Wishing for a Miracle (5 page)

He was breathing hard. So was Julia. She'd stepped back from him. It must have been she who had broken the contact, then, because Mac was sure his feet hadn't moved. What was she thinking? What on earth could he say that might diffuse the intensity of what had just happened? Did he want to?

And then Julia peeped up at him and grinned.

‘You have to marry me now, you know,' she said.

Mac's jaw dropped but then it hit him. This was a
joke. Maybe Julia's reaction to the kiss had been nothing like his own. Or maybe she was just as astonished as he was and needed enough space to get her head around it. For whatever reason, she was going to make light of it and right now, it seemed the perfect way forward.

‘Hey…' He feigned shock. ‘It was only a kiss.'

‘Only a kiss? Cheers, Mac.' But her lips twitched and there was a glow of merriment in her eyes.

Mac's smile felt rusty but it was still there. And it grew. He could feel it stretching something that had got way too tight inside him. ‘It was a pretty good kiss,' he said thoughtfully.

Julia nodded in agreement. ‘Exactly.' She sighed. ‘So now you have to marry me.'

Mac's smile broadened. ‘Is that so?'

Julia nodded again. Firmly. ‘Yep. I paid attention at school and Sister Therese
said
…'

The bark of ironic laughter came from nowhere. Oh, God…if only Julia knew that she was making a joke about the very thing that had been haunting Mac so keenly. He could actually hear a faint echo of his own voice from a decade ago.

‘I'll marry you, Chris. We can make this work.'

And hers. Scathing.

‘You can't be serious! You think I
want
a kid? Holding me back? Interfering with everything I want to do with my life?'

‘It's my baby, too. You can't just—'

‘It's
my
body, Alan. I can do whatever I like and you can't stop me.'

How could he have thought that Julia and Christine were alike? The very idea of marriage had been an insult. A threat, even, to the woman he'd believed himself in love with. Something that could never have been discussed reasonably, let alone joked about.

That Julia
could
make a joke of it was the other end of the spectrum, wasn't it? Maybe he should find that almost as offensive but, somehow, it wasn't.

She didn't know and, at this particular moment in time, it really didn't matter. How could it, in the wake of that astonishing kiss that had taken him somewhere he'd never been before? A place that held release rather than tension. A pleasure so pure it was paradise.

Relief was coursing through him as well. If he wanted to make something out of this new development in their relationship with each other it was going to be up to him. Julia wasn't bothered. She could laugh it off. Even better, any damage done by his behaviour tonight was repaired. They would be able to work together again without a barrier that would have been unbearable.

He could play this game. He could laugh it off too and make it go away.

‘Come on, then,' he said, completely deadpan. ‘I've got a full tank in my car and Gretna Green isn't that far away.'

Julia laughed. She turned away, shaking her head. ‘Are you kidding? I only listened to Sister Therese's rules, I didn't obey them.' She was walking away now, towards her small car, but her words floated back, still coated with laughter. ‘Kisses don't make babies. You're safe, mate.'

Safe?

Safe
?

Who was she trying to kid?

Mac wasn't in a remotely safe place right now. What was worse, a part of him didn't think he wanted to be either. The part that wanted to go after Julia right now and grab her and take her in his arms for another kiss.

At least part of his head was still functioning sensibly. He wrenched open the heavy door of his vehicle, eager to shut himself into the temporary sanctuary.

 

‘He
what
?'

‘Kissed me. Come on, Annie. This line is so good you might as well be here sitting on the end of my bed. You heard just fine.'

‘I'm just…surprised.'

‘You and me both.' Julia's laugh was hollow. ‘Actually, I have the horrible feeling it might have been me, kissing
him
.'

‘Who made the first move?'

‘Him. No, me. Oh, God, I don't know. I was worried about him after the job because he'd been so quiet and I kind of ambushed him in the car park. And…and it just kind of happened. The thing is, what am I going to do about it?'

‘Why do you have to do anything about it?'

