Read Zombie Raccoons & Killer Bunnies Online

Authors: Martin H. Greenberg

Zombie Raccoons & Killer Bunnies (7 page)

Godfrey nodded.
Godfrey felt Chloe lay her hand over his on top of the stack of books, felt the gentleness of it, and found a little shock of surprise rush through him. He looked up.
When he did, Chloe looked away, flustered. Her hand drifted off his and came to rest next to his on the pile of books. She slid the top one out from under his hand.
“Do you mind if I borrow this?” she asked, holding up the book of fairy tales.
“I thought they weren’t really your thing?” Godfrey asked.
“I’ll admit it’s nothing as chipper or uplifting as your Emerson,” she said, “but maybe I’ve had enough reality for one day and I just want to read up on what it’s like to be treated like a princess.”
Chloe spun around, headed back past several of the other archivists and further off into the depths of The Gauntlet. Godfrey watched her as she went, confused and frustrated, and not quite sure exactly what had just happened there.
Godfrey’s nose was so deep in transcribing an account of a living gargoyle sighting that he didn’t hear the echo of footfalls until they were upon him. He looked up with a start.
“Chloe!” he said. He checked his watch. “It’s late. What are you doing here at this time of night?”
“I know. Weird, right?” she said. She was holding the book of fairy tales. “I got kind of lost back in the archives when I stormed off . . . I mean, when I
left
earlier. This place goes on forever!”
“So you’ve been lost this whole time?”
Chloe shook her head. “Actually, I sat down and started reading some of the fairy tales. It’s fairly gruesome stuff.”
Godfrey shrugged. “Did you think there was no price to be paid for happily ever after?”
She returned the book to the top of the pile she had taken it from earlier, then picked up the entire stack and moved it out of the way on top of the back half of the open-topped terrarium. She leaned against the edge of Godfrey’s desk and shuddered. “Stepsisters slicing off toes to fit into glass slippers, little girls cutting their way out of wolves’ bellies . . . Happily ever after doesn’t come cheap, that’s for sure.”
Godfrey nodded and turned back to his transcription, not really sure what to say after their awkward exchange earlier in the day. He tried to push out of his mind the fact that the two of them were alone in the Gauntlet right now, but it wasn’t working, and the best he could manage was to simply sit there keeping his mouth shut before he blew it again.
“Godfrey?” Chloe said, finally breaking the silence in a whisper.
Godfrey hrhmed in response without looking up from the moleskine notebook he was writing in.
Here it comes,
he thought, not sure how he’d handle her continued overture. Women were more mysterious to him than anything. What she said next, however, took him completely by surprise.
“Where’s Lizzie?” she said.
Godfrey looked up. The terrarium was full of torn and discarded pages from his day, but from where he sat, he saw no sign of the tiny gold serpent. He stood and walked to the corner of his desk, making sure to check the terrarium from all angles.
Gingerly he picked up the arcane tomes lying over the back half of it, placing them back on the desk. Inside the terrarium, the paper had fallen in a perfect cascade that formed a path that reached to the very top of the terrarium’s lip, only the wyrm was nowhere to be found.
“Maybe she’s underneath . . . ?” Chloe offered and started shifting the papers around.
“Shh,” Godfrey said, grabbing her hands to silence her.
A little charge of excitement ran up his arms.
Then both of them heard it and dropped their eyes toward the recently moved pile of books.
“Is that . . . chewing?” Chloe said.
“I hope not. That bottom book is the
Diobolica Arcanium.

