Authors: Brad Boney
“Come on in.”
Bartley crossed the threshold and gazed at the vaulted ceilings. “This is Ian’s house, right?”
“Correct. You like it?”
“Like it? I love it. Look at the sweep these arches give the room. It almost has a Roman feel. Do you know who designed it?”
Ian knew, of course, but he didn’t think Ryan would. “Sorry. I wouldn’t remember even if he told me. Would you like to come in for a glass of milk?”
“Milk? No, I think I’m good. We should head downtown, anyway. We have to park, and it’s Friday. Traffic is going to be insane.”
“You’re right. Let’s get going, then.”
Bartley drove an old Jeep Wrangler with the top down. Ryan found it difficult to hold a conversation because of the noise, so he just nodded when Bartley pointed out a building along the way. When they arrived at the restaurant, they were immediately seated at a two-top in one of the interior rooms.
“Have you been here before?”
“A few times,” Bartley said as he perused the menu.
“Any recommendations?”
“I usually get the Grilled Skin-On Salmon, but I’ve heard the Seared Diver Scallops and the Bess Wagyu Burger are excellent as well.”
“I do like scallops.”
“This is my treat,” Bartley said. “So don’t worry about the prices.”
“No,” Ryan insisted. “It’s the other way around. This is my treat. I asked you, remember?”
“Look, I remember what it was like at your age. My mom used to say I had champagne taste on a beer budget.”
“Used to?” Ryan said.
“She passed away two years ago.”
“Oh. I’m sorry to hear that.”
“It was pretty tough at the time, but now it seems like the least of my worries.”
“I can’t imagine you have many of those.”
“Worries? You’d be surprised, then.”
The waiter arrived, and Bartley ordered the salmon. Ryan vacillated between the burger and the Shrimp and Grits but decided on the shrimp at the last minute.
“Have you talked to your uncle recently?” Bartley asked.
Maybe Matthew had a point.
“I talked to him at work today. He sounded good. My grandma seems to be improving, but my grandpa is getting used to the help. When it’s time to come back, Ian said it’s going to be harder on Gramps than it will be on Grams.”
“He’s probably right. I miss seeing him every day at La Tazza. Oh, by the way, before I forget—are you free Sunday afternoon?”
“I’m working nine to four.”
“Perfect. Do you remember that guy I told you about, the one who makes furniture? He’s having an open house from six to eight on Sunday. We can go, if you’d like to meet and talk with him.”
Ryan lit up inside. The entrees hadn’t even arrived, and Bartley was already planning their second date. “I would love to go. Where does he live?”
“Just south of the river, in Travis Heights. He’s a real 04er.”
Ian knew exactly what Bartley meant, but since Ryan didn’t, he asked, “What’s an 04er?”
“The zip code of the south central area of Austin is 78704.”
“Ah, I see.”
“There’s a bumper sticker that reads, ‘78704… more than a zip code, a way of life.’ Luke’s got that going on in spades.”
“How do you know him?” Ryan asked.
“He’s one of the interior designers we work with at my firm.”
“Is he an old flame?”
“God, no. His wife owns and operates three restaurants here in town. I’m afraid my track record with old flames isn’t very good.”
“How many do you have?”
“Only two,” Bartley answered. “Reggie and Mason.”
“What happened?”
“Reggie died in a car accident. He was driving home one night when a drunk driver swerved into his lane and hit him head on.”
“How old were you?”
“Twenty-four.”
“That must have been tough,” Ryan said.
“Excruciating. He was fifteen years older than me and wasn’t out to his family. We’d been together for almost two years, and they didn’t even know I existed. At the funeral, I had to hide in the back. I was practically the only white person there.”
“He was black?”
Bartley nodded. “I was living in Houston at the time.”
“You were in grad school at Rice?”
“That’s right. Everyone reacts differently to those kinds of extreme situations. Me, I poured myself into work. I designed a whole slew of nonexistent projects—office buildings, museums, vacation homes, shopping malls—even a water park.”
“No way.”
Bartley took out his phone and showed Ryan a picture of a sketch. “See. It’s got this cool double slide. They sit side by side and face each other, so the slides form a giant X. When two friends go down together, they can high-five each other as they pass in the middle, where the two slides cross paths.”
Ryan smiled. “That’s really fun. Do you still have all those designs?”