‘Because he's my partner. The last three months have been the best I've ever had and I don't want to spoil our working relationship. I might have already!'

‘Why? Was it a horrible kiss?'

‘No…' Julia's sigh was heartfelt. ‘It was even better than I thought it would be.'

‘A
ha
!' Her sister pounced. ‘I knew you fancied him.'

‘Of course I fancy him. Who wouldn't? He's gorgeous.'

‘So what's the problem? You're a big girl now, Jules. Go for it. Lord knows, a fling would do you the world of good. How long has it been? Two years?'

‘Nearly three.'

‘So this is the perfect opportunity.'

‘Why?'

‘You've only got another three months there. More than long enough to find out if it's a real possibility. An easy way out if it's not. Life shouldn't be all work and no play, you know.'

‘That's rich, coming from you.' Julia chuckled. Then she sighed. ‘It wouldn't be just playing,' she said then. ‘And that's why I can't go there. It's just too scary.'

There was a short silence on the other end of the line. ‘You wouldn't say that unless there's something really special about him. You think you're going to fall in love with him and get hurt again, don't you?'

‘I'm probably halfway there already,' Julia groaned. ‘And if I wasn't before that kiss I certainly am now.'

‘All the more reason to try it out.'

‘I can't.'
Julia shook her head even though her sister was half a world away from seeing the decisive action. ‘No way. Because he's special. One of us would end up getting hurt. Probably me. Maybe both of us.'

‘Not necessarily.'

Julia spoke softly. ‘He adores kids, Anne. He's the perfect father-in-waiting.'

‘Oh-h-h…'

The sound was so full of understanding and sympathy it brought tears to Julia's eyes.

‘You won't believe what I said to him after that kiss.'

‘What?'

‘I said…' Julia had to catch her breath to swallow a sob that was determined to escape. ‘I said that he'd have to marry me now because of what Sister Therese used to say at school. Do you remember? About kissing and babies?'

‘Oh, no!' But Anne was laughing. ‘Why do you do it to yourself, hon? Every time. Salt in wounds and all that.'

‘It's the way I deal with stuff. You know that.'

Her sister's voice was soft. ‘I know you're not as tough as you like to make out, Jules. I know how much it can hurt.'

‘Better to make jokes than let people feel sorry for me. Or not to tell them and let things go further than is good for anyone involved.'

‘Mac's not Peter.'

‘No. I doubt there's anyone on earth that quite matches my ex-fiancé in the creep stakes.'

‘It's been three years. Maybe it's time to have a look and see what else is out there. When was the last time you met anyone you were attracted to this much?'

‘Three years.' Julia gave an unamused huff. ‘Tell you what, if I come across any nice widowers with a few motherless children in tow, I'll pounce, I promise.'

‘There are plenty of men who could actually handle adoption. Or surrogacy.'

‘Or who would
say
they can. Where have I heard that before?' Julia couldn't help the bitter edge to her voice. ‘And then they'll turn up two weeks before the wedding and say, “Oops, sorry, babe. I got someone else pregnant and guess what? It is a major after all.”' Neither could she help the spill of words she'd kept bottled up for so long. ‘“I didn't realise how amazing being a father was going to be and this is the
real
thing. I didn't have to go into some cubicle in a clinic and look at dirty magazines and—”' Julia stopped abruptly, gave a huge sniff and then cleared her throat. ‘Sorry,' she added quietly.

‘Don't be. You should have said all this a long time ago instead of brushing it off and putting on such a brave front.'

‘I guess I've been thinking about it all again, thanks to that kiss. No, actually…' Julia closed her eyes. ‘I've been thinking about it since the first day on the job here. Since I saw who I'd be working with. I've thought about it every time I've seen him with kids. The way he is with them.'

She didn't notice the way her tone softened. ‘He's a born dad. You should have seen him today. We had this little girl on the train. Carla, her name was. She was only seven and
so
scared and then I handed her up to Mac and he just has to look at her and she's
smiling
. It was—'

‘Hey, I think I saw that on the news when I walked past someone's television this morning,' Anne interrupted. ‘I haven't had time to check the papers. I knew it was in the UK somewhere but I didn't realise you were involved.'