“Is that bad?”
“It’s not
not
bad,” Godfrey offered and scooped the book off of the table, knocking the others over. He flipped it over, revealing a half-dollar-sized hole.
“She
chewed
through it,” he said fascinated. He went to poke his fingers into the hole, then paused. “You might want to step back. I’m not sure what to expect here.”
When Chloe didn’t answer, he turned to look at her, but she wasn’t looking at him. Chloe was staring at the spot on the desk where the book had been.
Godfrey spun around and looked also. A hole, this one slightly larger than the one in the book, was eaten through the top of the desk.
“Oh no no no,” Godfrey said, heading for the corresponding drawer on the left side of the desk. He pulled open the drawer, yanking it completely free of the desk, scattering folders and books to the floor. All of them had soda-can-sized holes through them. This time, the
edges of the holes were smoldering with tiny tendrils of smoke. Godfrey reached down to the bottom one and pulled it free. No creature, but an even larger hole was visible, the edges of it hot with tiny tendrils of flame. He pulled the drawer free from the desk, stomping at the flames, all the while examining the remaining hole in the desk bottom.
As Godfrey leaned in, a traffic-coned-shaped blast of fire shot from the hole. He felt his eyelashes singe off, the smell of burned hair filling his nostrils. Thankfully, Chloe pulled him back away from it in the last second before Godfrey could find out what burned flesh smelled like.
A skittering sound came from under the desk, heading off in the direction of the rest of the rows of endless archives.
“What the hell is going on?” Chloe asked. Godfrey was impressed at how well she was holding her composure in check.
“I think Lizzie is having a little indigestion.” Godfrey started off. “Stay behind me. We’ve got to stop her before she lights up the whole archive.”
“Ummm, maybe we should start with your desk?” Chloe suggested.
Godfrey stopped and turned back around. Flames licked higher and higher up the sides of the desk. He ran for one of the many extinguishers throughout the Gauntlet, but Chloe already had one in hand.
“This rescue’s on me,” she said and hit the nozzle. White chemical foam shot out and coated the entirety of Godfrey’s desk. Some of the records might be damaged, but the fire was out. Godfrey could have kissed her and suddenly found that he actually
wanted
to. The realization was a little slow in coming. Before he could act, Chloe dashed past him into the archives, still brandishing
the extinguisher. “You make a lousy damsel in distress,” she added.
Chloe’s words slapped him out of his daze. He shook off the shock of the situation and raced off after her.
When Godfrey caught up to her, she turned and said, “What the heck did you do, Godfrey? Feed it after midnight?”
Godfrey stated at her blankly.

