“Lorrie!”
he yelled. He leaned an elbow on top of the TV to brace himself and rubbed his
forehead with his other hand. “Let’s get one thing straight: I did not use the
kittens to get me a blowjob! And I never would. It’s so ridiculous, are you
even listening to yourself? It pisses me off to even think about it, let alone
have you accuse me of it. I don’t need kittens to get me a blowjob. Girls would
give me head even if I had a fucking pet rock!”
“Oh wow.
The true Hunter shows his colors. So that’s what you’ve been hiding in your
closet huh? You’re an egomaniac and a sexaholic. The compassionate-loner-weirdo
thing you have going on was all a facade.”
“Dude,
Lorrie. I’d never tell anyone details about my sex life. I just told you that
because we’re friends and you’re accusing the hell outta me! What’s your deal
anyway? Why are you so worked up over me getting a blowjob? You were the one
who wanted to just be friends. Are you telling me you’re jealous?”
“You
wish!” I yelled, my face heating from embarrassment. “I admit I might’ve been
attracted to you before Hunter but after this . . . after this I don’t even
know if I want to be your friend.”
“You don’t
mean that,” he said somberly.
I threw my
hands up in frustration, beginning to realize that I was more mad about the
fact that Hunter got a BJ than the silly idea that he exploited the kittens.
“Goddammit Hunter! Why did you get a blowjob from those two girls? Jesus, it
wasn’t even just one girl, it was two at the same time!”
“Lorrie .
. . what they did wasn’t really . . . it didn’t mean anything to me. They don’t
really mean anything to me. Not like you mean to me.”
“Wow, now
you have two accolades: Not only do you apparently have the biggest cock on
campus, you’re also the most insensitive guy on campus! I was pissed off at
those girls before, but now I’m starting to feel bad for them. You used them.”
“It isn’t
like that!” he shouted but then his voice softened. “They knew what they were
getting into. I’ve always been upfront with girls about any arrangement we
have. We were all consenting adults. There were no mixed signals.”
“Whatever,”
I scoffed. “How many girls have you seduced since the beginning of the
semester?”
“. . .
I’ve only been with two girls—Lauren and Teri—they were the ones that came over
and saw the cats. And to be clear: we didn’t have sex. I knew it would upset
you, so I didn’t have sex with them. God, I can’t believe I’m even telling you
their names. I’m breaking my rules for you, Lorrie.”
“You can
break your dick while you’re at it.” Seeing no other pillows around, I settled
for crossing my arms over my chest. “You thought having sex with them would
upset me and so you settled for a BJ? Seriously, what goes through that fucked
up brain of yours Hunter? You think I see imaginary cats? Well, I think you see
imaginary logic.”
“I’m
sorry, Lorrie. I needed to feel something . . . I wasn’t in a right state of
mind. I’m a bit of a mess right now. It’s stupid but it’s the only thing I know
that helps . . . I’m just trying to put myself back together.”
“What are
you talking about? You seemed fine just a few days ago when you met my aunt.
How could you go from flexing and making jokes to a Danny Downer? You know
what, nevermind. I don’t know and I don’t wanna know. We discussed it before:
we both have issues that we don’t want to share. And that’s fine. All I’ll say
is this: I don’t care who you sleep with or who you don’t sleep with but get
BJs from. We’re just friends, so why should I care?”
“Well I
care! I care about you. I care about what you think. I consider you more than
just a friend, Lorrie. You’re a close friend. You mean more to me than any
other girl. You’re like the female version of Gary to me.”
“What does
that even mean?”
“It means
that you being upset with me is not something I can brush off. I can ignore the
gossip about me, I can take the rumors. But I can’t take you being mad at me.
How can I make this right, Lorrie? I fucked up big time. How can I make it up
to you?”
