still be mad at you.” I studied my arm, but didn’t notice anything different. “Where would you get a tracking device anyway?”
His mouth quirked up slightly. “Have you explored headquarters at all? We have an entire room of gadgets at our disposal. That book bag Riel and Ash issued us was just for starters. All that stuff is child’s play.”
“Wow, I had no idea. That would’ve been helpful to know before I went all rogue. Where did you inject me exactly?”
He bent his head and kissed my right arm, just below my shoulder. “Right there.”
I wound my fingers into his hair. “Okay, you have to stop kissing me, or we’ll never finish this conversation. And I really want to know how this tracker works.” I tilted my head to the side, a terrifying thought seizing me. “Could you hear everything going on, or just track my whereabouts?”
He gently brushed my arm with his index finger. “I wish I could’ve heard everything. Definitely would’ve put my heart at ease.”
Probably not.
“I could follow the tracker through the GPS app on my phone. It showed me coordinates, although I had no idea what those points on the grid meant since you were in another dimension. I just figured they’d come in handy if I needed to get you help, knowing Riel would know what they meant. Although traveling across dimensions must’ve delayed the signal a bit. It took a full hour after you left for the signal to pop up. Those sixty minutes took about ten years off my life, or after-life.”
I grabbed his finger and held his hand to my heart. “How did you know I was alive? I mean, couldn’t you have just been tracking my dead body being transported around the Underworld?”