Gremlins?
Hello?”
The sounds continued off to the left, and as they hit the end of the row, they turned to follow it.
“Sorry,” he said. “Don’t get out much. Archivist, remember?”
“Right. Well, once we deal with this, maybe I’ll let you take me to one. You’d be surprised what you can learn from movies about surviving, as well as from fairy tale books, too.”
Godfrey wasn’t sure, but it seemed as though Chloe was asking him on a date. He decided to stay quiet. The situation was already complex enough without having to contend with his awkward social skills at the same time.
Chloe stopped and Godfrey did too. Off in the shadows, the sound of the fleeing creature changed. The slithering was replaced by the sound of feet.
No,
Godfrey thought,
not feet. Claws.
From out of the darkness, the creature half slithered, half crawled out from behind the bookcase, adjusting quickly to its newly formed feet.
“Is that . . . ?”
“Lizzie,” Godfrey finished. “Yes.”
The gold of her body was deeper, her scales far more pronounced now that she was two hundred times her original size, but there was no mistaking the creature
that had been Godfrey’s pet. Besides the feet, there was another new addition—a long, muscular tail that flicked books off the shelves as it flashed back and forth. Gone was the kind face he had known these past few years, replaced by deep-seated venom in its eyes.
“Let’s go,” Chloe said, but Godfrey stood transfixed, looking for a hint of recognition in the creature’s eyes. Chloe grabbed him by the arm and started to drag him off to the safety of another aisle to her right.
“No, wait . . .”
Chloe ignored him and continued pulling at him until they were safely out of the creature’s sight. “Haven’t you ever heard about curiosity and the cat?”
Godfrey peeked around the corner. Lizzie was still there, watching him.
“I think we have more of a St. George and the Dragon situation here, actually. Maybe if we could make it to the stairs . . .”
Godfrey ran off across the aisle, or tried to. Before he was even halfway across, Lizzie let out a burst of flame, and Godfrey was forced back to the same side, but down a different aisle. He stopped, dropped, and rolled to make sure nothing was on fire but other than the wave of heat that had hit him, he seemed unharmed.
“Dammit,” he shouted, then remembered Chloe was standing just on the other side of the bookshelf between them. He composed himself and shouted over to her, “This isn’t my forte! We’re researchers, librarians. We try to leave the extraordinary affairs to the people upstairs.”
The half-walk, half-slither of the creature started up the aisle toward them. A shiver of fear ran up his spine. While he tried to shake it off, Godfrey heard Chloe straining herself in the next aisle over, and then saw
the upper part of one of the book cases move ever so slightly.
“Godfrey, get over here!” Chloe called out. “We’ve got to stop it before it sets the whole place ablaze. I can’t do this by myself. I can’t get enough strength behind this to topple it over onto her. You have to help me.”
Godfrey checked the aisle. Lizzie was closing on them slowly but surely. He dashed out into the aisle and down the one Chloe was in before Lizzie could react.
“Help me with this,” Chloe said.
Godfrey shook his head, leaning it back against the bookcase. “I can’t. None of this is Lizzie’s fault. She’s not malicious. It’s the book she ate. The
Diobolica Arcanium
is making her do this . . .”
Chloe grabbed him by the shoulders. “That may be, but you have to let go. Whatever that . . . thing is now, it’s not your pet anymore. We have to stop it. I’m not sure about you, but I know I don’t want to die!”
Godfrey nodded. Chloe was right. He had known it all along, but hearing her say it gave the idea substance.
He edged toward the main aisle. Lizzie was in a pocket of shadow, little flickers of flame showing where the corners of her mouth were.
“Heeeeere, Lizzie, Lizzie, Lizzie,” he clucked out.
“For heaven’s sake, Godfrey, it’s not a cat.” Chloe stepped to the nearest shelf and pulled two books from it, clapping them together over and over. “The thing wants paper, paper and magic.”
She stepped out into the aisle, putting the bookcase between herself and the creature, baiting it.
“Don’t let her roast me,” Chloe said. “I’m trusting you on this one, God. It’ll put a real damper on that date of ours.”
Godfrey pressed himself to the bookcase, testing his
strength against it. He felt that it would topple at his shove. At least, he hoped so.
“I see that the modern day damsel in distress is no slacker,” Godfrey said. “She’s proactive.”
Chloe gave him a look that burned more that he thought the flames would. “Oh, I see . . . so being bait is somehow a feminist statement?”
Godfrey shrugged. “Let’s just concentrate on taking the gruesome out of this fairy tale, okay? Keep clapping the books together, please.”
With a sudden burst of speed, the creature galloped forward. Godfrey guessed it had finally gotten used to its legs, and the sound of the books drew its attention; but now Godfrey wondered if he would have enough time to unbalance the bookcase. He threw his weight into it as hard as he could and dug his legs into the stone floor. The bookcase rocked forward, but it didn’t topple. In fact, it swung back toward him like a pendulum.
“Godfrey . . . ?” Chloe’s voice was full of doubt and panic. The creature was almost upon her.
The idea that she was an actual damsel in distress caused something deep inside to snap, and he dug his feet back in and met the sway of the bookcase with all of his strength. This time it pitched forward and hung at the precipice of balance. Not hesitating to see if it was enough, Godfrey stepped back a few steps and took a running leap at it. He scrambled up the side of it as if he were climbing a ladder and rode the bookcase down as it collapsed on the creature, crushing it under its weight.
Godfrey felt it squirm underneath the heavy wooden bookcase. The wyrm drew in a breath as if it were going to let out another blast of flame, but instead it let out a sort of whimper, its breath starting to hitch. Godfrey
crawled gently off the bookcase and scrambled across the floor toward the head.
He turned to look at Chloe. “Get me the notebooks on the right side of my desk.” She ran off immediately to get them.
Alone, Godfrey stared into the creature’s face. The venom that had been there earlier was gone. Godfrey thought he saw a flicker of recognition in those eyes and began to pet the creature.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly to himself, over and over.
When Chloe returned, she handed him the notebooks. Godfrey opened one of them, tore out a handful of blank pages, and lowered them to the creature’s mouth. Its lips parted, a blast of breath rising from them, and Godfrey pressed them forward until the creature’s tongue flicked gently out and took them from him. The gesture was so like Lizzie he could have cried. It didn’t surprise him when moments later he realized he was crying. Chloe kneeled down next to him, tearing apart notebooks and handing the pages to Godfrey, and the two of them fed Lizzie until she breathed her last.

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