Although I
was still mad at him, my heart broke to see him so distressed over things I
said. I sighed, realizing I really cared about Hunter and didn’t want to lose
him as a friend. “Okay, I admit hearing you getting a BJ from two girls pissed
me off. It still pisses me off. But that’s my own issue. Even though we’re just
friends, I can’t help being a little jealous. It’s irrational, I know, and
that’s my fault . . . I’m sorry for that. I have to find a way to get over it.
You’re entitled to do whatever you want in your private life.” I exhaled deeply.
“I’m sorry Hunter, I’ll try to keep my jealousy under wraps.”
He shook
his head. “Alright, check this out, Lorrie. First thing I’m gonna do is make it
up to the kittens by buying them Tiki Cat Gourmet. I’m also gonna get them one
of those running waterfall dispensers. I’m gonna pamper the hell outta them.
Just watch me. And second, I’m gonna cut that shit out with girls. It’s as much
for you as it is for me.” He sighed. “I’ve been fucking up a lot, way before I
even met you, and I need to get my shit together. I’m glad you’re here to give
me a kick in the ass.”
I took a
deep breath, trying to digest Hunter’s admission that he was a messed up
person. I felt bad for causing to him to admit that. I also felt bad that maybe
Hunter was being overly hard on himself. “Those ideas for the cats sound good.
As for what you do with other girls, really it’s your decision. I don’t want to
be a terrible friend to you. I’m sorry I said all those nasty things. Maybe I’m
just getting stressed out about midterms coming up.”
He walked
over and put his arms around me, squeezing me tightly. I squeezed him back just
as tight. “You know what I bet will cheer us both up?”
I knew his
answer but played along anyway. “What?”
“Rammmmppaaaaagggee!”
he bellowed, his muscular arms spread wide and his voice deep.
Despite
still being a little upset, I giggled; Hunter loved to pretend like Rampage
could talk, but he always did it in that voice. The contrast between the little
kitten and Hunter’s booming voice never failed to make me laugh. Rampage was
definitely Hunter’s favorite.
“Do you
think your roommate would want to come?” he asked.
I shrugged
as Daniela’s voice came from her room. “Yes she would!”
Had she
been listening to the whole thing? I turned and saw her emerge, purse in hand.
Hunter looked at me.
“Okay,
let’s go,” I said, eyeing my best friend suspiciously.
“Yay!”
Daniela squealed. “Oh my gosh, I bet these things are so cute.”
“You have
no idea,” Hunter said, standing up. “Get ready to have your chest explode.”
The squeal Daniela made when
she saw the kittens was higher pitched than I thought was humanly possible.
Hunter’s hands shot up to cover his ears, but I wasn’t so lucky. They stayed
ringing for what felt like several minutes.
“Oh my god
look at the little kittens!” she cooed. “They’re so tiny!”
She got
down on her knees and tapped the rough wood floor. “Come here kitty!”
One of the
kittens crept up to her unsteadily. They had just started being able to walk
with any success a week or so prior. Before that, they had mostly squirmed,
slept, and pooped. Now they’d added wobbling around on their feet to that list,
and we were trying to get them to start using the litter box.
I looked
more closely at the pattern on the kitten’s back. It had a little white patch
on its brown fur shaped a little like a heart. That one was Taylor.
Taylor
came up to Daniela’s outstretched hand and purred as she stroked her back. Some
of the other kittens began to creep out from their sleepiness to see what all
the commotion was about.
“How old
are they?” Daniela asked.
I looked
at Hunter, who shrugged. “We think they’re like five weeks,” I said.
She
nodded. “They’re the smallest kittens I’ve ever seen. Can I hold her?”
“Sure. If
she’ll let you. Taylor can be a little feisty.”
Daniela
stuck her lip out and made a pouty face at me, then she turned her attention
back to Taylor and picked her up. Taylor meowed in protest but didn’t scratch.
“See,
she’s fine!” Daniela said.
I smiled,
skeptical how long that would last. When I looked over at Hunter he was focused
on his phone.
“Hey
Lorrie, Gary wants to come over. That cool?”
“Why not?”
I said.
He
shrugged and tapped a reply on his phone. “I don’t know, just checking.” He put
his phone in his pocket. “Now where’s Rampage?”