“You bet. I plan to build them too. Someday.”
“Who was the second flame?”
Bartley pulled his napkin from under the silverware and placed it on his lap. “I don’t like to talk about Mason.”
“Why not?”
“I just don’t.”
“Do you still keep in contact with him?”
“No,” Bartley said.
“Okay.” Ryan decided to lighten the mood. “Are you taking applications for flame number three?”
Bartley spread some butter onto a piece of bread. “Can I be honest with you?”
“Sure. About what?”
“Ian told me I’m your type. Is that true?”
Ryan blushed. “Maybe.”
“I want to be upfront with you. I get the impression you’re thinking of this as a date, and I don’t want to lead you on in that direction. You’re cute and enthusiastic and very charming. I really do like you a lot.”
“But?”
“But there are reasons why it would never work out.”
“What reasons?”
“It’s a long story,” Bartley said.
“So? We have all night, and I’m a good listener. Is it because of what happened with Mason?”
“Kind of, but—”
“Did he break your heart?”
“He broke a lot more than that.”
“Like what?”
“I’m sorry, Ryan, but Mason is a painful subject. I don’t know you well enough to open up about that. Besides, I said reasons. This isn’t all about Mason. I’m… I’m kind of interested in someone else.”
“Oh.” Ryan died a little inside. “You could have told me you had a boyfriend when I asked you to dinner. What does he think about—?”
“I don’t have a boyfriend. We haven’t even gone on our first date yet. In fact, he doesn’t even know…. Shit, I might as well just tell you. I’m interested in your uncle. I have been for several months now. I’ve been working up the courage to ask him out, and then when I finally did, he disappeared. Don’t get me wrong. I know his going to Arizona had nothing to do with me. At least I hope it didn’t.”
“But you told me you two were just friends. I asked you both if it was a date, and you both said no.”
“That’s because I was scared to just straight out ask him. He runs La Tazza. What if our connection was all in my head? What if he was just being nice to me because I’m a good customer? I figured, once I got him alone, I could gauge his real interest and see if he felt the same way. He had no idea I was hoping it would turn into a date, and I didn’t want to say anything until it had. I’m sorry if I misled you.”
Ryan felt sucker punched by the irony of it all. His chest hurt, and he wanted to hit something. “Uncle Ian has no idea you’re interested in him. Trust me, that’s something he would have wanted to know. Are you even aware he has some pretty big insecurity issues? He’s probably had a crush on you for months too but figured he didn’t stand a chance, you being Bartley James, and all.”
“What does that mean?”
“Oh, come on. Look at you. You have ‘winner’ written all over your face. Uncle Ian doesn’t see himself as husband material for golden boys like you.”
“Why not? Your uncle is one of the sexiest men I’ve ever met, and if you knew my story, you wouldn’t be calling me a winner or a golden boy.”
Ian couldn’t help but react.
He thinks I’m sexy
? But what did it matter? He wasn’t Ian anymore—he was Ryan. His whole second chance now seemed royally screwed up. “Do you know where the restroom is?”
“Right behind you,” Bartley said as he indicated the direction with his hand. “Down that hallway.”
“Will you excuse me for a minute?”
“Sure. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I just need to use the john.”
Ryan went into the men’s room and locked himself in one of the stalls. He took out his phone and called Mark.
“I thought you were on a date tonight.”
“I am. He’s at the table.”
“Where are you?”
“In one of the bathroom stalls.”
“Good Lord,” Mark said. “What happened?”
“He likes Ian.
Bartley likes Ian
. He likes the forty-year-old version of me. I think I’m going to throw up.”
“Don’t do that, especially not while I’m on the phone with you. If you start to gag, I’ll start to gag.”
“Didn’t you hear me? He likes Ian. I’m totally fucked, Mark. Some quirk of the universe made me twenty years younger, and now that same quirk is exacting some kind of sick revenge. Do you know, we haven’t even started our meal yet? He shut me down before the entrees arrived. He doesn’t want to lead me on. He’s totally into Ian. Fuck, how did this happen?”
“Calm down. What are you going to do?”
“Admit defeat. What else can I do? Except….”
“What?”
Ryan stood up in the stall. “Bartley doesn’t know Ian’s HIV positive.”