‘Yep. It was up between Edinburgh and Inverness. Bang in our patch.'

‘I saw someone dangling off the bridge trying to
look in the windows of the carriage. It looked horrific. Was that Mac?'

Julia remembered hearing a helicopter hovering that could well have contained a news crew. ‘It was probably me,' she admitted. ‘I went down first to assess things.'

‘Oh, my God!' Anne groaned. ‘Don't tell me it was you who climbed inside the carriage to get people out. Good grief, you must have. You were just telling me about that little girl.'

‘Someone had to,' Julia said matter-of-factly. ‘And it's what I do, remember?'

‘How can I forget?' Julia heard a heavy sigh. ‘I want you home safe and sound, Jules. The sooner the better, thanks.'

‘Stop worrying so much.'

‘It's what
I
do, remember? I'm your big sister. I…miss you, kiddo.'

‘I miss you, too.'

Oh, dear. This conversation was supposed to be picking her up after a miserable day of work when she hadn't been able to find anything to take her mind off Mac. Or that kiss. Or put a stop to the flashes of desire and hope that always spiralled into hopelessness. Now she was going to be feeling homesick on top of heartsick.

‘How are
you
, anyway?' she asked brightly. ‘How's work?'

‘Flat out,' Anne said co-operatively. ‘We had three cases back to back yesterday and they were all complicated. The biggest was an ostium primum atrial septal defect that extended through both AV valves into the ventricular septum.'

‘Wow! How did that go?'

‘Great. Little Down's syndrome girl. Very cute. She was awake when I did my rounds in PICU this morning.'

Julia swallowed. Was the mere mention of a child enough to drag her thoughts back to yesterday? To Mac?

‘Any word on that consultancy position?'

‘They're going to advertise it soon. Richards thinks I'll be a top contender.'

‘You'll get it. Good heavens, you're going to be a consultant paediatric cardiac surgeon by the time you're thirty-five. Go, you!'

‘I'm not holding my breath. I've been working towards this for nearly fifteen years. I can wait as long as it takes.'

‘Wait until I get home, anyway. I want to help celebrate.'

‘I'll tell them not to advertise for a couple of months, shall I?'

‘You do that.' Julia was smiling again but something new was being added to the mix of emotions she'd been grappling with. Three months wasn't very long. She was already halfway through her time here and look how fast it had gone. It would only seem a blink until she was heading home again and then she'd never see Mac again. She'd never know what might have happened if she'd…

‘Hey, it's Saturday on your side of the world.' Desperation was providing another distraction. ‘You've got a night off for once. You and Dave going out on a hot date?'

‘I will if you will.'

Something in her sister's tone made Julia's heart sink. ‘Things not going any better, then?'

‘Worse if anything,' Anne admitted. ‘I get the feeling he wants me to choose between him and my career. He wants a family. How did life get so mixed up?'

‘It's crazy, isn't it? You can have kids and don't want any because you've already been a mother to me, and I can't and…' Her voice trailed off. It was the biggest dream of all, wasn't it? A home and family of her own.

It was Anne's turn to try and provide distraction. ‘We've got each other,' she said stoutly. ‘And we've both got amazing careers. Now, tell me all about this job with the train.'

‘It was unreal. It's been all over the Sunday papers here. I'll scan the articles and email them to you.'

‘Please. But tell me about it first so I won't have kittens when I see the pictures.'

‘OK.' This was good. Anne's career was so much part of her, it was inseparable from who she was. Julia needed to be more like that. So passionate about her career that anything else got at least a slightly lower priority. Things like relationships. That ordinary kind of family unit she'd never had herself as a child and could never create for any children of her own.

She was a survivor. She'd already survived being orphaned as a young child, hadn't she? And a brush with cancer that had led to a hysterectomy at the age of twenty-two, for heaven's sake. Life couldn't throw anything at her that she couldn't handle.