I shook my
head and laughed. “If I didn’t know better I’d swear he’s the only one you ever
pay attention to.”
Hunter
walked over to the box and found a kitten with a white patch that went from
between its eyes all the way to the base of its neck. He was a little sleepy
but crawled up to him anyway and rolled on his back. That was typical Rampage.
Hunter
scooped him and up and held him in his hand, the kitten’s head cradled in his
fingers. He tickled Rampage’s belly and the little guy squirmed in approval,
trying to grab onto Hunter’s finger with its tiny paws.
“I have
enough love to go around,” Hunter said. “But just look at him? He’s just so
adorable.” He held the kitten up for us to admire. Then Hunter’s face fell and
he rushed to the litter box.
“God damn
it Rampage!” he said.
“What?”
Daniela asked worriedly. I already knew the answer .
Hunter
plopped Rampage into the litter box, then got up to go to the kitchen sink. “He
pooped on me!”
I giggled
when Daniela turned to me in horror then down on Taylor. “They aren’t trained?”
she asked me.
“Daniela,
these kittens are little babies. Of course they aren’t trained. They’ve only
been able to use the litter box at all for a few days.”
“So she
could poop on me at any moment?”
“Yup,”
Hunter said from the kitchen. “I don’t know how kittens so small can poop so
much, but they do.”
Daniela
wrinkled her nose.
“Hey
Lorrie,” Hunter said, “can you come help me with the kitten milk? It’s
just about time for them to eat.”
“Sure,” I
said.
I got up
at the same time as Daniela, who was gently putting Taylor into the litter box.
Apparently she didn’t want kitten poop on her hands. I walked into the kitchen,
opened the fridge, and pulled out the kitten formula while Hunter finished
washing his hands. When I closed the door I saw Hunter had pinned a drawing to
his fridge with a magnet.
It was the
sketch I had done of a man with a fly’s head. He had said he liked it, but I
didn’t realize he liked it enough to put it up in his apartment. The fact he
had put it up made me feel good, both about my artistic abilities and about
Hunter’s feelings toward our friendship.
As I stood
looking at the drawing, I felt him come up behind me. The warmth from his body
made the light hairs on my arms stand on end. I felt my skin prickle at his
presence.
“We didn’t
leave any syringes in there, did we?” he asked.
“No, I
think those are in the cupboard with the bottles.”
“Okay. Are
you alright?”
I blinked
and turned to him. His eyes were narrowed in concern. “Yeah, I was just
admiring this awesome drawing on your fridge.”
His face
relaxed into a smile. “Oh. Yeah, the artist is really something. I look forward
to seeing more of her work.”
“I think
she’s working on a series involving kittens.”
He
grinned. “Sounds cool.”
“But if
she’s going to continue that series, these kittens need to be fed,” I said,
stepping around him and going to a cupboard to look for a sauce pan. We needed
to boil some water to warm up the kitten milk and sterilize the rubber nipples.
I found
one and got the water going on the stove. We returned to the common area to
find Daniela gingerly petting another kitten. Judging by its fur it looked like
Bones.
“Good
lord,” I said. “It’s just kitten poop. You’re petting that thing like it might
sting you.”
She turned
to me and frowned. “I don’t want to get it on my sweater! This is dry clean
only.”
Hunter
scoffed. “I can get you a hoodie if you want to wear it while feeding them. Or
a blanket maybe.”
“You’re
the one who yelled when he pooped on you!” she said.
He
shrugged. “Yeah, it kind of sucks when something poops on you. I do stuff all
the time knowing it’s going to suck every once in a while. Doesn’t mean I don’t
do it for the awesome parts.” He walked over to where Rampage had plopped down
next to the litter box and picked him up. “Isn’t that right Rampage?”
He held
the kitten and walked over to Daniela, waving Rampage around like he was
flying. Rampage didn’t seem to mind. “Raaaammmmmpppaaaagggggggeeee!”