“Maybe Ryan should accidentally lay that card on the table tonight.”
Ian paused to consider how terrible that sounded. “Ryan could let it slip to Bartley that Ian is HIV positive.”
“If it’s the deal breaker you think it’s going to be—if you believe HIV will put an end to Bartley’s interest in Ian—then do it. Once Ian is out of the picture, maybe Bartley will see Ryan as potential boyfriend material.”
“I feel like I would be throwing myself under the bus.”
“You would be, at least a little. But like you said, Ian and Ryan are the same person. You just have to find a way to do it without sounding like an asshole.”
“I’ll think of something. Thanks, I’ll let you know how it turns out.”
“Wait a minute,” Mark said. “If Bartley is so shallow that he’d reject Ian because of his HIV status, then why would Ryan want to be with him?”
“Because I… I don’t know. I’ll talk to you later.”
Ryan ended the call and returned to the table, where he found his shrimp waiting for him. “Sorry about that,” he said as he sat down. He took a bite of the grits. “These are delicious. Do you want to try a forkful?”
“No,” Bartley said. “I’m good. You want to try the salmon?”
“No, that’s okay. I’m not a big fan of fish.”
Bartley ate a bite and then took a drink of water. “Is it okay that I told you all that about your uncle?”
“Totally.”
“I feel like I should have said it to him first. And I would have, if he were here.”
“I’m not going to lie to you, Bartley. You’re exactly my type, and I
was
hoping this would turn into a date. I had no idea you had feelings for my uncle, so it came as a shock, that’s all. I think it’ll come as a shock to him too.”
“So what do you think my chances are? Do you know what kind of guys he likes?”
Ryan tried to eat one of the shrimp, but he had lost his appetite. “I don’t think you have to worry about whether or not he’s going to be into you. But maybe you shouldn’t get your hopes up quite so high.”
“Why not?”
“Because your feelings may change when you find out certain things.”
“What are you talking about?” Bartley asked. “What certain things?”
“It’s not my place to say. Look, I know it’s none of my business, but at the same time, I don’t want to see my uncle get hurt again. Like I said, there are things you don’t know about him, and I’m afraid once you find out…. Forget it. I should shut my mouth. Some things only Uncle Ian can tell you.”
“You can’t lay a teaser like that on the table and then shut up. What is it? Does he have a kid somewhere?”
“No. Nothing like that.”
“A boyfriend?”
Ryan shook his head. “You asked me that question before and I told you no.”
“Is he an ex-con or a serial killer?”
“Ian? A serial killer? Get real.”
“Then what is it? I mean, he’s a perfectly normal, healthy—” Bartley stopped talking and set down his fork. “Is he…? Is Ian…? HIV positive?”
Ryan didn’t speak, but no response was a response.
“Oh my God,” Bartley said. “I…. For how long?”
“About ten years. See what I mean now? It’s great you like my uncle. Really, it is. But do you understand now why I brought this up? If you had told Uncle Ian you liked him, only to take it back once you found out about his status, then that would be way worse than not telling him at all.”
“I see what you’re saying. Still, it wasn’t your place to tell me something like that.”
“I’m sorry. You’re right. I’m protective of my uncle. He’s had terrible luck with men, and I don’t know if he could take another disappointment right now. Life has been throwing a lot of curve balls at him lately.”
“I know how he feels.”
“Then please, don’t tell him you like him. Just let him think you guys are friends, and move on. I’m sure there are plenty of negative guys in this town who would love to go out with you. Like me, for instance.”
Bartley wiped his mouth and laid the napkin on the table. “I’m sorry, Ryan, but I’m not feeling well. Do you mind if we cut this short? I think there’s something wrong with the salmon.”
“Should we tell the waiter?”
“No, I just want to go home and lie down.”
“Did I upset you?”
“Not at all.”
“I should never have brought it up. I ruined everything, didn’t I? Believe me, I wasn’t trying to sour you on my uncle so that you’d date me.”
“That’s not—”
“I don’t want to see him get hurt again.”
“He’s a grown man, Ryan. He doesn’t need your protection. Besides, I’m not going to hurt him. Look, I’ll make it up to you another time, but right now I need to take you home. Please.”
Ryan sighed in resignation. “Okay, fine. Why don’t I take care of the check and you go get your Jeep and bring it around.”